by Amanda Miga
Oh my God. Oh My God... Her voice is trying to make sense of reality. I get that a lot.
I kiss her overly candied mouth, listening to her mind; she's unaware of my eavesdropping. Her mind is more distracting than I wish as I pull out a condom and prepare to take her.
He's so hot. She looks up at me. Her compliments are on repeat.
She really wants this. She's wanted this with me since eighth grade. I don't know her, but she knows me. We share classes together. I'm uncomfortable knowing this and try listening to the surrounding room activity as I wedges between her thighs, but her overjoyed thoughts are making me think twice. I've never thought twice. Her big blue eyes stare up at me in awe as her thoughts parade around in celebration.
I can't believe this is happening. This is really happening.
I find my entry.
I thrust into her fully as her last thought comes out as a deep exhale into her agape mouth, paralyzing my body.
My first time... Alex Aisling.
I look down at her huge black pupils. A Virgin? This never bothered me before.
My conscience rise out of the depths of my drunken mind telling me this is not right. I look away from her face closing my eyes. I can't look at her. I can't listen to her talk about me like this. I'm anything but Amazing, Alex the Great, Alex the Greatest. But I can't say no to this. This is who I've always been.
Thrusting into her, her mind is busy experiencing me and I can focus more on my bodily sensations. The feeling of breaking her is not what I want, but she wants me and I need her. She has to help me recover.
My guilty thrusts make me angry at myself for using the innocent girl to erase the fact I'm losing myself. Sinking deeper into the girl, I'm sinking deeper into regret. Violet had fucked with my heart; I've fallen for her bad. I have no idea if fucking this poor girl will help erase that.
With my eyes shut I refocus on the girl under me. I imagine Violet beneath me. The blue-eyed cutie becomes my brown-eyed desire. My hand brushes her cheek as I feel the girl around me. Would she feel like this? I savor the feeling. My imagination gets me excited too quickly.
"Oh, Alex!" The girl cries out.
Violet!
The sound of her name echoes through my mind as I pour forth my offering. It leaves me empty as my eyes open to the girl whose name is not Violet. She smiles up at me in worship. I realize what I had done is far worst then having sex with a girl I don't have feelings for. I used her and taken something I had no right to take.
I regretfully look into her eyes. "I'm sorry." I remove myself from her.
"Why? Alex?!"
I put my clothes back on, leaving her on my parent's bed alone.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Dash
Jake and Pete are hammered pretty bad from beer pong. I'm still pretty sober, but I decide not to play anymore. Instead, Gabriel goes against someone else without me. He's doing well as he has a feel for his new talent, throwing ping pongs in cups. His confidence makes him move his body more openly which keeps me watchful for his sake. I feel odd keeping girls away from his side of the table as he plays and wonder if it looks like there's something between us.
Finishing another winning game, we decide to let someone else play.
"That was so much fun." Gabriel says, wide-eyed. "I'm so glad I came."
"Me too." I say. "You got me worried for a while there."
"I'm fine. I feel great." He places his hands in his back pockets standing straighter than I've ever seen him. "What else can we do here?"
"Yeah, man nice game!" A guy opens a bottle of beer and hands it to Gabriel.
"Thanks!" Gabriel takes it without flinching. He's got himself contained.
The party keeps on going like a well-oiled machine. Non-stop music and a steady flow of new faces appear. I stand glued beside Gabriel who makes conversation with another comic enthusiast. It's interesting to hear the things I already know about him just from his bedroom. I feel lucky to confirm those things.
A new face catches Gabriel's attention. He ends his conversation with the comic guy and awkwardly backs away, removing his hands from his back pockets and into his front pockets. His eyes are glued across the room. I follow his gaze. Another guy across the room is staring at him. A smile of recognition registers with the stranger.
"Dash, I need to get out of here, now!"
I hear the panic in his voice. "What is it?" I ask, but Gabriel heads for the door.
"Gabriel!" The guy from across the room walks over.
