“You’re incorrigible.” Laughing, I tap his chest.
Leaning his head back on the cushion, he caresses my cheek and slides a strand of my hair behind my ear.
“That was one of the hottest kisses I’ve ever had. I can’t help wanting to feel that way again.” Grazing his thumb over my lips, my mouth parts as arousal surges between my legs. “How did it make you feel?”
The memory of his kiss has left its mark on my body, and right now, it’s remembering how it felt… vividly. My words stick in my throat as intense need courses through me. As I look back at him, my gaze passes between his stunning hazel eyes and the mouth that gave me overwhelming pleasure.
“It was better than I imagined.”
The side of his mouth rises.
“You’ve imagined us kissing?”
With each of his caresses through my hair, my body melts farther into his arms.
“Yes.”
“Is that all you imagined?”
“No.”
Caressing his other hand along the outside of my thigh, he grips my leg and brings me closer to his chest.
“Tell me what else you imagined about us.”
His lips are agonizingly close, so close, my lips burn with a desire desperate to be satisfied.
“I don’t think that is something I should tell you.”
As his palm kneads my outer thigh, I close my eyes, indulging in the pleasure of his caress.
“I’ll tell you what I imagined if you tell me first.”
Moving his hand to my inner thigh, his thumb applies pressure as he massages my leg.
“I’ve imagined—”
The tea kettle whistles, and my gaze flicks to it. Putting my hand on his chest, I step off the couch. With colored cheeks and a tense jaw, he puts an arm behind the back of his head and drops it on the couch cushion as he closes his eyes.
Our conversation was affecting him as much as it was me, and clearly, he didn’t want it to end. Putting a tea bag in a mug, I add water and a spoonful of honey. Jaxson comes into the kitchen and gets a mug for himself. Dipping a spoon into the jar of honey, he eyes me sideways.
“Our conversation isn’t over.”
“We still have a tree to finish.”
“All right. I’ll help you finish decorating the tree.” Scooping a dollop of honey on his finger, he brings it to my mouth. When I lick the honey off, his lips curve. “Then, you finish telling me what you imagined about us.”
“I’m not making any promises.” With a wink, I gather my mug and head into the living room. He follows me in and sets his mug on the coffee table.
“I guess I need to do a hell of a job decorating this tree. Maybe then, you’ll reward me.”
“Let’s see how well you do, stud.”
Setting my mug next to his, I sit down in front of the ornament box and take them out while he finishes putting the gold garland on the tree. Every so often, I catch him watching me. When he finishes, he sits next to me, putting a hand on my leg.
“Are any of the ornaments special to you?”
“These are.” Picking up a set of four shiny green and gold, glittery bulbs, I hand them to him. “I’ve had these since I was a kid. They were the first ones I picked out when my parents said I could choose my first fancy bulbs.”
“Then, these are the ones we’ll put on first.”
Taking my hand in his, he pulls me up. Holding the bulbs, he hands me one at a time to hang on the tree. With the next box, I hand them to him, one by one. With my favorite bulbs now glistening as they dangle from the tree branches, we gather the remaining bulbs and try to place them evenly. As I place the last bulb, I stretch on my tippy toes to put it higher on the tree. His fingers graze over my hand, taking the bulb and placing it for me. As I lower on my toes, he kisses my cheek, sending a sensation of pleasure across my arms.
“I enjoyed this. I think the tree looks nice.”
“I do too.”
Jaxson goes to the back of the tree and plugs it in. I step back and admire all the pretty lights and sparkling ornaments, my smile stretching across my face.
“You look really happy.”
“I am. It’s so pretty. Thank you for helping me.”
“Thanks for asking me.”
Sitting on the couch, he lifts his mug of tea and relaxes. Gathering mine, I sit next to him and stare at the tree. Putting an arm around my shoulders, he plays with my hair, and I lean into him.
“It’s nice seeing you this happy.”
