Nobody moved.
“You’ve been drinking. Why don’t we go inside and talk,” Red said, climbing up the steps.
“I got nothing to say to you,” Bond spat.
Red ignored his comment and walked over to the trunk. After drying off and wrapping a towel around his waist, he grabbed a stack of towels and handed them out to the rest of us as we got out of the pool. Doug stayed in the water.
“You’re a piece of work,” I said, stopping right in front of Bond.
“Me?” Bond said, dropping Blondie’s hand. “You must be seriously confused.”
I pointed directly at his chest. “What man shows up to pursue a woman with another woman on his arm?” I pivoted to face his date or ride or whatever she might be to Bond. “You must be quite exceptional. We never see Mitchell with the same woman twice. Exceptional, or maybe a glutton for punishment? Bond’s into that, you know.”
Bond grasped my arm and spun me to face him. “There are rules and Red broke them.”
A derisive laugh erupted from me. “Rules? Really. You’ve broken every single relationship rule in the book in my regard. I think Blondie might agree with me.” I glanced her way and she looked down at her clear high-heeled shoes.
“So you are fucking them both?” Blue said when she strutted up next to me.
I’d forgotten for a moment that we had an audience. “Thank you for reminding me of your special night,” I said to Blue. “Here’s a refresher for your convenient lack of memory, Bond, you fucked Blue just a few days ago. Do the rules not apply to you? Any rules? I can’t believe I’d even considered continuing to date you. The deal is most definitely off the table.” I stepped around Blondie and said, “He’s all yours.”
“Wait,” Bond demanded.
Turning to face him, all the anger boiling through me steamed out of my mouth. “You can’t keep breaking my heart, Bond. I won’t have it anymore. If you cared even a bit, you’d see that Red is good for me. He never leaves me feeling like shit like you do, over and over again.”
“And you don’t think I feel like shit right now?”
“I don’t know what the fuck you feel. Take your date and get the fuck out!” I pointed to the door.
“This isn’t your house,” he said, glaring down at me.
“I’ve asked her to move in with me so as far as I’m concerned, she has every right,” Red said.
“Live with you?” Blue said, throwing her hands up in the air.
I could vaguely hear the rest of the group mumbling about the newest revelation.
“Look, this is a private matter,” Red said to Bond and me. “Let’s take this inside and let the rest of them get back to partying.”
“Sounds good to me,” Dawg said. “Blondie, get naked and get into the pool.”
“I’ll go grab a stack of cups and the pitcher of margaritas,” Blue said, running past us into the house.
I could hear bodies jumping into the pool as we entered through the back.
“Let’s go talk in my bedroom,” Red said as he approached the stairs.
“Right,” Bond said. “Like I want to talk in the place where you’re fucking my girlfriend.”
“I’m not your girlfriend!” I shouted. “When are you going to get that through your thick skull?”
“Let’s try to settle down and sort this out,” Red said, climbing the first step of the stairs.
“There’s nothing to settle,” Bond said, crossing his arms across his chest. “Jacqs has to choose.”
“I already have,” I said.
“Come on, Jacqs,” Bond said in a quiet voice, dropping his arms to the side. “We have history together.”
“Which you seem to be hell bent on rewriting,” I said, wiping the tears off my cheeks. “I can’t do this. I don’t want to be stuck between you two. I’m unwilling to be the one that tears our group apart.”
“That was his doing,” Bond said, tossing his head in Red’s direction.
Lainie popped her head in the door and said, “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I said. “We’re heading upstairs to talk.”
“Good. You two better behave yourself,” she said, pointing to Red and Bond. “You know where I am if you need me.”
“Come on,” I said to Bond and tugged on his arm.
The three of us climbed the stairs and walked into Red’s bedroom.
“How can you defend this man?” Bond said, taking up space just inside the door.
