“How do you want me to let you come, Amanda?”
She swallowed hard. She’d never been one for dirty talk. She didn’t even know how to begin. She didn’t even know what she fully wanted besides everything all at once.
“I want your cock,” she whispered huskily.
He actually grinned. Like he enjoyed the way those words rolled off her tongue. Her eyes traveled to his jeans. A distinct bulge stood out and her throat closed up. The horrible, aching, pounding sensation between her legs got a thousand times worse.
“Where do you want it? Your mouth? Your ass or your cunt?”
She nearly gasped and managed to hold it back at the last second. Dear lord, she finally understood the draw of language like that. It was sexy as hell, thinking of any of those options though she’d never really enjoyed giving or even receiving oral, although, with him, she’d sure as hell liked what he’d done. She certainly hadn’t tried anything beyond the more vanilla shades of pleasure.
“In… in my pussy,” she finally stammered, when she realized he wasn’t going to do anything until she actually said the words.
He nodded once then shocked her by gripping her hips again and hauling her off the tailgate. He set her feet, now bare since her sandals had somehow fallen off, probably when he put her onto the truck the first time, in the dirt of the road.
Jason turned her swiftly and bent her over the tailgate. Her elbows hit the metal with a hard thud that caused a sweet sting of pain. He actually dared to hike up the skirt of her dress, rucked it around her hips.
She paused, hardly daring to breathe. She wanted this too badly to stop. She was too afraid of it not happening to tell him to wait for a private setting. The thought of him changing her mind and not ending this torture for her nearly made her mad with panic.
The swift little zing of the zipper of his fly opening sent stars flashing over her eyes. This was really going to happen. Right here, right now.
A second passed them she felt him, hard and thick and pulsing against her thigh.
“You have one last chance to say no, Amanda. After that I’m not going to be able to control myself. Tell me if you really want this.”
“I really want it,” Amanda said hoarsely. She waited, tense until she felt him move.
His hips surged forward and the head of his cock slid through her slick folds, right to her entrance. She knew he was big, probably far too big to even fit inside of her. She imagined herself being completely humiliated when it didn’t fit. When he changed his mind because she wasn’t what he wanted after all.
He pulsed against her for a second and then he thrust hard, taking her in one swift motion. Just like that he sheathed himself inside of her. A hard scream was torn from her throat, but it was one of raw, primitive pleasure, not of pain. He didn’t wait, didn’t give her a chance to adjust to the tight, thick length of his cock. He couldn’t. She understood. He was obviously as out of control as she was.
His deep, rapid breaths, the hard way he thrust before pulling almost all the way and pounding back home, filing her, stretching her past anything she thought she could take, seating himself deeper and deeper, overwhelmed her senses.
She swiveled her hips in a hard grind against him, opened herself up, took him even further. His thrusts increased in tempo, reaching a hot, fevered pitch. She ground against him harder yet, her own desperation finding a new intensity. His fingers dug into the tender skin of her hips. She should be embarrassed that she was exposed to him from the waist down, the skirt of her dress thrown over her hips, her ass in the air and his cock pumping into her, but she wasn’t. She wasn’t shy at all, for the first time in her life. She needed him too badly to be shy.
One hand, surprisingly, tangled in her hair. Her head was yanked back painfully. She saw stars at the edges of her vision and her eyes teared. As quick as the pain reared up, it faded, replaced with the most delicious lick of pleasure.
Amanda opened her eyes when Jason’s hand at her waist, guided her back a step. She finally realized what the hard tug had been about. He’d created a gap between her elbows on the tailgate and her chest. She was no longer jammed up against it.
She glanced down, a little shocked to see how it looked as he slid out of her body. His cock was shiny and wet with her juices. He was so thick, so impossibly large, it was a little surprising, even though she’d grown used to the feel of him inside of her.
She watched, fascinated as he slid nearly all the way out. Just the tip remained inside, teasing her, tempting her. She moaned and swiveled her hips and he complied with what she wanted, slowly sliding back inside of her.
