Chapter 13: The Reckoning
Ev had been away a week in meetings, signing two new bands for year-long contracts to begin with, before meeting a prospective new artist, and he was exhausted. When he drove back into his garage on Sunday evening, the only thing he wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep. If he could do it with Maxine, he’d be in seventh heaven, but the last time they’d been together was a week ago at the front door of her condo, and she had completely withdrawn by the time they got there. He didn’t know what had spooked her, but his plan to ask if he could spend the night had been shelved when she didn’t invite him in, claiming to be tired. He’d kissed her at the door, a chaste thing, their lips barely touching, and he had left determined not to let the hurt he was feeling take hold. There had to be a reason she was backing off, and he was determined to find out what it was.
But first, sleep. He wouldn’t be any use to anyone if he couldn’t even string two thoughts together without yawning. He closed the door and walked into his kitchen. Danny was waiting…he must have heard the garage door open.
“Daddy!”
The little boy squealed in delight and ran to him, launching himself into Ev’s waiting arms. Ev scooped him up and swung him around before hugging him tightly and planting sound kisses on each cheek. Coming home never failed to raise his spirits, no matter how tired he was, because his little boy was always there to welcome him home, to show him love and acceptance. The feeling was priceless, and he wouldn’t exchange it for anything else in the world. Danny wrapped his little arms around Ev’s neck and planted a wet kiss on his lips, and Ev laughed.
“Were you a good by while I was away, buddy?”
Danny looked over at Jeff, who smiled indulgently. “He was as good as gold,” Jeff said. “Why don’t you tell your daddy what you did this week while he was away?” He winked at the child, then turned to Ev and added, “I’ll go warm up dinner. He didn’t want to eat till you got home.”
Ev watched the young man walk away, leaning on his cane, and wondered how long it would be before a man of such warmth and tenderness as Jeff would be snapped up again. He knew that grieving for a loved one took time, and he knew it would be a painful time, though Jeff hid his grief well. No one would know that anything was wrong if they watched him with Danny. Not only was he good at what he did, but he was obviously growing to care for Danny, and Ev knew he would miss the younger man when he chose to move on. He could only hope that that wouldn’t be too soon. Danny needed someone loving and stable in his life, to pick up the slack when Ev wasn’t around, to stimulate his brain, to train his body, to help him grow into a happy, healthy little boy.
“Thanks, Jeff. I’ll just go put this away.”
He held on to Danny with one arm and managed to haul his luggage into his bedroom, pushing the bags up against the inside of the door. He’d unpack after dinner, before he showered.
“Come on, let’s go eat.”
He swung the child over his shoulders and made neighing noises as they went back into the kitchen. Jeff had already laid the table for three and was just placing the salad on it.
“Something smells good,” Ev said. “I never realize how hungry I am after one of these trips till I get back and smell home cooking.”
Jeff laughed. “I’d like to take the credit for this, but it’s really Ann’s doing,” he confessed. “I told her I was only good at ready-made frozen dinners and spaghetti and sauce. So she took pity on me and made us dinner for a week. She said she’d talk to you about whether or not you’d want her to keep doing that.”
Ev chuckled. “Well, maybe not dinner for every night,” he said. “I can do a few dishes, and spaghetti and sauce is one of Danny’s favorite meals, so you get to keep doing that one.”
The oven timer dinged and Jeff removed the shepherd’s pie from the oven. Ev’s belly rumbled. He watched as Jeff served Danny’s plate, and once he had served his own, Ev helped himself and asked about the week.
“The children’s library had a puppet show, and they had a raffle for a free book. Danny won Charlotte’s Web. He was so excited, even though he thinks the spider is kinda creepy.”
Jeff smiled indulgently at his son, and Ev watched as Danny stuffed his mouth with salad, as though he was determined not to talk about it. He grinned and asked,
“Why don’t you like the spider, son?”
Danny scrunched up his face before replying. “He got hairy legs. A lot of them.”
