“I know so,” Selena said with a nod. “It was the same for Liam. After my stepfather attacked me the second time, Liam was scared to touch me. I had to explain to him that his loving touch was the only thing that would heal me. I had to let him know how much I needed his love and I needed him to treat me the same as he had before, not like some china doll that might break.
Leslie nodded thoughtfully. “That’s exactly how I’ve felt lately. Gabe pampers me and coddles me as if I was going to shatter. And every time he does that, I remember why he’s treating me that way.”
“You have to be open with him about your feelings. But fair warning,” Selena cautioned, “words might not be enough to convince him.” She gripped Leslie’s hands and gave her an encouraging smile. “You’re going to have to be strong to get through to him. You’re going to have to prove to him that you’re strong and that you won’t shy away when he touches you.” Selena smiled at her and tucked a stray hair behind Leslie’s ear. “Luckily, you’re one of the strongest women I know. Show Gabe with your actions that you want things to go back to normal. Don’t settle for half measures. You have to gently insist that he put the past behind for good. Don’t let what happened stand between you. You love each other too much to let that happen.”
It felt as if a burden had been lifted. For the first time in weeks, Leslie felt hopeful, and she hugged her aunt. “Thank you, Aunt Selena,” she whispered. “Thank you so very much.”
Chapter 16
That night at supper, Leslie was even quieter than she had been recently. Gabe could tell that she was deep in thought. He tried to draw her into conversation a couple of times, but she gave him only brief answers and then returned to her brooding. He worried that she was reliving the things that had happened to her.
Finally, he set his fork aside and sighed. “Leslie, what’s wrong? What are you thinking about so hard?”
She looked at him and frowned. “Why don’t you ever call me kitten anymore?”
“What are you talking about?” Gabe asked, obviously caught off guard by her question.
“You haven’t called me kitten since the day I was abducted. Ever since then, you always call me Leslie instead of kitten.”
Gabe frowned thoughtfully. “Well, I haven’t done that on purpose. I certainly don’t mean anything by it.”
“Really?” she asked, raising a brow. “Because you treat me different in lots of other ways too. You don’t kiss me, you don’t—”
“I kiss you,” he said defensively. “I kiss you all the time.”
“Yes, on the cheek, on the forehead, on the top of my head.” She pinned him with a pointed stare. “But you never kiss me anymore.”
Gabe squirmed in his chair and looked away. “I just don’t want to make you feel…I mean, I—”
Leslie interrupted him with a shake of her head. “I know what you mean, Gabe. You don’t want to remind me of what happened.”
Gabe swallowed hard and nodded. “And also, I’m afraid that if I kiss you, I’ll want more, and I’m worried that if I…” he trailed off awkwardly.
“If you make love to me,” she supplied, gesturing for him to continue.
“If I make love to you, it will remind you of what happened.” Gabe shook his head and frowned. “I can’t do that to you. I don’t want to hurt you, that’s all.”
Leslie sighed heavily and reached for his hand. “Gabe, don’t you understand that it hurts me when you don’t make love to me? I need you. I need things to be like they were before.”
Gabe thought about all the things they had done before. Doing them had felt right at the time, but looking back, he was plagued by guilt. He swallowed hard, and he shook his head.
“I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. After the way that bastard abused you, after the way he spied on us and then used the things we had done together to hurt you, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to treat you the same. I’m sorry. I just…I can’t. I won’t.”
Gabe hung his head and closed his eyes against the pain of remembering. Leslie blinked back tears and knelt at his feet. She grasped one of his hands in both of hers and waited until he met her eye.
“Listen to me, Gabe. Bernie Phillips was a pathetic, evil, cowardly bastard. What he did to me was awful, but I got through it. With your love and the love and support of my family, I have put it behind me. I don’t want to spend one more minute of my life thinking about that bastard. But every time you treat me like I’m weak and fragile, you remind me of what happened. Every day that goes by without you making love to me makes me feel like I’m damaged goods and you don’t want me anymore.”
