‘Neither did we,’ said Jess, this point hitting home. ‘We’d have staged an intervention if we had. That man’s an addiction, as far as you’re concerned.’
Tilda sobbed again. ‘I know I’m weak,’ she said. ‘I know.’
‘You’re not weak,’ said Mehra firmly. ‘You’re the strongest woman I know. Everyone at the Clarion knows not to mess with you.’
‘Except me,’ said Tilda. ‘I mess with myself. I knew I shouldn’t go near him…I knew he would just break my heart all over again…’
I looked away and rolled my eyes. I wanted the old, smart, shooting-from-the-hip Tilda back, not this melodramatic, self-pitying version.
‘Til, you could have anyone,’ I said, not that anybody seemed to welcome my advice. ‘Loads of men fancy you. Why go back to the one who hurt you before?’
‘Did he tell you to say that?’ Tilda glared at me through red eyes.
‘No,’ I said, sitting down. ‘Look. I talked to him. And I told him, if it was a straight choice between him and you, I’d choose you.’
The three of them looked stunned.
‘Did you?’ said Tilda, in a conciliatory little-girlish voice that didn’t suit her at all.
‘Well, that’s something,’ said Mehra.
‘So the ball’s in your court,’ I said. ‘We can all put this whole stupid business behind us and carry on as we were, or you can be shitty with me and drive me away. I don’t have to live in this city; I’m flexible. To be honest, the idea of ditching it all and moving on somewhere new is pretty appealing right now.’
A chorus of ‘No, don’t do that’ pretty much ended hostilities, and we all had a cup of tea to drink to our rapprochement.
In bed later, though, I cried my heart out.
I hadn’t really expected anything from Tom, but I’d thought I might at least get a call or a text. He had been silent since the fateful night, though, and three days later, as we were preparing to put the weekend edition to bed and head out for our regular Friday post-work debauchery, our personal little network was still down.
He hadn’t been seen in the office and nobody had heard from him except, presumably, Ed, and Miles, who had subbed a couple of his articles. The temptation to call and speak to him had been intense, but I had resisted so far. I had also decided to leave the Mia situation well alone. Bloggers shut up shop all the time. It was her decision and perhaps I should just respect it. This colourful little episode in my life was over. Back to black.
‘So where are we going after?’ said Tilda, logging off. ‘It’s half-price night at Stella’s.’
‘Ugh, I hate Stella’s,’ I said. ‘It’s just a meat market.’
‘What about that gothy new bar? That sounds like your kind of thing. Not sure the girls would go for it though.’
A pang. I definitely didn’t want to go there. Not yet.
‘Jess would hate it,’ I said. ‘I think she said something about the Gardening Club.’
‘Sooo expensive,’ moaned Tilda, and then the whole office caught its collective breath as Tom walked in. He didn’t look at us, but made straight for Ed’s office. He didn’t reply to any of the jocular greetings from the advertising boys either.
‘So, er,’ I said, trying to pick up the thread while my heart expanded to its usual size, ‘not the Gardening Club then?’
I don’t think any of us would have admitted it, but we all took much longer than necessary to pack away and repair our makeup and tidy our desks for the weekend. We wanted to see Tom come out, sensing drama in the air.
‘We might as well wait for Jodie,’ said Tilda tensely. ‘Can’t go without her.’
Even though she knew where we were going.
His exit ten minutes later was sufficiently aloof and whirlwind-like to send us scuttling over to Jodie’s desk. Again, he had not made eye contact with anybody, but crashed straight out to the staircase.
The part of me that wanted to chase him had to be squashed – a difficult job, given that it was by far the biggest part of me.
‘Tom’s quit,’ whispered Jodie as soon as we were within earshot.
‘No!’
‘Why?’
She let us huddle around her before continuing, with her eye constantly swivelling towards Ed’s door in fear of being caught.
‘Councillor Keane is threatening to get him done for harassment. Ed said he had to back right off and abandon the story. Tom said no way and handed in his resignation.’
‘Oh, my God,’ I said, looking towards the door as if expecting him to rematerialise. ‘That’s so…’
‘Solves our problem,’ said Tilda, with an edge of triumph in her voice that wound me right up.