Gabriel halts and reluctantly turns to meet him.
"Josh." He says in a nervous sigh. His eyes avoid looking at him directly, but Josh is more than excited to see Gabriel—he's enthralled.
"What happened? I haven't seen you in like forever." A hint of devastation is in his tone. I observe Gabriel's body beginning to slouch. Whoever Josh is makes Gabriel very uncomfortable.
"Hey. I’m Josh, Gabriel’s best friend." Josh gives a weak smile and his eyes quickly access me from head to toe. I do the same. I notice that there's something about Josh that seems constrained. Gabriel nods confirming what Josh is saying.
I thought Gabriel didn't have any friends. Gabriel’s eyes meet mine and I read him instantly. 'Don’t be mad'.
“I’m Dash. Gabriel and I met through Alex, a mutual friend.”
“Mutual friend. How’d you meet Alex?” Josh aims his question at Gabriel. He’s not convinced.
Gabriel’s head bows.
“Through another friend.” I answer for him. “You wouldn’t know her. She doesn’t live around here.”
Josh’s lips purse.
“So, I'll talk to you later." I smiles at Gabriel as if to end a conversation we were having before Josh interrupted. Gabriel's eyes tell me 'please don't leave me'. I nod reassuringly and walk away, but not to too far. I will stay close to listen and to come to Gabriel's aide just in case. I'm curious about this Josh. If he is Gabriel's best friend, he should tie that end—especially if he makes him feel so uncomfortable.
"What happened?" Josh asks again as his eyes shift everywhere in the room and lastly Gabriel. "Did you leave school?"
"Yeah. I left school."
"Look, it's kinda noisy in here. You want talk outside?"
Gabriel nods. Not that he looks any better for leaving the party. I give him a reassuring nod. I'll be close.
Josh and Gabriel find a quieter spot on the side of the house. I'm around the corner, out of Josh's sight, listening.
"About that night?" Josh says.
“Lower your voice.” Gabriel’s hands come out of his pockets and his eyes meet mine for a split second. It seems whatever they're talking about Gabriel doesn’t want me to know. Luckily I have high sensitivity to my five senses thanks to Red.
"What about it?" Gabriel's tone changes slightly. His breathing is a little too fast for normal. It takes me a moment to notice, but Josh's body shows every sign of interest in Gabriel—not as a friend.
"I can't stop thinking about you."
"Josh—"
"No, let me finish." Josh moves closer. There are only inches between them. "I know it’s you that makes me feel like this. After that night, I can't stop thinking about you."
Through the branches of the bushes I watch as Gabriel's eyes redden with grief.
"I didn't mean to—" His voice trembles.
"What ever happened, Gabriel, I've been waiting to feel that again. You have no idea—" Josh takes a step toward him. Gabriel holds out his hand to stop him. He touches his chest and retracts quickly. Josh's breathing has quickened. Gabriel's eyes tear and he says something I can't pick up. Gabriel suddenly walks away and Josh follows him.
Where are they going? I keep Gabriel in sight and follow them as they walk along the side of the house. They go into the detached garage. What is he doing? I approach slowly, listening. I hear heavy breathing and things being moved haphazardly.
Shit!
Heavy petting—sounds that told me to come back later.
***
Dash
I pace anxiously, eyeing the garage. Should I interrupt? Should I wait? It's too embarrassing to knock, what would I say? Hey, stop touching Gabriel? "Agh, God that's so—"
Gabriel comes rushing out, pulling his shirt down. He combs through his hair, his face is red and his cheeks are wet. I swiftly catch up to him as he hastily leaves the property. Josh leaves after hurrying back to the party without a second glance at Gabriel.
"Gabriel!" I catch up with him. His expanded hot aura heats the front of my body like a furnace. I back away. Gabriel turns around as I try to collect myself from the exciting state it puts me in. I'm getting better at resisting his auric pull, but this time his aura is worked up. There's anguish in his eyes. Whatever he did with Josh is something his aura wanted, not what Gabriel wanted. He’s his own abuser.
