Well, she’d be fine just watching from the quilt. Her only problem would be to get Brent some food. Maybe one of the Settlers would check on her. Scarlett was the belle of the party. All the young men flocked to her. Mia stood by with a jealous look on her face. Jealousy was indeed ugly.
Hunter looked busy getting punch for the young ladies, while Carlos and Anthony stared at the pretty girls. In a few years, they’d have their turn wooing all the females. It looked like an exciting time in a young person’s life. Sonia sighed. She’d thrown it all away. Now she was just an unwanted bystander.
She reached out and hugged Brent. He was worth it all.
A shadow fell over them and she glanced up, hoping it was Juan, but it was a few of the girls she’d gone to school with. She nodded at them and promptly ignored them.
“I can’t believe you’d cart your shame in public. That baby is a bastard,” Tricia said as she put her hands on her hips and scowled.
Sonia had never noticed just how ugly Tricia really was, and to think she’d called her friend. The other two, Missy and Kimberly, stared at her with ugly frowns on their faces.
“I think you’d best go back to where you came from,” Missy said. “The Settlers are good people, and they don’t want your kind here.”
“My kind?” She shouldn’t have asked.
Kimberly stepped forward and her perfect blond curls bounced becomingly. “You know, the kind of woman who is a whore. You didn’t even know that peddler, yet you lay with him. Then you blamed Greg Settler for getting you with child. You’re a disgrace! Even your own kin don’t want you around. So go back to that shack you live in and let the good people enjoy themselves.”
Sonia was afraid they’d actually spit on her. She pulled Brent against her and turned her head away. They weren’t saying anything that wasn’t true. “I’d leave you be, but I’m staying here now.”
Tricia narrowed her eyes. “You were always such a liar!”
“Ladies I’m going to have to ask you to leave if you continue to insult one of my guests,” Greg Settler practically growled.
Sonia looked up at Greg and saw Juan coming their way. From his compressed lips and his stormy glare, he was furious. Greg put his hands on Juan’s shoulders to keep him from pouncing on the girls.
Hunter joined the group, looking very handsome in his good clothes. His chocolate brown hair curled around his collar, and his eyes matched the color of the sky. He walked around the women and sat down next to Sonia.
“Sonia is a friend of the family, so unless you’re here to make pleasant conversation, I’d appreciate it if you went and got yourself some punch or something.”
Missy, Tricia, and Kimberly turned and started to walk away, and Sonia heard them say something about her fooling all the Settler men.
“Thank you, Hunter. Thank you Greg and Juan too. If I’d been alone it would have been fine but my son is with me.” She sighed heavily. “You can all go back to the party.”
Juan opened his mouth, but Hunter spoke first. “I’ll stay and keep you company.”
Greg and Juan glanced at each other.
Juan narrowed his eyes as he looked at Hunter. “Keep her safe.”
Hunter only nodded.
Juan’s face softened when he stared at her. “I’ll be by in a bit to visit with you.”
She watched as the two brothers walked away.
“He has it bad for you,” Hunter said, grinning. “Juan doesn’t take to many people but he sure likes you.”
“He just feels responsible for me since I was hiding in his house is all. He’s a good man, and he’s so good with Brent.”
Hunter nodded. “You do know that if you marry him, you’ll have a hard life, don’t you?”
“What do you mean?” She had an idea of what he was going to say.
“He’s Mexican. There are some in the community that won’t do business with him. I know your parents banned him and Carlos from their store. I see his struggle to keep his temper in check, but one of these days I think he’ll explode.”
She put Brent back down and watched him crawl. “No one will receive me in their establishments either. Juan doesn’t want a woman in his life. He’s a loner and happy to be one.”
Hunter reached out and turned Brent so he could crawl toward his mother. “You’re right about that, but I see the way he looks at you. I’m sorry you’ve been made to suffer with your dead husband. I never thought much of Roger, but I didn’t know he beat women.”