I stared at her. ‘Is that all you can say? He was trying to do something for the good of this city and you’re just pleased you don’t have to face him ever again? That’s really…I’m disappointed in you, Tilda!’
‘Oh, please,’ she said. ‘Spare me the caped crusader stuff. He’s only chasing that councillor because he wants to win. He hates being proved wrong. And Ed thinks he’s wrong, so that’s all there is to it.’
‘Oh, come on, we all know there’s a lot more to it than that,’ I exclaimed. ‘First and foremost being the fact that Ed’s in Judd Keane’s pocket.’
Tilda and Jodie made no reply, and it was a moment before I worked out that this was because Ed had opened his office door and was standing there looking out at us.
‘Anyway,’ I said hurriedly. ‘Drinkies.’
But Tilda and I sniped at each other so much over the first drink that I decided to go home instead. My head was whirling with the enormity of what had happened. Tom had sacrificed his job to his principles. Whatever else it meant, I had to admire him for it. And I had to talk to him.
His phone was switched off, though, and he remained incommunicado throughout the evening. I threw myself on my bed and tried to think. Perhaps he had left town. Perhaps I would never see him again. Perhaps Judd Keane would continue his corrupt regime until this city was on its knees. The more I thought about it, the more enraged I was, until I sat up, at half past eleven, with wild hair and sleepy eyes, and spoke into the darkness.
‘Fuck them all. I’m going to do this for Tom.’
I met Katie in the John Lewis coffee shop – an incongruously suburban meeting place, given our common ground, but there was something pleasing about discussing leather and flogging while all around tucked into their middle-class repasts.
‘So I heard that you and the new boy hit it off,’ said Katie, licking some errant blobs of cream from the edge of her chocolate eclair.
‘Tom? No.’ I dipped a spoon into my cappuccino, stirring up the froth. ‘I don’t think there’s a future in that.’
‘Really? Maria seemed to think…’
‘Yeah, that night with Maria was great, but it didn’t go any further than that.’
‘Shame.’ She paused to chew the choux. ‘So you wouldn’t mind if I…?’
‘Oh, my God, aren’t you already inundated?’ The idea of Katie and Tom gave me the worst stomach-plummet imaginable.
Katie chuckled. ‘Well, yeah, but…Tom’s kind of hot, isn’t he? Don’t you think?’
‘He’s good-looking,’ I said stonily.
‘He’s sexy as hell!’ She eyed me shrewdly. ‘Are you sure you don’t want him? I’m getting a vibe off you.’
‘Honestly?’ I sighed. ‘I like him, yes. But I don’t think he likes me. OK?’
Katie clicked her tongue in sympathy. ‘Oh, no. That sucks. But there are plenty more Dom-fish in the sea.’
‘Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. I was wondering if you could introduce me to somebody.’
Katie leaned forward, her eyes wide. ‘Oh? You’ve got your eye on someone? If it’s Ryan, he –’
‘No, it isn’t Ryan.’
‘Oh, then who? Surely not Joel?’
‘No, not him either. Nobody from the munch. I’m thinking of a man I saw with Maria
at the Valmont the other day. A man in his late forties or early fifties, very well dressed.’
‘You like a daddy?’
‘A daddy? You mean, like a sugar daddy?’
‘No, I mean like a Daddy Dom. Are you into age play?’
‘No, I’m not! I like an older man who’s wealthy enough to treat me, all right? No pretending to be a kid. Absolutely none of that.’
‘All right, all right, chill,’ said Katie, laughing. ‘Not my thing either, but horses for courses. Ponygirls for jockeys.’ She winked.
‘So, anyway,’ I continued, ‘would you happen to know this guy? He had a woman with him, kind of mousy-looking, maybe about thirty?’
‘Well, from what you say, it could be a couple of people. Was he a bit overweight?’
‘No, he was in good shape. Good-looking guy for his age, very tall, light-brown hair going silver, kind of stern-faced. I recognised him from somewhere…probably the local paper or something?’
‘Ah, I think I know who you mean,’ said Katie.
