A Beautiful Mess b-2

by Emily Mckee

  I took a break to let everything seep in with Ashlynn.

  A few minutes later she cleared her throat and asked, “What do you want to do Jason?”

  I looked over at her and asked, “What do you mean?”

  Holding onto my hand she asked, “Do you want to try and build or repair a relationship with your dad?”

  Shaking my head I gave her my honest answer. “I don’t know.”

  Taking a sip of my bottle of water Ashlynn said, “I’ll be here for you no matter what you choose Jason.”

  The only thing I was one-hundred percent positive about was that I would always choose Ashlynn and I told her so.

  I got up from the sofa and picked her up in my arms and said, “I’ll always choose you Ash. No matter what,” and then carried her back to my room and closed the door.

  That night I showed her just how much I loved her and how deeply I felt about her. I took my time with her, tasting every single bit of her body and touching every part of her I could get my hands on. I had her whimpering and moaning and screaming my name. I had her writhing and coming undone beneath me. There were even a few tears shed and if I had any doubt before telling Ashlynn I knew now that she would be mine forever.

  A few hours later we both lay on our sides facing one another and talked into the early morning. Our conversation started with favorite movies, music, and books. We talked about what we both wanted to do over the summer. I got a laugh out of her when I just said, “You.”

  Her laugh just did something to me. I loved that I could get that smile on her face and make her eyes twinkle and sparkle and glisten. Our talk then got more serious when she asked about what I wanted to do when it came to starting a relationship with my dad.

  Looking deep into her eyes I said, “I don’t know Ashlynn.”

  I didn’t even realize I was crying until she placed a hand to my face and wiped the tears away. She leaned into me and slowly kissed my tears away and after making love again Ashlynn nuzzled up to me resting her head on my chest.

  Drawing lazy circles on my stomach with her fingers she whispered, “I lost my mom when I was younger and I never got to say goodbye. She was such an amazing person and I just wish that my dad and I were given the chance to say goodbye to her or say I love you one last time, but we didn’t get that option.”

  Lifting her head to look at me she said, “But you and Jade do. I’m not saying that you have to say, ‘I love you,’ but I do think that you haven’t found your closure yet with what happened when you were younger. I’m not condoning what he did but I think that sometimes it takes something life threatening like cancer to realize what’s important in life or show you how badly you messed up in yours.”

  Biting her lip she said, “I think your dad had to find that out the hard way. Ultimately the choice is yours on what you decide to do, but I just wanted to give you my thoughts on it.”

  Getting up on my elbows I wrapped a hand around the back of Ashlynn’s neck and whispered against her lips, “I love you Ashlynn,” and before kissing me she said, “I love you Jason.”

  We fell asleep tangled up in one another’s arms but a few hours later I was woken up by Ashlynn jumping up out of bed and running into the bathroom. I quickly put on some boxers in the case that Neil was home and ran in to see Ashlynn’s head was in the toilet and she was throwing up. I knelt down next to her and rubbed her back while she threw up everything and then dry heaved.

  Once she was finished emptying everything in her stomach I picked her up and carried her back to my room and laid her down in my bed. I then walked back to the bathroom and flushed the toilet and got a washcloth and ran it under some cold water. As soon as I was walking back to the room to place it on Ashlynn’s head she was running out and towards the bathroom again. This time she closed the door and locked it so I couldn’t get in.

  I sat outside and waited for her and a few minutes later she came out and said, “Jason, can you take me home?”

  My heart stopped because I didn’t understand why she wanted me to take her back to her apartment but reluctantly I said, “Yeah, I’ll just get some shorts on and take you.”

  While she waited for me to get dressed she waved her hands back and forth and said, “It’s just the flu and I don’t want you to get sick.”

  She walked up behind me and turned me around. Wrapping her arms around my neck she looked at me smiled and said, “So please stop worrying,” and placed a kiss on my cheek.

