by Jaci J
With a swift slice the rope falls free; my body hits the ground hard in a heap. Legs shaky, arms numb, and body aching. Pushing down the pain I get up. I can't stay down. I can't be weak right now. With a cruel laugh Tick watches me. Amused excitement on his face at my stumbled shaky stance. “Daddy taught ya well. Bad ass little cunt ain'tcha.” Twisting quickly he throws his buck knife into a wood pole a foot away from my face. Testing me. Trying to scare me. Hitting the pole with precise accuracy. I don't flinch. I don't scream. I can't let them smell the fear on me. His eyes widen a fraction. “Bitch if ya wasn't a Disciple I'd make ya my ol' lady. Bad fuckin' bitch.” I sneer at his deranged compliment. I'd die before I'd ever be his. “C'mere,” he demands harshly crooking a finger in my direction. Backing up I look for a way out. Something to save myself. I know as the seconds tick by my chances run thin. I have to get out. I have to live. “C'mere cunt!” Tick roars with impatience. My time has run out. Surging forwards he makes a grab for me. Dodging his hands I jump to my left. Head first at me he tries again. Disgusting determination on his face. Spinning I duck around him. Making a grab for the buck knife I pull it out of the wood as I go. The need for some sort of protection has me trying for it. With a sadistic laugh he lunges again. No consideration for the knife in my hand. Enjoying this little cat and mouse game. He's taking pleasure in making me fight for my life. Faking right and then left I dodge him by only inches. Stopping his pursuit he looks me dead in the eyes. Facing off with him. My heart stutters at the sheer hate and loathing he has for me. “This ain't gunna end well for ya Princess. C'mere cus imma kill ya either way cunt.” Stepping back everything goes still for a fraction of a second. A loud gunshot rings around the shop. In one swift action everyone panics. Pulling guns, scattering around the room, taking cover. Time starts to move fast again. Standing in the middle of the room I'm stuck. Blindingly fast times picks up speed. Tick heads for the bay door completely forgetting about me. “Get her Meats,” Josh barks at him, pointing right at me. Standing across the shop watching me. The sick fucks wants this for me. Wants me to hurt. Meats heads towards me. The thrill of the chase on his face. This is it. Grabbing for me he gets my arm in a vise like grip. “Ha Ha cunt!” Holding on to me he rips me towards his body. “Shit! Get off of me!” I shout wiggling around. Trying to get away. Pulling me to him I bring the knife up with me. Closing my eyes I swing to him. Right into his body. There is no give or resistance from his flesh “Oh, fuck!” he roars in pain. The knife slides in effortlessly. Letting my arm go I open my eyes. Looking up Meats is clutching his side. Blood soaking his shirt, seeping through his hands. Looking down the knife still in my hand. Blood on the blade. Oh shit. Falling to his knees his big body crumbles to the floor. “You stupid fucking bitch,” Josh screams wildly. Sheer hatred in his tone. My body goes into autopilot. Turning to him I make a bee line for him. Hate on his face. It's either him or I. And I'm sure as fuck not going to die tonight. This ends now. He doesn't retreat, doesn't take his eyes from me. Swinging the knife at him he moves out of the way. The blade missing him by inches. Snatching me up from behind he pulls my back to his front. Arms locked around my neck. Things fade away as my head grows light. The air being cut off. My focus on Josh, on ending this. My heart beats in my ears, not from fear, but from enjoyment. Enjoyment at the thought of killing Josh. For ending this sick game. “Josh,” I choke out helplessly. His arms slip a little giving me just enough space to move. Side stepping as much as I can. I move my body a foot to the right of his. Still caught in his arms I have just enough room to step an inch or two to his side. With a swift downward motion I bring the knife down with force. Inches past my side, right into his stomach. His body tightens for a moment before folding over he groans in pain. Dropping his arms away from me he goes limp. A strangled groan dribbles from his lips. Stepping away I pull the knife away with me. “Lil!” I hear it. I feel his voice in my bones. Swinging my head around I see him. Tank. My mind zeros in on life. His life. My life. Eyes running my body. “Lil! Run baby!” he calls frantically trying to wave me over. Fear in those eyes. Looking back I see Josh on his knees. Gun fire, people everywhere and all I can see is Tank. In sick a slow motion I watch Josh reach behind him. Pulling a gun from his waist he aims it at us. Tank holding a gun in his aimed at Josh. “No!” Turning around I run towards Tank. My Tank. I feel his body. Tanks skin on my skin. Arms around me. It all hits me in a rush. Four loud pops. Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! A slicing burning pain radiates though me. My breath leaves me in a rush. “Lilly! Baby. ... No!” Tanks arms around me. I'm safe, I'm home. …
18
Tank
