I turned from watching Malory disappear into her apartment building to look at Derek with a frown. He was facing me from the driver's seat with an annoying smirk on his smug damn face.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked him irritably as I glared at him.
"I'm talking about the woman you can't seem to take your eyes off of for more than a few seconds at a time," he replied with an incredulous expression.
"Don't be obtuse," I replied indignantly. "That's ridiculous. You don't know what you're talking about."
"I don't?" he asked as anger colored his tone. "Gee, Gareth, when was the last time you let a woman spend the night in your bed?" he asked sarcastically.
I growled at him in annoyance. He knew damn well the last woman I slept next to was Ryan. How dare he throw that in my face? I refused to answer and glowered at him.
"You really like Malory," he said sincerely, but it felt like an accusation to me.
I looked away uncomfortably. "No, I don't," I denied weakly. "She's just a new sub. The novelty hasn't worn off yet."
"That woman," Derek pointed at the building, "is not a novelty. She's the real deal, Gareth. Can't you see that?" he asked in exasperation. "That's the kind of woman who changes everything. That's the kind of woman you keep."
"Like I said, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about," I said bitingly as I met his eyes again.
"Really?" he said angrily. "Are you fucking blind?" He shook his head in disgust as he rolled his eyes upward. "You have got to be the dumbest smart person I know," he grumbled out.
"I don't do relationships, Derek," I said vehemently. "I can't."
"Well, you better wake up, dumbass," he snapped out sharply. "Because that woman thinks you are, and if you don't figure out what's really going on here, you're going to hurt her. Then she'll walk out on your sorry ass, and you'll be alone and miserable again. Is that what you want?"
A cold shock of fear hit me at his words. I don't know what frightened me more, the idea of hurting Malory or the thought of never seeing her again. Holy fuck, was Derek right? What had I gotten myself into here? More fear hit me at that thought. Was I traveling down the same road to pain and heartache I followed with Ryan? Was I already losing myself? Horror almost choked me at that thought, and my heart rate spiked in panic. My eyes started to sting, and I tamped down hard on the flood of emotion that threatened to overwhelm me.
"She's not Ryan, Gareth," Derek said in a soft measured tone. "It's been seven years since your divorce was final. How long are you going to keep letting your ex-wife control how you live your life?"
"I...I can't lose myself again," said in a hoarse whisper. "I gave that woman everything I had, and she drained me dry. She broke me." I closed my eyes for a second and sighed, my body deflating like a weight had been dropped on me. I eyed him sharply. "You wouldn't understand, Derek," I said bitterly. "You can't." He had everything, the kind of marriage I'd wanted, the kids I didn't have. How could he understand what I'd gone through?
"I can't?" he asked irately as he straightened indignantly. "I was there. Remember? I know exactly what Ryan did to you. I watched every damn piece of you she destroyed disappear. I watched her snuff out the man I knew and leave behind a hollow miserable shell. She knew you loved her and would do anything to make her happy. She knew she could use that love against you, so she did. I watched her bleed you dry until you had nothing left to give her or anyone else.
"Then when you finally worked up the will and courage to end things, she dragged out the divorce for a fucking year, so she could yank your chain and make you miserable some more. I saw everything she did to you. I saw the pain and the anguish and the damage she did. I saw every single thing, and I hate her as much as you do," he said in vicious tone, his eyes glittering angrily. "Maybe more, because she's still there like a goddamn ghost controlling your life. She still has her teeth sunk into you. When are you going to let her go and let yourself have what you really want? I know you don't want to be alone for the rest of your life."
"I'm sorry," I said roughly, the guilt from his words cutting into me deeply. "But I can't do that to myself. I don't have it in me to put myself back together again."
"Again?" Derek asked incredulously. "Gareth, you're still not put back together. You're still broken. You won't ever be whole again unless you admit that, and decide to fight for what you really want, to be happy."
I fell silent as I looked out the window. Deep down, I knew everything he said was true, but fear was a strong damn emotion and so was guilt. I feared losing myself to another woman. I felt guilty because the pathetic thing I let Ryan turn me into, and my denial of the truth, cost me Vivian, the only woman who ever loved me unconditionally. What would it cost me next time? Who would pay the price for my weakness then?
