“What kind of story is it?” Messiah asked.
“A true story,” Siobhan suggested.
“Okay, I’m listening.”
The heaviest sigh moved through Siobhan’s spirit, yet, she offered a soft smile to her son. She needed to set the right tone even if it scared her to death. Siobhan knew Messiah would feed off her energy, and she didn’t want her disposition or her feelings about Tyrese to taint how she told the story.
“There was once a woman named Safiya who really wanted to have a baby. Safiya had a husband who loved her, and he wanted to have a baby, too. God blessed Safiya to get pregnant with a child, and she was so happy. It was the happiest she’d ever been knowing she had a precious life growing inside of her. The whole family was happy when the little boy was born, the auntie, the grandparents, everyone was excited.
And Safiya loved her son, and she showered him with all the love she had. Not long after Safiya had her son, she got really sick. And even though Safiya wanted to stay here with her husband and son, God needed her more. She became an angel. Her family was really sad when that happened; her husband, Tyrese, Nana and Pop-Pop, and her sister, Siobhan, were all very sad.”
Siobhan paused, choking back tears.
“And even though Tyrese loved his son, he couldn’t take care of him alone. It was too hard, and he was too sad. Before Safiya became an angel, though, she asked her sister, me, to take care of her son Messiah if something were to ever happen to her. So that’s what I did, Messiah. When my sister, your mom, went to be with God, I became your mommy.
Tyrese, your dad, always kept up with you, checked on you, and has watched you grow up to be the young king you are today. And even though he was too sad before to take care of you, he’s feeling better and wants to meet you. I have to apologize to you, Messiah.
“Why is that mommy?”
“Because son, you asked me a question and I didn’t tell the truth. Remember when you asked me who the man was I was talking to outside that day? That day you came to the front door, and I was outside? I didn’t tell the truth.”
“But you always tell me, tell the truth, Messiah,” he reminded.
“I know, and that’s why I have to say I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you. I was afraid.”
“You were scared?”
“Yes, baby. I was scared.”
“Of what, the boogeyman?”
“No beloved. Remember, there is no such thing as the boogeyman.”
“Then what?” Messiah pressed.
“I was afraid you would be sad or mad that I didn’t grow you in my belly, that I’m not your birth mommy. So instead of telling the truth, I told you the man was looking for directions. But he wasn’t Messiah. That was Tyrese, your father. He wanted to know if it was okay for him to meet you.”
It took Messiah a moment to respond.
“So, I have a dad?”
“Yes, baby, you do,” Siobhan answered, fighting to keep from breaking down and crying in front of her son. Her heart hurt so bad, for Messiah and for herself. “How does that make you feel?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to know how we feel, and that’s okay. But however, you feel, you have every right to feel that way. Understand?”
“Yes,” he replied.
“Would you like to see a picture of Safiya?”
Messiah nodded his head. Reaching behind her, Siobhan picked up the picture of her sister and handed it to him. Messiah stared at the picture silently for a long time. When he lifted his hand and traced the outline of Safiya’s face with his finger, a well of tears surged in Siobhan’s soul.
“She looks like me,” Messiah said.
“Yes, she does,” Siobhan smiled as a tear spilled onto her cheek.
“Why are you crying, mommy?”
“Because, baby, I wanna make sure you understand what I just shared with you.”
“I think so,” he began. “I have a dad named Tyrese. Safiya is my angel mommy, and you are my mommy, mommy.”
Siobhan didn’t want to cry in front of Messiah, but she couldn’t help it. His explanation was simple, judgment-free, and beautiful.
“Can mommy lay down with you until you fall asleep?”
“Mmhmm,” Messiah agreed.
Siobhan crawled up next to her son, and they both tucked in under the covers. Messiah wrapped his arm around his mother’s neck and nuzzled against her. He didn’t even know that Siobhan needed to be there with him, his consoling, his unconditional love that he gave so willingly was watch she needed most.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“I told Messiah about Safiya,” Siobhan fell silent, “and you.”
“What did he say,” Tyrese asked as his heart pumped loudly in his chest.
“Not a lot, but he knows,” Siobhan replied.
“Does he want to meet me?”
