by Brooke Page
Ugh. Sometimes my inner monologue really needed to shut the hell up.
Tyler slowly walked over to me, his eyes never leaving Margo’s. His shoulders were broad and his chin was dipped down, anger pulsating off of his body, but yet the charge felt like more. For whatever reason, I didn’t feel like I was the only one with a racing pulse. And I was pretty sure my pulse was racing for the complete opposite reason.
“Becca, why don’t you go back to bed? I will be there in a minute,” Tyler said firmly. Even though he said it as a question, it was meant to be a command. He didn’t even look at me. He didn’t even touch me. Did he not want her to know we were together? He was always so possessive. Why wasn’t he acting that way now?
I wanted to stomp my feet and throw a tantrum, demand that I stay while he talked to her. But I didn’t. I stood still for a moment then glanced between the undoubted connection that was being shared between them.
With a heavy heart, I slowly turned to leave the entryway, feeling uninvited and out of place.
Tyler grabbed my bicep, a little too firmly as I started to walk. I halted, looking up at him, startled by his sudden grasp.
He pulled me closer to him then kissed my cheek. “I will be just a minute,” he promised, his voice calmer and eyes softer.
I gave him a small smile, still very uncomfortable that his old nanny who used to have him throw her against walls and fuck her was standing on his doorstep.
He let go of my arm and stroked it gently, then nodded his head towards the hallway.
I miraculously walked away not shedding a tear, but I was certain I looked uneasy and scared. Scared of what would happen the second I left the room. My feet betrayed me and stopped just in the doorframe of his bedroom. I could hear murmuring, but no words were formed. Did I even want to hear what they were saying? I stood still, not wanting to make noise, and tried to focus. But I still couldn’t make any words out. Giving up, I walked into Tyler’s room and sat on the end of the bed.
I hugged myself tighter, worry settling in my nerves. What was he saying to her?
Then I heard a loud thud.
My breath caught. What the hell was that noise? I started to bounce my crossed leg, willing for my ears to work like magic and hear anything from the entry way.
Thud.
What was going on? I stood up, pacing back and forth. Then the blood drained from my face. Was he?
Thud Thud.
NO! He wouldn’t. Would he? My Ty wouldn’t do that. Not now that we had each other. He loved me, not her. Didn’t he?
Thud.
Oh my gosh! I was going to scream and pull my hair out! If he were throwing her up against the wall while I was waiting for him naked under my robe I would have a coronary. Actually, I would probably need to be taken to the loony bin because I would go ape shit on him and that old bitch.
Not being able to stand it anymore and allowing my uncertainty in Tyler’s faithfulness shine through, I marched down the hall and to the entryway. To my surprise when I got there, the area was empty and the front door was closed.
Where the hell did they go?
My heart pounded as I searched the overly large condo, terrified of what I might find. They were nowhere to be found.
Tears stung my eyes as I found my way back to Tyler’s bedroom. Did he leave with her? Maybe he was walking her to her car? Why didn’t he tell me? Was he leaving the condo so he wouldn’t feel bad for screwing her with me being in the same condo?
I buried my face in my hands, feeling like such an idiot. Why did I take my clothes off for him? Why did that goddess have to come and ruin our perfect moment? The moment I decided to give Tyler everything, including all of my insecurities? Well now they were back, after seeing who he was used to looking at.
She looked nothing like me, and she was all kinds of beautiful. There wasn’t even a small bit of comparison between the two of us. She was tall and thin while I was short and frumpy.
I tugged off my robe and took Tyler’s undershirt from off the floor. It smelled like him. His Hugo cologne seeping off the chest, a hint of his sweat; God, it was so appetizing. But then my heart shrunk. Was he really off with her?
I found the lacy royal blue Cubs panties on the floor and slid them on, replaying the intimacy they had brought between Tyler and me just moments before that bitch knocked on his door. I crawled into his bed, letting silent tears fall down my cheeks while closing my eyes. I didn’t know what was happening or what to believe, but I was going to be devastated if she came here to take my Ty.
