by Tara Wentz
“She needed a break in the worst way, Joshlyn. She had lost weight, wasn’t sleeping, and I was really worried. I thought if I could get her away that maybe she’d feel better. About ten hours into the trip, she finally forgave me and agreed that a break was what she needed. We took our time and made several stops along the way. We had taken almost two weeks off for this trip because we knew the driving time would eat up a lot of hours.”
Kellen propped her arm over the back of the chair and rested her chin on her arm. She reflected back on the drive and chuckled at some of the silly things they came across at the different gas stations. “Have you ever noticed all the raunchy stuff that gas stations along the main interstates sell?”
Joshlyn laughed with her and chimed right in. “Yeah, my favorite are the little machines that have the uh, little surprises for only seventy-five cents.”
“Does anyone ever buy that stuff?” Kellen asked.
“Oh, c’mon, you mean to tell me you never bought any just to see what it was?”
“No way,” Kellen said, shaking her head. “I’d have spent my money on anything else rather than waste it on that.”
Joshlyn agreed and then settled down so Kellen could continue.
“Anyhow, the trip was a blast. There are some beautiful sights in those rocks. We took lots of pictures. That picture you saw was taken on our last day there.” Kellen stopped, feeling her heart beating a little faster she took some slow breaths.
Joshlyn knew the hard part for Kellen was coming. The fine layer of perspiration on her face and her fidgeting hands attested to the fact that this was going to be difficult for her.
“We had made it to the top of this ridge and stopped for a short break. Another couple was preparing to head down. They stopped long enough to snap a picture for us and then proceeded on their way. Neither one of us spoke for a while, knowing that this was our last climb of the trip.”
Kellen turned back around in her chair and placed both arms on the table. She stared at the liquid in her cup as though it weren’t there. Images flooded her memory from that day.
“The climb back down seemed to take a lot longer, but we both were always very meticulous about taking our time and being safe. Kerri had started down first and was maybe six feet below me most of the time. About a third of the way down I heard something snap. I didn’t have a chance to even react.”
Joshlyn kept a close eye on Kellen, knowing full well that her agitation was increasing. The pulse in the side of her neck was getting faster and faster.
“I looked down and couldn’t see Kerri anywhere. I screamed her name, but she never said a word. I…I…” Kellen jerked in reaction, as if reliving the whole thing again. “The next thing I heard was a thud and then everything was silent.”
Joshlyn jumped up, grabbing a towel to wipe up the coffee Kellen had spilled when her hands jerked. Kellen was unaware that she had spilled it until Joshlyn started cleaning it up. Setting the towel down, Joshlyn pulled her chair closer to Kellen’s.
“I’m here, sweetie.”
Kellen turned towards Joshlyn and continued. “She never had a chance. She landed in a crevasse and was wedged pretty tight. When they finally got her out, she was barely alive. There was a significant head injury and several other broken bones. I’m pretty sure they knew she wasn’t going to make it before they ever airlifted her off the ground.”
Pools of moisture gathered in Kellen’s eyes until finally twin trails of tears ran down her face. The renewed pain in her chest from the heartache of that day made breathing difficult. She tried hard to contain the sob lurking at the surface, but it was too much. She made one last attempt before giving in to the sorrow.
Joshlyn stood up and pulled Kellen against her. She held her close, whispering soothing words and caressing her hair. “I’m so, so sorry, Kellen.”
Chapter Six
Joshlyn rubbed Kellen’s back a couple more times before settling her hand lightly on her shoulder. She tilted her head as she glanced down, trying to catch Kellen’s attention. Kellen leaned back and scrubbed at her eyes with her fingertips. She dropped her hands to her lap and looked up into Joshlyn’s sympathetic eyes.
“That was the reason I said that to you last night. I always felt guilty because Kerri didn’t even want to go on that trip. I felt like it was my fault.”
“Kellen, surely you know that it wasn’t your fault. You’re not responsible for the equipment failure.”