Gabe’s eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, God, no. That’s not how I feel at all, kitten.” He pulled her up and settled her astride his lap. He kissed her softly on the mouth and then met her eyes. “You’re the most beautiful, perfect, desirable woman in the world, and I want you something awful. Every single night I lie in bed beside you, watching you sleep, breathing in your sweet scent. All the time, I’m aching to have you. But then, when I think about reaching for you, making you mine again, I just can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to do something that would hurt you or frighten you.”
Leslie sighed. “You could never, ever hurt or frighten me, Gabe, so you can let that worry go. Please, I want you to treat me the same as before. I want the same passion and fire and unrestrained lovemaking that we had before. I want you to use me for your pleasure so that I know you still want me.”
Gabe sighed heavily and looked down. His voice was so soft that she had to strain to hear his words. “When I saw what that animal did to you, and how he justified his actions by saying that I had treated you the same way, I felt like dying from shame. He was right. I should never have treated you the way I did. I treated you like one of the girls down at Harvey’s instead of like a respected wife. And what happened to you because of the way I had treated you was my fault. If Bernie hadn’t witnessed me tying you up, spanking you, inflicting pain on you, maybe he wouldn’t have done the things he did.” Gabe shook his head with a grimace. “I can’t ever treat you that way again. I’m sorry.”
Leslie shook her head and framed his face with her hands. Her eyes bored into his, willing him to hear her. “Gabe Faulkner, I never want to hear nonsense like that again. There’s not one single similarity in the way you treat me and what Bernie did to me. Bernie was only interested in hurting me. Everything he did was against my will and without my consent. He took away my freedom. I didn’t have a choice in what was done to me. And when he did those terrible things, there was no love or passion or even affection. All of his actions were driven by anger and hatred and the need for revenge. I felt only disgust when he touched me.”
Leslie took a few steadying breaths. She met Gabe’s eyes again, and her own eyes softened. “You’ve never once hurt me or treated me disrespectfully, Gabe. Bernie tried to shame me for the things that you and I had done together. But I felt no shame at all, because every single time you have taken my body, you have done so with love. Everything you have ever done to me, even when you have inflicted pain, has only resulted in pleasure. You’ve never truly harmed me. You’ve never forced me against my will. When you touch me, I feel your love, your desire, and your need. Meeting that need gives my life purpose. Without being able to serve you like that, I’m nothing. I’m a useless, empty shell, and I’ll never be happy.”
She paused, watching his expression before continuing. “Don’t you understand that, Gabe? I realized a long time ago that you need to dominate me, to control me, in order to find pleasure. What makes it so wonderful is that I need to submit to you and to serve your pleasure in every way, in order to find my own pleasure. But I always know, every single time you touch me, that I have a choice. It’s my choice to submit myself to you, and I do so willingly and lovingly, and that’s what makes it so special between us.”
Leslie ran her thumb over his chin and smiled. “I don’t regret any of the things we’ve done together, Gabe. In
fact, I miss them terribly. I miss your touch. I miss your spankings. I miss being tortured and teased. I miss being tied up and fucked until we’re both exhausted. I miss being sore for days after some of the things you’ve done to me, because every time I feel that delicious soreness, I remember how much you love me and need me.”
Seeing that his expression was still uncertain, Leslie sighed. She could tell he still felt very conflicted. She looked down and frowned thoughtfully. “Look, I don’t know exactly what to say or how to explain to you how I feel when you make love to me. All I can say is this.” She met and held his gaze. “When you take control of my body, when you force me to submit to you, you make me feel more safe and loved and cherished and desired than I ever thought it would be possible to feel. I miss that, Gabe. I need that from you. I need to belong to you. I need you to demand my obedience. I need your discipline. I need to feel like my body is a vessel that was made specially to serve your pleasure. It brings me the greatest possible joy when you demand that I submit to you and serve your needs. When you don’t demand those things from me, I feel lost.”