~
Twenty long minutes went by and I heard the sound of the front door slamming shut. I kept my eyes closed, afraid to talk to Tyler. The comforter was pulled up to my shoulders. I had a tight grip on it, hoping Tyler would believe I was sleeping, even if he were going to throw me out.
I felt the bed dip and heard Tyler sigh. “I’m sorry about that,” he whispered. I still didn’t say anything but only kept my back turned away from him and my eyes closed.
I felt his breath on my cheek. “Baby doll?” he whispered, moving my hair away from my face and off my neck. I felt his lips on my shoulder then on my neck.
“I love you, so much,” he whispered again.
I still didn’t move and tried to keep my breathing normal, even though I wanted to shout and cry for him to tell me where he had been and what he had done. I didn’t know what to say to him, and I was worried if I opened my mouth to try, huge sobs would escape me, and I wasn’t in the mood to cry over him again.
Tyler finally sighed and got up off the bed, taking off towards the bathroom. Once he was done, he walked back to my side of the bed. I kept completely still. He sat down next to my tightly wound body. It felt like he was staring at my eyes, willing them to open. He was trying to figure out if I actually fell asleep or I if I just didn’t want to talk to him.
He sighed again then went to his side of the bed, tentatively putting his hand on my hip. His hands for the first time didn’t bring comfort, but made me worry they had been touching someone else. Avoiding the urge to squirm away from his burning touch, I attempted to drift off into an unsettled sleep.
~
Buzz… buzz… buzz…
I slowly opened my eyes. It was still dark, and I was lying on my stomach, Tyler’s hand firmly placed on my lower back, spreading warmth throughout my whole back. I could hear his heavy breaths as he slept soundly.
Buzz… buzz… buzz…
I nuzzled my face into the pillow, squeezing it then rolled my head to the side facing the night stand.
Buzz… buzz… buzz…
My phone was vibrating on the nightstand. Who would be calling me this late on Christmas? Did everyone seem to forget what day it was?
I reached for the phone and tried to focus on the screen. I quickly pulled the phone to my ear.
“Hello?” I rasped, tiredness apparent in my voice.
“Hey, Becca. It’s Ray. We are at the hospital.”
What? Oh, Heather! The baby!
“Is everything okay? Is she in labor?”
“Yeah, she is fine. She has been having contractions since we left your parents’ house this afternoon,” Ray said.
Shit. Of course Heather would go into labor when I was three hours away from home. I quickly stood up, groggily making my way to the bathroom where my bag was.
“I’m in Chicago with Tyler so I won’t be able to get there for another three hours. How far along is she?”
“Um, she is at a six.” Ray said with uncertainty.
“Alright, I’m getting ready to leave now. Tell her I will be there as soon as I can. You’re at Butterworth, right?” I asked, pulling on a pair of jeans.
“Yeah. Drive safe, Bec. Sorry,” he apologized.
“Don’t apologize; I would have been mad if you didn’t call. Hang in there.” I smiled and hung up the phone.
I walked back out from the bedroom, my eyes finding Tyler’s beautiful naked back. The blanket was pulled up to his h
ips, his hand sprawled out where I had been laying.
I came to the side of the bed and started to try and wake him. I needed to leave, with or without him. I would take his car if he didn’t wake up. And at this point, I didn’t care if he wanted to come with me or not.
“Tyler, wake up.” My voice became louder as I shook his arm.
His head lazily lifted, his eyes slowly blinking open. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Heather is in labor.”
“Oh,” he said quietly. He rubbed his eyes with the hand that was previously on my back.
“I have to go,” I said more sternly than I meant to.
“Okay, we will go in the morning,” he reached over to grab my hand. “Come back to bed.”
“Tyler, she is at a six. I have to go now! You can stay here and sleep if you want,” I grumbled with irritation.
He looked at me in confusion while sitting up.
“Where are your keys?” I asked, standing.
