Ricardo Tronconi
The Soul Quantum Theory, or We are the Devil
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Table of Contents
THE SOUL QUANTUM THEORY
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
SATANIC APPENDIX
THE SOUL QUANTUM THEORY
OR WE ARE THE DEVIL
Text translation by Alessia Bettini
Linguistic advice by Leslie Rabinowitz
CHAPTER 1
In the second half of the last century, a theory as bizarre as it was attractive (and subtly quite exciting), brought the world of liberal, mystic thought close to breaking away from the monotheistic, religious universe. The reason for this discussion wasn't anything new and it regarded mainly Lucifer's choice, wicked for some, intrepid for others, to become the bearer of darkness after having once been the most luminous diamond of all knowledge, second only compared to God, when the Universe didn't yet exist. To disturb the quiet ignorance of the believers, who didn't see a semblance of evil in Satan, but rather evil itself, clearly defined and separate from good, again represented by the other winged beings led by Gabriel, was emeritus Professor Odoro E. Swollenman.
This last, distinguished philologist, semiologist and expert in sexual semantics, reprimanded by the University Chancellor on more than one occasion for the course's male students continuous complaints (never the females), was famous for presenting a permanent swelling of his fly during sexual semantics lessons (and not only then). A definite sign, according to the male students, of a swelling that revealed a penchant for the subject, yes, but improperly and slightly narcisistic. On the contrary, according to the females, the involuntarily sustainable movement of the penis could be considered by any male (and female), as feasible users of the afore-mentioned device, as a traffic light (that is a signal bearer), allowing one to pass beyond the sole sense of smell in perceiving slight deviances in an individual's sexual behaviour. The extremely clear Professor, sexually very gifted, in spite of being an erect man, was also definitely sensitive to female charm, so as to be called easy swelling man (this last, just one of many epithets we cannot fully mention because of restricted space). Approximately after his fiftieth birthday the emeritus Professor Swollenman (permanent swelling man) began to have his first revealing dreams about the real aim of human beings and granted this theological knowledge to become his lifelong occupation.
CHAPTER 2
It all began one morning, when Professor Swollenman (palpable swelling man) woke up with an erected pole (not an exception, but rather customary). However that morning, the nest that little animal wished for wasn't available, as it was at Ladoga Lake on holiday, tightly embedded in Mrs Netty Swollenman's thighs (this was not a significant piece of news, rather pretty normal). Odoro immediately realized that mere masturbation wouldn't be good for him at all, nor would spiritual exercises. So he prepared a glass, added some ice cubes and with no hesitation plunged his blood swollen penis in it, which expecting to find a warm, safe and humid place, collapsed and imploded. Once that matter was solved, Swollenman (honest swelling man) went back to bed and dreamt of making love to an Eskimo with a smooth anus, curiously ice-cold.
Waking up, Odoro asked himself, just as anyone else dedicated to semiology and semantics would have done, whether his dream was a sign of the poor sexual life he had been living for a long time, or whether the ice associated with the Eskimo's anal sphincter represented the possibly senseless management of his wealth by a bank which had already shown an indication of total disinterest in the money he had put aside with effort. A bit worried, he phoned his wife and told her what had happened. Once informed of those facts, Netty reassured Odoro telling him not to bother too much and to get ready, warm and humid, for her prompt return. Furthermore, she suggested that he go to church and talk to a Professor, because in her opinion the exasperated enlightenment that set his heart on fire, was undermining his integrity too, and this was bound to have negative repercussions on every aspect of life, even if only minor. Odoro agreed to go to confession at once, and that same day he went to church to talk to a priest. There he saw Gabriel and Lucifer's effigies for the first time, one the messenger of good tales, the other one of gloomy premonitions.
CHAPTER 3
After talking to the priest for hours, Professor Swollenman (simple swelling man) went back to Nice Little House, the suburb where he lived with his wife. Once inside, much to his amazement, he found Netty, having just returned from Ladoga lake, tidying up the mess he had made in the course of those few bachelor days. Netty and Odoro hadn't seen each other for three weeks and abstinence was a liable spark for igniting the sex fuse. It was well-known (especially among the female students, but the males too) that Professor Swollenman (endless swelling man) was intensely extraordinarily climax-resistant, and so it was this time, notwithstanding the long fast, he was able to honourably merit the fellatio Netty had reserved as the last course of that long meal. While she was offering him that final dish, Odoro began to tell her what had happened during her absence. When his tale finally reached the point of the conversation with the priest, Swollenman (manifest swelling man) admitted that what had struck him most in the church were pictures of Archangel Gabriel and of Lucifer, which in his opinion had been talking.
“Peculiar indeed...” replied the beautiful, well-proportioned, curvaceous and colourful Netty, interruping what she had been doing, “Really I don't remember such an icon in the church. But it's possible you saw two different images and merged them into one sole imaginary picture. Gabriel is usually the one who foretells, with Lucifer the fallen angel, bowed under Michael's triumphant foot.”
