We married just before noon, and the preacher used our wedding as church services for the week. A couple of people complained, but I really don’t think they have a right to. It’s not like we’re paying Jed Scott to be a preacher for us, and he’s doing all the same chores everyone else in camp is doing.
Captain Bedwell told us last night that we’re a week away from the Platte River. He wants us to keep going twenty miles per day as long as we can. Since we’ve been fortunate enough to have Sundays off to rest, it hasn’t been horrible.
Jamie’s wagon broke an axel yesterday, and we were stopped for two hours for that, but Captain Bedwell insisted we walk later into the night to make up for the lost time. Thankfully, we have a blacksmith in the company, and Mr. Jensen took care of the axel with no fuss.
I’ve written a lot today, but I think it’s simply because I’m stalling. Bob says we’re going for a nice long walk after supper, but I know why he really wants to walk, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it.
I want to keep writing, just to stall him, but I know it’s better to get things that I dread over with quickly.
Mary was nervous when she woke on the morning of her wedding. She still had to help with the laundry, but there would be little else she would be allowed to do work-wise that day. Ma had proclaimed that a bride should be treated like a princess on only one day in her life, and that was her wedding day.
Just before lunchtime, Mary’s mother and Hannah sat her down and got her ready for the wedding. Margaret had drawn her a bath while Ma pressed her dress, and Hannah went searching for flowers.
Then the two women she was closest to, Ma and Hannah, had set her down and Hannah fixed her hair while her ma made sure there wasn’t a lick of dirt left on her face. “I wish your hands weren’t so brown, but I don’t suppose it can be helped since we’re on the Trail,” Ma said with a frown.
Mary didn’t mind that her hands were brown, and she refused to worry when Ma told her she was getting so dark she was going to look like an Indian. She certainly wasn’t going to start wearing gloves everywhere like her ma had suggested. Gloves were for city women in the east, and Mary was anything but that.
While Hannah worked on Mary’s hair, she pointed to a small bouquet of flowers on the back of the wagon. “You’ll carry those instead of your musket,” Hannah had said.
Mary made a face. “Even I know I can’t carry a musket down the aisle when I’m getting married,” she said. She wished she could though. Just when she was walking toward Bob, she would see a herd of buffalo and without her musket to take one of them down, she still wouldn’t have a buffalo.
It still annoyed Mary that she hadn’t been the first of the wagon train to get a buffalo. No, that had been the preacher, who rarely hunted. Mary had her gun at the ready all the time, but the preacher had been in just the right place when a herd went past. There was no point for anyone else to shoot one of the creatures after the pastor did. He’d already brought down enough meat for the whole camp for days.
Mary sat still as Hannah tugged on her hair, and she had to wonder if the pastor’s wife was going to do her hair the way her own had been done on her wedding day. She hoped so, but she didn’t say anything.
Instead, when Hannah was done, Mary’s hair was still hanging down around her shoulders. It had been brushed perfectly straight, and she felt like she’d been toyed with a little too much. Mary thought about reaching up and mussing her hair just a little so she’d look like herself, but she knew better. Hannah would just make her sit down again.
When the two women had finished fussing with Mary, she stood up and picked up the flowers. “You know these will do us no good against an Indian attack.”
Hannah smiled. “There hasn’t been a single Indian spotted close to our company yet, and you know it. Stop worrying about Indians, and realize that there are enough armed men in our group that no threats will get close.”
Ma smiled. “I think I like your friend, Mary.”
“Just don’t gang up against me.” Mary looked down at the skirt of her dress, which was not the split skirt she preferred. Her ma had yet to notice that she wasn’t wearing a proper skirt most days, and that pleased her. Hannah and Bob had noticed, but they were more observant than most.
Bob told her that her mother had chosen to pretend not to notice, and that worked for Mary as well. She just didn’t want to have to explain why she was doing it.
“Just remember that you have to let your husband have his way tonight. It doesn’t matter if you like it. It’s almost like doing dishes. You just get it over with as quick as you can.” Ma told her that as she straightened the blue sash around her waist that certainly didn’t belong on the trail.
“Thanks, Ma. That makes me feel a lot better about the whole thing.” Mary was already panicked and her mother’s advice wasn’t helping one lick.
Hannah smiled at her. “Don’t worry. It’s not a chore to get over quickly if you’re with the right man, and I truly believe Bob is the right man for you. Your wedding night is going to be special and something to remember.”
Ma looked doubtful, but Mary was pleased when her mother didn’t contradict her friend. She was nervous enough about their wedding night.
When the sheets that had been hung down between wagons were moved, Mary took Pa’s arm and began the slow walk toward Bob who was standing between Jamie and Pastor Jed. Bob had never looked quite so handsome to her, and she was nervous. As she passed the odd girl with the peppermint stick in her cleavage, the girl whispered, “You’ll have beautiful babies.”
Mary wasn’t sure if she should stop and respond to the girl or just keep walking, so she kept walking. When she reached Bob’s side, she took a deep breath and stood beside him. Her pa took her hand from his arm, and put it in Bob’s.
Pastor Scott smiled, and it was odd for Hannah to see him in his pastor role when she’d gotten so used to him as her friend’s husband.