I sat down on the bed and faced Bond as Red settled on top of the trunk on the far side of the room. I took a couple of deep breaths trying to settle all the anger that still threatened to emerge. Speaking calmly and slowly, I said, “Bond, have you taken a moment to look at yourself and what you’re offering me? Think back on the last few weeks and ask yourself, would I want to be with you under those circumstances? Would any woman for that matter?”
“I’m not any different than I’ve always been with you and I told you I’ll stop fucking anyone else if you stop seeing Aidan.” Bond took a step towards me. “If he’d have stayed out—”
“That’s the point. We’ve been doing this back and forth dance for way too long. Maybe I’m partly to blame because I’ve been willing to put up with your lack of consideration for way too long. But this can’t come as a surprise to you. There’s no way.”
He jabbed his finger in Red’s direction and said, “We would’ve work this out at some point had he not—”
“I get it now. I’m not sure why I hadn’t realized it before.” I shook my head over the revelation.
“What?” Bond and Red asked simultaneously.
“Bond, you’re incapable of really looking at yourself. Too scary maybe? Instead of really trying to understand why we don’t work, you choose to focus on Red. He’s given you a convenient out.”
“There are things about me that you don’t know,” Bond said, sitting down next to me.
“Only because you’ve been unwilling to share them with me. Please don’t pull us all apart. I know you’re hurting, Bond. I…” Tears pooled in my eyes and overflowed down my cheeks. My anger melted as he wiped away a tear.
“Damn it, Jacqs, you know I can’t stand it when you cry.”
“You’re one of my … best friends but … but you hurt me too.” I sobbed. “Even if I hadn’t fallen in love with Red … I couldn’t go on with you the way we’ve been.”
“You love him?” he roared, jerking upright from the bed.
Red came over to us and touched Bond’s shoulder.
“Don’t,” Bond said, slapping Red’s hand away. Bond lowered himself down in front of me and hugged me toward him.
I cried against his shoulder and then glanced up at Red. He appeared devastated and lost. “Oh god, I can’t do this.” I pushed myself out of Bond’s arms and sat in the chair by the door. “This will never work. I love you both, but I can’t … I won’t be the wedge that drives you apart.”
“Wait, Jacqs, give it some time,” Red said, stepping towards me.
I held my palm out as my tears rapidly fell. “No,” I said, shaking my head. “Why do I keep putting myself in situations that rip my heart out? What’s wrong with me?”
“Jacqs, come on. You know it’s not you,” Bond said, standing on the other side of me.
I rose up between them and faced Red. “I’m sorrier than you can know because I thought we were on our way towards something amazing. I’ll miss you every second of the day.”
“Thank god,” Bond said, sighing in relief.
I turned to face him and said, “I’m done with you too. Until you both can work something out, I’m out of the picture.”
I circled back to Red and threw myself into his arms. He lifted me off the ground and whispered, “I love you and I understand.”
My sobs resurfaced as he lowered me down. Pushing past Bond, I grabbed my backpack from the dresser. I ran down the stairs to find Lainie. She wasn’t in the pool with the rest of the group.
Stay came out of the water, wrapped a towel around his waist and followed me inside.
“Where is she?” I said, drying my tears on my sleeve.
“I’ll make sure she gets home. Are you okay?”
“No, not in the least. I have to go.” I glanced up the stairs and headed to the front of the house.
“Please phone me tomorrow so we can talk,” Stay called after me.
I waved my hand above my head and closed the front door behind me.
*****
For the first time that I could recall, I turned off my phone. I couldn’t stomach hearing from anyone. Once I stepped into my condo, I found it hard to breathe. I crumbled onto the couch, clutched the pillow to me and wept. I lay in a vortex of misery until the hiccups of my purged emotions started to lessen.
The pounding on the door startled me. I had no intention of letting anyone inside.
“Who is it?” I shouted through the door.
“It’s me,” Lainie said. “Stay dropped me off.”
“Jesus,” I said, and let her inside.
“You look like shit,” she said, placing her purse on the counter.