“Yes, Netty. It's possible. But I am highly convinced they wanted to reveal somethingto me. Something in particular.”
“And something unknown too, I suppose... Is that correct, Odoro? You intellectuals are often misled by the thought of publishing things never before seen nor heard. I'll bet you are thinking about bringing Eden back to life. Right?”
“No, Netty. Don't joke... Perhaps you 're right. I'd better sleep on it.”
And after the last course of that long meal, they went to bed.
CHAPTER 4
That night Professor Swollenman (sensual swelling man) dreamt about Lucifer and Gabriel, the former looking ugly due to his awfully hellish existence, the latter bearing a slightly annoyed look, the probable inheritance of popular tradition. Actually, Gabriel was there simply to certify what Lucifer would say, for the first time indiscretion's true announcer. The Archangel's job, therefore, was to testify as to the Opponent's reliability, and his credibility. Nevertheless, the truthfulness or the falsehood of what Lucifer was about to say would not be assessed in Gabriel's statement, and consequently would be liable to Swollenman's mere discretion (independent swelling man). Free will?
Lucifer begun to talk: “The fact that I wanted to be not only the most beautiful in all Creation, even more than the Creator himself, was my sin, and its weight bent my knees. But the aw
areness of causing harm bent my back. At first I didn't understand: the knowledge of what I had done seemed devastating. Impossible to rectify. Later my thoughts returned to me clearly and harmoniously. And what if it was just the sin of knowledge, and consequent devastation of the soul, an opportunity offered to me by the Creator to make up for all the harm I had caused?
Please notice, Mr Swollenman, that I, at that time, wasn't very familiar with sin. I was truly convinced I had committed an abomination. As time passed I kept on thinking about what I had done, stooping lower and lower. At a certain point I, the greatest of all Creations after God, with a distinctive obsession of being even greater, became smaller than a proton. You are a literary man, Mr Swollenman, and I don't expect you to know what a proton is. Yet I'll tell you it's a very small thing... Well...
The pressure inside of me was really unbearable and not only because of the sin, believe me... Well... In the end I exploded and every smallest part of me was cast far away; but the energy at stake was so intense, that the chaos which followed stayed confined to the beginning, and only much later was it possible to see what had happened. Of course, by protecting your sight, as the light was too blindingly bright for human eyes! I was Lucifer once more, but with no shape.
Years went by, thousands, millions of years, and although I was in pieces, I was able to notice what was happening to my infinitesimal parts, which had reunited and were giving rise to a new world: a Universe. You are a literary man, Mr Swollenman, and I don't expect you to know what a Universe is. Nevertheless I'll tell you it's a very big thing... Well...
Although time was passing exasperatingly, slowly, I felt more and more comforted, because I knew, in that shining structure, every part of me had been and was still fundamental to carrying out the project, including my darkest substance, the one I myself struggled to define and which may have been the cause of all harm done. Yet my redemption came closer every minute. Through the creation I would free myself from sin once and for all. But I didn't know how, yet...”
“Why it's really an incredible tale!” exclaimed Odoro dreaming deeply.
“Exactly, incredible.” confirmed Gabriel annoyingly.
CHAPTER 5
“... Until, one day,” Lucifer went on, “on a strip of land surrounded by two rivers, far from the chaos reigning elsewhere, I coud see two lovely figures, whose appearance I was familiar with. So I lingered on watching, as they deserved a thorough examination, and in my possibly redeemed position, nothing should be left undone. Thus I met Humanity, male and female. And I thought: with such creatures I'll be redeemed for sure. They are made from the harm stemming from my vanity and with which the good God molded me. The flesh of my flesh.”
“Ah... Imagine that!” exclaimed Gabriel.
And while Odoro, captivated, witnessed the sequence of that dream, Lucifer went on with his story.
“Unfortunately I had reckoned without considering my host. And the host, namely Mankind, taught me things I couldn't even remotely have imagined. As long as it had been about envy and vanity, I didn't pay attention. They were well-known sins to me. But when it came to Cain I was paralyzed indeed. And let's not talk about what I felt as Abel. It was all new to me, I thought I'd never get used to it. But I did and I began to appreciate sex more than narcissism. I must admit Mankind's imagination in this case is unrivalled. Later on I saw the immense power of the human female, who untill that moment I had considered as a simple tool of pleasure: I'd be able to reproduce through her, endlessly, and using her, unlike with all the other female animals, I'd impose my logos beyond space and time. The human female was the casket of my thought which had gone lost in time immemorable (perhaps that was my fault too), and once rediscovered and renewed would travel, unhaltingly, the entire span of creation. I very quickly noticed that human males had also understood the trick: to impose their logos required female support. Without that, it'd have been necessary to make them slaves. And so it was.