Bingo! I put down my giant choc-chip cookie and made sure my ears were fully engaged.
‘The thing is,’ she continued, ‘he’s very cagey about who he’ll play with. He’ll do private parties with trusted friends, or masked balls, but he steers clear of anything too public.’
‘But you know him, right?’
‘Yes, I met him at one of Maria’s dinner parties. We did a scene – multiple subs and doms – but I haven’t had any other kind of contact with him since then.’
‘You don’t think he’d be interested then?’
Katie bit her lip. ‘I don’t know. You’re a bit too new to the scene, I think. He’s quite full on. Might be worth asking Maria, though.’
‘I might do that. What’s his name?’
She gave her lip a proper mauling this time. ‘I don’t think he’d want me to say. Sorry.’
So much for that.
After we said our goodbyes, I found myself taking Maria’s card from my pocket and punching her number into my phone.
‘Maria, hi, it’s Ellie.’
There was a silence.
‘Ellie, from the munch. You showed me around the Valmont dungeon last week.’
‘Ah, yes, of course, darling. I remember it well. How lovely to hear from you.’ She left a question in the air.
‘I just wanted to…uh…I wanted to say thanks for the other day,’ I faltered, trying hard to keep my nerve. ‘And ask you…something.’
‘Ask away,’ she purred.
‘Well, I’ve thought a lot about what I’m looking for,’ I said, ‘and I think, um, well, I saw you with somebody who made me think…’ Shit, this was hard to explain without sounding mad.
‘You mean you and the gorgeous Tom aren’t a match?’ She sounded disappointed in me. ‘Isn’t he perfect for you? I really thought he was.’
So did I, Maria, so did I…
‘It’s early days,’ I said, ‘and Tom says he isn’t looking for something exclusive yet. But I am. And I think I’d like somebody older and more experienced anyway. Someone like this man I saw you with. Someone who could teach me.’
There was a silence.
‘Well, that’s interesting,’ she said eventually. ‘Very interesting. Because I have a contact on the scene who is just now looking for someone new. And he’s particularly keen that they should be inexperienced and young.’
I held my breath. I hadn’t expected this to be so easy – although she could well be talking about somebody else.
‘The man I saw…’
‘Did you see him at the Valmont that night?’ Maria cut in.
‘Yes, I did. Just before our meeting.’
‘Well, I’m at the Valmont right now. Why don’t you come over and we’ll discuss this. Meet me in the bar in half an hour.’
‘I’ll be there.’
I put away my phone and stood, leaning against a pillar near the soup counter, catching my breath. What the hell was I doing? This was complete insanity.
Besides, Judd Keane sounded like a dodgy customer from the start. Why would he need his sub to be young and inexperienced? It was creepy as hell.
I reminded myself that I didn’t need to get deeply involved with him. I felt, from what little I had seen of him, that he was the kind of man who would brag about his ill-deeds to an adoring young sub over their first pre-shag drink. That might be all it took. At least, I had to hope so.
I was still hoping so when I walked into the Valmont bar and found Maria waving at me from a mahogany booth.
She was in ‘civvies’ today – skinny jeans and a cream silk shirt, with various gold accoutrements. Surely she hadn’t just come up from the dungeon?
‘I bought you a glass of wine,’ she said, pushing what smelled like a spicy Merlot towards me. It was just what the doctor ordered after my cold, windy walk and I tackled it straight away.
‘Have you been, er, working this afternoon?’ I asked. It was still only about half past three. Hardly the dungeon hour really.
‘I had a lunch date that turned into a three-hour revel,’ she said, with a smile of feline satisfaction. ‘An absolutely gorgeous girl. But her husband can’t know. Thinks she’s buying swimwear for their Christmas break in Barbados.’
‘Doesn’t the, uh, evidence show up?’
‘Oh, I’m an expert, darling. If they don’t want marks, I don’t make marks. There are ways and means. You’ll find out for yourself, I’m sure, one of these fine days.’
‘Perhaps I will,’ I said, feeling weird about it. The thought of somebody other than Tom using me in that way was suddenly real in my mind for the first time. I felt as if I was on a clifftop. I could step back or…
‘Tom’s a very silly boy not to snap you up,’ tutted Maria. ‘I shall have words with him, if I see him again. And I hope I will.’
