by Terry Towers
He paused a moment, not sure if he should broach the topic of her eating less or not.
So what if she was cutting back? Depends, his conscience argued back. Besides, she'd had a greasy burger and he was sure she mentioned a shake.
He sighed, pushing himself off of the wall and walking over to her. Capturing her chin in his hand he kept her green eyes steady to his. "This isn't about the tabloids, is it?"
She frowned and shook her head. "Of course not. Is it so horrible that I want to exercise?"
"Or is this because of Nadine?" As soon as the words came out of his mouth he wished he could take them back.
Her green eyes darkened and narrowed at him. She jerked away from his grasp and shoved her way past him. "It wasn't until you brought her up. Thanks for confirming what I already suspected, Bo," she hissed over her shoulder as she stormed out of the gym.
Bo spun around as he thrust the hand into his dark hair. What in the fuck just happened?
Chapter 5
"Coming. Coming." A deep, groggy voice grumbled from the other side of the wooden door that Hanna had just knocked on.
Hanna thrust a hand through her red curls and let out a loud huff of air. Maybe I should have talked it out with Bo. Maybe I overreacted? The sound of the door unlocking snapped her attention back to the door she was standing impatiently in front of.
"Yeah?" The door was pulled open to reveal Tyson, wearing only a pair of tight black boxer briefs.
She didn't mean to, but her eyes lowered down his massive muscular chest to the front of his briefs and to the huge bulge pressing against the cotton spandex. He was very well endowed. She could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks and glanced away quickly, praying he was still too groggy to have noticed her briefly lowered gaze.
"Hanna?"
Hanna forced her eyes up to meet his, her blush deepening. She shouldn't have come here, but she didn't know where else to go. She needed to talk to someone and Tyson was the only person she could think of. Why did Jackie have to leave? Sure, she hadn't been the best friend in the world, but she had been supportive and an ear when she needed one.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't —" she turned to leave, but a large hand closed around her upper arm and spun her back around to face him.
Their eyes locked and Tyson heaved a loud sigh, giving his head a soft shake. "Come in, Hanna. Just give me a minute to get some clothes on."
"Okay." Hanna followed Tyson into his apartment and into the living room. He left her in the living room and made his way into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
She sat timidly on the edge of the well-worn floral patterned sofa as she waited. Her eyes scanned the contents of the apartment as she sat and waited. The apartment was small, but very tidy. Considering it was in the same building as her and Bo's place she imagined even a tiny place like his cost a pretty penny. She wondered who paid the rent; she suspected Bo for the convenience of having Tyson at his beck and call.
A few minutes past and Tyson was back, wearing a pair of black jogging pants and a white t-shirt. "Does Bo know you're here?"
"No." Hanna attempted to give him a smile, but the concerned look in his expression and eyes made her partial smile fade quickly.
Tyson flopped down in an armchair across from her. "Bo will have my balls if he knows you're here."
Hanna rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. I think you're being melodramatic."
Chuckling, Tyson settled back into the chair and crossed one ankle over the opposite knee. "You really have no clue how possessive he is of you, do you?"
She huffed. "Hardly."
His expression grew serious. "Why are you here, Hanna? You shouldn't be here. I'm not kidding when I say that Bo is likely to fire me for you being here."
"I'm sorry. I..." She started to stand, but Tyson waved her back down.
"You're here, girl. Might as well tell me what's on your mind."
This was a bad idea. She assumed Tyson was being a little melodramatic about his comment on Bo firing him, but what if he wasn't? She couldn't let him lose his job because of her.
"You're right I shouldn't be here..." She made an attempt to stand a second time, but Tyson leaned forward and grasped her forearm, leading her back to the sofa.
"You and Bo have a fight?"
Deciding to relax and take a moment to herself she sighed and nodded.
"Over Nadine?"
"Yeah."
His jaw clenched as he released her arm and sat back into his chair. "You can't dwell on that. So what if she looks a little like ya and she and Bo had a thing a long time ago?"
"Wasn't that long," Hanna countered.
"Girl, bottom line is that he doesn't want her. He wants you. And he sure as hell wouldn't want her after what happened."
Hanna's eyes jerked upward to meet his. "What happened?"
"Fuck," Tyson grumbled under his breath as he rose from the seat. "You want something to drink? Coffee? Water? Beer?"
Hanna was about to say beer and then bit her tongue. The urge for a drink was
undeniable. She'd been drinking a little too much recently; it hadn't even occurred to her until that moment. Drinking too much, and with the exception of her splurging the previous day, eating too little.
Alcohol had been her go-to when she dealt with her parents’ death. It had dimmed the pain, but only brought on a whirlwind of problems that she'd only escaped from a year ago. Even her occasional glass of wine with Bo she knew she shouldn't be having, but she justified it to herself as a casual indulgence. She’d even gotten tipsy a couple of times over the past month, but she’d been able to control her urges. But if she were to begin drinking for the sake of drinking and to cover her anxiety like before...
She shook her head; she refused to go down that road again. "I'm good, thanks."
Tyson disappeared into the kitchen, leaving her to her thoughts for a moment before reappearing with a bottle of water in his hand.