He quickly got on his feet. “Let me get dressed then we will go. I don’t want you to drive back to Grand Rapids in the middle of the night alone.”
He got up and walked over to his dresser. I wanted to slap my eyes for watching him. He had on his famous Under Armour boxers, navy in color, that showed off his defined backside.
“Okay, but we need to leave in less than five minutes. Heather is probably clawing Ray’s eyes out.”
He pulled on a t-shirt and walked to his closet to find a pair of jeans. “I will be ready in three,” he said as he tugged on his jeans then walked into the bathroom.
I rolled my eyes and followed him, reaching for my bag to get a shirt. He was brushing his teeth and caught my eye in the mirror. I looked away as I pulled out a shirt from my bag. I couldn’t look at him right now. I was too scared to see what his eyes held. Too afraid they would be shouting, hey, I just screwed someone else, sorry!
I walked back into the bedroom to change my shirt and put on my bra. I didn’t feel comfortable changing in front of him after seeing Margo.
Uh, why did that woman have to show up on his doorstep? We probably would have been on round three when Ray called if she didn’t show up, and I wouldn’t be self-conscious to change my shirt in front of him.
He walked out of the bathroom and put his hand on my back just after I pulled on my shirt.
“Ready?” he asked quietly.
I nodded my head without looking at him then walked out the door.
“You fell asleep on me last night,” he said quietly as we walked off the elevator.
I didn’t say anything back to him. Was he really going to open with that? Him disappearing for 20 minutes with that woman without telling me deserved more of a conversation starter than blaming me for falling asleep.
He reached for my door handle and opened it for me. I slid into the Lexus, my eyes facing forward the entire time. He hesitantly closed my door then proceeded to his side.
I pulled on my seat belt and stared out the window as Tyler started the car, pulling out of the ramp.
Tyler didn’t say anything until we got onto I-90. “Sorry about last night,” Tyler mumbled.
I held my gaze out the window. I was uncomfortable and crawling into the shell I made when I didn’t want to deal with my emotions.
“Are we going to talk about this?” he asked nervously.
“Shouldn’t you be the one to start talking? Your ex-whatever came knocking on your door on Christmas night all done up and in a tight dress, and you disappear with her for 20 minutes,” I bit, still staring out the window.
“I wasn’t with her for that long. Some stupid teenagers hit all of the buttons on the elevator so we stopped at every damn floor. Then the little bastards did it again on my way back up,” he said with irritation.
I didn’t say anything but hugged my chest and crossed my legs, getting as close to the passenger door as possible. I wasn’t in the mood to have him try and touch me. I still felt awkward and hurt.
“I would have told you if I knew it were going to take that long. I didn’t have my phone on me or I would have called. I’m sorry,” he apologized.
“Where did you go with her?” I asked quietly.
“Do you even know who ‘her’ is?” he asked raising an eyebrow.
I stared out the window. “I took a wild guess when I saw how old she was.”
I could almost hear Tyler chewing on his lip nervously.
“Where did you go with her?” I asked again with a little more force.
“I went down to the lobby. I told the lobbyist that she didn’t have access to come up to my floor anymore and that from now on has to be buzzed in by only me if she wants to come to my condo door.”
Did I believe him? His story made sense, but what was all the thudding noises?
Ask him.
No. I was too afraid of what the answer might be. If he got caught in the moment, I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to lose my faith in him. I wanted to believe he wouldn’t do that to me. I didn’t want to believe that he would break when she cracked her whip.
“Becca, you believe me, right?” he asked, his voice cracking.
My phone rang again before I could answer his question. I was thankful because I didn’t know whether I could tell him I believed him while making it seem genuine.
“Hello?”
“Becca, are you almost here?” Heather whined into the phone.
“Heather, we are still two and a half hours away,” I said, straightening up in my seat.
She groaned again. “Becca, I forgot how bad it hurts. But I don’t want them to put those drugs in me. I don’t want them to drug my baby….oh!”