It doesn't happen like it does in the movies. Nothing like those romantic movies with the powerful ending sending your heart to the moon and shit. Where the final last words are meaningful and touching. There are no looks, no happy tears, no reaching for one another. There is no face caressing. No last word. There is nothing but pain. No locking eyes knowing everything will be okay in end. It doesn't happen that way. I knew walking in there I wasn't going to find my girl unharmed. I was just praying she was alive. I wasn't going to ride in on my bike, take her with me, and ride into the sun set. I was prepared. Knew there would be blood, bodies, and a war to fight. Took out Tick as soon as I was off my bike. Rounded a corner and came face to face. Broke his neck. Snapped that motherfucker. Let his body hit the ground without a second thought. Walking around the building to the door, Gin and Tiny on my heels I found something far worse. Something that made me sick to my stomach. That motherfuckers arms around my girl’s neck. Her bloody dirty body shaky and pale. Long gash down her thigh bleeding heavily. I watched her fight for her life. Couldn't get a clear shot, he was using her as a shield. I watched that fight in her. Watched her take his life. She was dirty and bloody, but fucking hell she was breathing. Everything just faded into unimportance. Gin and Tiny have my back; I just need to get to my baby. Just needed to have her in my arms. I'd figure the rest out later. There's not many of them, we've got far more. We came thirty deep. It wasn't looking good for them in the end. In nauseating slow motion saw that gun. Josh wasn't done with her yet. All that shit they told me about him came back tenfold. He's not going out without her. Saw him take aim. He was going to take her from me. That forty-five pointed right at her. Watched it three times. Each pull of his finger making me sick. I tried. Fuck did I try. Her body hit mine hard. She hit me with enough force to knock me down. Falling right into me. I knew. Felt that shit like it hit me. Felt it in my bones. Heard it. Metal hitting flesh and bone. “Fuck no. Lilly!” I can hear Gin's agonized growl from somewhere behind me. His gun shots loud and ringing in my mind. “Oh fuck.” Tiny's voice stunned and soft. I knew it when that sweet face paled. Those big brown eyes flutter closed. Heard her gasp for air. Three small strangled breathes leave her body. Knocked into me so hard she landed on top of me. I held onto her. Hands instantly around her back. My mind trying desperately to fix whatever damage he caused her. Somehow praying to God my hands can fix her. Sitting up I take her body with me. It was real when I felt it. Warm sticky blood on my hands. So much fucking blood. Warm wet blood everywhere. My baby's blood. This was it. I only got five months with her. There was no more for me. The moment I lost the only fucking person ever loved.
Holding her to me all that selfish shit hit me like a blow to the chest crippling me. The worse pain I've ever felt consumed me. All the things I'd never get to have with her clouded my mind. All the things I wouldn't be able to give her. It all hit me hard. I'd never again hear her voice. I'd never get to feel her warm soft skin on mine. There would be no Christmas, no holidays together. She'd never be in my arms again. I'd never again hear that sweet laugh. I won't have those innocent brown eyes look at me like I was the best thing she'd ever seen. I wouldn't ever be able to watch her dance around smiling. She wouldn't be at the club during the day making life that much better just because she's breathing. There would be no more fun and joy. She wouldn't be in my bed at night. Those vacations, trips, and get toge
ther's would be dark without her. I'd never get to marry that girl. Never see that flat stomach round and pregnant. There would never be a forever together. No gray hair, no wrinkles. Noting. I'd never get any of that shit with the girl that deserves it the most. She deserved everything out of life. I just held her to me. Tried to slow the inevitable. Touched her warm smooth skin. Looked at her face, ingrained it to my memory. I can never forget her. I can never forget that face. Desperately waited for those final words from her. A 'goodbye' or an 'I love you', something to make this bearable. Her beautiful face pale, eyes closed. Her breathes short and strangled. I know she's chocking, but I can't fucking help her and it kills me. That body that was always going, always dancing is limp and unmoving. A war going on around us, but she's all I can see. Knowing this is it. This is all the time I have left, I pray for a bullet. Anything to end this quickly. “Tank! … Jesus Christ, Lilly!” Gin's shouting at me, shouting for Lil. I just don't give a fuck. Shot gun in hand I watch Gin take down five guys on his way to Lil. One after another they fall. For a moment there's chaos, then there's nothing. Silence. Running to me Gin screaming. Pain in his voice. Tears streaming down his face. “No! No! Not my sister! Lilly!” Grabbing around Gin's shoulders Tags holds onto him stopping him. “Get the fuck off of me! Please! I need to get to her!” Gin swings at Tags, Rampage helps Tags hold him. “God, not Lilly!” Devastated screams coming from one of the strongest motherfuckers I know. “Lilly! My Lilly. Oh … fuck …. no!” His strangled sobs hurt. I can feel his pain in my soul. Sitting on my ass I just hold her to my chest. Her warm cheek on my shoulder. Arms limp and lifeless. I fight the need to be sick. I can't let her go. Tiny goes for her. Tries to take her from me. “Don't touch her!” He's not getting her. This is the last time. This is it for me. This is all the time I have left with my girl. He got years, he's not taking her. “Tank we've gotta get her help brother.” Tiny pleads with me. On his knees crying a foot away. I can't let her go. Shaking my head I rock her. Slowly rock her in my arms. I tell her it'll be okay. I tell her I'm sorry for letting her down. I tell her how much I love her. I want her last moments to be peaceful. I want her to know she's safe now. She'll always be safe with me because I've got her now.