"So what happened? Why did they break up?"
Twisting off the cap of the bottle, Tyson took a long swig and sighed, relaxing back in the chair. "I have no business saying anything, Hanna. I assumed he'd explained everything after I left. You two seem to be very close."
Hanna smiled over at him, but her smile was weak at best. Apparently they hadn't shared as much as she'd thought. But then again it wasn't like she'd told him everything.
He knew about her parents' car crash, but what he didn't know was the effect it had on her, and he also didn't know the real reason she was so reserved and introverted. Nobody did. Not even her best friend and co-worker at the coffee shop, Jackie. She was embarrassed. On a subconscious level she supposed that if she kept the knowledge to herself that it wouldn't be true and that it wouldn't affect her any longer. But she knew that was a naive way of thinking.
"We are. But there's so much to learn. Ya know?"
Tyson gave her a curt nod and drank down the remainder of his bottle of water.
"So what happened between Bo and Nadine?" His body tensed up and she could see the indecision in his eyes. " Please, Tyson."
"Hmmmm." He leaned forward, placed his elbows on his knees and steepled his fingers. He tapped his fingers against his lips a moment, surveying her.
She immediately felt uncomfortable and her cheeks grew warm under his scrutiny.
She hated the attention. Hated when people focused too much on her. She hated the look that he was giving her. It wasn't threatening, but she could feel the judgment in his eyes, whether it was rational or not, she still felt it.
"How about this... How 'bout we make a deal?"
She raised a brow at him. "Deal?"
"Yeah. I'll tell you what I know about Bo and Nadine right after you come clean on how extreme your social anxiety is. I'm assuming it's not overly bad, but I'm sensing you might be dealing with it."
Nadine froze in her chair, her eyes widening in shock. Had it been that obvious? She'd been trying so hard to cover it, forcing herself to overcome the
anxiety, and had thought she'd been doing a good job.
"I... Ummm."
"My 35-year-old sister has been dealing with it for close to twenty years. She's a severe case. There's times when we can't even get her out of the house. When she was a senior in high school she attempted suicide. She never fit in and teenagers can be cruel to people who seem different."
Boy, do I ever know that, she mused. Memories of the hot, popular girls not giving her the time of day came to mind. Some of the meaner ones would make snide remarks about her – her weight in particular. She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. Can’t go down that road – can’t.
"Before my parents died I would try to cope by overeating. Indulge myself until I felt better, but then I started getting fat. By the time I was in high school I was well over 250
pounds." Hanna frowned. She could still remember the smirks and the other girls' faces in the cafeteria when she sat down to eat. Like they were judging her. Whenever she felt secure enough to come out of her shell she'd overhear someone calling her fattie or something else of the sort and she indulged even more as a result.
"So you became more insecure..." Tyson offered.
She nodded. "Graduating high school was the happiest day of my life because I knew I wouldn't have to endure being near them all. With all them judging me."
"And then..."
Tears began to fill her eyes and she didn't bother to fight them off, letting them slither down her cheeks. "And then my parents were in a car accident. Both died. And I was all alone. The only support I've ever had was gone. I never had any close friends."
Tyson nodded knowingly. Grabbing a tissue from the box on the coffee table between them, he stood and sat next to her, passing her the tissue.
"Food wasn't enough anymore. So I got into dad's stash of liquor. Went through everything he had in a week. The alcohol made it all go away. I didn't care about my weight or what people thought of me. I didn't care that they were gone and I was alone. I don't even remember their funeral, Tyson. My aunt took care of the arrangements and I let her."
The tears came harder.
Sliding an arm around her shoulders he pulled her into him. Grateful for his
comforting embrace, Hanna slumped against him as she tried to gain control of herself to finish her story. It felt good letting it out. She hadn't talked to anyone about it other than her counsellor. As the tears dwindled she pulled away from him, feeling guilty that she was sharing the most secret part of her life with someone she barely knew rather than the man she loved.
But what if she told him and he didn't want her because of it? Or what if he got scared the information would hurt his career and ended it? She wasn't brave enough to take the chance of losing him.
But if you don't tell him and he finds out you'll lose him anyhow, a voice in the back of her mind piped in.
"So what happened to straighten things up?"
Tyson's deep voice pulled her from her thoughts and she looked up to meet his dark eyes. The heat rushed to her cheeks. "It went on for a few weeks. I was found by a couple of policemen in the back alley of a nightclub passed out, with X in my pocket. They threw me in the drunk tank and when I sobered up and realized there was no one to take care of me but me, so I checked myself into a center to get counselling and help with the anxiety the next day."
"Wow. I'm sorry Hanna."
Tyson frowned. "So you were taking drugs, too?"
She shook her head, her red hair fanning out around her head. "No. I mean… I don’t think… I don't think so. Not sure why I had the X."
"After a while, once I worked through my issues I got back to living my life. Got the job at the coffee shop. Had no intense urges to drink or overeat. I didn't need medication to cope. I was able to eat without overindulging and even go out with some of the other girls at the coffee shop and have a glass of wine without wanting to drunk. For the first time I was control of my life and it felt good. I was finally feeling 'normal.'"