“Water under the bridge.” She shrugged and pushed a smile to her lips. “I need to plan a future for me and Brent. I never want to marry again, but there aren’t many choices for a woman with a child. I just want to enjoy the day. I don’t have the luxury of knowing I’ll have food for the both of us very often.”
Hunter smiled. “Ma takes good care of us all. Pa too.”
She smiled back. “They are such a loving couple. I’m glad they found each other.”
Her mood grew brighter when she spotted Juan walking in her direction with a plate of food. Brent had just made it to her, and she laughed. “You little stinker. He’s learning so much so fast.”
Brent clapped and yelled “Papa!” when he saw Juan approaching. A longing filled with love exploded inside Juan, and he didn’t know what to do. He handed the plate to Sonia and lifted Brent up into his arms. The boy snuggled against him and sighed contently. He then stared at Juan’s face. “Papa!” he crowed.
Juan laughed. “I’ve watched you crawling around like a big boy.”
Brent nodded happily, and when Juan tried to put him down he held on tight. He wasn’t about to be set down unless Juan pried his fists open.
“Aren’t you hungry?” Juan asked him.
“Food.”
“Yes, very good. That is food. Don’t you want some?”
Brent shook his head. “Papa…” Smacking his lips, Brent pointed to himself.
“Kiss?”
“Kish.” Again he smacked his lips and then he touched his cheek.
Juan kissed Brent’s cheek with a loud smacking noise. Brent laughed and allowed himself to be put down.
“I can take it from here, Hunter. Go and find yourself a young lady to dance with,” Juan said.
“Why? Is Sonia taken?” Hunter teased, but he quickly got up when Juan scowled at him. “I’ll see you soon, Sonia.”
“Thank you for visiting with me, Hunter. Have fun.”
Hunter smiled at Sonia and then frowned at Juan before he walked back to the party.
“He’s sweet on you,” Juan said, none too happy.
“No, he’ll find himself a young woman who is allowed in town.” Her voice was filled with bitterness. She took a deep breath. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Juan sat down next to her and helped feed Brent. Brent wiped his greasy fingers on Juan’s shirt and face. While Sonia was horrified, Juan laughed.
“This little one has made strides in just a day. Do you mind if I ask you why he didn’t crawl or talk before?”
She was quiet for a moment. “I held him as much as I could. I didn’t encourage him to talk. I was afraid Roger would slap him.” Her hand shook as she tried to sip some water.
Juan took the cup and held it for her so she could drink. He tried to look calm while he was inwardly seething. “I hate to say it, but I’m glad Roger is dead. He sounds hateful.”
She ducked her head. “Yes, he was,” she whispered.
He put his finger under her chin and lifted her face so he could gaze into her eyes. “You’re safe now.”
She started to smile and it turned into a laugh as Brent took a handful of grapes and began to shove them into Juan’s mouth. Brent laughed and laughed, and Juan couldn’t help himself, he laughed too.
He noticed the looks they got from others at the party but he didn’t care. He just hoped that she felt the same way. She appeared happy.
Brent crawled onto Juan’s lap and held up his arms. Juan quickly lifted the boy up and h
ugged him. Brent laid his head oh Juan’s shoulder. “Papa, love?”
Juan stroked the boy’s back. He felt tears at the back of his eyes. “Yes, Papa loves you.” Before long, Brent fell asleep.
“I’m so sorry, Juan. He’s put you in an awful situation. I’ll explain to him that he can’t call you Papa. It’s not right.” Her face was so full of worry that he reached out and stroked her cheek.
“It’s fine. I’ll be gone most of next month. You can come and stay at my place while I’m away if you like.”
“That’s a long time to be away.” She gave him a sidelong glance.
“I have horses to catch, and that takes time. Greg isn’t able to go as much with Mercy and Hannah at home but he takes a turn here and there. I like being alone at times. If not for Carlos, I think I’d have left a long time ago. I like it here, but there are so many orphans.”
“I’ll ask Lynn about my staying at your place.”
“Do you know how to shoot a gun and a rifle?”