"Sorry." He mutters. He stops walking.
"You don't have to apol—"
"This is useless. I'm hopeless." Gabriel sobs. "I can't help it. It just comes out." He walks off again.
"Gabriel, wait!" I grab his arm.
He pulls away, but I hold tight. Gabriel tries to tug away from me as if I was coaxing him to do it all again. “Please don’t. I don't want to.”
I pull him to me, face to face with my hand clamped to his wrist. "It's okay."
Gabriel pushes me away not realizing I'm trying to console him, not ruin him.
"Stop!" Gabriel shouts. "I know you're affected by me—you’re around me too much."
"Gabriel, I'm not affected. Not the way you think."
"Yes you are. I'm like a virus. I thought we were friends. I thought—" Gabriel rubs his face in confusion. Is he talking about me or Josh? Maybe both.
"We are friends. You are my friend. I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do." I approach, but Gabriel steps back.
"I can't have friends. Josh used to be my friend... I should be put away. I should be alone."
"No. Gabriel you're perfect."
Gabriel laughs as tears continue to wet his face. "God, you're brainwashed." He continues to walk. I follow.
"Don't follow me." Gabriel growls. "If you follow me, I will hurt you."
***
Violet
I put down my book when I hear Gabriel rush in and bolt up the stairs to his room.
His stressed aura leaves a muddy and dull trail to his room. I knock on his bedroom door and Gabriel doesn't answer. When he doesn't answer, I take a chance and open the door.
"Gabriel?" I cover my eyes for a moment in case he is changing. But I lift my hand and find him sitting on the floor in the dark with his back to the wall. His head is between his knees. I hear him sobbing.
My heart breaks to hear such a sound.
I enter and sit at a safe distance. I watch his shoulders shake and listen to his weeping. "Gabriel, what is it?" I want to reach for him and hold him. Rock him in her arms and give the comfort he so deserves. But that is impossible. He’s drowning and I can’t do anything about it.
Gabriel doesn't say a word. After a while he stops sobbing and I watch him with my head resting down on the floor. Gabriel lies down; his body faces to mine. I can see his precious green eyes glisten from his grief; his eyelids look heavy and weak. He’s vulnerable lost Gabriel again.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Gabriel shakes his head.
"Do you want me to leave?"
"No," he whispers.
We watch each other until we both fall asleep.
***
Dash
The music is still loud. Alex's neighbors must be used to it. Who knows what Alex is doing now—or who? I sit on the curb with the house at his back, wondering if going back to the party will make me feel better. Watching Alex numb himself, trying to pretend the other world doesn't exist for a while. Maybe that's what I need. And for a while it worked—with Gabriel. Who am I kidding? No matter what I do, I always feel like the wrong piece to the puzzle. I don't fit with Alex, we're polar opposites. I don't fit with Gabriel who now sees me as another so-called friend who wants to be more than friends. I don't fit Violet, as much as I want to. She has someone she already loves—two of them.
Who am I? Alex summed it up perfectly the first day—'a kid with an overactive imagination'. I can't even find anything to help Red. What good am I to anyone?
I decide to take a stroll through the city to help clear my head. I don't want to go home and I don't want to go to the Sanctuary. I let my feet take me anywhere.
Tonight they take me to a location I feel is familiar, but can't place why. The theatre is like any other. It's flashing lights and the long line to get in tells me it could be like the one we took Violet the other night. Passing it, I recall nothing, but it bothers me. Its presence is shouting something. I try to recall why it feels important. I stop to pass it again and again. Even cross the street to look at it from the other side. Nope, it just another music venue. I walk on with the nagging notion that it means something. Perhaps I've seen it somewhere; the local paper? I go through the inventory; everything in the Sanctuary I've taken to memory until I think of only thing I couldn't.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Dash
I creep into the cabin. Violet and Gabriel are asleep. The map is in Red's room. I have to see that map. Red's door is open. Red's bed is empty.