Gabe swallowed hard. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he thought it might burst. Several moments passed as he searched her eyes, seeing the sincerity and longing in the beautiful hazel depths. Finally, he stroked her cheek and smiled ruefully. “For someone who wasn’t sure what to say, I think you explained your feelings perfectly, kitten.”
She gave a little relieved giggle. “That’s what I was thinking about so hard at dinner. I’ve been rehearsing what to say to you to make you understand.” Her expression turned serious once again, and her eyes beseeched him. “Please, Gabe. Please don’t deny both of us what we need. Make love to me. Make me yours again. And please, don’t hold anything back. I’m not fragile, and I won’t break. I want you to demand everything from me. I want you to use me for your pleasure, any way you like, as rough as you want. I promise it won’t frighten or harm me. It will only heal me and help me forget. I want it to be like it was before between us—fearless and unrestrained. Please.”
Gabe curled a hand around the back of her neck and kissed her. He kissed her like a starving man who had just been served a feast. He stole her breath and her wits, and he just kept on kissing her. Leslie responded eagerly, hungrily, passionately. She fed the flames of his desire until it threatened to consume them both. When he ended the kiss, they were both breathing raggedly.
He searched her face, noting the desire smoldering in her eyes. There was no fear or uncertainty. There was only passion and hunger. He noted her flushed cheeks and her kiss swollen lips, parted and panting. His eyes dropped to her bosom. Her nipples were standing fully erect, pressing against her dress. His cock throbbed at the sight of her. He stood her on her feet between his knees, and his voice dropped to a gravelly growl. “Take off your clothes, kitten.”
Leslie was only too eager to comply with his order. She quickly slipped the buttons, noticing that his eyes were following each movement of her fingers. She pulled the dress over her head and dropped it on a chair. The fire in his eyes nearly singed her, and her pulse raced as she stood perfectly still, waiting for his next instructions.
“I didn’t tell you to stop. I want you naked. Now.”
She kicked off her shoes, then untied her drawers and let them fall to the ground. She put one foot on the chair between his legs and bent over to roll her stocking down her leg. Gabe’s eyes were drawn to both her slender, silky leg as it was being revealed, and to the tantalizing view of her breasts that she presented to him. Sensing his enjoyment, she took her time removing the stocking before repeating the exercise on the other leg. Leslie teased him by pretending to accidentally brush her toe along the length of his aching erection, and Gabe growled.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured, her face the picture of innocence.
Gabe grinned. “No, you’re not, you naughty little minx. Keep going.”
Leslie hid her smile as she slowly unbuttoned her chemise and shrugged it off her shoulders.
Gabe’s hungry gaze touched her everywhere. He noticed every one of the subtle changes her pregnancy had wrought in the last month. Her breasts were heavier, her nipples larger and darker, and her belly was gently rounded. His mouth watered, and he met her eyes. “You’re more beautiful than ever before, kitten. Come here and present your body to me.”
He watched as she climbed back onto his lap. She spread her knees wide, braced her hands on his knees, and thrust her breasts up toward him. His hands touched her everywhere, reclaiming her body as his own, lavishing her with love, letting his desire for her show in every possessive caress. He watched for any signs that Leslie might be frightened or disturbed, but all he saw was how eagerly she responded to him. She writhed on his lap, moaning her pleasure and arching her back to present her breasts for his hungry mouth.
Gabe accepted her offering, devouring the succulent globes, suckling the hardened tips ravenously to appease his hunger. After a few minutes, he realized how rough he was being. He released her nipple with a pop and straightened. His eyes roamed greedily over her breasts, marked by his whiskers, teeth and the strong suction of his mouth. He struggled to control his breathing and his impulses. His desire rode him hard, and it took every bit of his self-control not to simply ravish her.
Leslie could feel his hesitation. It was a palpable presence hanging between them, and it was the very thing she wanted to dispense with.
“What’s wrong, Gabe?”