Although he was dying to laugh, Ev knew that wouldn’t be the right response, so he cleared his throat and said, “Well, I’ve got hairy legs, and you like me, don’t you?”
Danny looked at him solemnly, thinking it over. “Yeah,” he said hesitantly.
“I tell you what,” Ev said, “let’s not worry about the book for a while, okay? We’ll just pretend it’s not here. We’ll see what you think about spiders again when your birthday comes around. How’s that?”
“Okay.” Danny nodded and went back to his salad.
“Tell your dad what else you did this week,” Jeff urged him.
Ev listened as Danny told him about the visit to the park for a play date with his friend, about their visit to the skating rink to watch the skaters. He had also gone to the indoor circus that was still in town, and spent a little time at the petting zoo, and he was clearly excited about the big polar bear he had won.
He looked up at his father. “I mean, Jeff gave me his bear.”
“It’s your bear, fair and square,” Jeff corrected him. “I promised I’d give it to you if I won, if you promised not to run away from the clown, remember? I promised you’d be safe, so you didn’t have to run away.”
Danny nodded. “I didn’t run away, Daddy.”
Ev ruffled his hair. “That’s my brave boy!” he said. “Come give us a kiss.”
He reached over and kissed the little boy, and then they finished dinner. Jeff shooed him away when he tried to help with cleanup.
“It’s okay. I’ve got this, boss.”
Ev smiled his thanks and went to shower. He found Danny waiting for him on his bed, and he knew he’d need to read to his son before he could go to sleep. They went back to Danny’s room together, and Ev read him one of his favorite stories, watching as the little boy’s eyes drooped. Still, he read to the end, yawning himself as exhaustion finally overtook him. He leaned in and kissed Danny.
“Sleep sweet, buddy,” he whispered, and went to his own bed.
He slept fitfully, despite his tired body, and finally got up before dawn, unable to lie still in bed any longer. Maxine was on his mind and he couldn’t seem to dislodge her. It was Sunday again. She’d had a week to think about what they’d shared, and about why she’d run away. He was ready for answers. He dragged on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and went down to his exercise room, doing his warm-ups and stretches, and then he ran for an hour. After resting a bit, he did half an hour of weight lifting, then stretched to cool off before heading back up to shower and work the aches out of his body. He dressed in jeans, an undershirt and thick white cable knit sweater, insulated socks and hiking boots. Then he went down and made breakfast for everyone.
By the time he was done, Jeff walked into the kitchen in his dressing gown, yawning. He was startled to see Ev, after a week of him not being there. He stammered out a greeting and turned to go back to his room to dress, apologizing for his attire.
“Hey, it’s fine,” Ev told him. “I’ve been up for a while. You live here, and I want you to be comfortable. If this is how you do it, don’t let me stop you.” He turned away to reach for a cup, and asked, “Would you like coffee? I’ve made breakfast.”
“That’s what I was coming down to do,” Jeff said. “I’ll just go back up and get ready now. Danny will be up soon.”
“I’ll be gone by the time you come back down. Tell Danny I’ll see him this afternoon. I have an errand to run.”
“Sure thing, boss,” Jeff said before walking out again.
Ev checked the clock on the wa
ll…barely eight in the morning. He felt impatience growing inside him like a wildfire, but he calmed himself enough to eat some of the food he’d made and drink a cup of coffee before heading out. He didn’t want Maxine to go anywhere before he confronted her, and if he had his way, spent the morning in bed with her. He wanted there to be more than sex between them, but he wouldn’t deny that he wanted the sex as well, and lots of it. He had been lonely so long, and she had begun to fill his empty spaces. Not even all his man-whoring had made him feel as satisfied as the one night he’d spent with Maxine, and they hadn’t even gone all the way. He selfishly didn’t want to lose that with her.
The parking lot of her condo was full, and he was forced to park a distance away from the front entrance. He didn’t care. The cold air was bracing, and he was warm with the thick scarf covering his nose and mouth and the fur-lined leather jacket he wore. He pressed the buzzer for her apartment and waited, hoping he wasn’t waking her. A good minute passed before he heard her voice.
