by L. P. Maxa
“Look. It’s you and me here, Dylan. It’s the two of us against the world on this bus. Two gorgeous girls on tour with four distinctly male rock stars. If you can’t talk to me about how you’re felling…who else are you going to talk to?”
She was right. I pursed my lips. “Smith smiled at me tonight.”
Lexi’s eyes narrowed into a glare and she shook her head. “He smiled at you?! That sorry-ass son of a bitch. Don’t you worry, I’ll take care of this.”
Her pretend anger made me giggle. “More words would be helpful, huh?” I took a deep breath, “Obviously Smith is hot, obviously he has flirted with me a little, and obviously if I wanted to hook up with him he’d be willing.” Lexi nodded in response, chewing on her lip. “Flirty Smith, the one that just wants in my pants? I can deal with him. It’s easy to turn him down when I feel like I’m just one of hundreds of girls he—”
“Try thousands.”
I shot her a look; she just shrugged. “But then tonight, he smiled at me. Like this adorably sweet genuine smile. And even though I didn’t want it to affect me, it did. My heart skipped a beat and I couldn’t help but smile back. I could have stayed there all night watching him perform, just on the off chance he would shoot me another one of those smiles.” I looked down at my hands, clasping them together tightly. “I have a crush on him. I know, logically, that this is just my body’s chemical reaction to his…but that’s how I feel. And now, all I can think about is the fact that as soon as the show is over he’ll be screwing his way through a room of whores.”
Lexi let her head fall back on the pillow behind her. “I was afraid of this.”
“Afraid of my dopamine levels causing me to develop a crush on a sexy rock star when I’m supposed to be on tour to take care of you and your fetus? Whatever for?”
She smiled at the sarcasm in my voice. “I was afraid that Smith would get you in bed, and then things would be super awkward. Or I was afraid that you would continually turn him down and he would turn to his other vices. But, never for one single second, was I worried that you wouldn’t take care of me and the baby. Not one second, Dilly. Besides, you are here for routine appointments and baby emergencies because my baby daddy is crazy protective. And since I don’t plan on having any baby emergencies, you don’t really have all that much to do.”
Two new nicknames in one day? Man, I was a popular girl. “What should I do about Smith?”
“I know what smile you’re talking about. I got it from Dash, the first night I was backstage, the first night I met him. I kept telling myself that it was a practiced move, that it wasn’t just for me…but it turned out, it was.” She took a deep breath. “Smith had a really shitty childhood, and he has had a hard as hell time coping as an adult.” She shook her head sadly. “I don’t know if Smith is capable of a relationship. He’s hard to read. I’m not trying to warn you away from him. I’m just saying proceed with extreme caution.”
“Do you think what Jacks was saying is true? Do you think he was high today?”
Before she could answer the door to the bus flew open and Dash and Luke came barreling inside. Dagger got up and went to greet them, getting head pats and chest scratches as they made their way to us. Dash leaned down and kissed Lexi. “It was a fucking mad house out there! Did you guys make it back without any problems?”
Lexi nodded and handed him her water bottle. “Yeah Chase put us in a SUV and drove us over here. He should have done that with y’all too.”
Luke lay down on the floor arms spread wide and his head turned towards me. “How did you like the show, Dylan?”
I grinned at the gorgeous drummer. Man, why couldn’t it be this guy that made my spine tingle? “It was fun. You guys were amazing out there.” I looked towards the door. I knew Smith would be busy with his harem. The streak of jealousy that coursed through my body was wholly unwelcome. It was just a crush, I reminded myself. Just like the crush I had on Rider Strong during his Boy Meets World days. And I would get over it.
Dash grabbed Lexi’s hand. “Come on, Kitten. Bedtime.” He pulled her to her feet.
She turned to me and blew me a kiss, “Good night, Dilly.”
I snorted. It was a ridiculous nickname, but from her it was endearing. “Good night, Lexi.”
She nudged Luke with her foot. “Lukey.”
“Lexi.” He squeezed her calf and then let her walk off with her boyfriend. Those two were so close that actual words weren’t needed. Talk about a deep friendship.