Then Malory walked out the front door, and my heart throbbed and ached at the sight of her. She looked so beautiful and sexy with her glorious red hair now pulled up into a bun. Even in her coat and leggings, she looked irresistible to me. I instantly longed to pull her into my arms and kiss her into oblivion. It was more than just sex, no matter what I tried to tell myself otherwise. I could admit that now. Why else would I willingly let her spend the night in my bed and in my arms? Why else did I want to do it again? I don't ever remember feeling this kind of pull from my ex-wife, this deep need to touch and to hold Malory, to make her mine.
Derek was right. She wasn't Ryan, nothing like her at all, but I didn't know what to do with that revelation as my fear chased right along behind it. Malory deserved better than some broken asshole like me. Maybe I should just end this before she figured that out for herself, and I really hurt her. I didn't like that thought any more than the idea of Malory leaving me. I felt lost and unsure, and I didn't like it one bit.
"Don't let Ryan cost you this chance to be happy," Derek said quietly as I watched Malory approach the vehicle. "Promise me you'll try."
I glanced over to see him eying me closely, his expression empathetic and entirely too perceptive. It was that perceptiveness that made him such a good lawyer and an exceptional Dom. It made him a good friend too, since I tended to be close-mouthed with my problems, even when he forced me to take a closer and uncomfortable look at myself.
"Okay," I whispered, unsure if it could work, but really wanting to try for the first time since my divorce.
Malory marched up to the Mercedes and unexpectedly pulled open the passenger door next to me. "Scoot over," she announced with a smile as she made a shooing motion at me.
I was too thrown off and already feeling too discordant inside to question her actions. I moved back over to the seat behind Derek. She climbed in, closed the door, and sat down right next to me, the length of her body touching me. It felt good.
"Well, I hope you've sent Mr. Grumpy Pants packing while I was gone," she deadpanned as her eyes glittered in amusement. "Because he was totally overstaying his welcome."
I stared at her in open-mouthed shock as a smug smile spread across her gorgeous mouth. I could hear Derek snickering quietly as he drove away from the curb.
"Well, he tends to do that when someone keeps him from getting enough sleep," I quipped with a lecherous smirk. She blushed instantly and furiously. It was adorable, and my bad mood was already fading fast.
Derek barked out a loud laugh as he pulled out into the street, his shoulders shaking as he continued chuckling.
"That's enough out of you," she blurted at him with an indignant glare. "Shut up and drive."
"Yes, ma'am," he replied as he shared a smile with Malory through the rear-view mirror.
This woman wasn't pulling any punches, and it turned me on to no end. Without a thought, I put my arm around Malory's shoulders, and she snuggled in closer. I breathed in her scent and took in her warmth, feeling a rush of pleasure and trying my damnedest to push down the fear that fell over me in its wake and made me want to push her away. I'm going to try, damn it. I'm going to try.
**********
I grunted as Derek's shin kick somehow connected with my ribs out of nowhere with a solid thump. It hurt since Derek always kicked like a damn mule, and I was thankful for the shin guards we wore when sparring, or it would have hurt a lot worse. I danced backwards across the boxing ring to regroup for a second, grumbling under my breath at the hoots and hollers from the small crowd of some of my adult students who'd gathered to watch us spar.
That was the fifth time he'd gotten past my guard since we started, and I hadn't managed to get one hit on him yet. It wasn't like me. I was distracted, and it pissed me off. And the reason for my distraction? It was because of a certain redhead I kept glancing at constantly. I was trying too hard to impress her as well, and apparently wasn't going to at this rate.
I couldn't help myself and shot a quick peek over at Malory yet again. She was sitting on a bench next to the boxing ring watching me intently, her eyes mostly staring at my sweating bare upper body. She smiled at me with glittering eyes and blushing cheeks. She was obviously enjoying herself, and I suspected she was turned on from watching me fight. So many women, and particularly my ex-wife, got squeamish with full-contact sports, especially martial arts. Malory's reaction was refreshing, and I liked it. I liked it a lot. My dick twitched, and I instantly reined myself in. That was enough of that shit, or Derek would easily kick my ass. I focused back on my opponent. I was not going down without a fight.