Kellen nodded. “I know that now, but…” Kellen looked away briefly before continuing. “At the time I felt I was responsible and the guilt consumed me. After the funeral, I secluded myself. I wouldn’t answer the phone, didn’t look at my mail…nothing. I wasn’t eating, not getting enough sleep.”
Joshlyn placed a hand over Kellen’s. “What changed all that?”
Kellen smiled and then chuckled. “More like who. Erin and Molly showed up after six months of putting up with my crap. They took charge. They made me eat and then take a shower while they cleaned the house. Afterwards they made me sit down and tell them what was going on.”
“They sound like really good friends.”
“They are. When I finished telling them how I felt, Erin got up and placed a call. Next thing I know she’s handing me a piece of paper with a date and time on it. She had set up an appointment for me with a therapist. Linda, the therapist, was a friend of Erin’s and she trusted her implicitly to help me through my grief. I went to the appointment and made consecutive appointments for nine months.”
Kellen took a sip of her now tepid coffee and set it back on the table. “Those appointments and the steady work on that deck are what kept me sane. I eventually accepted that the accident wasn’t my fault, but every now and then it really hits me.”
“I can understand that. Kerri was a big part of your life. You can move about each day like it doesn’t matter, but fact is that sometimes it’s good to cry about the things you miss.” Joshlyn stood, grabbed her cup, and walked over to the counter. “It doesn’t mean that you are harboring any feelings of guilt or that you’re not over it. It simply means that they existed and they mattered.”
Kellen turned in her chair and stared at Joshlyn’s back. I wonder if she’s referring to me or someone else?
Joshlyn dumped the remnants of her coffee down the drain and placed her cup in the dishwasher. She took a deep breath and turned back towards Kellen.
“Do you know what I mean?”
Kellen smiled and nodded. “I do. It makes a lot of sense.”
The silence stretched between them as they stared into each other’s eyes. Kellen stood up and took a step forward. Joshlyn closed the distance between them and stopped in front of Kellen. Kellen opened her arms and Joshlyn stepped into them, wrapping her arms around Kellen’s waist.
“Thank you for yesterday and for being here last night with me. I really appreciate it,” Kellen said in almost a whisper.
“You’re welcome, Kellen.”
Kellen rested her lips against the top of Joshlyn’s head and gave her a light kiss. Squeezing her gently, Kellen stepped back from the warm embrace.
“I guess I better get you home, huh?”
Joshlyn smiled. “I guess so.”
****
Kellen followed the directions Joshlyn gave her as they chatted about nothing in particular on the drive to her house.
“So when is the next race?” Joshlyn asked.
“Next Saturday. Would you like to come?”
Joshlyn smiled. “I’d love to.”
Kellen glanced briefly her direction before returning her eyes to the road. “Great. Hey, would you like to stand down in the pit area during the race?”
“Wow, really? I mean, I could do that?” Joshlyn was getting excited. To watch the race was one thing, but to be down in the actual pit area during the race would be fantastic.
Kellen shrugged. “Sure. Oh, and if Ami wants to come, too, that would be all right.”
“I’ll ask her if she
wants to go, but either way I’ll be there.” Joshlyn reached across the console, laced her fingers through Kellen’s, and squeezed.
Kellen returned the gesture and smiled. She pulled into Joshlyn’s driveway, but was reluctant to release her hand. She was enjoying the contact between the two of them.
Joshlyn slowly released Kellen’s hand so she could put the vehicle in park. She watched as Kellen turned the key and cut the engine. Turning in her seat, she smiled at Kellen.
“Would you mind if I brought my cameras with me?”
“No, not at all.” Kellen grinned at Joshlyn’s excitement.
“Will you call me tonight? I mean, I want to know that you’re doing okay and not having any problems from the accident.”
“I can do that, but I’m sure I’ll be just fine.”
“I’m sure you will, but I’d just feel better knowing.”
