by Di Morrissey
Ned stared at the warmth in Jack’s eyes. Was the older man saying that it was time to put his father behind him and start over? But could he really do that? He glanced at Bella.
‘I’m sorry, Bell. I never wanted you to be hurt.’
‘It wasn’t your fault, Ned. I have to believe what you’ve told me, but I still can’t quite accept it. Why did he do it? Was it us? Mum? Did we do something wrong?’
‘No!’ interjected Ned. ‘I think he did it because he thought he was entitled to do whatever he wanted. That the rules didn’t apply to him and he could take what he wanted without any regard for the feelings of those closest to him. He was selfish and self-centred.’
‘Maybe,’ said Bella, her voice unsure.
‘The sins of our fathers can be a heavy burden if we let them,’ said Jack, eyeing Ned, but Ned was looking intently at Bella. Jack turned to her. ‘Now you know the truth, Bella, there’s no going back,’ continued Jack. ‘But neither of you should feel responsible for your father’s actions. He did the wrong thing by your family, but don’t take it on yourselves to live with the consequences of what he did. Cut yourselves some slack. Keep going forwards with your lives.’
‘Seems a bit late for that,’ sighed Ned.
‘Enough with the poor me,’ said Jack impatiently. ‘You’ve got a talent. And now you have support from someone strong, resourceful and whom you can trust. Give it a try – you have all to gain and nothing to lose, as they say.’
Ned looked at Jack and said steadily, ‘That’s not all that’s concerning me. Toni is pregnant. But the truth is, the baby would probably be better off without me.’
‘Hmm . . . well, I can’t advise you on that one,’ said Jack, lifting an eyebrow. ‘You make choices and you have to live with them. But I will say that in spite of what your father did, family is something to be treasured. Just take you and Bella. You’ve both been through a fair bit of drama while you’ve been here, and yet you’ve both survived, and I think what’s happened has made for even stronger bonds.’ He reached out and gripped Ned’s arm. ‘I regret letting my family slip away. Try not to let that happen to you because you think you’re the same as your father. You are your own person. Respect that.’
They sat in silence for a while. There didn’t seem to be anything left to say. Ned rubbed his face. He felt exhausted. There was only so much he could process in one day. Jack seemed to sense his mood and picked up his cap. ‘Seeing as you’ve done all the hard work, I’ll pack up your girls, Ned, and be on my way.’
‘You’re taking the chickens? That’s great.’ Bella smiled weakly. ‘Ned thought we’d have to leave them with Frederick.’
There was a sudden downpour that hammered on the roof, making speech impossible for a few moments, but when it eased Ned asked Jack, ‘You have somewhere to keep them?’
‘Yep, I’ve got a bomb shelter,’ said Jack. Then, seeing Ned and Bella’s astonished expressions, he grinned. ‘Yes, I have a suitable place.’
‘I’ll help you. I’ve got some boxes we can put them in,’ said Ned.
The two men headed up towards the chicken run as the rain began in earnest. Bella grabbed a towel to put over her head and raced after them.
As the last box of protesting chickens was loaded into Jack’s car, Ned looked across to Bella, who had taken shelter under the dripping poinciana tree with the towel over her head. She seemed very young and a little forlorn. How she must have hated hearing what he had told her. While Ned had had a rather prickly relationship with his father, Alex had always been Bella’s hero. Telling Bella what Alex had done would have been a far greater blow for his sister than it had been for him, for Alex stood far higher in her estimation than in Ned’s. Ned couldn’t help but admire Bella in that moment. After all that had happened, the abduction and now this, he was amazed how strong she was. Looking at his bedraggled sister, he felt a wave of affection for her. And as he patted a carton to soothe the muttering chickens, a thought occurred to him, stopping him in his tracks. What if Toni was expecting a girl? How would he feel about having a daughter?
‘Is there a problem?’ asked Jack.
‘Ah, no. The hens are right to go. But I’ll miss them,’ said Ned, feeling a bit foolish.