"What's the matter, G?" Derek taunted me with a triumphantly smug grin. "You losing your touch?" He stalked me across the ring with sharp predatory eyes. "Maybe you should have gotten more sleep last night," he said sardonically, and I heard Malory laugh at that comment.
"Fuck off," I growled as I went on the offensive, pressing forward and firing a head kick at his face. Derek blocked it with his gloves, smirking as he popped his knee up for another body shot. I managed to block it with my opposite knee, then surged closer and connected an elbow strike to the side of his face, his padded headgear blunting the blow. I followed that up with a shin kick to his side in the exact same place he'd tagged me. He staggered back several steps with a low growl. Hell yeah, that got his attention. I nodded toward him with an arched brow and a smirk. It earned me a baleful glare from my best friend.
Derek advanced toward me in silence, his head down and his green eyes dark and intimidating. Damn, I knew it was on now. He was never scarier or more dangerous in the ring than when he got quiet and stopped trash talking. I had to focus now, because even though Derek came into Muay Thai six years after me when we were both eighteen, we were evenly matched. That was a testament to his natural talent for the sport and his intense dedication to his training, especially in the beginning when he desperately wanted to catch up with me.
He came at me hard, throwing a combination of kicks and punches at me so swiftly that I barely blocked them all. All my focus was on my opponent now, not the crowd or even Malory. It was either that or have Derek beat my ass in front of her. Not gonna happen. I went on the offensive and responded with a flurry of my own, attacking him mercilessly, tagging him a couple of times until he retreated. We went at each other several more times, trading hits back and forth, until we finally ended up circling each other warily as we tried to catch our breaths. We were both getting tired.
"First one to hit the canvas loses," Derek growled out.
We didn't usually spar to a clear-cut winner or loser, just until we were tired or ran out of time, but apparently today was going to be different. I was perfectly fine with that. Now I could show Malory what I could really do.
"Deal," I replied, then instantly rushed him.
I came at him with a knee kick aimed at his side. He blocked it with his hands, but it allowed me to get in close, so I could pull him into a clinch with my hands on the back of his neck. Derek grabbed my neck too, and pulled my face down next to his. We proceeded to grapple with each other, exchanging knee kicks that were basically ineffectual since we were so close and getting tired.
Finally, after a lot of grunting and struggling, Derek managed to shove me away. I didn't wait for him to recover and lunged forward again, lashing out with a hasty shin kick to his upper body to try to gain the upper hand. That was when everything went wrong.
Derek grabbed my calf and surged forward, his thigh plowing into the back of my hips and knocking my other leg out from under me. The next thing I knew was flipping up into the air. I landed face down on the canvas with a hard thud, wondering what the fuck just happened as cheers and applause rained down tauntingly on me.
When I finally got my wits about me and managed to look up at Derek, he was grinning broadly and holding out his glove to help me up. "I guess you should have gotten a little more sleep last night, huh buddy?"
"Fuck you," I grumbled as I let him help me up, sheepishly glancing over at Malory to see if she was disappointed in me.
What I saw was something else entirely. Her gorgeous eyes were riveted to me with a deep carnal hunger. It was completely unexpected, and my already hyped up body and mind instantaneously reacted in kind. As Derek turned to bask in the cheers and admiration from the spectators, I was pulled inexorably toward Malory and her stark desire.
I ducked through the ropes and jumped down from the raised boxing ring onto the floor. I stepped up right in front of her as I ripped my headgear off, letting my heated eyes roam lasciviously over her body. Her breathing accelerated as color flushed across her cheeks. Her eyes dilated and drifted down my body as her lips parted with a soft moan. Fuck, that noise did me in. I needed her, needed her right goddamn now. I didn't give a fuck where we were.
I glanced back to see that no one was paying us any attention. Good. I pulled my gloves off, carelessly dropping them on the bench, then grabbed Malory's hand and wordlessly led her away from the ring. She followed right along behind me without hesitation. I navigated us through the gym, winding our way through the equipment and the few people who hadn't watched Derek and me sparring. None of them paid any attention to us as we passed.
