by Leisha Kelly
“I know just what we oughta do, honey.”
She waited a minute for my answer, but I didn’t say anything.
“We oughta pray, you an’ me right now, for that grandma a’ yours. Whatever it is causin’ her to be so distant from her own kin—an’ I ain’t talkin’ ’bout miles—the good Lord, he can take care a’ that, don’t you think?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said, though I had to push the words out of my mouth and they sounded weak, even to me.
“Does your grandma know the Lord, honey?”
“I—I don’t think so, ’cause Daddy prays about that sometimes. I know he wants her to.”
“Well, then, there it is. That’s exactly what we oughta pray on. Right now. That your grandma turn to the Lord. And that he touch her heart to come out here to see you after all this time. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
I wasn’t sure if she meant the praying or Grandma’s visit, but it didn’t really matter. “Yes, ma’am.”
I tried to dry my eyes, knowing she didn’t understand that it was Daddy I was crying for, not Grandma. Maybe if I got my nerve up I’d ask her to pray for him too, that everything would be okay so Mom wouldn’t have to worry anymore.
She took both of my hands. She started praying right out loud that God send just the right message to Grandma’s heart to turn her toward the things of God. And that she get in a car or on a train or something to make the trip to come out and see us.
“Your daddy needs her,” she said when she was done praying. “No matter what things has been like between ’em, when folks get hurt bad, even grown men, they need their mama’s comfort, I can tell you.”
I didn’t say anything to that. I figured Daddy’d been so used to his mother not being around that he wouldn’t think on it much. It was Mom’s comfort he needed, and he was getting hers, so he’d do all right.
“Your mama’s mama’s dead, isn’t she? I think I heard her tell that one time.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“That’s too bad, that is. No wonder all a’ you took to Emma Graham so well when you first come out here. You was needin’ her, I guess.”
I smiled a little at that. It’d been a while since I’d thought about Emma Graham. She’d been my special friend, even though she was so old. I’d always remember that we had the same middle name, and she said that made us like sisters. I’d laughed at first, thinking about being a sister to a woman in her eighties when I was only five at the time. But now I understood a little better. Back then, I could talk to Emma about anything, and it wasn’t because of our names. I missed her now. She’d be able to tell me why I wasn’t telling on Rorey yet. She’d be able to tell what I was afraid of that was more important than telling my own mother the whole truth.
“You gonna add a note a’ your own in the envelope?” Mrs. Pratt asked me.
I doubt I would’ve thought of that. But obediently, I took out a piece of paper and wrote down the first thing that came to mind.
Dear Grandma,
We love you and miss you.
I stopped. What else could I say to a woman I’d never really had a chance to know? Suddenly I remembered the days when Katie first came to us. Uncle Edward had brought her, and he’d been so scary. I knew Mom didn’t like having him around, even if he was Daddy’s brother, because he’d acted so downright mean. But even so, she’d come right out and told him that she loved him and God did too. It didn’t look like it would make much difference, but by the time he left Uncle Edward had softened considerably. He even wrote to us sometimes still, and they were nice enough letters to read out loud.
I turned my eyes back to the page in front of me. This didn’t have to be a long letter. Mom had already written the important stuff. There was just one more thing that needed to be said. I took pencil in hand again to write it.
God loves you too.
And then I signed my name. I folded my short little letter and stuck it in the envelope with Mom’s. I could remember all the lacy heart valentines I used to make and the Christmas cards with stars and baby Jesus all over them in Crayola. I’d always hoped those things would make Grandma smile. And write back. Now, I wasn’t concerned so much about that. Just let her think, dear God, I prayed. Let her think about Daddy. And you.
Katie was up. She came walking in the room, pushing her wavy hair behind one ear. Folks said I was the one who looked like Mom. She looked like Dad, just because she was kin of his family. I wondered if Grandma looked anything like Dad too. I couldn’t remember, not her eyes or her hair or anything.
“What are you doing?” Katie asked me.