On Earth I was learning the dregs of disgust, thanks to Mankind. And after hundreds of thousands of years dispersing seed, stealing (by females as well), killing and cursing, I stopped: eager for a whiff of redemption, I had become the synthesis of all the world's sin. Mankind, created to free me from the original sin, had turned me into an unscrupulous wild beast and fed me with a hatred such that I could no longer control.”
“Regarding the original sin...” Professor Swollenman (original swelling man) asked Lucifer the gloomy, “You, in the interesting Genesis account, never spoke about the original sin. Did you do it unintentionally or is there something you cannot tell me?”
“What sin are you referring to, Mr Swollenman?” asked the Opponent curiously. And Odoro: “To the age-old diatribe of the forbidden fruit and its consequential ingestion.”
“Mr Swollenman...” replied a divinely calm Lucifer, while Gabriel was proving to be serenely impatient, “Do you know there are people who broke their horns over this nebulous fact? Have you read John Milton's elegant poem? A pleasant succession of events taken from who knows where?
Mr Swollenman... if there's anyone who ate a forbidden fruit, well... that's me. Yes yes... I understand it sounds strange and my colleague too will tell you I am not reliable... But believe me: I've been trying for a billion years to swallow that fruit to... eliminate it definitively... and I really thought I had done so with Mankind as my ally... But Mankind let me down deeply and at a certain point, to get out of it, I had to ask God for help.”
“Mr Lucifer...” said Odoro embarrassed, “Explain better, please. You are telling me things never heard of before and to be honest they seem a bit eccentric...”
Gabriel nodded, unsuccesfully concealing a sacrosant annoyance. And the Opponent: “I see your hesitation in following me along this path studded with dangerous trials, and what I'm about to say will make you even more suspicious... Yet I'll ask for you to listen to what I'm going to tell you, so as to understand the anguish that constantly accompanies my desire to redeem myself quickly and permanently.
I was telling you at a certain point I felt lost indeed, being convinced I wouldn't go very far with Mankind on my side. At precisely that moment I asked for God's help. I begged him to descend to Earth to calm the beast that was tarnishing everything. Infact I was sure a new message, a bit less bombastic than the first (that of Moses, to be clear), and above all directed to all the men and women in the world (not only to some specific tribes), would cheer up their minds definitively and thus would make my redemption closer, since it was taking so much time... too much. But I realized very soon that I was wrong once again. My idea to shape a new religion hadn't provided seeds which would blossom. On the contrary! The Christians were beaten, then they began to beat each other, then they beat the Jews, and six hundred years after Christ's birth wanted by me, the birth of a new religion brought immense chaos to humanity. Ecumenicalism had failed, although I had struggled so much to square things up. Surely, not completely aimlessly, because, as I've already told you, Mankind's salvation is an intimate part of my redemption. Since, as written by... damn it, I don't remember... maybe William... The web of our life (that is human beings' life) is of a mingled yarn, good and ill together. Is it clear, Mr Swollenman? Those threads are mine, and if at the end the bad ones should prevail, those threads to be destroyed at the final showdown, what will become of me?
Nevertheless, coming back to religious chaos, something isn't clear... and I'll take advantage of your cultured status to clarify any doubt: how is it possible to be accused of apostasy, since the three main monotheistic religions adore the same God? Must I deduce Mankind is more interested in religion than in God himself, maybe? Is it possible, Mr Swollenman, that religion counts more than God?”
Odoro, stunned by what he had heard, was unable to rebut and looked at Gabriel, who had been ticking his right hand's index finger like a metronome for half an hour. But no further indications came from the Archangel and Swollenman (morning swelling man) turned to Lucifer again, who after a bri
ef pause went on: “You must be wondering... what does this loquacious man want from me? It's easier said than done, Mr Swollenman. I'd like you to write a book about the new version of the Scriptures, related not so much to scientific discoveries, about which you know nothing as a literary man, but to the revelation you received from me as a gift, certifying it with my colleague's presence, or better ex-colleague, Gabriel. I want you Humans to understand without a doubt that your existence is related to my redemption. Knowledge, Mr Swollenman! Through it only we can weave the good and evil threads. Notice, Mr Swollenman, I've come to the painful conclusion that, at the end, a new telling is the best solution to enter the straight and narrow. Even better than the introduction of a fourth monotheistic religion, which, in my humble opinion, right now would only add chaos to chaos.
Think about it, Mr Swollenman... Ah, I was forgetting! Next time your lady goes to the lake, be more careful. I wouldn't want something unpleasant to happen... You know, that saying do not do to others what you do not want done to you, hasn't got many ripercussions.”
Odoro woke up with a start and saw Netty next to him, looking at him quite concerned.
CHAPTER 6
Time is on my side... yes it is...
Norman Meade (Jerry Ragovoy pseudonym)
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