My damn eyes, on their own accord, looked towards the door again. I should get off this couch and get ready for bed. I should grab my iPod and my ear buds and get in my bunk. That way I wouldn’t even hear what time Smith decided to drag his dick back in his pants. I looked down at Luke, his eyes were closed and his breathing heavy. I got up and carefully stepped over his prone body and made my way to the bathroom. I refused to look at that door one more time. I was going to sleep.
Chapter Seven
Smith
The walk back to the bus was flipping insane. The cameras, the questions…one fucking reporter shouted something that made my blood turn to ice in my veins.
“Does Dash forgive you for almost getting his girlfriend and baby killed?!”
I kept my head down; I didn’t even glance in that man’s direction. But holy hell, talk about a knife to the chest. Did Dash forgive me? Of course he did, he was one of the best men I knew. But did I forgive myself? Not by a long shot. My screwed up family and my drug problems almost killed Lexi. I’d have that hanging over my head until the day I died. You’d think that an event like that would sober a person up, and it had. For a while. But then the memories and the nightmares and self-loathing set in. I’m an addict, and addicts always go back to their vices. Especially when said vices are shoved in your face day in and day out. Take tonight for instance; I left the stage feeling good, great even. I wanted nothing more than to go back to the bus and hang out with my friends and flirt with Dylan a little. I loved seeing her side stage tonight, loved it more than I had a right to. But as soon as I took two damn steps in the right direction, some chick came up and shoved a bag of coke in my hand and asked if I wanted to do lines off her ass. Who was I, the Wolf of Wall Street? No. I was rock star with a soft spot for sex and coke. Which you’d think was contradictory, coke dick being what it was. But it’s what helped me keep going, keep fucking…going from girl to girl with no room for thoughts or feelings. I started to follow her—I’m not going to lie—I automatically started to follow her.
But Luke grabbed me by the collar and hauled me around to face him. “Not tonight, man. This place is crawling with reporters after Dash’s big announcement. You need to get your ass back to the bus and stay there. If you want some strange, grab a girl and bring her with you.” Luke rarely put his foot down like that. He was more of the strong silent type, letting us do our thing. If he said no, then it must really be bad. “I already had Chase clear out y’all’s room. Dash is telling Jacks the same thing.” I knew he was right to do what he did. The paparazzi stumbling in on Jacks and I in a room full of chicks and booze (and blow) would be horrible. Especially after what happened a few months ago with my bitch-ass cousin.
I nodded. “Yeah, man, no worries. I’m cool with calling it a night.” Luke didn’t know it, and I didn’t realize it right then either, but he’d just saved my damn life.
Which brought me to the here and now. With me walking with my head down trying to make it through the emotional onslaught of strangers throwing my past in my face as I made it to the safety of our tour bus. I could hear giggles behind me. Jacks grabbed a girl for the walk home, like a quick snack for the road. Her hand went in his pants as soon as we cleared the cameras. I could hear her talking to him, and him giving half-assed answers. He didn’t want to talk, he just wanted to get off and move on. I knew he wouldn’t bring her on the bus. Since Lex joined us, the bus was more of a home, and you didn’t bring groupies into your home. He’d just get her to blow him re
al quick against the back of the bus and then send her on her way. Which would have been my normal MO as well. But Luke had done more than just stop me from banging that chick, he’d made me realize I didn’t want to.
I walked in the bus and almost tripped over Luke’s prone body. He was taking up most of the living area floor and snoring softly. The reporter’s words had thrown me for a loop and sent me to my dark place. I wasn’t stupid; I knew everyone saw it. As soon as my smile, my mask, slipped the sadness showed. The years of torture and neglect. I looked around the bus; Dash and Lexi’s door was shut, so was the bathroom door. Jacks was still outside with his snack and Luke was passed out. That had to mean Dylan was in the bathroom…and so were my pills. I’d have to wait until she got out to go grab my escape. I’d had every intention of coming back here and hanging out with her…now? Not so much. I wasn’t going to be good company anymore. My memories made sure of that.