“I think so,” Siobhan affirmed. “The question is, are you ready to face him? Because once you cross that line, there’s no going back. He can’t unknow you after meeting you. You can’t bail on him when it gets hard.”
“I understand,” Tyrese answered.
“I mean that, Tyrese,” Siobhan reiterated. “So, check your reasons for wanting this now and make sure that if you come into my baby’s life that you plan to stay in the way he can handle. Messiah gets to decide what that is. Understand? No pressure, no pushing, no insisting,” she continued. “You haven’t earned that right. He is still my son. I am still his mom. I am still his parent. Are we clear?”
“You sound like you don’t want this to happen,” Tyrese observed.
“It’s not that,” Siobhan corrected. “But you made your choice a long time ago, Tyrese. And that’s fine. You made a choice Messiah had to live with, and now he will make a choice you have to live with. But don’t get me wrong, there’s a part of me that understands why you did what you did. I love being Messiah’s mom. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. And we have a solid foundation that I shook when I told him the truth. My baby needs time to let all that truth settle in. You’re a stranger. He doesn’t know you, even though you know of him. So, you can’t expect that your absence will be overlooked and that automatically he’s going to call you daddy and be your son. And truthfully, you don’t know him. You don’t know his favorite food or his favorite color. You don’t know what makes him sad or even what makes him smile. You have to learn him just like he has to learn you. We kept him from knowing for a long time, and I take responsibility for my part in that. It was just easier not to say, right or wrong. But as long as you aren’t trying to take him from me and threaten my family with your desire to be a part of his life, then you can meet him.”
“I would never do that to you, Siobhan.”
“Don’t say never,” she rebuffed. “A week ago, a month ago, you didn’t even want to meet him. Suddenly you do. You probably thought never then but look at how things have changed.”
Tyrese knew in his heart he deserved every bit of Siobhan’s chastisement, so he didn’t fight her. She had a right to say what she needed to say, and he had to be man enough to listen. He owed her that much.
“Im’ma be honest, Siobhan,” Tyrese began. “Seeing Messiah with another man did something to me.”
“His name’s Ameer,” she corrected.
“Okay,” Tyrese conceded. “Seeing Ameer with my son stirred up something in me that I couldn’t let go of.”
“Jealousy.”
That word stung a lot. It wasn’t easy to do, but Tyrese admitted first to himself that jealousy is what it was, then he admitted it to Siobhan.
“You’re right. I was jealous. I was cool with it being you and him, but,” Tyrese’s voice fell off.
“But what?”
“But that hurt me. Seeing them together, how happy Messiah was, that hurt me. It made me sad and angry with myself. So, yeah, that was the reason, in the beginning.”
“Is that the reason now?”
“I would lik
e to say no, that’s not it, but that was a wake-up call for me,” Tyrese admitted.
“All of this is hard, Tyrese. All of it hurts.”
“I know,” he agreed. “So, where do we go from here?”
“As I said before, Messiah wants to meet you.”
“When? where?”
“We can do it tomorrow, here at my house. He needs to be in a place where he feels safe. Ameer will be here, too.”
Tyrese balked. He stayed quiet for a minute to keep it together.
“May I ask why?”
“You sure can,” Siobhan replied. “Messiah asked him to be there, that’s why,” she continued. “You can either accept it or leave it alone.”
It wasn’t easy to accept, but Tyrese had to remember what Siobhan said. This time, Messiah was the one to decide. He had to be okay with it.
“What time can I come by?”
“Six o’clock.”
“Okay,” he acquiesced. “I’ll be there at six.”
“Fine.”
“Siobhan, before you hang up, I just wanted to say one more thing.”
Tyrese heard her sigh.
“What?”
“Thank you.”
There were so many things Siobhan could have said, but she didn’t; instead, ending the call.
Tyrese was glad to hear that Messiah wanted to meet him. It also scared him to death. What would he say? How would he explain his absence? What real justification did he have for failing to be a father? The answers that seemed to elude Tyrese haunted his thoughts. He had not even rectified the reasons, the answers in his own mind. How would he answer the questions of a child, his only son no less? What Tyrese didn’t want, then decided he wanted, now made him unsure if he could handle it. What if Messiah rejected him? He had every right to. What if after meeting him, Messiah didn’t want to see him anymore?
