by Sue MacKay
Strong arms wrapped around her, held her close to his hard body. The rough beating of his heart against her ear echoed her own. Jackson’s sharp breaths lifted strands of her hair and wafted them over her face. ‘I’d like to promise I’ll be back, but that’d be selfish. I honestly don’t know what’s ahead.’
Lifting her head just enough to see his face, she told him, ‘I understand. Truly. It’s not as if you lied to me. Golden Bay has never been big enough for you.’
‘It will be a lot harder leaving this time than it was at eighteen. There’s so much that’s important to me here.’ His hand rubbed circles over her shoulder blades.
She raised a pathetic chuckle. ‘At eighteen you left in such a hurry you scorched the road.’
‘True. If only I hadn’t made that promise to Juliet.’
She pulled out of that comforting hold and slashed a hand over her wet cheeks. ‘I’d better go check on Constance and Abigail.’
He looked hesitant.
She put him out of his misery. ‘Go home, Jackson. I won’t be long and then I’ll be doing the same thing.’ Which meant collecting Nicholas from his parents’ house. This just got harder and harder.
‘Jess...’ He hesitated. ‘It might be in both our interests if I leave for Asia sooner than I’d planned.’
She gasped. She hadn’t seen that coming. ‘What about Virginia? She’ll be upset.’
Wincing, he replied, ‘I’ll talk to her, explain, hopefully make her understand. After all, it was Mum who taught me to be honest and to live by my beliefs. But I will come home often, no more staying away for years on end.’
She had no answer to that. Her heart ached so badly it felt as though it was disintegrating inside her chest. ‘Will I see you before you go?’
Shock widened his eyes, tightened his mouth. He reached for her, took her shoulders and tugged her close. ‘Most definitely. I won’t walk away without saying goodbye.’
For the second time since he’d turned up here she spun away and put space between them. Goodbye? A cruel word. A harsh reality for her future. A bleak future without Jackson in it. Behind her the truck door slammed shut and the engine turned over. She didn’t look as he drove away. If she did she’d have started running, chasing the truck, begging him to stop and talk to her some more.
She didn’t even know his feelings for her. Somewhere along the way she’d started to think he might care for her a lot, even love her a little. Not that knowing would have changed what happened, but it might’ve been a slight salve for her battered heart.
* * *
At seven o’clock on Tuesday morning Jess woke with a thumping headache. The alarm was loud in her quiet bedroom. She’d lain awake until about four then drifted into a fitful sleep. Now all she wanted to do was stick her head under the covers and go back to sleep, where she wouldn’t notice Jackson leaving.
‘Mummy, I got myself up.’ Nicholas bounced onto her bed, creating havoc inside her skull.
‘Good for you, sweetheart. What are you going to have for breakfast today?’ She wouldn’t be able to swallow a thing. When would her appetite return?
‘Toast with honey. Can I cook it by myself?’
That had her sitting up too fast, her head spinning like a cricket ball in flight. ‘Wait until I’m out there with you.’ Slipping into her heavy robe, she tied the belt at her waist and followed him out to the kitchen.
While Nicholas made toast, along with the usual mess, she drank a cup of tea that threatened to come back up any moment.
A knock on the back door sent Nicholas rushing to open it. ‘Mummy, it’s Jackson.’
She tried to stand up, she really did, but her legs failed her. Her hands gripped her mug of tea as her eyes tracked Jackson as he entered the room and came towards her. Dressed in superbly cut trousers and jacket, he looked like something out of a glossy magazine, not the man in shorts and T-shirt she’d been knocking around with for the last couple of months.
‘Jess.’
‘Jackson.’
He’d dropped in last night to tell her he was flying out today, bound for Auckland, and on to Hong Kong on Saturday. Said it was for the best. That’s what she’d spent most of the night trying to figure out—how could it be good for him or for her?
‘Jackson, I made my own breakfast.’ Nicholas seemed impervious to the mood in the room.
‘That’s great.’ He looked down at her boy, and swallowed. ‘Nicholas, I’m leaving today, going back to where I live.’