“The Christmas tree is one of my favorite things about Christmas. It gets me in the spirit. Speaking of, what would you like for Christmas?”
“You don’t have to get me anything. You gave me a place to live.”
“That doesn’t count. So, tell me what you’d like.”
“I have a wish list on Amazon. Does that help?”
“It does. I can shop for you without you knowing exactly what I’m getting you.”
Taking a sip of my tea, I look back at the tree. Caressing my cheek, he draws my attention back to him, his mouth curving when my eyes meet his.
“What do you want for Christmas?”
I snigger, and his brows pinch inward. “What?”
“A real relationship.” I frown. “I’m tired of being alone.”
“I don’t understand how you’re single.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re funny, fun to be around, smart, and beautiful.”
Heat warms my cheeks as his eyes roam my face.
“Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.”
Taking mine, he sets both mugs on the coffee table. With his arm back around my shoulder, he runs his fingers through my hair, and gathers my hand in his free hand. Sitting like this, him giving me affection, creates the kind of feelings I’m afraid of—feelings I know will lead to heartache.
“I should make dinner.”
“It’s still early.”
“We skipped lunch.”
“You’re avoiding telling me.”
Biting my lip, I chuckle. “That’s true.”
“I want to know.”
“It’s better if we don’t go there.”
“Soph.”
I blow out a breath.
“I imagined being the one you fucked on your desk. Then that fantasy became a reality, except it wasn’t me.”
Withdrawing my hand from his, I go into the kitchen. Distracting myself, I ignore the knot in my stomach and focus on gathering ingredients for dinner. Jaxson comes into the kitchen and leans on the island counter with his chin against his closed hands.
“You liked me a lot back then, didn’t you?”
“Yep.”
Avoiding looking at him, I start chopping vegetables.
“I ruined it, didn’t I?”
“Yep.”
“You stopped flirting and talking to me. I thought you weren’t interested, so I moved on.”
With tense shoulders, I keep chopping the carrots.
“Nope. I was interested, but after seeing you with someone else, I realized we didn’t feel the same way.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I see him drop his head into his hands and exhale.
“I’m sorry, Soph. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I don’t think you did, but you also didn’t intend for me to see you fucking that chick. If I hadn’t, I would’ve been just another notch on the figurative belt.” I stop chopping and look at him. “So really, you saved me from an unwanted heartache.”
Jaxson shrugs his shoulders. “So, it doesn’t matter what I would’ve done. I was an asshole for not having sex with you, and I would’ve been an asshole if I had sex with you.”
Turning to face him, frustration builds in my chest, tightening it.
“It wasn’t about sex. I liked you a lot and thought something was growing between us. Yeah, seeing you with her made me jealous, but it also made me realize I didn’t want to be her because a week later, she came back by, and you b
lew her off. Commitment isn’t your thing. I’m glad I learned that early on.”
Jaxson’s jaw ticks, and he pushes off the counter to walk away.
“I blew her off because I noticed a change in you, and it bothered me. When I realized it was because I had feelings for you, I ended it with her to pursue you. But you put me in the friend zone and made it clear I wasn’t good enough for you.”
“So it’s my fault I saw you banging that chick and lost interest?”
“There’s no point in continuing this discussion. I know where I stand.” Jaxson gathers his jacket and shoes by the door. “I’m going out for dinner.”
The door closes behind him, and it takes all of my focus to keep my hands steady. Chopping slower, I fight back tears.
Moving the chicken, rice, and vegetables around on my plate, I give up trying to eat. My stomach is in knots, and I’m worried about Jaxson going out late with the bad weather. When he does come back, I’m worried about how awkward it will be between us. Maybe sex would’ve been easier than the argument we just had. Going into the kitchen, I put the leftovers in a container, then return the Christmas boxes to storage. After a shower, I lie in bed, reading, but I don’t make it through many pages. My mind keeps going back to our argument and the knowledge he shared about wanting to pursue me. I guess it wasn’t meant to be, and that’s probably for the best. I know it wouldn’t have worked out. Eventually, he would’ve lost interest in me.