‘Oh, stop it. They’re just chooks,’ called Bella from under the tree of flaming flowers. ‘But chooks with character,’ she added.
Jack came around and slammed the back of the car shut. Rain dripped from the brim of his cap. He looked at Ned with a steady gaze and stuck out his hand. ‘Till we meet again, buddy.’
‘Yes. We will, I know we will,’ said Ned, desperately hoping the words were true. He reached out and pumped Jack’s hand.
‘Take it as it comes, Ned. What happens, happens. That’s life. Been good to know you. I’ll be listening out for your music.’
Jack turned abruptly and opened the driver’s door, calling out to Bella as he did so, ‘Don’t push him too hard, Bella. Remember, with you holding the reins, he’ll get there.’
Bella dashed out from under the tree and hugged Jack. ‘Thank you so much for what you did for me. You saved my life. And thanks for the things you said just now. I know that Ned and I will work things out. I’ll send you a ticket to the opening night.’ She kissed Jack on the cheek.
Jack nodded, touching the rim of his cap, then got behind the wheel, started the motor and drove off into the downpour.
Bella and Ned watched till he was out of sight.
‘Why are we standing in the rain? Let’s get inside. I’m hungry,’ said Bella.
War’s over. Ned nodded and followed her down the steps, but turned as he got to the door and looked back. A curtain of rain and nightfall obscured the bush, and for a moment he wondered if Jack had really been there. But then the twang of Jack’s voice came back to him. ‘Take it as it comes.’
*
It was their last night. Ned and Bella sat talking in the dark, not bothering to turn on the lights.
‘Bella, I’ve been thinking, and I’ve made two decisions,’ said Ned. ‘Now that I’ve told you about Dad, I think we need to agree that neither of us will ever tell Mum about his double life. It’s unlikely she’d ever find out, so I see no reason to break her heart. Do you agree that that’s for the best?’
‘Definitely. I know I said that telling the truth was always for the best. I was wrong. Telling Mum the truth would achieve nothing. I just hope, like you, that this knowledge about our father stays a secret from her forever. Sometimes telling the truth achieves no real purpose at all and I think that applies in Mum’s case. What’s your other decision?’
‘I’m going to come to the dedication ceremony.’
‘So you think Dad deserves it?’
Ned shook his head. ‘Bella, I’m not doing it for Dad, I’m doing it for Mum. She wants me there to show a united family front, and so that’s what I’ll give her. A united family. I’ll fly out of Cairns with you.’
‘Thanks, Ned. I’m pleased for Mum’s sake, but the ceremony seems so hollow since you told me what Dad did,’ said Bella sadly.
‘Now you know how I felt and why I didn’t want to go back to Tennyson, but I’ve decided that I can’t punish Mum for what Dad did. I can’t keep staying away from our family because of what happened.’
‘Ned, I’m really glad to hear that.’ Bella was quiet a moment. ‘You know, while we’re talking about decisions, I was standing out there under that tree just now and I realised something. All my life I’ve thought that Dad was someone who was nearly faultless. But I see now that a lot of what I admired in Dad was quite superficial. He only cared about what he wanted. Being admired in the community. Being a leader, the centre of attention all the time. Taking what he wanted without regard for others. That’s not what’s right.’ She took a breath. ‘The best sort of man is kind, loving, honest and dependable. Someone who will always be there for you. Someone
who doesn’t put himself first. Someone you can trust implicitly. Now I realise how I’ve misjudged Brendan. I thought he was unexciting, a little boring, but I was wrong. He raced up here to see me, set off with you and Jack to find me, with no idea what he might run into. He’s open with me. He cares about me and what I want. He’s honest with me. He puts me first. I thought that no man could measure up to Dad. I set impossibly high standards for every man I ever met, and for what? It turns out that our father was a louse. Brendan is a hundred times better.’
*
They said little the following morning as they finished cleaning up, hastily washing and drying the sheets and towels. Then they left Carlo’s house and drove along the muddy and slippery tracks to the roadhouse to collect Bella’s car and say goodbye to Theresa and Frederick.