“Mom wrote a letter to Grandma. I just got the envelope ready and put a little letter in with it.”
She glanced at the cuckoo clock on the wall. “Mr. Mueller’s already been by here, but maybe we can catch him at the corner,” she suggested. “He always goes by up there on his way back to Dearing, and it’s almost time. If we hurry, it won’t have to wait till Monday.”
She was right. We knew Mr. Mueller’s pattern pretty well by now.
“That’s a fine notion,” Mrs. Pratt agreed. “Why don’t you two get to goin’ with that?”
She hurried us out the door, none of us thinking to consider whether Mom’d really been ready to mail that letter. I’d just assumed so, because of what Mrs. Pratt had said. And I guess Katie assumed so because of me. It wasn’t strange at all for Katie not to write something to stick in too. Because she had a different grandma. I’m not sure why, since she was related to Daddy’s family. He never did explain that very well.
We hurried down the road together to get to the corner before Mr. Mueller’s mail truck went by. I’m not sure why both of us went, except that Mrs. Pratt said to. And both of us were being just as obliging as we could be today, because of Daddy and everything that had happened.
I guess we were most of the time anyway, especially Katie. Katie didn’t ever do anything wrong. She would’ve told Mom about Rorey and Lester even before going to bed last night.
“Katie,” I suddenly asked, “are you still afraid of Lester Turrey?”
She looked at me like I’d dropped my senses alongside of the road. I guess it was a funny thing to ask right then, to somebody who didn’t know nothing of what I knew.
“Well, no. Why should I be? We don’t never see him anymore, now that he quit school. I sure don’t miss him, if that’s what you mean.”
“If you did see him, would you be kind of upset?”
“I’d just watch. I’d watch real close, ’cause you never can tell with him when he might steal your books, or try to cut your braids off, or trip you for no good reason. But why? I don’t think Teacher’d let him come back to school, even if he did want to.”
“I just . . . I just wondered if that’s the same as being afraid. I mean, not liking the way a person is and being really wary.”
Katie kept walking just as fast, but she looked over at me funny just the same. “I don’t guess it’s the same. Not exactly. But what difference does it make? Who cares about Lester Turrey? He’s got no reason to come around here.”
“Yes, he does. He likes Rorey.”
I couldn’t have shocked her more if I’d told her the sky was falling. “You mean really likes her? Oh, Sarah, no. She doesn’t like him, does she?”
“Don’t tell nobody. She told me not to tell.”
She was suddenly walking even faster. “How could she? He doesn’t even treat his own family very well. You saw how he picked at his sister Rose. Oh, Sarah! If he tries to come around, you’ll have to tell somebody! You’ll have to! Rorey’s not old enough for a boy like him. I woulda thought she was smart enough, but you know what I mean. There’s no telling the kind of things he might think up. She could really get in trouble.”
I just stared at her, trying to keep up. She would have told, all right. She would have told already and been right to do it. So why hadn’t I?
Mr. Mueller always drove his mail truck out past our house and the
Posts on his country route and then circled around past the Hammonds on his way back to Dearing. So we stood at the corner where he’d be going by, looking down the road for any sign.
“Think he was early?” I asked Katie.
“He’s never early.”
“Well, if he’s late, we might be here a long time.”
“It’s about time for him now, I think. But he’ll probably be late. I don’t know how he could drive by Hammonds without stopping to see what happened. He’ll probably talk to them a minute.”
“Too bad him and Orville weren’t around to help earlier.”
“They were probably asleep. And the rain had the fire down before he would’ve started on his route.”
“Mr. Post came.”
“He lives closer. And there’s a lot of trees around Muellers’ house. Even if they woke up, they probably wouldn’t see nothing from there. What’s wrong, Sarah? Mr. Mueller couldn’t help it if he didn’t know.”
“I know.”
Katie stood clutching Mom’s letter in her hand and looking at me so straight. “It really bothers you about Lester, doesn’t it? Are you afraid of him? He was kind of awful to us last year, no denying that.”