"And Bo doesn't know?"
"No."
"Don't you think you should tell him?"
"Yes. But I'm scared."
"He loves you, Hanna. He's not going to care. It's better if he knows, especially with the paparazzi sniffing around. They have ways of finding stuff out that you least want known. He can't protect you if he doesn't know and it must be exhausting for you, pretending you can handle all the attention."
Hanna nodded. It was very exhausting. But it was her problem — not his. What if he treated her differently? Worse yet, what if he changed the way he did things to accommodate her? She'd become a hindrance to him. That's the last thing she wanted.
"I'll have to think about it."
Tyson was about to open his mouth to protest, she could see it in his eyes, but he seemed to think twice and snapped it shut again. "Well, if you think so..."
His words didn't mirror the apprehension in his eyes.
Chapter 6
Bo was starting to get worried. It was 2pm and she wasn't home. He'd already gone to the contract signing with the band and met with Nadine. It was a done deal. They were stuck with her for two years, like it or not. He wondered for the tenth time in the past couple of days whether signing her on was the best decision.
Too late now to turn back, he mused.
She hadn't been answering her text messages or numerous phone calls and it had been worrying him until he found her purse, her cell phone tucked inside, on the dining room table. Where in the hell could she be with no money?
At a loss, and his worry growing by the minute, Bo exited the apartment and made his way down eight floors of his building until he came to Tyson's floor. Maybe she'd notified Tyson of where she was going, or better yet had him accompany her. It was Tyson’s day off, but he had no doubt if she wanted him to go with her somewhere, he’d go. Considering how much she protested having him with her the previous day he
doubted it, but it was worth a try. If nothing else he and Tyson could go out, brave the streets of New York, while praying not to get noticed, in search of her.
Coming up to Tyson's door he knocked twice. After a moment passed with no answer he knocked a third time, louder and with more impatience. He was about to rap a fourth time when the door was swung open to display Tyson.
"Hey, Bo."
"I'm looking for Hanna, have you —" His sentence was cut off as he noticed Hanna in the living room. Brushing past Tyson, not waiting for an invitation, Bo entered the apartment and made his way to Hanna, as she stood.
"What are you doing here? I've been worried sick." Standing before her, he pulled her into him, kissing the top of her head. "Have you been here the whole time?"
Hanna slid her arms around his waist, looked up to meet his questioning gaze and nodded. "Yeah. I needed to get out. I'm sorry."
"Why did you take off like that?"
"I just..." Hanna pulled out of his embrace and glanced down at the floor. "I just needed some time to think so —" she shrugged. "Tyson's the only person I could think of to talk to."
Bo frowned. It hadn't occurred to him how lonely she must be with Jackie gone. He'd assumed that he was enough. She was enough for him. But then again, he had his music, his brother who was the bass guitarist with the band and the rest of the guys. He glanced over his shoulder at Tyson who was standing by the open door, looking severely
uncomfortable.
Maybe her request for a job would do her good. Perhaps he shouldn’t have brushed off the idea. Or maybe some type of occupation, or school, or something would be good for her. Aside from spending time with him her time was occupied with what... Obsessing over those fucking tabloid headlines, that’s what.
With a sigh, he kept his arm securely around her waist and urged her forward, toward the door. "Let's go back up to our place and discuss this, in private."
"I didn't mean to worry you, Bo," Hanna murmured as they left Tyson's apartment and waited for the elevator to take them back up to Bo's floor.
Bo th
rust a hand though his hair and sighed. "I just don't get why you got so defensive this morning. I'm just concerned about you. That's all."
“It’s not that I don’t trust you. That’s not it. There’s just some things that you don’t know —” She looked as though she was about to open up, he could see in her eyes that there was a story she wanted to share. Why wouldn’t she? It made no sense. Didn’t she trust him? He sighed. The idea that she didn’t trust him enough to share what was bothering her hurt.
The elevator dinged and they stepped inside. He swiped his door card and punched in his code, the elevator doors slid shut with a soft whooshing sound and they began their ascension of the shaft.
“So what don’t I know?” He slid his arm around her shoulders and pulled her tight to him. “You can tell me anything, Hanna. You know that.” He turned to face her, looking directly into her eyes.
She slid her arms around his waist and lowered her head to his shoulder. Her hair was like satin under his chin as he pulled her tight. Feeling the tension begin to leave her, he pressed the stop button on the elevator control panel. He didn’t want anything to interrupt them, not when he was coming so close to having her open up.
“It’s not you, Bo. Being with you is a dream come true. Everything about you is so wonderful…”
“Then what is it?”
“Well…” She pulled back and looked up at him. He could see the hesitation
crumbling before his eyes as her features softened. Her lips parted as she was about to continue, when the moment was interrupted by the buzzing of his phone.
Shit! He reached into his pocket and pulled out the phone. She looked down at the face with him to see the name NADINE flashing on the screen. He was about to reject the call when she placed her hand on his, stopping him.
“Answer it. Might be important.” Not waiting for a reply Hanna pulled out of his embrace and restarted the elevator.