“Who is it?” She sounded hoarse and as tired as he had felt the day before.
“It’s me, Ev. Let me come up, please.”
The door lock clicked and he pushed it open, hurrying to get to her. When he got up to her door, she had left it open for him. He slipped inside and locked it behind him, wondering where she was. Then he heard water running and assumed she was in the bathroom. The apartment was silent, aside from the sounds of water, and dark. She had all the curtains drawn. He walked into the kitchen and pulled up the blinds, letting in bright sunlight. Everything was clean and tidy. He’d make her breakfast while she got ready to face him. He set the coffee pot going, then opened her fridge to see what she had. He could make omelets…
“What the hell are you doing here so early?”
Maxine’s irritated voice behind him startled him, and he swung round to see her standing by the table, resting her hand on it as though she needed a prop.
“I needed to see you,” he said. “We have unfinished business.” He watched her eyes narrow at his words, but he continued. “I’m about to make you breakfast. Have a seat…you don’t look so well.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it again and sat down. He went back to what he’d been doing, and decided that eggs and bacon with toast would have to do. He got busy frying the bacon, then scrambling two eggs in a bit of the bacon fat. He popped two slices of bread into the toaster and poured her a cup of coffee while he waited. Then he buttered the toast, and hunted around for marmalade, but found none, so he put the preserves she had in the fridge door on the table along with her breakfast and a knife and fork.
“Good morning, Minx,” he said as he placed a glass of orange juice in front of her as well.
“Good morning,” she said grumpily.
“Not a morning person?” he wondered, smirking at her.
She glared at him. “How am I supposed to eat all this?” she demanded, instead of answering his question.
“Any way you like,” he said. “You know what they say…feed a cold, starve a fever. Do you have a fever?”
He stood up and walked over to her, leaning down to press his lips to her forehead. She was a little warm, but not hot.
“I’m fine,” she snapped, pulling away from him. “I’m just not hungry.”
“At least have a slice of toast, then,” he said, “and finish the coffee.” He handed her a plate with a slice of toast and asked, “Want some preserves with this?”
Maxine stared at him for a long moment, not taking the plate, and then she asked, “Why are you here, Ev?”
He put down the plate and sat down, breathing deeply to calm his suddenly racing heartbeat. He was done holding back. They had a lot of things they needed to learn about each other, but he wanted to finally stop the flitting from woman to woman, looking to scratch an itch, when what he needed was someone to fill his empty spaces, someone he could fulfill in the same ways, someone who was his equal, who would be his partner. He’d been thinking about her all week, and he knew he didn’t want to touch any other woman ever again. It needed to be Maxine, or he’d stay alone for the rest of his life. He wasn’t sure he could tell her all that right now, especially since he still wasn’t sure what his feelings meant, but he would be as forthright with her as he could, and hope she’d give him a chance, let him in, so they could figure out their feelings together.
“I came to talk to you,” he said. “I wasn’t happy with how we ended things last Sunday, and I spent all week trying to figure out what I’d done to chase you away, to scare you off. I can’t know unless I ask. So I’m asking. What did I do wrong, Maxine?”
He watched her and could almost see the thoughts raging inside her head. She looked like she was preparing arguments for the defense…or maybe it was for the prosecution. He found himself praying he hadn’t blown it with her. She was the first woman he had really wanted since Dani. He focused on her voice as she began to speak, letting go of everything except hope.
“You didn’t do anything, Ev,” she said, sighing heavily. “I was just overwhelmed. I needed some space to think.”
“Think about what?” He needed to know everything.
“About what had happened, what we’d done. I’m not the kind of woman who jumps into bed with men I don’t know, even when I’m very attracted to them. But…for whatever reason, it was different with you. I couldn’t have said no if I tried, and I didn’t like how out of control I felt.”