Kellen grabbed a pen and piece of paper and jotted down her number. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” she said teasingly, handing the paper in Joshlyn’s direction.
Joshlyn grinned, tore the paper in half, and wrote her number down. She placed a hand on the console and leaned closer to Kellen. Closing the last bit of space between them, Joshlyn kissed Kellen gently on the lips. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Kellen smiled and placed a return kiss on Joshlyn’s lips. “You’re welcome. I’ll call you tonight.”
****
After returning home, Kellen turned on the stereo and picked up the photo of her and Kerri. It really was a good picture with both of them smiling and looking happy. She propped the picture up next to a couple of CDs and turned to look about the living room. The house seemed quiet and empty without Joshlyn being there. She was only here one time!
Kellen plopped down on the couch and patted it, waiting for Chigger to join her. She scratched him lightly behind the ears. “That’s not a bad thing, now is it, Chigger?” The dog ignored her, but shifted so she was now scratching his belly. “I mean, look at her. She’s gorgeous and those lips. My God, they are so sweet. Just her fingers in my hair drives me crazy.”
Kellen groaned and dropped her head to the back of the couch. Staring at the ceiling, she rolled her head from side to side. “I am so gone, buddy.”
It wasn’t that Kellen was lacking for dates, because she had dated often up until recently. The fact remained that none of them had ever captured her interest, and made her want to pursue those feelings, like Joshlyn had. She hoped that this was the start of something really good.
Kellen reached over and grabbed the phone off the coffee table. She punched in a number and waited for it to be answered.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Erin. What are you up to today?”
“Kellen Anne Reynolds. Why has it taken you so long to call me?”
Kellen laughed. “I’ve been busy. The business has been keeping me really busy lately.”
“Ahuh. Just don’t forget family, you hear?” Erin admonished.
“I hear you, geesh,” Kellen grumbled good-naturedly. “Listen, do you want to get together one night this week for dinner?”
“I’ll go one even better. How about you come over, I’ll cook, and we can watch a movie or just sit and chat. How does that sound?”
“Perfect.”
They chatted a little longer, setting a date and time for dinner, and then said their goodbyes.
Kellen set the phone down and roused Chigger. “C’mon boy, let’s go for a walk.” Chigger immediately perked up at the word ‘walk’ and jumped down off the couch. She grabbed his leash, clicked it on, and stepped out the door.
****
Joshlyn closed the door and leaned heavily against it. The time spent with Kellen was the most she had enjoyed spending with anyone lately, even under the circumstances. She pulled the collar of her shirt up and sniffed appreciatively at it. The scent was all Kellen; her laundry soap, softener, and shower gel all wrapped in one delectable aroma.
She was pulled from her musings by the ringing telephone.
“Hello?”
“Joshlyn? I was wondering when you were going to call me. I’ve called a couple times this morning already.”
“Sorry, Ami. I just got home.”
“Ah, I see. I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay. Is Kellen feeling all right?”
Joshlyn sat down in the chair and toed her sneakers off. “Yep, she’s doing just fine. She didn’t seem to have any after effects this morning. The lump was almost gone as well.”
“That’s good. Emerson felt so bad. He’s as competitive as the next person, but not at the expense of somebody getting hurt.”
“Well, tell him to relax because Kellen doesn’t hold it against him. She knows it was an accident.”
Ami was silent for a moment, not sure if she should ask her next question, but proceeded anyhow. “So, how did things go with her?”
“They were just fine. No problems.”
“Joshlyn, quit being so nonchalant with me. You know what I’m asking.”
Joshlyn smiled. “Not very subtle there.”
“Screw that, now give!”
Joshlyn laughed. “That woman intrigues the hell out of me. I don’t know what it is about her, but I like her, Ami. I like her a lot.”
“So? What does this mean?”
“You are so damned nosey—” Joshlyn stopped as Ami’s laughter interrupted. She waited until Ami settled down before continuing. “It means that I’m going to let things happen and take it from there. I want to get to know her better.”
