Their personalities had changed, too. As kids, they had enjoyed an easy friendship. Leslie had always followed his lead, letting him run the show. Lately, they seemed to butt heads over the least little thing. If he said yes, she said no. If he told her to do something, she did the opposite. Sometimes, he was tempted to turn her over his knee and give her a good, sound spanking just so she would listen to him. He didn’t want to break her spirit, just get her to see reason once in a while.
It bothered him that his feelings for her in recent months didn’t fit with their relationship. He didn’t want to desire her. It was downright uncomfortable trying to reconcile his feelings for Leslie. Even though it had become nearly impossible to do so, Gabe was determined to think of her only as a friend or little sister, because she wasn’t at all what he wanted for a wife.
As Gabe had matured from an orphaned sixteen-year-old into a man, he had come to realize that there were few things in life that could be controlled. He had no control over his parents dying. He had no control over the weather, or crop yields, or the prices for the goods he sold. There were a million things in life that couldn’t be controlled, but he could control who he chose to marry. And once he did marry, he would definitely control his wife sexually. She would have lots of freedom. She could have her own opinions, and he would defer to her in many other aspects of their shared life. But her body would belong to him, and he would use it however he wished.
Gabe knew that he was a dominant and demanding lover. As in other aspects of his life, Gabe liked to be in control. The saloon girls at Harvey’s didn’t mind. In fact, they were eager to meet his needs, and they vied for his attention whenever he visited that establishment. They seemed resentful that he usually gravitated toward Rita, one of the older and more experienced women who worked there.
Being so wise and worldly, Rita had helped Gabe explore and understand his sexuality. When she discovered that he enjoyed spanking her, tying her up, and having total control over their sexual encounters, she explained to him that he was a sexual dominant. She helped him understand that there was nothing abnormal or deviant about his preferences. Rita explained that it was fine to use bondage and even physical punishment and pain in order to control a woman, so long as Gabe made sure he took care of his lover’s needs, he didn’t cause any damage or harm, and he always gained his lover’s consent. Rita taught him how to inflict a bit of pain to enhance the pleasure for both of them, and she helped him see what a huge responsibility it was to have that kind of control over a woman.
Rita also helped him understand that he needed a woman who was submissive to him. She explained that submission was not the same as weakness. For a woman to be truly submissive, she would have to have great courage, strength of character, and a willingness to surrender complete control of her body. He would have to build a foundation of trust with such a woman in order to reach ultimate fulfillment for them both.
Gabe wanted just such a wife. He wanted to find a submissive woman who would be both passionate and obedient. He wanted a woman who would meet his sexual demands but also be content to raise his children, cook, clean, mend his clothes, and be generally agreeable. He wanted both a lover and a helpmate.
Unfortunately, Leslie fulfilled part of his requirements but not all of them. She certainly stirred his lust. He could easily imagine enjoying her lush body, if only he could get past his conflicted feelings. But he couldn’t imagine her granting him the control that he craved. She was simply too rebellious, headstrong, independent, and opinionated. Besides, she had none of the other qualities he wanted in a wife. She was too much of a tomboy, and he couldn’t picture her settling down into blissful domesticity. She was bound to be a constant source of trouble to any man who married her, and that was the last thing Gabe wanted or needed.
So why did the thought of her marrying anyone else make Gabe’s gut clench? He didn’t like to think about some other man putting his hands on her, making love to her every night, fathering her children. Nor did Gabe like the thought of some other man trying to tame her, to change her, to make her into a pale imitation of who she was. Gabe loved her wild and free spirit, even if she could be a handful. He lusted for her, but he wasn’t in love with her. Try as he might, he couldn’t picture Leslie in the role of wife and mother to his children.
Gabe could, however, picture her in his bed. To his everlasting shame, he had been doing that more and more often in recent months. He seemed to have a heightened sense of awareness whenever she was nearby, and he noticed everything about her. Those details came back to haunt him in his dreams, and he had woken up from quite a few steaming hot dreams about her. If she had any idea about his fantasies, she would probably be equal parts amused and mortified by his inappropriate feelings for her.