Ev tried not to feel giddy at the thought that Maxine was overwhelmed by him. He knew he was good-looking; he knew women wanted him because he had money and a ‘bad boy’ reputation. He just had never thought about it as more than a physical thing until now. Maxine made it seem somehow more than just a need to jump into bed with him. And since that was what he was feeling as well, it made his heart soar. He cleared his throat and kept the smile blooming inside him off his face as he answered her.
“Would it help if I told you I feel the same way? And you know me…I’ve got that playboy reputation you despise so much. I slept with anyone who wanted it, but with you, I didn’t want to mess up. I wanted you — I still do — but I didn’t want to scare you off by being too eager or forward.”
He paused so he could try to read the expression on her face, but she had lowered her eyes, studying her fingers which she had clasped on the table in front of her. He was having no more avoidance, no more hiding.
“Maxine, look at me. Please. I need to know what you’re thinking and feeling. I don’t want you to hide from me anymore. If nothing comes of this, that’ll hurt, but I’ll survive. But I hope what we have started to build will keep growing, and that can’t happen if you keep hiding from me.”
He waited for her to look at him again, and she rewarded him with an answer. “My father and I are on strained terms, Ev, and I haven’t had any real family connections since I was a kid. Every minute I spent with you and Danny last weekend was like a stab in the heart. I didn’t realize how much I miss that, and I felt so comfortable. But that’s not my life. You’re not my family. Danny isn’t my son. I just couldn’t pretend that I was okay with feeling like I was part of something I know I have no part in.”
Ev couldn’t stop the impulse to hold her. He could feel the tension in her limbs as he stood and pulled her out of the chair into his arms. She had managed to keep her tone neutral as she spoke, but her body told him the full story of her feelings.
“Baby, we can’t move on to where you’d like to be if you don’t let me all the way in.”
“Ev, we barely know each other,” she protested, pushing away to look at him. “We’re not teenagers, and this isn’t about playing house.”
Ev reined in the anger that rose in him at her words. He above all knew how serious things could get between them, how serious they already had gotten. And he wasn’t interested in ‘playing’ anything, either house or her. But he knew he more than deserved her mistrust, and he couldn’t be angry at her for being skeptical and uncertain.
“I’ll do anything you need me to do to prove myself to you, Maxine,” he told her. “I have never been more serious about getting to know anyone since Dani. I’m aware that we’ve not known each other a long time, but I also know we’re grown, and we know ourselves. I know that I want to know you better. I want to spend time with you, alone and with Danny. I know that I want to keep making love to you…but just you. No one else. Not ever again. But I need you to let me in. All the way. From now.”
He let her go then and moved away to stand by the picture window that looked out from her kitchen to the back of the property. He found himself trembling as well, realizing how serious he was, how much he wanted to start over with the woman who was having her own struggles about where to go from there with him. He understood her need for family. He didn’t know what he would do if he hadn’t had Danny. It wasn’t about age, it was about love, about connections of the heart and soul, and now he wanted to build that with Maxine. Or at least, he wanted to see if they could.
“Can we please just go slow?”
He hadn’t heard her move, and he had barely heard her plea. He turned to her and smiled, hoping to lighten the mood. “How slow are we talking? Because if it involves not touching you again, I’m gonna have a serious problem going slow.”
She looked up into his eyes, and he saw the desire she was trying to control. It told him all he needed to know. Maxine wanted him.
“Come here,” he said, and opened his arms. This time, she had to come to him. The choice was hers.
She stepped into his arms without hesitation, and he wrapped them around her, sighing when he felt her own encircle his waist. He kissed the top of her head and just held her, letting her feel his strength, his resolve, his growing affection. They stayed like that for a minute, and then she pulled away again.
“I guess I’d better eat something. I have to be at work tomorrow, so I can’t afford to be sick today.”
He walked with her back to the table and offered to reheat the food.
“No, it’s okay. Hot coffee will be enough, thanks.”
Part of the Family Page 15