She nodded. “My father took me hunting with him a few times. My mother soon put an end to it, saying it wasn’t ladylike. But I went enough to learn.”
“Out here, you need to know how to protect and feed yourself. You already know that. I bet by the time I come back, Brent will be walking.”
There was a twinkle in her eye. “He just might at that.”
Smitty joined them, and after a look between the two of them, he eased Brent into his arms. “Go dance you two.”
Sonia appeared surprised and it seemed as though she was going to say no. Juan stood and put his hand out for her to take. She took a long look into his eyes before she nodded and took his hand. He didn’t know what she was looking for but she must have found it.
“We won’t be long,” Sonia told Smitty.
“Two dances minimum. Don’t worry about me. I’ve twirled my love around the dance floor all evening.” He nodded toward the grassy area where folks were dancing. “It’s your turn.” His voice was filled with affection.
Juan gave her hand a quick squeeze as they walked toward the music and dancing. Suddenly she stopped.
“What if they stare at us or start talking about us?”
“It won’t matter. I’ll be dancing with the most beautiful woman here.” The pleased expression on her face made him feel ten feet tall.
Her eyes widened as he started to dance.
He smiled. “You thought I didn’t know how to dance didn’t you?”
“Well, yes.”
“Ma made sure we all knew the ‘social graces,’ as she calls them.”
The feeling of her soft body in his arms scared him. He’d never felt this way before. He never thought to like a woman, but Sonia made it easy. She was beautiful and kind. He suddenly felt her stiffen and looked around them to see what had upset her. He watched as her parents danced close to them, gave them a dirty look, and then walked away from the rest of the dancers without looking back.
The raw pain on Sonia’s face was hard to bear. He held her closer, but that just brought more attention their way. He tried to make it through the first dance, but he could feel her body jerk in silent sobs. He moved them to the edge of the dance area and then let go of her all except for her hand. He melted with her into the darkness and led her to a fallen log to sit on. He put his arms around her and it was as though a cloud burst inside of her. He felt his shirt grow wet but he didn’t care.
He wasn’t sure what to say to her. He could tell her that her parents didn’t matter, but obviously they did. She cared what people thought of her, and it probably didn’t help that she was with him. Maybe if she’d been dancing with Hunter, it wouldn’t have been so bad. He was foolish to have thought he could be among the white people and nothing would be said.
He’d done her a disservice by being her friend. He touched her soft hair, knowing it would be the last time he’d touch her. She’d come to mean too much to him, and that couldn’t be. He couldn’t allow Brent to call him Papa anymore. He relished the feel of her in his arms but it had to end for her sake. People could be forgiving, and maybe even her indiscretion would eventually be forgiven, but they’d never forgive her if she married him.
Slowly he let her go and the agony in his heart grew. “We’d best get back. Brent will want you.”
She tried to smile through her tears as she nodded. “Brent will be missing his papa too.”
“I’ve given the whole thing some thought, and it isn’t right for him to call me Papa.”
“What?”
“I’m not the boy’s father, and if I ever have kids of my own, what would they think?” He held his breath wishing he didn’t have to lie to her.
She jerked away from him and stood. “Fine. I understand. Good night, Juan.” She dashed the tears from her eyes with her fingers then turned and regally walked away.
He let out his breath and hung his head. It was better this way. They were getting too close, and people would never accept her again if they stayed together. Besides, he just wanted to be alone.
But somehow when she left, she took a piece of his heart with her. He’d never see Brent walk, hear him learn more words, never put him in the saddle for the first time. No, Juan would have to avoid her at all cost. He wouldn’t be able to deny his love again if he saw her. How stupid could he have been, asking her to stay at his cabin while he was away?
With his heart in his throat, he saddled his horse and went home.
Sonia hurried to where Smitty sat and gently took her son. “Thank you.”
His brow furrowed. “Where’s Juan? Why didn’t he walk you back here?”