He met her eye and grimaced. “I was being totally honest before, kitten. I want you so badly, and it’s been far too long since I’ve had you. I don’t think I can be gentle.”
She stroked her fingers tenderly over his forehead, smoothing the lines of worry. Then, she surprised him by slipping off his lap. She retrieved one of her stockings and brought it to him. “I was being honest, too, Gabe. I’m not frightened or nervous or scared. I don’t want you to be gentle. I want to you take control. I need for you to make me yours again. Please don’t ask for what you want from me. Take it. Take me. And know that in the taking, you will be giving me all I need and desire. Please.”
She handed him the stocking and waited.
He studied her eyes for only a few heartbeats before she saw his jaw firm, and his eyes began to smolder once more. “Turn around,” he ordered gruffly, his voice husky with need.
Leslie did so, and he tied her wrists together at the small of her back. He turned her back to face him and guided her to her knees. He captured and held her gaze as he stood up, unfastened his britches, and freed his cock. Her head was tilted far back as she knelt before him. She looked so sweetly submissive that it slew him.
“I love you, kitten.”
“I know. I love you, too,” she whispered.
He fisted one hand in her hair and tightened his hold to keep her from moving. Holding his throbbing cock at the base, he painted her jaw, cheeks and lips with the fluid that was weeping from the tip. She knew he was marking her as his, and it filled her heart with joy. She breathed deeply, savoring his musky scent. Her heart was pounding with excitement. His eyes flared with possessive satisfaction.
“You’re mine,” he growled. “You always have been, and you always will be.”
“Yes,” she answered earnestly. “I belong only to you.”
“Show me,” he demanded. “Show me that you’re mine.”
Leslie opened her mouth and sucked him deep, not stopping until he was buried to the root and her face was nestled against his groin. His guttural groan of pleasure was her reward. She focused only on worshipping his cock, using every bit of her knowledge and skill to prove her devotion. It didn’t take long before he gripped her head in both hands and took over.
Gabe’s heart was racing as he took her mouth hard and fast. He would have liked to savor her efforts for longer, but after weeks of abstinence, his need was too urgent. He felt his balls draw tight, and the telltale shiver began at the base of his spine. He withdrew abruptly and pu
mped his shaft with his fist. With a triumphant growl, he spurted his seed all over her. When the last pulsation ended, long ropes of creamy white liberally adorned her breasts and face.
He took several moments to relish the sight of her, so clearly marked as his woman, while his breathing gradually slowed. He gripped her arms and lifted her to her feet.
Gabe used his thumb to scoop up a strand of his seed from her nipple, and he pressed it deep into her mouth. Leslie licked and suckled the warm cream with a moan of delight. He repeated the gesture over and over until she had swallowed down every last drop. Then, he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.
He untied her wrists and positioned her in the middle of the bed on her knees. Then, he tied her wrists together again and pulled her arms above her head. He tied them to the headboard, anchoring her in place. She looked so beautiful, naked and kneeling in supplication, bound to his bed and waiting for his pleasure. His heart swelled with love for her.
Gabe didn’t know how she had the strength and courage to give him everything he needed after what she had been through. He had no choice but to overcome his own fears and doubts. He was determined to reward Leslie’s bravery by reclaiming what they’d had before. Now that he knew how much she needed and enjoyed his domination, he wouldn’t disappoint her. She had given herself entirely into his keeping. Her body and her heart belonged to him. He could do nothing less than accept her offering and delight in her submission, but he would also make sure that her trust was never misplaced.
Leslie’s pulse raced, as he pressed her upper body onto the pillows, leaving her hips high in the air. He gripped her thighs and pulled them apart, exposing her fully. She could feel his hungry gaze. Her clit throbbed in anticipation, and her inner thighs were slick with her juices. When he ran his fingers up the length of her slit, she moaned. She had been longing for Gabe’s touch for the past few weeks, and his words echoed her thoughts.
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed this, kitten. God, how I’ve missed this.”
His Sweet Kitten (Return To The McKenzies Book 1) Page 26