The front door opens, and I set my book aside to listen. Boots thud on the floor, then his footsteps traipse through the apartment and stop outside my door. They start to walk away, and my heart sinks. A moment later, they return, and my door opens. Jaxson walks in quietly and lies on the opposite side of the bed. I turn the nightstand lamp on as he gathers the pillow next to mine, tucks it in his arms, facing me.
“I don’t want us to be upset with each other.”
I tuck my pillow in my arms and face him. The sorrow in his eyes tightens the knots in my belly.
“I don’t either.”
“The thought of losing you bothered me a lot. I ended up in a bar and had a few drinks to take the edge off.”
“I couldn’t eat dinner. I was miserable the whole time you were gone.”
“I’m sorry I fucked up back then.”
“I shouldn’t have been so jealous. We were just friends who hadn’t done anything more than flirt.”
“Will you forgive me?”
With hope and sorrow visible in his sleepy eyes, it pulls at my heart.
“Yes.”
Reaching out, he takes my hand in his warm, strong one.
“Soph,” he whispers, his eyelids drooping.
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
With closed eyes, he drifts off to sleep, and I lie there, struggling through a multitude of emotions. What does I love you mean to him? Will he remember he said it tomorrow? Will he remember this conversation? Have I kept him at arm’s length for the wrong reasons? Did I make a mistake shutting him out?
Chapter 6
Waking up to an empty bed creates a hollow pit in my stomach. Part of me wishes he was still lying next to me, part wonders if it was a wishful dream, and the last part is dreading leaving my bedroom. But I do anyway, and after brushing my teeth and putting my hair in a messy bun, I traipse into the kitchen. Jaxson is there with a spread of healthy foods on the counter and the blender sitting out. My mouth curves as I watch him read my recipe card. When he sees me enter the kitchen, he sets the card down and hugs me.
“I don’t like fighting with you. Let’s not do that again.”
Being held against his warm, firm chest is comforting and soothes away the nerves I had knotting in my stomach. Putting my arms around him, I rub his back, and he squeezes me a little tighter. Kissing my head, he releases me and immediately, I want his arms back.
“I didn’t like it either. It made me feel awful.”
“Me too. Our friendship is important to me. I hope we can let go of what happened in the past.” Taking my hand in his, he caresses his thumb over the top of mine. “Can we do that?”
The answer was yes, the moment he asked. With hope filling his eyes, it cements what I already felt.
“Of course.”
Leaning down, he kisses my cheek, and my body leans toward him as warmth spreads through it.
“Do I have everything we need for the smoothie?”
Looking at the counter, I take inventory. “Yeah, you do.”
Standing next to him, I help him chop and load the blender. Bumping my hip, he gets my attention and smiles at me.
“What do you think about making cookies tonight?”
Chuckling, the corner of my mouth lifts. “I bake, you eat?”
“I don’t know what I’m doing, but I can try to help.”
“I’ll show you how it’s done.”
“Sounds good.”
He presses the blender, and it buzzes and spins. Taking two cups out of the cupboard, I hold them while he pours.
“I’m going out for a while. I got an idea of something I want to get you.”
Hazel eyes look into mine, awaiting my reaction.
“What is it?”
Grazing his finger under my chin, he raises it.
“I can’t tell you. It’s a good surprise.”
Anxious energy bundles in my belly. He’s come up with something good, I can tell. I want my present for him to be just as good.
“I’m dying to know what it is.”
Raising the cup, he winks behind the rim of the glass.
“You’ll love it. I promise.”
“I’m going shopping for you too.”
“Where?” Leaning against the counter, he finishes the smoothie.
“The mall. I have some ideas and want to check them out.”
“All right. Good. I’ll see you tonight.”
Setting the cup in the dishwasher, he closes it, kisses me on the cheek, and heads to his room. Touching my cheek, I linger in the kitchen, biting my lip as my body still tingles from his affection.