“We’re gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.”
Mary did her best to pay attention to the vows she made, and she smiled when Bob looked deeply into her eyes. When they were pronounced man and wife, Bob pulled her into his arms and dipped her backward for the kiss they’d both been waiting for.
Oh, they’d sneaked a few kisses here and there, but mostly they’d been good and followed her father’s edicts about not kissing.
Bob pulled her to his side and slipped an arm around her waist. It was obvious he wasn’t about to let her leave his side all day.
“I have to throw the bouquet,” she whispered.
Bob shrugged and turned them both around, and she threw the bouquet, noting that her friend Margaret caught it, but after a moment of sheer panic, Margaret handed it to her daughter Sally, who accepted the flowers happily.
Margaret really hadn’t been widowed long enough to remarry. At least that’s what she’d told Mary, and judging by the ages of her children, that comment made sense. Still, Mary wished she could see her friend be happy.
As they walked through all the people in the camp to get to the meal waiting for them, Mary again passed the odd girl with the peppermint stick. She just wished she could remember her name.
The girl stopped her. “I know it doesn’t seem like it’s right yet,” the girl said, “But I think that you and Bob have done the right thing by marrying. You will make beautiful children together when you have marital relations.”
The girl’s mother looked shocked at her words, but her father seemed proud.
Mary said, “Thank you,” and kept walking, determined not to have that discussion when she was with the man she was about to have relations with. Who would let a young girl say something like that at a wedding?
A buffalo had been brought down by Mary’s father the previous day, and her mother had worked hard to prepare a feast from the great animal. Everyone had food and enjoyed the meal, while Mary was embarrassed. She didn’t want to be the center of attention.
; Sure, she and Bob had married, and they liked each other, but it wasn’t a normal marriage as far as Mary was concerned. They had married because her father had insisted on it, not because they were so in love they couldn’t not marry.
Jamie stayed close to them the entire party until the music started. As soon as the music started, Mary and Bob were expected to start the dancing, and she went gracefully into his arms. She was so glad she hadn’t stumbled, because she was so nervous.
Bob spun her around wildly, and she laughed and followed his lead. She did so love dancing with Bob. And playing cards with Bob. And walking with Bob. He was a good man and she enjoyed his company. It didn’t mean she was falling in love with him, she promised herself.
After the dancing, Bob suggested they take a walk together, but Mary knew what he wanted to do, so she said, “I think it’s customary for the bride and groom to be present at their own wedding party.”
“I suppose that’s true.” Bob looked disappointed though, and Mary tried not to feel bad about it.
As they danced and whirled the afternoon away, Mary was taken into her father’s arms for a slower dance. “I want you to know I’m proud of you for marrying, Mary. I know that’s not what you wanted, but it’s the right thing for a girl your age to do. You’ve put it off longer than you should have.”
Mary frowned. “I don’t know why you want me to marry, but I have now. We’ll get a bigger homestead, and I will still help my husband with all the men’s chores, and it will be as if I have my own homestead.” She couldn’t let him think he was changing her life by forcing her to marry. She was still going to do what she’d planned to do.
Her pa shook his head. “Now you’ll have babies, and the babies will calm you and make you start acting like a woman whether you want to or not.”
Mary sighed. “I hope not. I wouldn’t mind a child or two, but I don’t want to have as many children as you and Ma. It seems to make her life so much harder.”
Her pa groaned. “Children are a blessing from God, Mary, and you would do best to remember that.”
Suddenly, Mary had no desire to have marital relations. If she could put them off, then she wouldn’t risk having babies soon. She looked over at Bob, who was standing beside Jamie and watching her dance with her father. The look on his face was filled with desire, and she knew she was never going to be able to put him off for more than a few hours. No, the man was expecting her to have relations with him that very night.
She thought hard for a way to anger him so he wouldn’t want to do that with her, but there was nothing she could think of. There was no one she could ask. Hannah just kept telling her she’d enjoy it, and Hannah was the one person she felt like she could talk to about this. She was trapped, and she needed to do what she’d agreed to do. There was no other solution.
After her dance with her father, Bob came back over and took his rightful place in her arms, having her dance with him. She happily moved close and the two of them impressed everyone with their unique ability to dance together.
Once the dance was over, she said softly, “Can we talk?”
Bob gave her a curious look, but he nodded and led them off the dance floor to sit quietly while still in view of the party. “What do you want to talk about?”
“I really don’t want children right away,” she said softly. “My pa is sure that they’ll calm me down and make me more fit to be his daughter, I think.”
“Do you think they will?” he asked. He was willing to talk about ways to prevent babies if she’d found some, but he wasn’t about to put off the wedding night.
She shrugged. “I don’t know, but I really don’t want to find out. Maybe five years down the road, we’ll be able to have kids once our homestead has been built up, but not before. At least I don’t think we could possibly do it before. Do you?”
He frowned. “And you know how to prevent babies?” He had no clue how, and he didn’t want to think about it. As far as he was concerned, babies were part of marrying.
“I don’t. I do know I can’t have them if we don’t consummate the marriage.”