Excitement soon faded, replaced with wariness. But that was the bed Tyrese made. He knew he had to be willing to lie in it no matter how much it hurt.
6:00 p.m.
The Next Day
Heading towards Siobhan’s front door was the longest walk Tyrese had ever taken, with one exception. The walk to bury his wife had been long, too. This felt a lot like that walk. Tyrese’s absence had been so much about missing Safiya and not being able to face her being gone forever. Forever was a long time, and it wasn’t over. It would never be over. Every time Tyrese saw Messiah, he was reminded of Safiya, the best parts of her. He didn’t expect this time to be any different. He was nervous as he stood in front of Siobhan’s door. He inhaled deeply, filling his lungs, and then blowing it out in a huff, trying desperately to steady his unsteady nerves. He rang the doorbell. The sound of the doorbell chime seemed to echo forever.
Tyrese decided to come empty handed. He toyed with the idea of bringing Messiah a gift, maybe to break the ice, give his son something to be excited about to ally the heavy emotional stuff. After thinking about it, even more, Tyrese decided against it. He didn’t want to be the Disney dad, bringing gifts, buying things to placate the child. Messiah deserved better than that from him. Shoving his empty hands in his pockets, Tyrese waited for the door to be answered.
“Is that him,” Messiah asked after hearing the doorbell ring.
“Yes, I think so,” Siobhan replied. “Are you ready?”
“I think so,” Messiah said. “What if he doesn’t like me?”
Siobhan felt a stab to her heart. Ameer saw how Messiah’s words registered in Siobhan’s core. He was in tune with her and loved her enough to be able to read her silent cues.
“Listen, little man,” Ameer said, squatting down in front of Messiah. He wanted Messiah to be able to look in his eyes, and he wanted to look into his.
“You are dope, an incredible young king. What’s not to like?”
Messiah smiled. Siobhan’s heart melted.
“You got this. It’s going to be alright,” Ameer reassured. “Your mom and I are right here with you, remember that.”
“Okay,” Messiah agreed. They dapped it up, and then Messiah hugged Ameer’s neck.
“Okay, mommy. I’m ready.”
Although Siobhan wasn’t sure she was, she opened the door.
“Come in,” she greeted.
Tyrese’s nerves frayed. This was the moment, one he’d never have again, one he couldn’t run away from, not anymore. He stepped across the threshold. Siobhan closed the door behind him. They walked quietly into the other room where Messiah and Ameer waited.
“Tyrese, this is Messiah.”
Tyrese took a few steps forward. Ameer, respectful of the moment, took a few steps back.
“Hi, Messiah.”
“Hi, Mr. Tyrese.”
“Should we shake hands, you think?” Tyrese asked.
Messiah lifted his hand to his father. They shook hands.
“Can we talk for a minute, Messiah?”
“Mmhmm,” he replied.
Tyrese turned to Siobhan, checking in to make sure it was okay with her before taking a seat on the couch. She gave her consent, and the two sat down.
“Thanks for wanting to meet me,” Tyrese began, his heart-pounding recklessly in his chest.
“You’re welcome,” Messiah answered. His feet dangled off the edge of the couch.
“So, is there anything you want to ask me?” The question terrified Tyrese, but it was necessary to ask.
“Where have you been?”
Messiah’s question was pure, real, and raw, and it was honest. Tyrese felt the weight of it in his soul.
“I’ve been around,” Tyrese began, sorting it out in his own head. “I’ve always been around, Messiah, checking on you and your mom.” His voice cracked. Tyrese’s pain resonated with Siobhan and Ameer.
“Why didn’t you say hi?”
“I was scared,” Tyrese admitted.
“My mommy told me she was scared, too,” Messiah replied,” but not of the boogeyman, though, cause there’s no such thing.”
His answer made Tyrese smile. “Your mom’s right. There’s no such thing as the boogeyman.”
“So, what were you scared of?”
Ameer could see Tyrese choking down his pride and allowing himself to be real with Messiah.
“Every time I look at you, Messiah, I see Safiya.”