Over coffee, both of them used their mobiles, taking advantage of the unusually good reception. Ned tried to ring Toni, but her mobile went through to voicemail and, not knowing what he wanted to say, he didn’t leave a message. He then rang Cooktown Hospital only to be told that she was in a conference which could not be interrupted. Ned wondered if it really was work that prevented Toni from speaking with him, or whether she just wanted to avoid him. But what would he say if he did speak to her? He had no idea.
Ned heard Bella call Antony and arrange to meet him the next day. Ned suspected Antony wasn’t going to be happy about Bella’s news, but Ned knew Bella could handle him. Next Bella spoke to Roberta, who was in Cairns, so they agreed to catch up and Bella left a voice message for their mother to say that both she and Ned would be home shortly, in plenty of time for the ceremony, and that she would call her that night from Cairns.
‘I’m booking us into a decent hotel. I’ll shout you,’ she said to Ned.
‘Thanks, but that’s okay, Bella. I’m not broke yet. I can still pay my way. And I have more than enough for a plane ticket to Melbourne. Since I don’t know quite what I’m going to do now, I’m thinking of selling this car. No point in putting it into storage on the off chance that I’ll be back anytime soon.’
‘So you’re not planning on seeing Toni?’
‘It seems Toni is avoiding me,’ replied Ned.
‘Oh, Ned, it feels like this is all my fault. I should never have mentioned Ash to her.’
‘No, if anyone’s at fault, it’s me. I can’t blame Toni for wanting to make a clean break,’ replied Ned. ‘Actually, I think it’s for the best.’
‘Maybe,’ said Bella. ‘Tell me, have you thought more about the ideas for your musical?’
Ned knew that his sister was trying to be tactful by changing the subject, so he told her about the images that had started to form in his mind.
‘The musical, the story, hangs off Attie. But I think we need to include some of the background canvas, the forgotten history. There’s great scope for music there. I think that I can already see the opening,’ mused Ned.
‘Really? The curtain goes up and . . . ?’
‘The corner room of the convent and the view to the Endeavour River. Sister Evangelista is writing a letter . . . then she puts down her pen and sings, “The Land I left Behind” . . .’
Bella nodded, smiling. ‘I think that might just work.’ She drained her coffee and began to gather her things. ‘Okay, let’s hit the road.’
Theresa and Frederick, their arms around each other, stood outside the roadhouse and waved them off. ‘Hope to see you back up here next season,’ Frederick called out as they drove off. Ned wondered when he would be back again, if ever.
Ned followed Bella’s car out of the parking lot. From the roadhouse, they hit the Mulligan Highway. One sign pointed left to Cairns, the other right to Cooktown.
Ned’s foot rested on the brake, and for one moment, he almost swung to the right. But then he flicked his blinker on, pressed down on the accelerator, and turned left towards Cairns.
12
Cairns’s high rises loomed like a fantasy world after the silent surrounds of the river house. Cooktown, briefly the centre of their universe, now retreated to a sleepy off-season backwater.
Bella weaved her car confidently through several sets of traffic lights before pulling up at the hotel she had booked for them. After they had both checked in, Bella sighed.
‘It’s so annoying I couldn’t get us on a flight sooner. What are you going to do to fill in time?’
Ned glanced at his watch. ‘I’ll make a phone call and then head down to the club where I was playing last and see if Sarah and any of the guys are around.’
Bella remembered the friendly club manager she’d met when she was first in Cairns. ‘Say hi to her from me. She seems a nice person. I’m waiting to hear from Roberta. I’m so looking forward to catching up with her.’
‘When are you meeting Antony?’
‘No word from him yet. I’ll let you know.’