I heard deep breaths and Ray’s soft voice. She must have been having a contraction.
“Just breathe, Heather. You did it with Josie, remember? You can do it again,” I encouraged. Finally a minute passed, and I heard Heather take a long, deep breath.
“Becca, I need you on my other leg. I can’t put up with mom. She stresses out the entire situation,” she pleaded.
“Heather, I will be there as soon as I can. You will be fine. Ray is with you, right?”
“Yeah,” she half cried “I’m sorry, baby…it just hurts…” I heard her muffled words to Ray. It put a smile on my face.
“It will be okay. I will get there. Just don’t get to 10 before I’m there.”
“I’m at a seven now, Becca!” she shouted.
“What? You were just at a six? That wasn’t even a half hour ago!” I said, trying not to sound worried I wouldn’t make it in time.
“It’s not like I can control it!” she whined.
“I’m going as fast as I can, just hang in there. You have Ray if I can’t make it. Everything will be fine,” I soothed. “Try to relax. Have Ray give you a back rub, you know he will.”
“Okay,” she sniffed.
I let out a loud sigh as I hung up the phone. Tyler glanced at me nervously.
A rush of emotion ran through me. How could I have gone away so far when my sister was so pregnant? I had to jump on a red eye from Florida to be there for Josie’s birth. I almost missed a final because of it. Heather always wanted me because I was calm. Because I could diffuse the crazy stress my family brought on, including my mother. Heather and my mother’s personalities were too much alike. My mother would say something stupid and Heather would snap at her while poor Ray would be stuck in the middle.
“Everything okay?” Tyler timidly asked.
“I don’t know if I’m going to make it in time,” I choked.
Tyler put his hand on my knee and I flinched. Why did his touch feel like a cigarette burn? Even though I jumped when his hand found my knee, he kept it there. His thumb slowly stroking the jean fabric helped to shed my uneasiness to his touch.
“We will get there in time. Don’t worry,” he said earnestly.
I leaned my head against the glass. I was finally feeling some comfort from Tyler’s touch. He moved his hand from my knee t
o my thigh, squeezing and massaging.
“Why don’t you sleep?” he suggested.
I shook my head. “I already made you wake up and drive me back to Grand Rapids at 2:00am, the least I can do is stay up with you,” I replied, even though I was terrified to talk to him about last night.
“Then talk to me,” he gulped. “Tell me that you believe nothing happened between Margo and me last night.”
His grip on my thigh tightened as he glanced back and forth between me and the road.
I swallowed hard. “I believe you,” I whispered.
“That wasn’t very convincing,” Tyler said, reaching for my hand and tugging it into his lap. “I love you, Becca. I will never touch another woman the way I touch you.” He brought my hand to his lips, kissing each knuckle then held the back of my hand to his cheek.
I moved my hand from his grasp so I could caress his cheek. I wanted to believe him, I really did. But the constant thud kept replaying in my mind, haunting my thoughts and telling me to rebuild the walls around my heart.
Chapter 15
Tyler picked up the speed after the third time Heather had called me. She was dilated to an eight by the time we reached Grand Rapids. I know she wasn’t moving as fast as she would have liked, but I was able to make it in time.
“She is at an eight,” I told Tyler after I hung up my phone.
He pulled into the hospital parking ramp. Once the car was parked he turned to look at me. “It really bothers me that I am a numbers person, and I have no idea what you are talking about,” he said as he frowned.
I let out a small laugh. “Sorry, I have been referring to her dilating. You know, once you’re at ten is when you start pushing.”
Tyler wrinkled his nose as he stepped out of the car. He took my hand as we walked to the elevator in the parking ramp. I was anxious to help my sister and preparing for the stressed and worried state my mother would be in.
Tyler squeezed my hand as he looked around the elevator. His eyes were very tired.
“Tyler, you can go home and sleep for a little while if you want. Even though Heather loves you, she will make you stay in the waiting room with my mother. I would feel horrible for leaving you with her for who knows how long.”