‘Oh, well, you know,’ I said helplessly, swallowing back an incipient lump in my throat. ‘It wasn’t as if…’ My voice was momentarily too hoarse to continue.
‘I know. You were virtual strangers. But you did seem well suited.’ She smiled wistfully. ‘Perhaps he’ll come to his senses.’
‘Perhaps.’ I gulped down more wine. ‘And in the meantime…’
‘Yes.’ Maria’s extraordinarily mobile face – surely her best professional tool – glowed into new life. ‘Yes, an interesting chapter could well be about to open for you.’
‘The man I saw that night – is he the man who’s looking for a sub?’
‘He is.’
‘But – I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, honestly, but he has quite a carrying voice – you and he didn’t seem to part on very good terms.’
‘Oh, that’s J,’ said Maria, unaware that her casual words had caused me to almost throw up. They knew him as ‘J’? Surely this was it now, surely it had to be. ‘He’s addicted to getting his own way, but he won’t hold a grudge against me. I’m far too valuable to him. It was just a bit of wounded ego – he’s over it now.’
‘He was with a woman,’ I mentioned.
‘I daresay he was, but according to him, that’s all over now. He sold her on.’
I gaped.
‘Sold her?’
‘Not a literal commercial transaction,’ said Maria with a smile. ‘But I gather there was a fun little slave auction in London earlier this week, and J had her entered for it. Don’t look so staggered. It will have been a mutual decision. It just so happens that Olivia’s thing is being treated like property.’ She shrugged. ‘If you’re going to keep being so shocked by everything, this is going to be a very wearing scene for you, darling. I suggest you open your mind a little.’
‘So – he wouldn’t sell me then?’
‘Not unless you wanted him to.’
‘Right. That’s good.’
Maria reached over and squeezed my hand.
‘You do look pale, dear. Have some more wine, and I’ll tell you a little bit about him. Not that I can tell you much. J is fiercely secretive and he’
ll make you sign a contract promising not to disclose anything that goes on between you.’
‘Really?’
Would such a contract be enforceable? An interesting question for Ed’s legal team on Monday morning.
‘Yes. You see, J has a rather high-powered position and he needs to be able to trust people. I’m sure you understand. He comes to me for his subs, because I know who has loose lips and who doesn’t. I’ll admit, I’m taking a bit of a chance on you. I’ve usually known his girls for upwards of six months. But this yearning of his for an inexperienced partner is new, so I’m playing it rather by ear. I just want you to understand that you’ll have me to answer to, as well as him, if anything untoward should enter the public domain. Is that clear?’
Maria had gone from confiding ‘fun aunt’ to scary Domme in the space of a couple of sentences. I was too intimidated to answer at first.
‘Of course,’ I breathed at last, my face hot from more than the wine.
‘Good.’ She took out a mobile phone.
‘Are you calling him now?’ I asked, a bit rattled at the speed with which all this was happening.
‘Why not? No time like the present. Ah, J. Yes, darling. Listen, I have someone here I’d like you to meet. Yes, she’s marvellously unschooled, just beginning to explore her submissive side. Oh, about twenty-two, twenty-three. Yes, I think you’ll like her. Long dark hair, curves in all the right places. So what if I invite her to our dinner tomorrow? Would that be a good idea? Oh, wonderful. I’ll see you then, darling. Kiss kiss.’
‘He said…?’
‘He’d very much like to meet you,’ said Maria triumphantly. ‘I’ve got a little dinner party planned for tomorrow evening, very select and discreet, just me and one of my longstanding male submissives – and you and J. It was going to be Olivia, but that all happened so quickly. Well, this will be interesting for all of us. You might learn a thing or two as well.’
‘Dinner? Tomorrow?’
‘Yes. You don’t have plans, do you? You’ll have to cancel them.’
Given that my plans were to mope about crying over Tom, that wasn’t too difficult.
‘N-no, I can…I can do that.’
‘Good. That’s settled, then.’
Fast and Loose Page 17