Her eyes blurred, her hands were like claws around the mug. Give me strength.
Nicholas stared up at the man he’d come to accept as part of his life. ‘You can’t. I don’t want you to. Mummy, tell him to stay.’
There were tears in Jackson’s eyes as he hunkered down to be on Nicholas’s level and reached for him. ‘I’m sorry, sport, but I have to go.’
‘No, you don’t.’ Nicholas began crying, big hiccupping sobs that broke her heart as much as Jackson’s leaving would.
‘Can I send you emails? You can answer, telling me how your swimming lessons are going, how many fish you catch with Grady?’ Sniff, sniff. Jackson studied her boy like he was storing memories to take with him.
Nicholas nodded slowly then his eyes widened in panic. ‘I don’t know how to email. Mummy?’
‘I’ll show you.’ Was it a good idea to let these two stay in touch? Would Nicholas feel let down, or would he slowly get over Jackson’s disappearance?
Jackson stood, Nicholas in his arms. ‘I want you to look after Mummy, for me. She’s very special, you know.’
Stay and look out for me yourself. ‘That doesn’t give you licence to do what you like around here, Nicholas.’ Her smile was warped, but at least it was a smile.
‘What’s licence?’
‘I think your mother means you can’t do whatever you like without permission.’ Jackson squeezed him close then dropped a kiss on his head before handing him to her. ‘See you later, alligator.’ His voice broke and he turned away.
She cuddled her little boy, comforting him, comforting herself. ‘Ssh, sweetheart. It’s going to be all right.’ Like hell it would be, and now she’d lied to Nicholas. She kissed the top of his head. ‘Jackson, you’d better go.’ Before I nail you to the floor so you can’t. Before I fall apart, the way my boy is. ‘Please,’ she begged.
He turned back to face her. ‘Sure.’ But he didn’t move. Just stood there, watching her, sadness oozing out of those beautiful green eyes.
‘Go. Now. Please.’
He stepped up beside her, his hand took her chin and gently tilted her head back. His kiss was so gentle it hurt. Her lips moulded to his, fitted perfectly, for the last time. She breathed in to get her last taste of him, a scent to hold onto and remember in the dark of the night.
And then he was gone. Her back door closed quietly behind him. Nicholas howled louder. Jess sat there, unable to move, and let the tears flow.
Jackson had gone.
CHAPTER TEN
JESS PULLED THE bedcovers up to her chin and listened to the rain beating down on the roof. It hadn’t let up all night. She’d never heard rain like it. And according to the radio it wasn’t about to stop.
‘Heavy rain warnings for the Cobb Valley and lower Takaka’ had been the dire message, again and again.
‘Not a lot I can do about it. Might as well stay snug in bed. At least until Nicholas decides he wants up and about.’ The rain suited her mood. The mood that had hung over her, keeping her gripped in misery, for the two days since Jackson had walked out of her life.
It was time to get over that. Yeah, okay, time to paste a smile on her face and pretend everything was fine in her world. Going around looking like someone had stolen her house when she hadn’t been looking didn’t help. Starting from now, she’d
enjoy these quiet moments before Nicholas demanded her attention. She flicked the bedside light on and reached for her book. ‘Bliss,’ she pretended.
The light flickered. Dimmed, came back to full strength. Went off.
‘So much for that idea.’
‘Mummy, it’s gone dark,’ Nicholas yelled from his bedroom. ‘I’m getting up.’
‘Me, too, Sweetheart.’ Jess leapt out of bed and quickly dressed in old jeans and T-shirt. It didn’t matter that she looked like a tramp; Jackson wasn’t around to notice. The familiar tug of need twisted at her heart, tightened her tummy. She missed him. So much. Let’s face it, she’d already been missing him before he’d left.
The moment he’d said goodbye and walked away she’d shut down, squashing hard on the pain threatening to break her apart. She’d gone through the last two days at work like a robot. One day she’d have to face up to the end of her affair with Jackson, and deal with it. But right now it was a case of getting through the minutes one at a time.