“I don’t think I’m afraid,” I said with a sigh. “But I am bothered.”
“If Rorey told you not to tell anybody, then why are you telling me?”
At first I didn’t know what to say. And then the words came rushing out. “’Cause I’m tired of it! I’m tired of thinking about it and wishing I didn’t have to. But Mom already knows that much. Franky told her.”
“How did Franky know? I doubt Rorey’d tell him anything straight out. She always tells you stuff. But not anybody else.”
“He saw ’em together, Katie. That’s why he got busted up. Lester did it, probably so Franky’d be afraid to tell anybody or follow Rorey anymore. But I don’t think he’s afraid.”
Katie’s eyes were looking way down the road away from me. “I think Mr. Mueller’s coming.”
I just looked at her. She didn’t have anything else to say? When I’d let her in on a secret that Rorey’s pa didn’t even know yet?
I don’t know what I wanted from her. I wasn’t even sure why I was talking to her about it. I guess I wanted it off my chest, even though I hadn’t been able to tell her any more than I’d told Mom. Why didn’t they know to ask me more? Maybe that’s what I wanted. For one of them to ask me the right question, so all I’d have to do was nod my head and be done with it. But Katie wasn’t asking anything. She just stared down the road, waving that letter in the air.
At first I didn’t see Mr. Mueller coming. But he was. It wasn’t long before he pulled right up to us and stopped on the road to take the letter.
“How’s your pa, girls?” he asked, so I knew he must’ve talked to somebody at Hammonds or somewhere.
I expected Katie to answer, but she didn’t. Only then did I realize that she was fighting back tears. Mr. Mueller handed her his hanky.
“It’ll be all right,” he told us. “I’m sure he’ll be all right. I’ll have my family prayin’ for him.”
“Thank you, Mr. Mueller,” I managed to say, wondering what in the world had set Katie off so suddenly.
“Need word taken anywhere, other than this letter, I mean?”
“No, sir,” I answered. “The doctor’s been here, and the pastor. And the letter’s to let my grandma know.”
He nodded his head. “He’s a brave man. A good man. I’m sure he’ll come out fine. Don’t you girls be worryin’.”
“Thank you, sir,” I told him again.
He drove off without getting his hanky back. I turned to Katie and just looked at her for a minute. I didn’t know what to say. We were friends. We’d always been friends. But I was just as close to Rorey, maybe even more. And suddenly it occurred to me that Katie didn’t have anybody else to be close to, except my mom and dad.
“Are you scared, Katie? About Daddy?”
“So what if I am? You were too.”
“But he’s doing better. Isn’t he?”
“I guess so. I sure hope so.”
“Please don’t cry.”
She looked at me and wiped her eyes with Mr. Mueller’s hanky, then scrunched it up in her hand.
“It’s not just that.”
“Well, then, what’s wrong?”
She sniffed just a little. “Why do you like Rorey so much better than me?”
I know my mouth dropped open. And my insides suddenly felt funny and cold. “I don’t. You’re my friend too.”
“Not the same. It’s not the same way, Sarah.”
I shook my head. “Why isn’t it? What do you mean? I like you too.”
“Rorey doesn’t.”
“She does some. And you know I do.”
“Maybe so. But it’s partly because Mom and Dad told you you have to. Otherwise you’d be off with her all the time. And it bothers me, not just for me, Sarah. You’ve got more sense than Rorey does. But she’s always been in charge. And I’m scared she’s gonna get you in as much trouble as she gets her own self into before it’s all done.”
“Before what’s done?” I mostly just stared at her, scarcely believing she’d be saying these things.
“I don’t know! Sarah, I don’t know! I just wish I understood things better. I wish I knew what Rorey has against me, and why you always want to do what she wants. You’re so smart, Sarah. You’re pretty too. You don’t have to listen to her all the time! You don’t have to—”
“I don’t listen to her all the time!” I answered back. “Mostly we’re too busy with chores and school to get in any kind of trouble, so I don’t know what you’re worried about, Katie Ann! And I do too like you, without anybody telling me to. You’re like my sister. Don’t you remember how excited I was when you got to stay?”