  Before I dropped her off at the apartment, I stopped at the grocery store and picked up some ginger ale, chicken soup, and a new movie that came out. When I got back in the car she laughed at me and said, “I love you Jason Williams.”

  When I parked the car I carried Ashlynn to her apartment. There were people staring but I didn’t care. I just looked at them and said, “The girl I love is sick so give me a break.” I knew Ashlynn’s face was bright red but she hid her face in my neck.

  Getting her comfortable in her bed I went back down to the car and carried up her bag from the weekend and the bag filled with groceries. I quickly made her chicken soup and poured a glass of ginger ale and began to walk back to her room. But by the time I got there she was fast asleep.

  I decided to just pour the soup into a container and drink the ginger ale. I was just cleaning up the dishes when Jade walked in and her jaw dropped at the sight.

  Plopping down at the breakfast bar she giggled and said, “You’re looking quite domestic today.” Still washing the pot I looked up at her and said, “Ash isn’t feeling good. I made her some chicken noodle soup but she fell asleep already. I’m going to head out but could you just let me know how she’s doing?”

  Jade just nodded her head up and down and smiled.

  I dropped the washrag and looked at her. “What exactly are you smiling about Jade?”

  She just shrugged her shoulders and so nonchalantly said, “I’m just really happy for you guys. I’m happy you finally realized what was there right in front of you this entire time. You deserve some happiness.”

  Wiping my hands on a towel I walked over to her and pulled her into my arms. She wrapped her arms around me and talking into her hair I said, “You deserve to be happy too.”

  Pulling back from me she said, “Jason, that would be just be a big mistake right now. You know, with everything that’s going on with dad? I just don’t need that right now.”

  Kissing her on the forehead I said, “Alright, well I’ll talk to you soon?”

  “Yeah Jason, I’ll let you know how she’s doing in a little bit.”

  With my hand on the front door I turned to Jade and said, “Take care of my girl, sis,” and left.

  The rest of the day I tried to stay busy by doing laundry, cleaning my room, and the kitchen. Neil thought I was smoking some sort of crack or something because I was on a cleaning spree. I quickly warned him not to get used to it and told him how Ashlynn wasn’t feeling good and it just wasn’t sitting right with me.

  Neil just laughed and slapped me on the back. “You need to relax bro. Come on, there’s a game on tonight. So let’s go down to the bar, have some cold beers and hot wings and get your mind off your girl.”

  I was reluctant but decided to get out of the house. Halfway through the game Jade texted me:

  Jade – Ash is fine, she just has a stomach bug.

  I was relieved that she was feeling better but I just wished that it was Ash who was texting me but she needed her rest. Once the game was over Neil and I headed back to the apartment and crashed for the night. Just before I fell asleep I texted Ash:

  Jason – I hope you’re feeling better soon baby. I love you and good night.

  I waited a little while but when I didn’t get a text back I just fell asleep with a smile on my face dreaming of my past, present, and what the future holds for me and Ashlynn.

  Chapter 12

  Ashlynn

  I couldn’t believe how sick I was. I felt bad for asking Jason to take me home but I didn’t w
ant him to catch what I had and have to lie in bed along with me. Although? No, no.

  As soon as Jason tucked me into bed I passed out. I don’t even think my head was on the pillow for two seconds before I was fast asleep. Throwing up just took it out of me and I felt really weak. I didn’t wake up till later in the afternoon and after taking a long hot shower I changed and walked out into the living room.

  Jason was so sweet and decided to pick me up a movie while he was at the grocery store picking up soup and ginger ale. I didn’t know what movie it was until I walked out into the living room and saw Jade opening the DVD case to The Vow with Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum. Jade looked up at me and we both just started laughing hysterically at the memory this movie held for us.

  Since Jade and I were both single on Valentine’s Day we’d decided to go see that movie because it looked really good. Plus Channing Tatum was in it and you can’t beat that!