He felt so guilty about the lustful thoughts he had been having about Leslie that he tried to avoid seeing her altogether. The only way to do that was to avoid spending very much time at the McKenzie farm, and that had resulted in Gabe being lonelier than ever before. To make matters worse, his old dog, Rowdy, finally died, leaving Gabe truly alone.
He had decided he didn’t like being alone and was determined to take a wife. But he wanted to make sure that whatever wife he chose would be compatible in the bedroom as well as in other aspects of life.
Finding a wife who could meet those criteria was proving difficult, to say the least. Gabe had a hard time imagining any of the eligible young ladies being willing to indulge his rather unconventional carnal desires. Rita helped him with that, too. She explained that a woman could be outwardly prim and ladylike and still be passionate and adventurous in bed, provided that she had the strength and desire to submit.
Gabe thought he had found such a woman in Lena Lewis. She was exceedingly beautiful, sweet tempered, and funny. She was charming and ladylike, just like he wanted his wife to be. She also seemed to have a strong character, and she wasn’t shy about speaking her mind. In fact, it was her effervescence that had initially attracted him.
But he was beginning to second guess his choice. Would Lena be willing to submit to him? Would she enjoy being tied up, spanked, and dominated? Would she enjoy a bit of pain with her pleasure, or would she be horrified by his unconventional sexual appetites?
After his conversation with Mr. McKenzie, Gabe had begun to wonder whether he would enjoy doing those things with her. He liked Lena’s company, but he had never actually felt compelled to make her his own. He wasn’t even sure he understood what Mr. McKenzie had meant. Didn’t those sorts of feelings of possessiveness come after a man was married, rather than before?
Brian McKenzie’s words had disturbed him. Gabe wanted to feel the same certainty that the older man had expressed before tying himself irrevocably to a woman for the rest of his life. What if he kissed Lena and felt…nothing? Despite her being exactly what he thought he wanted for a wife, Gabe couldn’t honestly say that she was the focus of his thoughts all that often. He didn’t fantasize about kissing her, caressing her, having sex with her. She certainly wasn’t the most important thing in the world to him. He felt no burning desire to make her his own.
Until today, he had assumed those feelings would develop after they were married. But Mr. McKenzie had made it sound like they should be there from the start, at least with the right woman.
Gabe closed his eyes and tried to conjure an image of Lena in his mind. He concentrated on filling in the details of her face and figure. The image was blurred and indistinct, and he tried to bring it into focus, bit by bit. The harder he tried, the more the image eluded him. He sighed and mentally started with her feet and worked his way up. He pictured gently rounded hips, a waist small enough to span with his hands and generous breasts. He imagined those breasts naked, overflowing his palms as he kissed his way up her creamy neck and nibbled along her jaw. Her lips were soft and warm beneath his, and she moaned as he deepened the kiss.
Gabe gripped his hardened cock, warming to his fantasy. He imagined tying her to his bed and ski
mming his hand down between her thighs to find her already slick with desire. His breathing quickened as he envisioned himself kneeling between her legs and sliding home. Gabe groaned softly as he stroked himself to his visions. He imagined pulling her pebble hard nipple into his mouth and suckling and biting in time with his strokes. He reached to kiss her again and gave an agonized groan.
Instead of seeing Lena’s face, he saw Leslie’s hazel eyes and golden hair spread out on the pillow. Every detail of her face was crystal clear, and it haunted him. Why did he continue to lust after her when his mind knew they could never marry? It was wrong to even have these thoughts about her. They were more like brother and sister than husband and wife, and that would never change.
His cock was still throbbing with need, but he couldn’t find relief. Gabe groaned again and scrubbed his hands through his hair with frustration. To appease his loneliness, he had been a frequent visitor to Harvey’s, but he had stopped going there when Rita retired four months prior. Gabe had always had a healthy appetite for sex, and he thought he might lose his mind if he didn’t end his abstinence soon. These frequent fantasies about Leslie weren’t helping matters. He couldn’t even masturbate in peace any more. He needed a wife!