Fuck. She’d never seen anything so sexy in her life. The feel of him, pulsing inside of her nearly sent her over the edge. She wanted this. She wanted this and so much more, but the fear of discovery and the raw ache, nearly a blinding crescendo inside of her, drove her forward. She swiveled her hips in a slow, dirty grind that drew a groan from Jason’s throat.
His hands latched back onto her hips and he thrust hard. The new, frantic rhythm was so sweet and delicious, white hot and searing that Amanda would have liked to hold out longer. She tried hard to stop the climax from taking her, but her muscles clamped down, gripping his cock hard. The telltale shivers ripped up her thighs and then the full force of the orgasm hit.
She cried out violently, shrilly. Her fingers scrabbled over the tailgate, digging in. She braced herself as wave after wave of hot passion, waves so white hot that they were actually painful as well as erotic, ripped through her body. Her eyes slammed shut and the blackness closed in.
Jason thrust harder, uncontrolled. He let his body go. His hips rammed against hers, their flesh slapping together loudly. He pistoned into her, harder, slamming her with every thrust, reaching a frenzied pitch until at last, at the last second, he pulled out. Hot jets pumped over her ass and spurted onto her thighs.
Amanda froze. The feel of those hot bursts sobered her a little. What they’d just done was real. It wasn’t just her hand and her fevered imagination bringing herself to pleasure in the middle of the night. No, this had been raw and utterly, truly amazing. Like nothing she’d ever experienced before.
“I… uh…” Amanda stammered a few minutes later. She didn’t dare move. The wetness slowly cooled and trickled down her leg.
“Here.” Jason fumbled with his jeans, tucking them back into place then he whipped off his t-shirt and handed it to her. “Use this.”
That too should have been embarrassing but the strange act, wiping his seed off of her skin, in the middle of nowhere with only the woods as their witness, he virtually a complete stranger and she, having just given herself to him in the most brazen way possible, was almost as an erotic an ending as how they’d begun.
She didn’t know what to do with the shirt after. She slowly pulled her dress down, retrieved the tin pails from where she’d let them fall and tucked the t-shirt into one of them.
“We need to talk,” Jason said. He turned on his heel and got into the truck. He fired it up but just sat, waiting for her.
Amanda swallowed hard. She couldn’t regret what they’d just done. She certainly couldn’t bring herself to feel any sort of remorse. Not when she still felt the tremors from the power of that pleasure pulsing deep inside of her.
She moved slowly, found her flip flops by the tailgate, slipped into them and walked around to the passenger side. She had no choice but to get in and let Jason drive them both home.
Chapter 8
The Hard Truth
Back in the safety of his cabin, where everything seemed more rational, Jason wondered how the hell he could have done it. He’d asked himself that question all the way home. He didn’t know which was worse, the fact the tortured agony he felt before he’d had Amanda or the regret he felt after.
“Sit down.” Jason indicated the couch in his living room. His voice wasn’t commanding. It was strangely hollow even to his own ears.
Amanda, luckily enough, sat. They hadn’t
exchanged one single word on the way home and she could only guess what he was thinking. He didn’t sit. He couldn’t be anywhere near her. Already, only fifteen minutes after he’d taken her by the side of the road like an animal, a stag in rutting season, he already wanted her again. The need for her crept up in his blood, spiking hot and hard, defeating his defenses once again.
“I… I’ll drive you somewhere. You can have a bath and clean up and then I’ll take you into the clinic in Dinane. The doctor can give you something, unless you’re already on the pill?
“No, I’m not on the pill.” She carefully avoided looking at him. Instead her deep green eyes studied her pale hands, which were folded on top of pale knees. He imagined those legs wrapped around his head, his waist, anywhere and his pulse raced. “I don’t need to go to the clinic though. You pulled out.”