  On our way to the movie theatre Jade texted Jason and asked what he was doing that night. When he texted back that he wasn’t doing anything both Jade and I turned to each other with mischief all over our faces and decided to kidnap him and drag him along with us to the movies because we didn’t want him to be alone on Valentine’s Day. At first he didn’t want to come with us but we promised to get him a huge bucket of popcorn and any kind of candy his little heart desired.

  The second we mentioned food Jason was on board but little did he know he would have to sit through a two hour movie with a bunch of single girls in the theatre. For the most part Jason was a good sport but half way through we could tell he was bored out of his mind. He kept checking his phone and I think at one point he even fell asleep but as soon as it ended everybody started clapping and cheering because Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum finally got back together.

  There were all of these screaming girls cheering and then out of nowhere you heard Jason screaming, “FUCKING FINALLY!” If the movie theatre wasn’t loud with laughter and cheers before it was then.

  Once Jade and I wiped the tears falling from our faces and controlled our laughter I plopped down onto the sofa and snuggled under a blanket while Jade put the DVD into the player.

  She started to walk over to the couch but went to the kitchen instead. I heard her cracking open a can while she said, “Jason got you ginger ale and some soup. Are you hungry?”

  As soon as she asked me my stomach made the loudest growling sound known to man. I guess Jade could hear it because she said, “I guess so.”

  Getting out from underneath the blanket I went over and sat down at the breakfast bar. I started to take a sip of my ginger ale when Jade opened the container for the soup and before I knew it I had my hand to my mouth and I was running to the bathroom.

  I barely made it to the toilet before I was throwing up. I hadn’t eaten anything today because I slept it away so it was just stomach acid and then a bunch of dry heaving. By the time my stomach settled I looked over and saw Jade was staring at me with a weird look on her face.

  Standing, I walked over to the sink and grabbed my toothbrush. Squeezing out toothpaste onto the brush I said, “Alright Jade, what’s with the face?”

  Wetting the brush I put it into my mouth and began to brush away the disgusting taste in my mouth while I waited for Jade to spill. I looked over at her with a confused look on my face and she was staring at my stomach with wide eyes and an open mouth. I didn’t understand what she was acting so weird about so I just went back to brushing my teeth. I could see her in the mirror still staring at my stomach and that’s when it hit me.

  The brush fell from my hand into the sink and looking at her through the mirror I screamed, “HOLY FUCKBALLS!”

  I quickly spit out the excess toothpaste and ran into my room like a fucking lunatic and searched for my purse. The second I found my purse I unzipped it and found my birth control packet. Sliding the pills out I looked at the remaining tablets and my mouth dropped. I ran over to my nightstand table and unplugged my phone and searched the application I had downloaded which was a period calendar.

  With the phone in one hand and the birth control pills in the other I looked up and saw Jade staring at me.

  I let out some pathetic noise and then Jade said, “Ok I know you and my brother had sex and I know you’re a smart girl, Ash. So please, for the love of all that is good in this world, tell me that Jason wore a condom.”

  I made another pathetic noise and then Jade screamed, “ARE YOU FUCKING PSYCHOTIC?”

  I was still stunned when Jade walked over to me and pushed me back so I was sitting on my bed. Taking the birth control packet and phone from my hands she placed them on the nightstand.

  Turning back to me she sat down on the bed and said, “Spill right now!” I looked over at her and a tear fell down my face because of the realization I might have to face.

  Taking a deep breath I wiped the tears away and explained everything.

  “The first time we had sex Jason didn’t have a condom and I told him I was on birth control. We were both just caught up in the moment and it happened. After that, um, we just didn’t.”

  I was too embarrassed to look at Jade’s face when I told her but when I looked up at her the emotions just hit me. I mean I ugly cried. Tears were falling down my face, my chin was quivering, my face was scrunching together and I’m pretty sure boogers were running out of my nose.

  I don’t know when it happened but next thing I knew I was cradled in Jade’s arms while she tried to calm me down. Running her fingers through my hair she said, “Ashlynn, we don’t know if you’re pregnant yet, so please calm down.”