Maybe it wasn’t as straightforward as Mr. McKenzie had said it was to know whether he had found the right woman. Maybe if he married Lena, he would grow to love and desire her. At least he wouldn’t be lonely and sexually frustrated, night after night. And maybe if he patiently tutored her, Lena would prove a match for him in the bedroom.
Even as he had those thoughts, Gabe knew they were lies. He liked Lena and found her attractive, but he just didn’t feel any burning passion to possess her. He certainly didn’t love her, and he knew that true love wasn’t going to grow between them if he couldn’t even focus on her to the exclusion of all other women. If he was totally honest with himself, he just couldn’t picture the two of them in bed. It wouldn’t be fair to marry Lena, knowing that he wasn’t in love with her and never would be. So, he was back to square one in trying to find a wife. He would have to end things with Lena and resume his search for the right woman. He heaved a frustrated sigh.
Gabe heard one of the horses whinny out in the barn. He rose and looked out the window. The farmyard was bathed in moonlight, and he noticed that the barn door was standing open. He frowned, certain he had closed it before going to bed.
Gabe quickly donned his clothes, retrieved his shotgun, and quietly slipped out of the house. He checked to make sure the shotgun was loaded and then stepped cautiously inside the barn. He heard the faint sounds of someone in one of the nearby stalls. He strained his eyes, and the outline of a man gradually came into focus. The man’s back was turned to him, and he froze when Gabe cocked the shotgun with a loud click.
“Mister, don’t make any sudden moves,” Gabe warned. His voice was a menacing growl. “Raise your hands in the air and come out here where I can see you.”
The intruder made no move to comply, and Gabe’s finger tightened on the trigger. There was no honest reason for the man to be in his barn in the middle of the night.
“I don’t have all night to wait. Either come out now, or I’ll shoot you where you stand.”
The man slowly raised his arms and came out of the stall, shoulders slumped. When he stepped into a beam of moonlight, Gabe could see that he was small, maybe only a boy, but his features were hidden by the brim of his hat. Gabe’s frown deepened.
“Take your hat off so I can see your face,” he ordered.
The man complied, and Gabe’s eyes widened. A mass of golden curls tumbled down, and Gabe felt like he had been punched in the gut.
“Dammit, kitten! What the hell are you doing here in the middle of the night?”
Chapter 3
Leslie gave him an imploring look and dropped her hands. “I’m sorry, Gabe. I really needed to talk with you, and I couldn’t wait until tomorrow.”
Gabe muttered a curse under his breath as he lowered the shotgun and propped it near the barn door. She heard rustling noises and then he lit a lantern and turned up the wick. He hung the lantern from a nearby post, and the golden light highlighted the stern lines of his face as he glared down at her. She shuffled her feet when he crossed his arms and raised one dark, impatient brow.
“I don’t take kindly to people sneaking into my barn in the middle of the night. Do you realize that I could have shot you before I even realized who you were?”
She gave an unladylike snort and braced her hands on her hips. “We both know you wouldn’t shoot someone in cold blood, Gabe Faulkner. I wasn’t in any danger.”
Her stance only served to emphasize the curve of her waist and hips and caused her shirt to pull tautly across her unbound breasts. Gabe’s eyes were drawn to the lush globes like a magnet. Her nipples were hardened from the cool evening air, and they looked like they were trying to bore holes through the soft cotton. His mouth watered, and he emitted a low growl of frustration as he felt his cock begin to harden. Again. Why did she always have this effect on him?
Leslie mistook his growl for one of anger. She suddenly felt foolish for coming on her impetuous mission, and she wished she had waited until the next day to talk to him. Once again, she squirmed guiltily in the face of his disapproval. This was not the reaction she had hoped for. She couldn’t tell him how she felt when he was clearly angry with her.