The mall is packed, but the decorations are beautiful. I sit by the massive woodland Christmas tree in the center, drink a chai tea, and make a list of everyone I need to shop for. Jaxson isn’t the only one. My work ethic might be on point, but I’m a terrible procrastinator when it comes to Christmas shopping. It’s always a struggle for me because I want every gift to be perfect.
It takes several stores and three different purchases until I’m happy with my gifts for Jaxson. They’re still not as heartfelt as I would’ve liked, but I think I chose the right kind of gifts for him. It’s almost time for dinner when I return to my apartment with both hands full of bags. Pushing through the door, I hear Jaxson in the hall. The conversation he’s having slows my steps. Standing still, I listen.
“I just moved in a couple of days go. She is,” he laughs. “She’s beautiful… No, I haven’t told her. It’s not the right time.” His voice trails off as he goes farther down the hall and into his room, closing the door behind him.
Several questions filter through my mind, leaving me confused and anxious, wanting to know what he hasn’t told me. Setting the bags down, I remove my jacket and shoes, then quietly gathering my bags, I head toward my room. He walks out of his door and stops abruptly before smacking into me. Putting his hands on my shoulders, he keeps me from toppling over.
“Let me help you.”
“Thank you.”
Gathering bags from one hand, he follows me into my room. As soon as we step inside, I stop, eyes wide, gazing around my room. While I was gone, he decorated it—gold and white stars dangle from the ceiling, white lights arch around the window, and there’re twinkling candles on each nightstand.
My heartbeat quickens as I stand there, breathless. It’s beautiful, creative, and incredibly sweet. Setting the bags down, I hug him, and he holds me in his arms, caressing my back, strengthening the affection that’s growing for him.
; “I love it.”
Happy tears brim my eyes, and he cups my face in his hands. Between us is heat I can’t deny. He lowers his mouth to mine, and I accept him, wanting the rush his kiss gives my body. With one hand around my back, his other curls in my hair as he brings us close together, his sensual kiss tingling my nerve endings.
For several minutes, we kiss, tasting and teasing, tangled in each other’s arms, and I don’t want it to end. As the heat builds at my center, I push into him, craving more. His hand lowers to my ass, squeezes and tugs me to him as he moans into my mouth. When his erection presses into me, he withdraws, leaving me breathless, my lips prickling with want.
“I’m sorry. You cripple my self-control.”
Hearing how I affect him gives me a sense of satisfaction. I shouldn’t like having that control over him, but I do.
Placing his thumb on my bottom lip, he presses and slides it down, watching my eyes as he does it.
“I don’t want to stop kissing you, but I will if you tell me to.”
My body grows warmer, my desire to feel his lips stronger.
“I don’t want you to.”
Taking my hand, he leads me to my bed. Sitting on the edge, he places me between his legs, puts his hands on my hips, massages them, then lower, cupping my ass. With the pressure of his hands, I come forward, straddling his lap.
“No sex.”
“No sex,” he agrees.
Lying back, he takes me with him, his arms wrapped around my back as he brings his lips back to mine. The way his hands move in unison with the sensual caress of his lips blurs my surroundings and ignites a fiery need I can’t control. My desire yearns to be sated, and with every stroke of his hands, it’s a battle I’m losing. Between my lips, his skilled tongue dances with mine, a tango of torment and lust I’m lost to.
Wrapping a palm around my ass, he flips us, pushing his erection against me, eliciting a breathy, pleasured moan. Watching me with his erotic gaze, he unbuttons my jeans and trails a finger down my underwear. Kissing below my belly button, he tucks his fingers into my jeans, removing them from my hips and legs. A warm breath blows over the thin piece of fabric covering me, and I tilt my head back as pleasure drives me over the edge. My need for more is dangerous, my will shattering.
Countdown to Christmas: (A Christmas Romance Novella) Page 3