  Calming down was the last thing on my mind. I immediately got out of the warmth I felt being embraced in Jade’s arms and word spewed everything I had running through my mind.

  Looking at her I said, “But what if I am pregnant? Jason’s already said that he doesn’t want to have children. He doesn’t want to mess up their lives the way your dad messed up both of yours. I feel like as soon as Jason and I are okay something comes along and just messes it all up and I don’t know what I’m going to do. What am I supposed to say to him? I mean I told him I was on birth control and I was but I might be pregnant. Oh my god, he’s going to think I lied to hi-”

  “You stop right there Ashlynn Paisley Miller! Yes, you guys didn’t use a condom the first time but certainly Jason carried condoms in his wallet or his pocket or glued to his motherfucking hand the other times after that. This is not all your fault! Yes, Jason and I had a messed up childhood but if you are pregnant I know my brother will take care of that child. Ashlynn, he loves you and if you can’t see that yet then you are seriously messed up.”

  Taking a few calming breaths I said, “I know Jason loves me but it just seems like we can’t catch a break. As soon as we find happiness it just all gets messed up again and I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how to tell him.”

  Wrapping her arms around me Jade kissed me on the cheek and said, “You take a nice long bath and I will be back with the essentials. No matter what Ashlynn, it’s going to be okay.”

  Giving her a squeeze I said, “Thanks Jade, I love you.”

  Kissing me on the cheek she said, “Well I love your dumb ass too,” which got me to smile just a tiny bit. Releasing one another I looked at her. She must have sensed me staring at her because after she got off the bed she looked at me and asked, “What?”

  Tilting my head to the side I asked, “How’d you come to the conclusion that you thought I was pregnant?”

  Looking into my eyes she said, “We don’t know if you’re pregnant yet but when mom was pregnant with Jason and I she couldn’t stand the smell and look of meat, especially chicken. It just really grossed her out and she’s been a vegetarian ever since.”

  I must have had a worried look on my face because Jade walked over to me and tilting my chin up she said, “It’s going to be okay, Ashlynn. Everything will be okay. Now smile that beautiful smile you have going on and show your bestie all
those pearly whites you’ve got going on there.”

  Giving her a halfass smile she left my room and said, “I’ll be back.”

  As soon as I heard the front door close my heart dropped and I started crying. I just couldn’t believe the mess I got myself in now and I didn’t have the slightest clue how to get out of it. There was just something in me telling me that I already knew the answer, that I was pregnant. Getting up off the bed I walked over to the nightstand table and turned my phone off. I just needed my own time to think about what I was going to do and how I was going to tell Jason.

  I decided to take Jade’s advice and take a warm bubble bath to just try and calm myself. After starting the bath and adding the bubbles I went back into my room and got my Kindle because I definitely needed an escape from my life right now.

  I needed to read about people who didn’t get pregnant even though the girl was on birth control. I needed to read about nonfictional characters who could mess up beyond repair and somehow the author thought it was humanly possible to not have to face the consequences because right now I wished I was one of those characters.

  Unfortunately, real life isn’t like that. It’s not a place where you can mess up and get away with it. Every day we gamble. We are given decisions and we make our choices. But it’s because of those choices we are where we are and we can’t blame anybody for that besides ourselves when we royally fuck up.

  I turned on my Kindle and started up where I left off on the last book in the Fifty Shades trilogy and maybe five minutes into reading Anastasia found out she was pregnant.

  Like seriously? I just went off about how authors write and make it possible in the universe of fictional fucked-upness that a character can get out of any mess and what do you know? Fucking Anastasia Steele is pregnant while on birth control!

  Throwing my Kindle on the floor I pulled my legs up to my chest and cried because I didn’t know what else to do. Not even reading could help me escape. As if I couldn’t feel worse the memory of Jason and I making love in the bathtub at the hotel drifted its way into my mind.