Bob stared at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Are you thinking that we’ll be married, sleep side by side every night, and never have relations? You’re crazier than a loon!” He shook his head. “We’re not waiting another day.”
Mary sighed. “I just don’t like the idea of all of my freedom being taken away from me as soon as I find it.”
“You’ll have your freedom,” he said. “I don’t care if you run around shooting buffalo while you’re pregnant. I just don’t think there’s any way the two of us can keep from making love for long.”
“I’m willing to try if you are.” Mary smiled sweetly at him.
“No way. I married you today, I’m making love with you tonight. That’s how it works. You don’t wait for months or years to consummate a marriage. You do it on your wedding night and that’s that.”
“All right. It was worth talking about, I guess.”
“Well, I sure don’t think it was worth discussing. In future if you have any brilliant ideas that mean I can’t touch my wife, feel free to keep them to yourself.” Bob was annoyed with her for even thinking it would be okay. Did she think he married her so he could look at her and never touch her? The woman was maddening at times.
“I’m sorry I’ve upset you. That wasn’t my intention.” She thought for a brief moment about arguing with him on the top and deliberately angering him, but she knew better than to fight with her husband.
“Oh, I’m not upset. I’m just not agreeing to anything that crazy.” Bob nodded toward the dance. “Do you want to go and dance more, or do you want to get a blanket and go for a nice long walk?”
“I’d rather dance, thank you.” Mary was determined to put it off as long as she could. She understood now what he expected of her, but she didn’t have to like it, and she could enjoy her own wedding celebration for as long as she wanted to.
Bob leaned over and kissed her once, hard, on the lips. “Don’t you spend today trying to get out of your wedding night. It’s not going to work.”
Mary sighed. “All right. I’ll try not to spend the day thinking about it. It seems like it’s a simple enough thing to request though.”
“Simple for you. I’ve been dreaming all week about finally getting my hands under your dress. Mary, you’ve been driving me a little bit crazy since I first laid eyes on you, and I’m ready for us to be intimate, whether you think it’s a good idea or not.”
Mary nodded and got to her feet. “All right. Let’s go dance.”
When they got back to the crowd, Mary noticed that Hannah was dancing with her husband, and she was looking at him with a silly expression she always saved just for Jed. Mary wanted to know how she stayed so very much in love with her husband when she had to let him do that to her every night.
After the dance, she moved away from Bob, and she caught Hannah by the elbow, pulling her away from everyone else. Hannah looked at her with surprise. “Is something wrong, Mary?”
“Yes, something is wrong! Bob isn’t going to let me get away without being intimate with him tonight. I don’t want to do that. It sounds perfectly disgusting, and when I’ve seen cows do it, the heifer never seemed to be fully enjoying herself.” Mary was grasping at straws thinking about cows, but she had no idea how else to explain her overwhelming fear.
Hannah looked like she was trying not to laugh. “Well, I will say when my mother first told me about it, I wanted to throw up. But then I got close to Jed, and I’ll honestly admit that I look forward to it as much as he does.”
“Really? You’re not just saying that so I won’t be worried?”
Hannah shook her head adamantly. “Have you ever known me to just say something so you wouldn’t be worried? I mean, really, Mary. We’ve always been fully honest with each other. Please tell me you didn’t ask Bob to wait.”
Mary looked away from her friend’s knowing face. “Maybe.”
“Well, he’s probably upset now. He wants to think that you want it as much as he does. Just let him kiss you, and soon you’ll want it too. I promise.”
“But…It doesn’t look comfortable for the cow.” Mary knew her argument bordered on the ridiculous, but it didn’t seem to matter. It looked uncomfortable.
Hannah grinned. “I don’t know if cows enjoy it, but I’ll tell you outright that I do enjoy it. I think it’s something a very loving God provided for us. It feels good, and it makes babies.”
“But where do you put your hands?” Mary asked. She was ready to start crying right there and then, and Hannah didn’t seem to understand her worry.
“I’m not answering any more questions. No one answered them for me, and I do just fine with my husband. You’ll do fine with yours.” Hannah turned to go back to the party, stopping only when Mary put her hand on her arm. “Yes?”
“Thanks for putting up with my curiosity and worry. I know I’m a little silly, but I really am nervous.”
“I was too,” Hannah said. “In a few hours, it’ll all be over, and you’ll wonder why you were so nervous about it.”
Mary was still skeptical, but she nodded. Perhaps she could go and find Margaret and beg her other friend to talk to her about it. She wasn’t certain Margaret would give her any more information than Hannah had, though.
Bob caught her before she was able to find Margaret. “What are you doing? You know you’re supposed to be spending your time with me at the wedding party.”
“I do know that. I just want to talk to my friends.”
“No, we’re going to dance.”
Mary bristled. “Are you telling me no? I thought we were partners in this marriage thing?”
He groaned. “We are partners. Can’t you talk to your friends tomorrow? We’re going to be on this Trail for another five months or so. You’re going to be sick of talking to them before we get to Oregon.”
“No, I’m not! I want to settle near them, and I’ll be auntie to all of their babies.” Mary liked the idea of having her friends’ babies to play with.
Mary's Musket (Clover Creek Caravan Book 2) Page 5