“Thank you so very much.” I went over to the sink and splashed water on my face. Drying off with a kitchen towel, I spouted, “Did you fuck Dawg?”
“Don’t you think there are more important things to talk about?” She opened the refrigerator and poured herself a glass of chilled water.
“There’s nothing to talk about. It’s over.”
“You missed quite a show after you left.”
“I don’t think I’m up for hearing about it,” I said, lying back into the corner of the couch and pulling in my knees.
“Oh well, you might like this. First I didn’t hook up with Dawg. He and Blondie seemed to have hit it off.”
“Sorry Lainie. I mean, I’m relieved but I know you were—”
“It was good to feel desired, but I had decided before Bond’s grand entrance that I wasn’t really interested.”
“I appreciate you checking in on me, but I need to crash.”
“Mind if I spend the night?”
“Still not wanting to be home?”
“That … and I don’t have my car.”
“Oh right,” I groaned, the pain in my chest resurfacing.
“Stay found me in the game room and told me that you’d left. We were getting ready to leave when Bond and Red stormed down the stairs. I heard Red say to Bond, ‘I hope you’re satisfied. You got what you wanted.’
“Then Bond said, ‘She didn’t pick either of us.’ His hands were in fists by his side and I was worried he might deck Red. Red responded by saying, ‘And whose fault is that?’
“I’d never seen Red look so hurt. Did you tell him it was over?”
“Yes and you were right. I can’t be with either of them unless they sort this out between them. But Lainie, I love Red, and I don’t know how to get over him.”
“I don’t know either, girl. I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who you can’t be with.”
“You do?”
“So back to Bond and Red. Bond then said, ‘You betrayed me and I’ll never forgive you.’
“Red said that he didn’t betray him but fell in love. He said he had tried to ignore it for years but he couldn’t continue to let him treat you like shit; that you deserve more. Bond said, ‘Oh and you think you’re it? That’s laughable’
“At that point I thought Red might punch Bond out. Red’s face and ears got all red. Somehow he managed to get himself under control and said, ‘If you ever get to speak to her again, ask how she feels about me, what it’s like when we’re together. You may be unwilling to see the truth, but if you truly do love her, as you say you do, you’ll have to open your eyes and see that I’m good for her.’
“I could see that Bond was close to exploding. Stay and I exchanged looks but then Bond stormed out the French doors searching for his ride. We stood in the doorway watching him. ‘Let’s go Stacy,’ he grunted out like an order.
“Then Dawg wrapped his arm around her waist and said, ‘She’s staying.’ So Bond yelled, ‘Fuck you; fuck all of you!’
“He stormed past us and out the front door, and we left soon after.”
“At least I don’t have to worry about Bond driving anywhere,” I said, rocking back and forth like a patient in an asylum trying to soothe herself. “I’m not sure that story made me feel any better.”
“Maybe not but I think you did the right thing. I feel pretty confident that Red will wait for you and you know how Bond is, he can’t go a week without trying to make things up to you.”
I sighed out loud. “I have three interviews tomorrow morning, and I need to drive you home before work, so we need to get up early. Lainie, I can’t think anymore.”
“Okay, girlfriend. Let’s crash.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Re-offender
by Travis
The next morning, I fell right back into the throes of heartbreak. Sleep had not lessened the pain in my chest or the feeling that gravity might suck me down into the core of the earth. It certainly didn’t remove the lump lodged in the middle of my throat. Tears had sprung anew as I scooted out of bed and went into the bathroom for a shower.
“You clearly don’t deserve love,” I said to my reflection in the mirror as I dried off. I wished I hadn’t scheduled back to back interviews because a brooding depression beckoned me back to my bed, to block out my life, and the world and everyone in it.
“My turn,” Lainie said as she entered the bathroom. “Do we have time to catch some breakfast on our way out?”
“I couldn’t possibly eat.” I wiped away my tears with the towel.