She looked down at the ground. “Rorey said you didn’t stay excited. She said you and her didn’t need me and that I don’t really belong here.”
I had to swallow a hard chunk of something in my throat. “When did she say that?”
“It doesn’t matter. But you know, the only one she hates as much as me is Franky, and I don’t understand that at all. I know I came from somewhere else. But Franky’s her own brother. It’s not right, her having Lester beat him up.”
“I didn’t say it was her idea!”
“Why would he beat up her brother if it wasn’t okay with her? If he likes her so much, he’s gonna do stuff to make her like him back, won’t he?”
“Oh, Katie.”
“Well, don’t you think so? Do you think Ben Porter would’ve come and beat up Franky when he was wanting Lizbeth to see more of him? Do you? She’d have tossed him away like a rotten potato.”
“Katie—”
“So you don’t have to worry about Lester, so long as you stay on Rorey’s good side.”
“She’s not like that!”
“Are you sure?”
I stood there on the side of the road with my head pounding. How could she say something like this? Rorey couldn’t have known Lester was going to fight Franky! She couldn’t have!
And yet, she did know. She knew last night that it was Lester, when Franky first got home, before anyone else had said anything about it. Why hadn’t she tried to stop it, if she’d known it might happen? Or at least warn Franky, if Lester wouldn’t listen to her. But she didn’t even tell Franky she was sorry about it.
Doubts jumbled around in my brain. Why was Rorey still talking about Lester after the fight, still making plans to meet him? If I had a boyfriend who beat up my brother, I didn’t think I’d want to meet with him, unless it’d be to tell him I didn’t like that kind of stuff. But that wasn’t what Rorey’d been about at all.
Suddenly I was so hurt and upset or just plain mad that I hardly knew what to do with myself. How could Rorey say such things to Katie? Katie wouldn’t lie to me. Katie was always doing the right thing.
“You do belong here,” I told her,
hoping she’d believe I really meant it. “I’m sorry. I never meant to leave you out. I always wanted you and me and Rorey to be a threesome. Remember?”
“Yeah, I know,” she said. “But Rorey gets her way.”
We were so quiet walking back to the house. I could feel something different stirring around inside me. I wanted to go and talk to Rorey. Right then. But I knew I’d have to wait. Probably until she came back over. Maybe tonight. But then I’d make her tell me exactly what happened with the fire, and why she was so mean to Katie, and what she had against Franky that she would let Lester beat him up. I would make her explain herself to me, and then I would go and tell Mom that she’d been planning to meet Lester in the barn. I’d say it and be done with it and let whatever happens just happen.
I didn’t even care if I got in trouble for not saying something sooner. I especially didn’t care if Rorey got in trouble. She should.
We were at the head of our driveway when I finally managed to ask Katie another question that was jumbling around inside me. “How come you’re so good all the time? I mean, I want to be, but I don’t do so well as you do.”
She didn’t even stop walking. “That’s easy. I owe it to Mom and Dad.”
For a minute I couldn’t answer. But then I grabbed her hand before she could get too far ahead of me. “What do you mean, you owe them? You mean for taking care of you?”
“Don’t you think so? They could’ve sent me off someplace. They could’ve even sent me away with Uncle Edward, and I don’t know where I’d be then.”
“Katie, they wanted you here! All of us wanted you here.”
“But they didn’t have to. That’s all I’m saying.”
“But you don’t have to feel like you owe something—”
“So I could be lazy and cause trouble? Would that make any sense?”
“Well, no, but—”
“That’s just the way I see it. I love your folks. They’re mine now. I ought to show them I love them. Don’t you think?”
“Well, we all should. Rorey should. Look at what all Mom and Dad have done for the Hammonds, ever since their mom died.”