With a smile on her face. No matter how false that was.
‘Hey, Mummy. Can I go outside and jump in the puddles?’ Nicholas appeared in her doorway, dressed in his favourite shirt—his fishing one, of course.
Another tug at her heart. At least she could be thankful that after his first outburst of disappointment Nicholas hadn’t been as sad as she’d expected. But that could be because her son didn’t get what goodbye really meant. Up until now anyone who said that to him always came back—from Nelson, from school, from just about anywhere. But not from Hong Kong.
‘Let me see what it’s like outside first. There’s been a lot of rain and those puddles might be very deep.’
Jackson would still be in Auckland. He’d left Golden Bay with days to spare before the first flight he could get to Asia, running out as though dogs had been snapping at his gorgeous butt. He was staying with an old med-school pal he’d kept in touch with over the years since graduation. Or so Sasha had told her as she’d handed Jess the tissue box. There’d been a lot of tissues used in the past two days. Who’d have believed one person could produce so many tears? She could probably singlehandedly meet Golden Bay’s salt requirements.
Pulling the curtains back, Jess stared at the sight of her front yard with puddles the size of small swimming pools. A trickle of concern had her heading out the front door to check what was happening with her neighbours and the road. Wet, wet, wet. Water was everywhere, and rising. She’d never seen anything like this. It looked like her house had been transplanted into the sea.
Back inside, she reached for her cellphone. At least that was working. ‘Hey, Grady, just checking everything’s all right over your way. We’re inundated with water here. The power’s out as well.’
Grady sounded calm as he told her, ‘Sasha and I are with Ian and Virginia. Might be a good idea for you and Nicholas to join us. The area is copping huge runoff from the hills. That’s probably what you’re getting. About an hour ago it started coming across the farms, over the road and through the properties on this side.’
‘I’m sure we’re safe but, yeah, I might come over before it gets worse. I don’t want to be stuck here with Nicholas. At the moment he thinks this is all for his benefit but if we have to wade out it won’t be pretty.’ Besides, there was safety in numbers and all that.
‘Take your phone and call if you think you’re going to get stuck. Actually, no. Stay there. I’ll come and get you in the four-wheel drive. That little hybrid thing of yours won’t stand a chance if there’s more than a few inches of water on the road.’ Click, and Grady had gone.
‘Nicholas, put a jersey and your shoes in a bag. Get your rain jacket and gumboots ready too. Grady’s coming to pick us up.’
‘Ye-es, Grady’s coming.’ He leapt up and down all the way down the hall to the laundry, where his bag hung on the back of the door.
Quickly stuffing some warm clothes in another bag for herself, she slipped into her heavy-duty jacket and went around making sure all light switches were off and everything was locked up tight. Then she grabbed another handful of Nicholas’s clothes. There was no way her boy would stay dry today. Too much temptation outside.
‘Nicholas...’ She waited until she had his full attention. ‘When we get to Mrs Wilson’s you are not to go outside. It’s dangerous out there. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, Mummy.’ He looked so innocent that she crossed her fingers. But thanks to Jackson he was more amenable these days.
Jackson. What she wouldn’t do to have him walking in the front door right now.
‘Grady’s here.’ Nicholas raced for the door to drag the poor guy inside.
Once aboard the four-wheel drive, she told Grady, ‘Thanks for taking us to your in-laws’. I didn’t fancy hanging around watching that water getting higher by the minute.’ Mentally she crossed fingers that her house would be safe.
‘No problem. The situation’s going to get worse before it’s over.’
Less than an hour later Jess heard from the police that her house had a torrent of water pouring through it, as did the other few houses in her immediate neighbourhood, including Mrs Harrop’s place. Thankfully the old lady had gone to Nelson for a few days. The cop told her, ‘Half a kilometre back the road has been undermined with a deep and wide cut made by the force of the ever-increasing volume of water. That caused it to build up and surge forward through your area.’