I can feel her getting colder. It's not fucking right. Her skin always warm and soft. It's always supposed to be warm. Never cold. “Please Tank,” Happy is begging me now. Anguish in his always happy face. Always happy like my girl. I just can't. I can't let her go. Not now, not yet. Reaching a hand out Happy goes for her. “No,” I tell him. He can't take her from me yet. Looking me square in the eyes I see the tears. The same tears I know I've got running down my face. “Tank I love her too. We've gotta try to save her.” Save her? She's gone I can feel it. Feel that shit deep down inside of me. Hand at her neck I watch in shocked silence as he feels for a pulse. His face expressionless as he touches her. “It's faint, but it's there.” I tiny bit of hope settles over everyone. Brothers standing around watching. Tears from all the guys. Faint sirens fill the silence. Low's hoarse voice hits me. “No baby! … No! Not my baby girl.” Kneeling down in front of us he takes her from me. Takes my girl right from my arms. Cradling her in his arms he stands up, walking away from all of us. Holding her to his chest. The sick emptiness settles over me. I don't think I can do this. I can't live without her. Watching, I just stare at her. With everything in me I study and memorize everything about her. Running a hand over her hair Low cries. We're all fucking crying. “It's okay baby. It'll be okay. I've got you. You'll be okay,” he chants softly to her. I just want her back. I want to go back. I want to tell her I'm sorry. Tell her I love her. I just want her back. Looking around there's bodies everywhere. Blood all over my hands, arms, and shirt. The sirens get closer. “Gotta get the fuck outta here. There'll be questions.” Tiny tells everyone. Every brother walks past Low holding his girl, my girl. Touching her as they go, they tell her they love her. I'm not leaving. Not leaving her side. Lows bloodshot eyes find mine. I shake my head. I'm not leaving. “You gotta go Low. Those charges gunna stand if they getcha,” Tiny says. Walking towards me he kisses her forehead. Face pressed into her neck he sobs, “I'm so sorry baby. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe baby girl. I love you Lilly.” Kissing her head one last time he hands her back to me. I've got my girl back. Holding her to me I wait for help.