“That’s never a sure bet. I can’t promise… uh… that it was perfectly on time.”
She shrugged, which was maddening. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s the exact opposite. She paused and her eyes flicked to his face for an instant before settling back on her hands. A flush rose on her pretty cheeks, visible even though her face was turned down. “I don’t like to talk about things like this- things from the past, but in this case I have to. I was with someone for a long time. We tried to get pregnant. For years. It didn’t happen. He said it was me, and since we both went to the doctor to- um- well check, I guess it is me. So- you don’t have anything to worry about there. I’m infertile.”
Amanda raised her head and Jason wasn’t exactly surprised to see a sheen of tears in her beautiful eyes. That was a big blow to a woman. He could never know how that felt. He’d never wanted children. He knew he’d be a shit dad just like his dad before him. He couldn’t imagine being responsible for and raising a life, but he knew some women needed that. To some women, having a womb that didn’t exactly work was heartbreaking or even shameful.
“Oh… uh- I’m sorry. I guess you’re right- uh- sorry.” Damn it! He had no words for a situation like this.
Jason didn’t think about what he was going to do. He just did it. He knelt in front of Amanda and took her hands in his. She looked up at him and a few tears spilled down her cheeks. He wanted to kill whoever hurt her, because it was clear that someone had. Over her not being able to bear a child, he was sure of it. What asshole would let her go? Lead her to believe that she was anything less than perfect?
“It’s not your fault.” She tried to laugh off her pain. She tugged a hand free and swiped at her cheeks.
“What happened back there on the road, that was my fault. It was my fault because I couldn’t control myself. I… I’ve never been like this before. I think it’s best if you go. Go back to the city or wherever you want, just go. Go far away from here.”
Amanda’s lips slowly pursed. A frown deepened her brow. “Why would I ever want to do that?”
“To keep yourself safe from me. I can’t promise that it won’t happen again.”
She leaned forward and her gentle touch, a caress on his whiskered cheek, nearly knocked him back on his heels. “Why would I ever want to do that?”
He shook his head slowly. “You mean, you feel it too then?”
“Yes. Of course. Couldn’t you tell that I enjoyed it?”
“Enjoying something in the moment and regrets later are two very different things.”
“You didn’t force me. You asked me twice, if I wanted you to stop and I didn’t.” Her hand never left his cheek. Her skin was warm, warm and so very soft and smooth, dainty, feminine. “I still don’t want you to stop.”
“You came out here because you were fleeing something,” Jason protested. He hadn’t meant to voice that thought out loud, but once he had, it hung in the air between them.
“I- well- I wasn’t exactly fleeing. I left the city for a change of pace,” Amanda admitted eventually. “I am fresh out of a relationship, I’ll tell you that, but the more days that pass, the more I’m starting to realize maybe it wasn’t right. I- what happened today- I’ve never felt like that before.” She took a shaky breath. “But you have a past as well. You’re out here, hiding out here, all alone. It’s not really normal, is it?”
A flood of emotion trickled into Jason’s chest. He didn’t even know what to feel. Of anything in the world, the one thing he never discussed was his past. That was off limits. He was living out in the woods, alone, for a reason. A reason Amanda never had to know.
“I take your point,” Jason ceded. “You don’t want me to ask about your past because I’m not willing to talk about mine.”
“Everyone has issues,” Amanda whispered. “I think that if we enjoy each other, maybe we should just go with that.”
“Amanda… are you sure?” Everything about what she was saying seemed wrong. The desire he felt for her was wrong. He shouldn’t feel like that. Not this much. Not this soon.
She finally nodded. “Yah. I like being here. It’s peaceful. I can paint every evening. I like the quiet and the beauty out here.”
“Watching me swim in the creek…”
Her lips quirked up in a small smile. “Yah. I like that too. We can do this. Be adults. Enjoy each other. I think if we eventually decide not to, we can both be mature about it. Just give me some notice so I can find somewhere else to live.”