Her heart sank. ‘At least we’re safe. Thank goodness Grady came and got us.’ But what about her home? All her things? Nicholas’s favourite toys and books? Tears spurted down her cheeks. ‘They are only possessions,’ she muttered, slashing at her cheeks with the back of her hand. ‘But this has turned into the week from hell.’
Sasha hugged her. ‘Those things are your things. I get it. It isn’t fair. Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think.’
Jess looked at her friend and shook her head. ‘You reckon?’
Then Ian burst in through his back door yelling, ‘The water levels are rising fast. I need to shift the sheep out of the orchard into the yard around the house. All hands on deck.’
Virginia said, ‘I’ll look after Melanie and Nicholas while you’re all outside.’
* * *
Sasha yelled down the phone. ‘Jackson, get your butt back home. You’re needed. The whole area is flooded. It’s serious.’
His heart stalled. ‘Is Jess all right? Nicholas?’ He looked around the crowded bar, found the TV screen. A rerun of last night’s rugby game between the Auckland Blues and the Hawkes Bay Magpies was in full swing. He needed the news channel. ‘What about Mum and Dad? I know you said the house was high and dry, but how are they dealing with this?’ The orchard had gone under water before but they’d always pulled through. Of course, they hadn’t been dealing with other things like MS before. But Jess? How would she fare? Her house was closer to the hills. Oh, God, Jess, I’ve let you down.
Sasha ramped up her yelling. ‘Mum and Dad are great. It’s Jessica who needs you. Her house’s been flooded. She’s probably lost just about everything. Including you, you big moron.’
The expletives spitting out of his mouth copped him a few unwanted glares from people sitting at the next table. For a moment he’d forgotten he was in the pub. Up until five minutes ago he’d been having a quiet beer and early brunch with his friend Simon from med-school days and pretending everything was okay. Now he couldn’t deny it any longer. He shouldn’t be here. Neither should he be going to Hong Kong. ‘Tell me about Jess. Is she safe?’ His heart finally started working properly and he could hardly hear for the thumping in his ears.
‘She’s out helping rescue people, patching others up, making sure they’ve got somewhere to go for the duration of the flood.’
Typical, big-hearted Jess. The woman he hadn’t had the courage to tell he loved her. Jackson stood up abruptly
, his chair crashing back. He needed to see the flood for himself, to get a grip on reality. ‘Has this been on the news?’
‘Where have you been, Jackson?’ Sasha sounded completely fed up with him. As she had every right to be. He’d been an idiot, thinking he could walk away from them all. Especially from Jess, the love of his life.
‘What’s up, Jackson?’ Simon stood up too, righted the chair and apologised to the people sitting behind them.
‘I need to get the bar owner to change to the news channel. It’s flooding at home. Badly.’ With the phone still glued to his ear, he began picking his way through the crowd.
Simon grabbed his elbow. ‘You want to get us lynched? Every single person in this bar has their eyes fixed to that game.’
‘Tough. This is important.’
‘That’s all relative. Come with me. I have a better idea. Besides, I want to live a while longer yet.’ Simon was nothing if not persistent. Jackson’s elbow was grabbed in something resembling a rugby hold and he was quick-marched outside.
‘Where are we going?’ he demanded, as fury began roaring up inside him. ‘I need to see the news channel.’
‘What did you say?’ Sasha demanded in his ear.
He’d forgotten all about his sister. ‘Sorry, Sasha. Got to go. Simon’s dragging me halfway around the city and I need to stop him.’
‘Whatever. I got it wrong, didn’t I?’ Sasha sounded disappointed—in him.
‘Got what wrong?’ He tugged free of Simon’s grip, then stopped as understanding hit. They were outside an appliance store. A store where hopefully someone would listen to his request. ‘Thanks, Simon.’
‘I thought you cared.’ Sasha spoke so softly he nearly missed her words. ‘I’ve got to go. We’re dealing with an emergency down here.’
‘Wait. Sasha, please. Is the road over the hill a go?’
‘Nope. Landslides closed it around lunchtime.’