“My angel mommy?”
Tyrese’s eyes misted over with tears. “Yeah, man, your angel mommy,” he uttered. “She was my wife, and I loved her so much.”
Unable to go on, Tyrese lifted his fist to his mouth and took a moment, trying desperately to pull it together. It was harder than he thought it would be. But Messiah was worth every ounce of the pain Tyrese felt in his soul.
“When I look at you, Messiah, I see the best parts of Safiya. You remind me so much of her.”
“Do I look like her?”
“Yeah,” Tyrese smiled as a tear spilled onto his cheek. “You look so much like her.”
Messiah reached up with his small hand and wiped the tears from his father’s cheeks. Siobhan’s soul cried. She had to turn away to still the tears that fell despite her best effort. Ameer reached for her, placing a loving arm around her waist. She shook her head quickly, trying to bring herself back from the brink. She wanted to be strong for her son, so she widened her eyes, shook off the well of sorrow that threatened to spill over, and wiped her eyes, turning back to the conversation.
“I’m sorry, Messiah,” Tyrese uttered. “I didn’t mean to cry in front of you.”
“It’s okay. I get sad sometimes, too. People cry when they’re sad.”
Siobhan’s hand covered her heart. Messiah was pure love, pure love, unfiltered, untainted. He was the purest love.
“You’re right,” Tyrese sighed. “People cry when they’re sad. I didn’t say hi because I didn’t know how.”
“You can say it now, though.”
“Yeah,” Tyrese smiled. “I can say it now.”
The conversation was hard, but they got through it. After a while
, Messiah left the room. He wanted to play, do kid stuff. Siobhan followed after him, leaving Ameer and Tyrese alone.
“We haven’t been introduced,” Ameer started. “Ameer.”
“Tyrese.”
They shook hands like gentlemen.
“I respect how you handled that conversation. I can imagine it wasn’t easy,” Ameer offered.
“It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary,” Tyrese agreed.
“Do we need to talk?” Ameer asked.
“Nah,” Tyrese replied. “I trust Siobhan. She wouldn’t allow anyone around Messiah that wasn’t up to par.”
“True,” Ameer agreed. “She loves him. Messiah is an incredible kid.”
“She’s done a great job with him, and I have no intention of getting in the way of that,” Tyrese affirmed. “She’s good with you, Messiah’s good with you, then I’m good with you, too.”
Tyrese and Ameer shared a moment when everything was understood.
Chapter Twenty-Five
It was Sunday dinner at the Ali home, a family tradition that was not to be trifled with. Aziza didn’t play that. She expected her family to be there. Of course, if they were out of the country, Aziza understood, but that didn’t mean she liked it. She worried about her sons when they were away, as did Omar. Seeing them around the table, breaking bread, and spending time was everything.
Ameer was in exceptionally good spirits. Siobhan and Messiah were with him. Although he’d mentioned them to his family before, this dinner was the first time the Ali family got to meet Messiah and Siobhan in person.
“Mr. Ameer, you live here?” Messiah said as he sat forward in the back seat of the Land Rover, looking at the Ali estate.
“I used to,” Ameer replied, navigating the truck around the circular drive.
“It looks like a lot of people live here, it's so big,” Messiah mentioned.
“Well, I do have five brothers,” Ameer smiled.
Siobhan tried not to be nervous, but it was hard. She was meeting Ameer’s parents for the first time. Her anxious feelings were not just about herself, though. She wanted to make a good impression with them, considering how much she cared about their son. She was also concerned for her son, whether they would accept Messiah. He wasn’t Ameer’s child. He was a reminder of the life she lived before Ameer. It was natural for people to be curious, particularly upon first meeting. Even good, decent people were curious. Siobhan didn’t know how much Ameer told his family about her and Messiah. She didn’t want to have to explain, to answer a bunch of probative questions, to defend her existence pre-Ameer. She definitely didn’t want Messiah to have to explain who he was, where his father was, any of that. Siobhan’s natural instinct was to protect her son at all costs, no matter who she needed to protect him from. So, understandably, she was a little unnerved walking up to the Ali’s palatial home.
Ameer (The Brothers Ali Book 5) Page 16