The mere mention of her ever leaving hurt Jason’s chest. It was like taking a bullet straight to his heart. Which made absolutely no sense. The strange urge he felt, the urge to protect her, to keep her safe, rose up hard, nearly choking him.
He did the only thing he could do, since words weren’t possible in that moment. He pulled her forward and wrapped her in his arms. She melted against him, her enticing curves melding into his hard ridges, joining in perfect, utter perfection.
He already knew he wasn’t letting her go anywhere. Not if he had a choice.
It was the most dangerous realization in the world.
Chapter 9
The Brilliance Of The Stars
It was amazing how a couple weeks could change your mind about everything you thought you knew. Was it possible to love someone who you didn’t even truly know? Or could you love them better because you didn’t know them?
Jason didn’t know. He couldn’t answer that question, or any other question. He’d thought, before Amanda arrived, that he was starting to get his shit together. The woods provided a peaceful escape from his past. It was no longer peaceful, but he was no longer tortured. At least not physically. He just couldn’t define where they were going, he and Amanda.
She spent nights in her cabin. Despite the connection he felt, the rightness every time they were together, he couldn’t bring himself to the level of outright intimacy. What they were doing worked for them. For them both, for the time. That was all he knew and it was enough.
He paced the living room of his cabin restlessly. I want her here, damn it. Here. In my bed. He didn’t understand the cravings or his desires. It was like Amanda was a drug and the more he had her, the more he wanted.
He stared through the window at the twinkling light of her cabin. She must have lit a lamp. Maybe she was painting. She said she did that sometimes, when she couldn’t sleep.
Jason knew he should let her be, but he just couldn’t. Before he even really knew what was happening, his boots were scraping his way out the door, onto the porch and then he was half way across the yard and closing the distance to her cabin fast.
Because it was her cabin, he’d never gone there before. It seemed like an intrusion into Amanda’s world, like something that was far too intimate. It was irrational, but he’d always been almost afraid to cross that threshold.
Despite his earlier hesitancy, Jason found himself standing on the little porch of the small cabin, his hand raised. He rapped gently against the door, half hoping she wouldn’t hear him and he could retreat back to his own cabin.
This felt far too needy. To let her know just
how potent his desire was for her. To share this part of himself with her and hope that she would in turn, open up herself to him. Not just their bodies. God, he could be free with his body. He could give and receive pleasure. It was his heart that he so carefully guarded.
“Jason.” Amanda pulled open the door and a beautiful smile illuminated her features. She’d changed. Earlier she’d worn a t-shirt and cut off jean shorts that looked like they came that way right from the store. Now she had on a black cotton maxi dress. It hugged her curves and showed off a hell of a lot of her gorgeous, neatly rounded breasts.
He nearly choked and carefully raised his eyes back to her face. “I- uh- thought I would come see if you wanted to go to the creek.”
“For a swim? It’s dark. It would be absolutely freezing without the sun.”
“Yah- no, not for a swim.” This is going to sound corny. It already sounds lame as hell. “The stars are quite incredible outside the city. The clearing above the creek- you can see them well without the trees overhead to get in the way.”
Amanda considered that for a second. “Oh. Sure! That sounds amazing. Come in for a second. I’ll grab a sweater so I don’t get eaten alive.”
So she was learning. Jason nearly smiled, but he held it back at the last second. “Sure.” He stepped into the cabin, across the invisible boundary that he’d been so irrationally worried about. Nothing happened. The world didn’t fall in on him. He didn’t even feel any different.
In fact, the cabin looked exactly the same. The only difference were the signs of life. Paints laid out, canvases set against the wall, an easel in the corner and a lamp burning on an end table beside the window.
“I can’t believe you paint when it’s this dark in here.”
She shrugged. “I don’t mind. I actually do most of it in the evening before it gets dark. If I paint right now it’s just laying down the initial outlines and colors and those can always be fixed if I make a mistake.
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