Bella watched Ned walk away, his old guitar case slung over one slumped shoulder. While she was still deeply shocked by what Ned had revealed about their father, and she had not come to terms with the news, Bella did feel sorry for the burden Ned had chosen to carry alone for so long. She was sure that if he had confided in Ashleigh it would have made things easier for him, but the fact that he hadn’t been able to bring himself to do so seemed to indicate that Ashleigh had not been the right person for him, as Jack had suggested. It was also possible, too, that Ashleigh wouldn’t have understood Ned’s deep pain and confusion about their father’s betrayal the way Bella did. However, Bella knew there was more to Ned’s despondency. His complicated relationship with Toni was clearly troubling him, too.
Toni appeared to be dealing with that situation by refusing to speak to Ned, but Bella wondered if that was really the end of the matter. She really hoped that Ned would be able to divorce himself from his feelings about Alex and see himself in the role of father to his and Toni’s baby.
Bella’s phone beeped and she checked her messages to find there was a brief text from Antony: Come to dinner tonight. I’ll let you know where. Around 7. Looking forward to seeing you. Ant x
Bella was pleased he’d made contact, but she was still considering what to say to him. She wondered if he would persevere with his tourism plans without her input. Bella had barely answered Antony’s text message when the phone rang again.
‘Hi, Bella. It’s Roberta. Where are you?’
‘I’m here in Cairns!’ Bella was thrilled to hear from her new friend. ‘I’m in my hotel. Can we meet?’
‘Sure thing. Love to see you and hear your news.’
They met half an hour later at a café facing the marina, hugged each other and started talking at once. Laughing, they sat down and ordered coffee.
‘So, what did you think of Cooktown? Or, more importantly, how were things with your brother? I’m thrilled you found him.’
‘Yes, although he wasn’t exactly where I expected him to be, so it’s been quite a trip, in many ways,’ said Bella slowly.
Roberta gave her a sharp glance. ‘Tell me more.’
Starting hesitantly, Bella talked about staying at Carlo’s place in the wilderness, and of Ned and his intense drive to produce the music and lyrics for a musical, the difficulty and frustration he had in not being able to come up with a theme.
‘You first opened my eyes to stories about this country, and its secret, less well-known history, and then I found that Ned was on the same path. Serendipitously he had access to some incredible letters from a nun who first came to Cooktown in the 1880s. The two of us learned a lot through those letters.’ Bella suddenly smiled. ‘You remember the story you told me about a little girl who had been taken in by your people and then bought by a white family who raised her, and how she became a famous singer? Well, her story was in one of the letters. Isn’t that an amazing coincidence? The family who adopted her were called the Pedersens. They seem to have been very eccentric, but they sent
Attie to the convent school in Cooktown. I think that’s where she was given formal singing lessons. I couldn’t wait to tell you.’
Roberta leaned forward, her eyes sparkling. ‘That was in the old letters? How fantastic! You probably know more about her now than I do. Once she was adopted out our family had no idea what had happened to her until she suddenly appeared as an acclaimed singer,’ said Roberta.
‘When we went back to the museum we learned more about her from the museum’s curator. I can put you in touch with him if you’re interested. Attie seems to have been an extraordinary person.’ Bella sipped her coffee, happy to share such interesting stories about Roberta’s family with her. ‘There was lots more in the nun’s letters. We learned about the far north, the goldfields, the Chinese, the displacement and massacres of the Indigenous population, the wealthy pastoralists and the impact of the Second World War on Cooktown. Now Ned wants to weave these stories into his music,’ explained Bella.
Roberta laughed. ‘That sounds like a ten-hour show! But seriously, it’s a great idea because it was such a colourful era, and it’s not always celebrated or even acknowledged.’
‘I knew that Ned’s story needed a central focus, a hook, so I suggested that he could hang the story around Attie. She’ll be the character everyone will want to meet,’ Bella explained.
‘What a brilliant idea!’ exclaimed Roberta. ‘Who would you like to play her?’
‘We haven’t got that far yet,’ said Bella with a smile, encouraged by Roberta’s obvious enthusiasm. ‘And I say “we”, because in my discussions with Ned about this musical, I realised he’ll have far too much other work to do to be able to look after the administrative side of things, and I just know I’m better organised in dealing with those practical details. So, I suggested that I could be his manager and he agreed.’