“That is a fantastic idea. From what Emerson has said, she’s a real sweetheart and you could do much worse.”
“I’m glad you approve,” Joshlyn replied, sarcastically.
“Oh, you know I’ve been trying to fix you up forever. I’m just happy that someone has garnered your attention enough for you to follow through and see what’ll happen.”
“Yeah, yeah. She invited me to the races next weekend and I get to go down to the pit and watch it from there. Do you want to come along?”
“That sounds exciting. Normally I’d jump at the chance, but Jaxon is in town next weekend so I doubt I’ll be out doing much at all.”
Joshlyn blushed at the underlying message Ami was sharing with her. Jaxon was a wonderful man and generous to a fault. She couldn’t blame Ami for wanting to spend the weekend alone at home.
“Some other time then. I’m going to take my cameras so hopefully I’ll get some good pictures.”
“Great. I can’t wait to see them. I’m glad Kellen’s okay. I better run for now, but I’ll talk to you later, sweetie.”
“Have a great morning, Ami.”
Joshlyn hung up and tapped the phone lightly against her chin. She was really looking forward to next weekend and hoped the week itself would fly by. The past three years were difficult because Joshlyn used to be an outgoing, fun-loving person. Always had something going on or somewhere to be and she never really minded. It wasn’t until that was all taken away that a person realizes how much they truly missed. She wanted this chance with Kellen and if that meant letting more of her guard down then that’s what she would have to do.
“Who could walk away from those tantalizing kisses?” Joshlyn whispered.
Chapter Seven
Joshlyn rolled over and slapped the alarm off. She pushed the hair out of her face and stretched.
Joshlyn moaned as she finished her stretch. “Mmmm, it’s race day.” She grinned. “Race day…” she said again, letting the words roll off her tongue. Who would have thought I’d be this excited for a race? It’s not exactly the race that has me excited, though that is a definite bonus!
Kellen had called almost every night. At first, there was always a reason, but the last few nights she really had no excuse. Conversation was easy flowing and Joshlyn found herself not wanting it to end.
Joshlyn smiled, thinking back on one particular conversation. She barely made it to the phone before it quit ring
ing.
“Hello?” Joshlyn said, trying to catch her breath.
“Hey there. Did I catch you at a bad time?” Kellen asked.
“No, no, not at all. I just got home and was rushing to get the phone before you hung up.”
“Ah, well, I’m glad you did,” Kellen responded, smiling to herself.
“Me, too.”
There was a comfortable, yet intimate silence before Joshlyn spoke again.
“So, Saturday is coming up here pretty quick. Are you still sure about me coming to the race and being down in the pit?”
“Of course I’m sure. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it. I think it will be a lot of fun.”
Joshlyn chuckled. “For me or for you?”
Kellen grinned and replied, “For both, naturally.”
“Naturally,” Joshlyn agreed.
“Besides, what better incentive than to have you waiting for me after the race? Hmm?”
“You know, I never thought of it that way.”
“See?” Kellen laughed. “Seriously though, I love racing and to share that with someone I…” Kellen hesitated and changed her line of thought. “To share that with you makes me very happy.”
Joshlyn didn’t comment on Kellen’s choice of words, but instead replied quietly, “I’m really looking forward to it, Kellen.”
“Me, too.”
“Ok, so what about it excites you so much? I mean, you’ve mentioned the adrenaline rush, but what else?”
“You mean aside from my competitive nature?” Kellen laughed. “Well, it really is a lot like my software designing in many ways. It’s about precision and proper decision making.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I make a move at the wrong time it can have drastic effects. It’s about speed and accelerating and braking at the right time. You have to take in track conditions and make adjustments. It’s…” Kellen stopped, twisting her lips in thought. “I don’t know, it’s just…it’s just…everything.” Kellen cleared her throat. “Sorry about that. I could go on and on. Are you sorry for asking now?”