“He doesn’t want me, and he doesn’t want Brent calling him Papa. He plans to have a family of his own one day, and he made it clear his plans do not include me or Brent.” She shook her head. “I don’t know what happened. My parents snubbed us on the dance floor, and I ended up in Juan’s arms crying. Now he’s gone, and now any of the foolish dreams I spun around him are gone too. Good night, Smitty.”
She skirted the edges of the party on the way to the house and went to her room. The cradle had been brought up, and she was relieved. She got Brent ready for bed, and put him in his cradle. Then she took off the pretty dress she’d worn and put on her nightgown. She grabbed a handkerchief she’d put with Brent’s things and got into bed.
The laughter and music drifted through the window, happy sounds of celebration, and that made her all the sadder. Why would Juan act as though he had some claim on her in front of his brothers and then tell her he had plans that didn’t include her? She’d suffered a lot of pain the last few years, but this by far hurt the most. She’d gotten her hopes up, and now she was once again thrown away.
Was there something unlikeable about her? Certainly someone would have told her by now if she was mean. She was friendless, and the thought tightened her chest. She had never been a social butterfly but to have no one…it hurt. The Settlers were kind to her, but they weren’t close the way friends were. The way she thought she had been with Juan.
Had she mistaken the happiness and love she saw in his eyes? She’d probably only seen what she wanted to see and she had been mistaken. Tears kept flowing, and soon enough her handkerchief was soaked. She took a deep breath and tried to sleep.
Chapter Four
Juan pulled his bandana over his mouth and nose and drew his hat down in front as the wind blew harder, engulfing him in swirls of dust. He kept careful hold on his string of horses as he rode Journey toward a grouping of boulders. They’d have to shelter there to wait the dust storm out, and he wasn’t in the mood to stand still.
The last horse in the string was a big bay, and he wanted nothing to do with the dust or the rocks. It took some doing, but Juan finally pulled him to safety. His original plan was to leave a week later, but he’d left the day after the party. He couldn’t sort out his feelings and balance them against what was best for Sonia. Time apart should help.
Greg was back home building a second cor
ral. After he finished that, he would start breaking the horses they already had. It was a lot of work, but so was catching the horses. Juan grabbed his canteen and slid down to the base of the rocks. He drank the much-needed water and thought of Sonia.
If he was being truthful with himself, he’d been a coward in the way he handled Sonia last night. She probably thought him to be downright hateful. Well, he had been hateful, and he’d gotten what he wanted hadn’t he? His heart squeezed. Sure he had. She probably never wanted to see him again.
If things were different, he’d grab her up and kiss her like there was no tomorrow, but things weren’t different. Society wouldn’t accept a relationship between them. He’d be better off without a wife and family. He had a family with the Settlers. And he was lucky to have them. Hopefully, he hadn’t put them in an awkward situation with Sonia and Brent.
Journey nickered, and the hair on the back of Juan’s neck stood up. Someone was out there. He stood and using his hand to shield his eyes a bit, he recognized Carlos. He waved his arms in the air trying to catch his attention. It was a relief to see Carlos nod at him.
As soon as Carlos was close enough, Juan dragged him out of his saddle. “What in tarnation do you think you’re doing? You could have gotten lost out here. Where are your supplies? I should smack you upside the head, but I won’t.”
“I had to come. I couldn’t stay at the big house. Your girlfriend cried all night. I know because her bed is just on the other side of the wall from mine. She tried to be quiet, but I heard her. I didn’t want to be there when questions were asked. I left Pa a note.” Carlos flashed him a smile. “I know you’re glad to see me.”
Juan sat back down. She’d cried all night? That was his fault.
Carlos joined him on the ground. “So what happened? Did you try to steal a kiss?”
Juan almost chuckled. “If I stole a kiss, she’d be smiling. I told her I didn’t want Brent calling me Papa.”
Carlos’ eyes grew wide. “Whatcha go and do that for?”
“I wanted her to stop liking me. There isn’t a future for us. She’s had a hard enough time. It wouldn’t be right for her to get involved with a Mexican.”
Juan Page 4