I entered the back hallway that led to the locker rooms, grateful that it was empty. I followed the hall until it came to a T, then turned right, hurrying to a door at the end and dragging Malory through it into an empty stairwell. The steps led up to an office space that I knew was closed on the weekends, so I knew we'd be left alone.
I jerked Malory up against me, wrapping my arms around her soft little body. I could smell her salty ocean perfume, and it drove me insane. I ground my pelvis against her, so she could feel the steely erection that was all for her. She gasped and looked around hesitantly with apprehension in her eyes as she opened her mouth to speak.
"Gar-"
I crushed my lips to hers, shutting her up with a deep ferocious kiss that had her immediately sagging against me with a long needy whine as she writhed in my arms. I reached down and gripped both her hips, lifting her up as she latched her legs around my waist. I turned and pressed her back against the wall next to the door, shoving my tongue further into her mouth and feeding on her with a deep feral growl. Fuck, she always tasted like sweet heaven, like warm sunshine and light. I was goddamn addicted, and I'd never get enough.
I felt her palms press against my chest, her fingers digging into my sweat slicked skin as she slid them up to clutch at my hair. I ripped my lips from hers and kissed and nipped my way down to her neck, growling and thrusting my cock against her core. Any idea of dominance and submission was gone, leaving only mindless male lust that scorched away any coherent thought.
It was the same way last night when I kept waking up to fuck her repeatedly. With Malory, vanilla sex was something she made me want again, crave again. I wanted her any way I could get her really. I didn't care how, as long as my dick ended up inside her, it didn't matter. Right now, I needed that more than my next damn breath.
I dropped her back down onto her feet, ignoring her whine of protest as I started yanking her hoodie up over her head. I was desperate to get my hands on her soft ivory skin. She sudd
enly widened her eyes in realization and grabbed my hands to stop me.
"Gareth," she said uncertainly as her eyes flashed toward the nearby door. "We can't do this here. What if someone walks in or comes down the stairs?"
"So what if they do?" I asked in a lust roughened tone, beyond any care about being seen. I leaned in to kiss her again, but she pushed at my chest.
"But Gareth..." Her face was fearful and unsure. I didn't like seeing her upset at all or how it made me feel. I had to fix it.
"Beautiful," I crooned, cradling her face in hands that were still wrapped in boxer's tape. "The office upstairs is closed right now, and the only way anyone's coming through here is if there's a fire, and they evacuate the building. There's very little chance someone is going to walk in on us." I gave her a roguish grin. "Besides, isn't the chance of being caught half the fun?"
Even though she still looked worried, the green in her hazel eyes strengthened with desire, and I knew she wanted to live on the edge right along with me. I just had to get her past her fear.
"It's just like the night we met," I said in a softer tone as I ran my thumb over her sweet lips, my body shaking from the haze of lust still buzzing inside me. "Except this time, I get to finish ravaging you like I wanted to then."
"Okay," she whispered as the tension in her body began to ease.
"That's my good girl," I told her roughly as I reached for her shirt again. I paused as realization hit me like a load of bricks. "Fuck," I snarled out abruptly.
"What?" she asked with a deep worried frown.
"I don't have a condom, Malory," I said with resigned disappointment. It's not like I'd expected to need one. I should have known better since Malory made me feel like an insatiable teenage boy. I growled in annoyed frustration. "I'm sorry, beautiful."
She pursed her lips thoughtfully for a moment then smiled tentatively. "I'm...I'm on birth control, and I was clean the last time I got tested. I haven't been with anyone else but you since then."
Just the mere suggestion of being bare inside Malory made my dick throb almost painfully. Just the thought of it made a wave of warm pleasure flow through my entire body. I wanted this so badly, but I couldn't keep myself from thinking about what this meant. The last time I was bare inside a woman was with my ex-wife. Doing this would be admitting that I was in a...a relationship.
Dark Dominion: Dangerous Desire Book 1 Page 17