She died twice last night. Code blue called over that hospitals intercom. Nurses and doctors rushed in and crowded around her. I watched that monitor flat line two times. Each time breaking my heart. All of this is the worst thing I've ever lived through. Hardest thing I've ever had to watch. There was nothing I could do. I was helpless. Three bullets hit her last night. The first hit her in the back upper right hand side under her shoulder blade. That one nicked her lung and an artery. It caused the most damage. She almost drowned in her own blood. The second one hit her in the lower back, hitting her kidney. The third went through her side hitting me in my side. It's only a flesh wound. I didn't feel it, still don't. I'm numb. Her body just off centered enough from mine that when it went through her it hit me. She came into the hospital and went right into a six hour surgery. The doctor came out of the operating room with a grim face and her blood on him. Couldn't do anything other than listen to him tell me she didn't have much of chance. “Right now Lilly has a thirty percent chance. The next twenty-four hours will be the hardest. This will be the test to see if the sutures take and the bleeding stops.” It's now been twenty-four hours. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can hardly think. Fuck I can hardly breathe. I just want my baby back. These last twenty-four hours the doctor said would be the test. If she made it through we'd be out of the woods. His words sure as fuck didn't make me feel any better. Sitting by her hospital bed I watch her, watch the monitors keep her alive and breathing. Constantly praying. Asking God to take me and spare Lil. This is all a helpless situation. No matter what I do I can't help her. No matter how much I love her I can't fix this. Holding her hand I don't let it go. Needing the warmth. The reassurance she's alive. “Brother ya need to change. Get a little rest. I'll stay with her.” Gin offers. He's been sitting here since she was brought in. He can save it, I'm not going anywhere. “Not leavin' her.” Shaking his head he puts his hand on my shoulder. I know he's hurting too, but I just don't care. The only thing I care about is lying lifeless in a hospital bed. “You love her, yeah?” There is no question. “More than anything'.” Nodding he stands up taking Peaches hand in his. “Well bring ya some clean clothes and somethin' to eat man. Call me if anything changes.” Peaches sniffles, eyes red and puffy. Kissing Lil's cheek she chokes back a sob. “I love you Lilly. Get better please, I need you,” she whispers. Walking to the door she whimpers. Gin fallows suit. Kisses Lil's forehead, tears in his eyes, “Love you sis. Hurry and get better Peaches is drivin' me nuts without ya.” Cali does the same, “I love you boo boo,” she says, her words broken. Stitch can't even look at her without losing his shit. Low can't come in because of the police and his outstanding murder charge, so he's stuck and losing it too. All of this hurts. It hurts to watch her lay there unmoving and silent. Hurts to watch everyone say goodbye not knowing if when they get back she'll be alive or not. Hurts not knowing if and when she'll come back to me. I'm mad as fuck this shit happened like this. Lil should have never been alone. If I wasn't such a selfish prick she wouldn't be in this God damn hospital bed fighting for her life. None of this would be happening if it wasn't for me. For the rest of my life I'll blame myself. For the rest of my life I'll love that girl the ways she deserves whether she wants me or not. I'll live a life without Lil as long as I know she's alive.
Seven days in this hospital room. A few hours ago they stopped the medication that was keeping her in a coma. Now it's a waiting game. Seems her surgery went well after all. After the surgery they did a full examination of her body. Three gunshot wounds, multiple broken ribs, twenty-seven stitches for the gash on her thigh, two fractured wrists, and the sick asshole didn't feed her for four days, and maybe a glass of w
ater or two. But no other sustained injury. No sexual abuse. Gave a million thanks that none of this sick motherfuckers touched her. Doctor said it was all up in the air after stopping the medication. She could never come back to me or she could recover fully. That's a shit answer, but it's my reality. “When this shit gunna wear off?” Gin barks impatiently at the doctor. Giving him the same answer, “only time will tell,” he says with a grim smile. After the doctor leaves we wait. Gin, Peaches, Cali, Stitch, Tiny, Kiki, and Low wait with me. Police finally backed off. Low was able to see her. We've been waiting a while now. The nurse bustles in smile on her face. She's sure as shit optimistic. “When's my daughter wakin' up,” Low snaps at the cheery nurse. Looking at Lil softly and back to Low she smiles. “Lilly's a strong gal she'll come back to us when she's ready.” Oh yeah great fucking answer. I can't take much more of this shit. “I'd suggest you all get a little rest. Seen it a few times. It takes people a while to come back. Usually twelve to twenty-four hours. Be rested, because when she wakes up she's going to need you all.” Low grumbles something heading for the door. “Call me the second somethin' changes, yeah?” Nodding my head I watch as he leaves. The rest fallow. I'm not going anywhere. The nurse checks her vitals, smiles at me, and leaves. I look at my girl. Face pale. Eyes closed, long lashes fan her cheeks. She looks like Lil, except she's not the laughing smiling girl I know. I want my Lil back. “Please baby wake up. Miss you so fuckin' much. Can't do this life shit without you.” Fuck I wish she'd wake up. I need her. Hell she can even hate me as long as she wakes up. Pulling my chair closer to her bed like I do every night I sit my ass down. Take her hand in mine. Rest my arms on her bed, head on my arms. This is how I sleep since they won't let me in her bed. Sleep doesn't come easy, but I get a little rest. Drifting off when I hear it. “Tank?” My mind pulls from a groggy sleep instantly. My heart hits the floor. “Sleeping?” I hear it again. That voice I've needed. The voice I've heard only in my dreams. My head shoots up. Heart in a damn panic. Her eyes are closed but she's smiling a small smile. Holy fuck. “Lil?” My body's shaking. Heart beating frantically. Nothing. No I swear to God I heard it, heard her. Jesus Christ. “Fuck baby. Fuck! … Damn it Lil look at me.” I'm fucking desperate. Barely hanging on. Those lips tilt into a bigger smile. “Bossy ass.”