“What in tarnation was so important that you had to sneak out in the middle of the night, all by yourself, to see me?”
Leslie gulped, and her eyes dropped to her boots. “I can see that it was a bad idea to come here. I’ll just be on my way, and I can talk with you some other time.”
“You’ll talk now,” Gabe insisted. “I want to know what the hell is going on, and I don’t intend to wait to find out.”
“You’re in no mood to listen right now. I’ll wait until you’ve cooled off to tell you what I came to say.” She started to turn back toward her horse, prepared to leave.
“Oh, no, you don’t, little girl.” Gabe gripped her upper arm and she froze. “Anything could have happened to you, out in the middle of the night by yourself. There’s no way I’m letting you repeat your stupidity.”
“I’m not a little girl. I’m a full-grown woman. And don’t be ridiculous. I’ve ridden to your farm hundreds of times. It’s no different just because it’s night.”
Gabe didn’t appreciate her reminder about being a woman. He was trying to ignore the physical proof of that by not ogling her lush breasts. He narrowed his eyes as he glared down at her.
“Of course, it’s different at night. For one thing, I’m willing to bet that no one knows where you are right now, except me. What if you had run into some band of outlaws on the road? What if you had come across a mountain lion on the prowl?”
Leslie gave an indignant huff and shot him a rebellious smirk. That was the second time today that a man had warned her about ridiculous scenarios that might put her in danger, and it ticked her off. Her disrespectful tone reflected her annoyance.
“Don’t be so damned silly. Outlaws and mountain lions? Those are about as likely around here as finding a whore in church. You know as well as I do that I was perfectly safe.”
She started to turn away in dismissal, and Gabe scowled. He yanked her around to face him, gripped her other arm, and gave her a good shake.
“Watch your mouth, kitten. Running into outlaws or mountain lions may be unlikely, but that doesn’t mean you were safe.”
Against his will, his eyes dropped to her tempting breasts. They were flattened against his chest, and he hastily held her at arm’s length. The fact that he was so easily distracted by her body infuriated him, and Gabe glared down at her.
“I bet you didn’t even bring a gun with you, did you?”
Her guilty blush was the only answer he needed. He growled low in his throat again.
“Anything could have happened to you, kitten, and no one would’ve even known.”
She stuck her chin out at an obstinate angle. “Well, nothing did happen. Now, let me go so that I can go home.”
“You aren’t going home by yourself. I’ll take you home after you tell me why you’re here.”
Her eyes flashed green fire. “You’ll do no such thing. I’m not some little baby who needs tending. I can take care of myself.” She renewed her struggles to get loose, but he held her easily.
“Tell me what’s going on, or I’ll turn you over my knee and spank you so hard that you won’t be able to sit comfortably for a week.”
Leslie froze and her eyes rounded as she stared up at him. “You wouldn’t dare!”
His glare only intensified. “Don’t bet on it.”
Leslie stamped her foot, causing her breasts to bounce. “Dammit, Gabe! Where the hell do you get off threatening me? I’m not some child. You have no right to spank me.”
He peeled his eyes up from her breasts to glare at her. “You’re walking on thin ice, kitten. Watch your mouth before you push me too far.”
“Why do I have to watch my mouth? If I learned bad language, it’s your fault. You cuss all the damn time. Why is it okay for you to cuss but not me?”
“Because, you’re a girl. Girls aren’t supposed to cuss.”
She gave an infuriated shriek. “I’m not a girl. I’m a young lady. Why can’t you see that and start treating me like a woman instead of a child.”
He jerked her upward until they were nose to nose and snarled. “Why don’t you grow up and start acting your age instead of running around in the middle of the night, dressed like a boy and cussing like a sailor? Maybe I would start treating you like a woman if you acted more like—”
“More like Lena Lewis?” Leslie spat. “I heard all about how you’ve been courting her. Don’t tell me to act more like little miss perfect!”
His Sweet Kitten (Return To The McKenzies Book 1) Page 3