The bathroom door opened and Dylan stepped out, wearing nothing but a towel around her body with her long dark hair piled on top of her head. There were still water droplets running down her skin from her shower. Holy fuck, the desire to lick them off was so strong I took a step towards her.
“You’re back.” Dylan looked from me to the door, almost like she was surprised to see me.
“Yeah, the reporters were crazy… Took me a little while to push my way through. Dash was right to hire more security…” I let my words trail off. The sight of her in her towel was making my brain short circuit. “Were you going to bed?”
She gripped her towel tighter and nodded her head. “Yeah, I…I figured you guys would be out late…so…”
This was ridiculous. We both seemed nervous and unsure of what to say. Plus, I was sure the sexual tension coming off my body was making her uncomfortable as fuck. I glanced towards the bathroom again. My pills were so close, I could take two and down half a bottle of whiskey and then I wouldn’t feel anything until morning.
Dylan cleared her throat. “Are you okay? You just look a little… Do you feel okay?”
Yep, my mask slipped and she saw it right away. “I feel great.” I smiled, probably too big to be real. “Just tired after the show. It takes a lot of energy to look that good up there.” I winked, for added affect.
She nodded, slowly. “Yeah, I’m sure it does…” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “Are you, uh, I mean, are you going to sleep?”
I could say yes; I should say yes. I should just go take a shower, take some pills and climb into my bunk. I wouldn’t need to fake a smile; I wouldn’t need to pretend to be okay. I could just fall apart in my bed, all by myself. But for some reason, the need to be next to her seemed to outweigh my need for numbness. “No. I was, uh, why don’t you go put on some clothes and we can watch a movie.”
She eyed me with her head cocked to the side, like she couldn’t figure out if I was joking or not.
I raised an eyebrow. “Or you could just stand there in your towel and keep staring at me. I’m enjoying the view.” I added another wink.
It must be the wink that did her in because she rolled her eyes and nodded her head. “Yeah, okay. Just let me change real quickly.” She grabbed some clothes and went back into the bathroom.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, that was the most uncomfortable conversation I’ve ever had to suffer through! You’ve been stuttering since Dylan walked out of the bathroom.” Luke sat up and ran his fingers through his hair.
“Awww, Sleeping Beauty decided to wake up?” I went with sarcasm when all I really wanted to do was grab him by the shirt and send him flying out of the room. I wanted Dylan all to myself.
“How could I sleep through that awkward as fuck exchange?” He got up and cracked his neck to either side. “Since when do you have a hard time talking to girls?”
I shrugged. I didn’t want to answer him honestly: since the girl I was talking to was Dylan.
“I’m going to bed. I hope for your sake, your skills return before she thinks you’ve had a stroke.”
When Dylan came out a second later all the air left my lungs. She was wearing some loose black pants that looked softer than silk and hung dangerously low on her hips with a tight white tank top that made her skin look more tan than olive. Her hair was still a mess on top of her head, and most of her makeup was gone. But I had never in my life seen anyone more beautiful. And it was in that moment that I knew, without a doubt, that a quick roll in hay wasn’t going to get this girl out of my system. It would take a few weeks at least. Hell, I was okay with that.
Luke’s eyes reached his hairline. I could see the appreciation in his gaze. How could he not notice her? He gave his head a quick shake, like he was mentally trying to get his mind out of the gutter.
“Goodnight, asshole.” I wanted him to leave the room, right fucking now. I didn’t like the way he was looking at Dylan. I didn’t need any competition when apparently I was my own worst enemy.
Luke narrowed his eyes at me, but headed down the hallway, stopping to place a kiss on Dylan’s cheek. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”
My molars ground together. That was a dick move; he knew I wanted Dylan. Hell, everyone did. It wasn’t hard to see. Especially after my stunt backstage before our show tonight. I waited until Luke climbed in his bunk before turning back to Dylan. “Any preferences?”
She casually sat down on the couch, pulling her legs under her and grabbing a blanket. “Nah, you pick.”