Lainie touched my shoulder and said, “I’m not saying it’ll happen right away, but I think this will eventually sort out. Give it some time, okay? I started the coffee, by the way.”
“Thanks,” I said through the sniffles as I blew my nose.
Mindlessly going through the motions, I managed to get dressed and to make myself look somewhat presentable. I didn’t bother with my hair other than twisting it up into a clip. I prayed to the gods of grief and sorrow to allow me to keep it together long enough to get through the three interviews. Once that was accomplished, I planned to ditch out of work early, pull all of my shades shut, and slip back into bed.
After dropping Lainie off at her apartment, I drove back toward the office and recalled the acting class I had taken in college. I had a role as a secretary in one production, and I thought maybe I could channel her character to get through the day. I’d have to drop the southern accent and the gum chewing, but the rest might work. I rolled my eyes at myself over my musings.
I ended up feigning a cold during the interviews, which accounted for the occasional teary eye and runny nose. I left my notes on the candidates on Henry’s desk, and made it out of the office by 11:30 a.m. Instead of succumbing to the oblivion of sleep, I forced myself to go to a hot yoga class. It had been way too long since I had a really good workout, plus I could cry all the way through without anyone the wiser, the tears mixing in with the sweat.
The gods of grief and sorrow decided to have a joke at my expense, either that or my broken heart caused my pheromones to spike.
“I haven’t seen you around for a while,” said a deep voiced, Scandinavian guy with muscular legs, as we walked out of the heated room, into the lobby.
I rested my rolled up yoga mat against the bench and wiped the sweat off my face and neck. “Yeah, life’s been busy and I haven’t made the time to come around.” I pushed out the front door with my towel and mat in hand. Holding my arms away from my sides, I allowed the winter’s breeze to cool me down.
“Don’t you usually come in the evenings?” a very cute Italian guy asked as he joined us outside.
“Yeah, I left work early today and decided I needed a good sweat.” I sat down on the top step, waiting for my pulse to settle enough so that I could change into
my dry clothes and head home. I felt light headed and slightly dizzy from the heat and lack of food.
“Well, I was hoping I would run into—” Cute Italian Guy started.
“Me too. I was just about to say—” Muscular Legs cut in.
“Look gentlemen, I’m certain you’re great guys, but my dance card is—” A wave of nausea assaulted my stomach and I bent forward over my knees. “Is there any chance you can get one of the women inside to grab my bag? It has my other bottle of water in it. It’s the purple one all the way on the left in the middle cubby. My phone is in there too. Please. Thanks.”
“Sure,” Cute Italian Guy said and immediately took off through the door.
“I’ll get you some water,” Muscular Legs said, and followed the other man inside.
“What the fuck is with me and two men!” I said out loud to the passing cars.
Muscular Legs returned first with a small paper cup of water, which I drank in one gulp.
“Thank you,” I said.
Cute Italian Guy followed soon after and said, “Your phone was off, so I turned it on for you and it chimed several times. I think someone is really trying to reach you.”
“Thank you,” I said again, but really, I felt annoyed. “Nice to see you both and thanks for your assistance,” the polite side of me responded. Truly, I just wanted to be left alone. I took out my water bottle and placed my phone down beside me.
“You aren’t going to check your messages?” Italian Guy asked. He didn’t seem so cute anymore. I shot him a look and he said, “I’m just sayin’, it went off several times. Seems like there might be an emergency.”
I forced myself to stand up and lift my belongings. Still feeling a bit queasy, I grabbed the handrail to steady myself.
“You going to be okay?” Muscular Legs asked.
“Yeah, I’m good. I just need some food. Thanks again guys, I gotta run.” I hobbled to my car and crumbled into the driver’s seat. As I took a couple more sips of water, I stared at my cell phone on the dashboard. I didn’t want to deal with anything just then, but I imagined that Lainie and maybe a few others were checking in on me, and so, being me, I gave in and checked the phone.
Stuck in Between (Bound by Your Love) Page 23