"Violet?" I walk in. I turn on the light. She's not here. I look out into the great room and Gabriel's door. It's closed. I climb the stairs with an ache in chest. I don't hesitate to go inside. Violet is curled up on the floor and Gabriel lies on his side under the window. They're both sleeping. I drag a blanket off the bed and cover Violet's sleeping body. I kneel beside her so he can memorize her sleeping face. I caress her cheek. My fingers tingle like they do with Gabriel, but it's very mild. I want to kiss her, but I'd rather want me too.
I remove my jacket and place it on Gabriel. I watch him for a moment. If there's anything I can do to fix this for him, it will be to find Red. He's the one that can help us all.
I head back down to Red's room and spread the map out on his bed. I don't remember it quite like this. There seems to be something different about it. Something's changed since the first day Violet let me look at it. I'm usually great at remembering things exactly. I close my eyes and recall the memory of my first day here. Opening my eyes, I compare the two. The venue I passed earlier is a location marked on the map. That's why it's familiar. Now, there’s an extra dot since the last time I scanned it. Within the information in the paper, I can see signs of an ongoing process. The map is active.
Red not only marked it, he’s still marking it.
Why mark these places? The black ink lines of his travels trace back to where Red had started. There’s no particular pattern to it, nor did they point to a certain area. It must have been marked for a reason. I decide to see for myself what else besides the theatre is marked. I leave the Sanctuary, to walk the maps marks. I hope a clue within the alleys and streets surrounding each location will give me a clue as to why Red flagged the new location. Nothing speaks to me.
I travel to each dot. A bar, a club, theatres, another club; places you go for a good time or places you go to forget. Red doesn't seem to be the type that would drink his sorrows away or go out for a 'good time', but after leaving Violet maybe he would. No. Red is not like that. He loves her and was devastated he had to leave her. Why would he hang around so close to the Sanctuary and not see Violet?
Grey fits the type.
I recall a journal entry about Red's not being alright about venturing outside of the Sanctuary with Violet, but Grey wanted to. After ditching Red, Grey took Violet to a club. He likes to dance, drink and enjoys music. But why would the map mark him? What if the marks are someone else? Red is a Hybrid tracker. Maybe another Hybrid is involved.
Reading the signs on the brick wall doesn't get me anywhere. I can't pick up anything through the building; it isn't easy like Red's Sanctuary where the invisible are visible. The
Hybrid way of seeing is easier in the Sanctuary. The human made buildings are harder. They are just piles of bricks telling me nothing. I decide Gabriel will have to come with me. If anything, he'll be able to see what type of energy is in the area.
It’s getting late and I'm exhausted. The need to finish what I've started is great. I'm no use to Violet sleep deprived. I turn myself in for the night and go straight to the Sanctuary the next morning.
I don't want to make a big deal about what I've found. Pushing aside the events from the night before, I explain to Gabriel and Alex that not telling Violet is important. She could become very anxious and make a hasty decision to take matters into her own hand. We agree to keep our investigation a secret for now until things are clear.
I want to take a look at the clubs and bars at night in hopes that something will stand out in the activity. We start with the newest marking on the map, the venue that had opened not too long ago; the one that caught my eye last night—Gravity.
***
Gabriel
The focus to help Violet, obliterates everything pitiful thing in my life. She stayed with me last night. She wanted to embrace me. I wanted her to. Her being near me at a weak moment like last night rests my anxiety. There's something about her the calms my soul. I want to do everything I can to help her find Red. I hear a sigh that could only be Alex listening to my thoughts. He hates that she was with me and he was with someone else.
"Get on with it," Alex growls.
It makes me smile that I'm needed for my ability. The sight comes quickly every time I think of who I'm doing this for. I let my energy rise up to my crown and I open my eyes. The world changes into a dark world of shadows; man-made objects become gray mass. Only people and plants glow in intense colors. Moving and floating in and around the building like strings of Christmas lights. I have a hard time reading the residual energy left by so many. It’s a beautiful mess.