I had the remote in my hand, and I sat down next to her. “Uh, um, how about, uh…” I turned my attention back to the screen and tried my damnedest to read and comprehend. Luke was right; I was way off my game. “Uh, how about Boondock Saints?” I knew it was on here somewhere because Lex and Dash were watching it this afternoon in their room. It was one of Lexi’s faves. That tiny little girl has a hard-on for shoot-’em-up movies.
Dylan leaned back against the couch and inadvertently I’m sure, closer to me. She smelled like honeysuckle. I fucking loved honeysuckle. “Never heard of it.”
“Really? It’s a classic.” I pressed play after I found it, my mind made up. This girl needed a lesson in good cinema.
“What’s it about?” She stretched her legs out and angled her body so that she could see the TV better, and once again, that brought her closer to me. The couch wasn’t huge, but neither of us seemed to want to move to a recliner. I took that as a sign that she at least liked me a little. If she didn’t think of me sexually, she wouldn’t want to be sitting this close to me in the dark. Right?
I leaned back slightly; I didn’t want to move away from her, but I wanted to get comfortable. I threw my arm across the back of the couch and stretched my legs out in front of me. “It’s about these two badass Irish brothers who take it upon themselves to clean up the streets of Boston. They go after mobsters and those kind of people.”
“Is it violent?”
“Uhhhhhh…it’s not bad.” Wasn’t a total lie. I mean it wasn’t violent compared to House of a 1000 Corpses. But it was violent compared to Pretty Woman. So…it’s all in perspective. Plus side of this flick? No sex. So my already hard as stone dick wouldn’t have to suffer any more than it already was.
After the opening scene at the pub, where they lit that dude’s ass on fire, Dylan turned to me, her eyes wide. “Not bad, huh?”
I smiled. “Aw, Cher, come on now. That guy had it coming to him.” She wrinkled her nose, but settled into the couch. I wanted, very badly, to pull her back against me and hold her while we watched the movie. Like a normal guy would do with a chick he was into.
A few minutes later Jacks came stumbling onto the bus. He stopped in his tracks when he saw us. “Well don’t you two look cozy?”
I paused the movie. “You wanna watch, man?”
He looked perplexed. “Uh, sure. I didn’t realize Dylan was into that sort of thing. But, I’m game.” He collapsed in the recliner popping the handle and putting his feet up.
When he kept looking at us, instead of the TV, I g
rowled low in my throat. “Not watch us you jackass! The movie.”
“Oh.” He glanced over at the screen. “Nah. I’m going to head to bed.” He got up and then stopped before heading down the hall. “I mean unless you guys would consider letting me watch you—”
I pointed to the bunks, cutting him off. “Get the hell out of here.”
He shrugged and left.
Dylan turned to me, laughter in her eyes. “Does that mean you usually let him watch?”
I scoffed, “No. What do you take me for?”
“A dirty rock star that’s most likely into some kinky shit.”
Well, she had me there…but she didn’t need to know that. I was trying to get her into my bed, not send her running for the hills. I smiled, flirty. “You got me all wrong, Cher…unless, of course, you’re into a little kink. In that case, I’m game.”
She shook her head, smiling, and turned back to our movie. “Press play, perv.”
Talking with Dylan, having her next to me…after awhile I realized my smile was real. That I no longer felt the pull of the booze and pills. Just sitting here with her, was enough. It wasn’t taking nailing ten chicks in a row; it was taking sitting next to one. And the longer the movie played on the more into it she seemed—until the cat got blown to hell. She gasped and turned to me, her sexy lips forming a perfect little “O.” I had to laugh at her adorable reaction. I held up my hands, placating. “I know. I know, that was bad, and I’m sorry.” I used the arm that was draped along the back of the couch to pull her shocked face to my chest. “I promise, the rest of the movie is amazing. Just stick with me, okay?”
She nodded her head against my chest. And then, instead of sitting up and going back to where she had been before, she just turned her head towards the TV. Well, look at that. I’d gotten my wish. This smokin’ hot, perfect chick was lying in my arms, watching Boondock Saints. Could life get much better than this? My hands itched to touch her; I wanted to rub all over her body. I wanted to kiss her until she begged me to fuck her. But more than anything? I wanted her to stay.
