“Oh, I’ve spent time in a few states now, Anne. All the education and training I needed meant I had to move a few times but it was worth it in the end. Now, let’s have a look at you.” Doctor Nelson said as Anne sat back on the exam table.
Anne glanced over at Nurse Pracket but knew better than to ask the woman anything. She’d just make sure the needle twisted as it went in later, as she’d done before when Anne had asked the woman about her life, hoping some chit chat might lighten her up a little. It hadn’t and the woman’s devious little ways of hurting Anne had increased over time.
Anne dreaded her shot today but knew better than to protest. She couldn’t sense any harm to the baby, or herself, so she’d subjected herself to the shots without complaint. Meg and Joan had them as well and didn’t complain. Anne finally gave up on the idea that something was going wrong and dismissed her concerns once and for all.
The doctor wasn’t trying to steal her baby and wanted only what was best for Anne and her child. He’d made an unfortunate choice in nurses but there wasn’t anything nefarious going on here.
The doctor patted Anne’s tummy as he finished his exam and Anne sat up, pulling the blanket around her. “I believe your little bundle of joy will be arriving soon. Everything’s progressing normally and I have a feeling we’ll be meeting your baby by the end of the week, Anne.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful news!” Anne said as she tidied herself up and prepared to leave.
“Don’t forget your shot, Anne.” Nurse Pracket said, giving Anne a hateful look.
Anne tried not to grimace herself and held her arm out to the nurse. The shot was painful but not as bad as Anne had expected.
Driving home that evening Anne felt so silly, her fears seeming to be completely unfounded. Doctor Nelson was respected in the community, nobody had any complaints, and he’d been kind to Anne, charging her only half of his normal rates. He’d done the same for Joan and Meg. The man was truly kind and Anne finally admitted, she had nothing to worry about.
Anne was refolding the green, yellow, and white clothes she’d bought for the baby, some of the clothes gifts from Meg, quietly in her room when she first started to feel something wasn’t right. Meg had quite a collection of baby clothes after nine children and had given some to her that were neutral in color. Meg had tried to give some to Joan but the woman politely refused, afraid of being jinxed. She had her own collection, anyway, Joan said, and hoped she’d get to use them this time.
Anne felt tenseness, a strange pressure in her groin but dismissed it as gas and placed the clothes in the bassinet beside of her bed. Standing she put her fist in her back, trying to ease the tension she felt there as well. This pregnancy business was for the birds! She’d enjoyed most of it, feeling her baby grow within her body, the strange changes her body had made as her baby developed, and especially how thick her hair had grown but this pain business was starting to get old. Even the growing love she had for the baby was starting to become overwhelmed by the fatigue and discomfort she was feeling. Anne hoped the doctor was right and that the baby would soon be in her arms, rather than kicking her in the bladder.
Looking in the mirror in her room she saw that even the extra-large shirt she’d bought was starting to get too small for her now. This baby better come soon, she thought, or I’m going to have to walk around naked. Waddling into the kitchen, the skirt she had on tight across her abdomen but still swirling around her legs, Anne decided to make herself a cup of mint tea for the gas.
“You alright, girl?” Sophia asked from her rocking chair by the fire. The seasons had changed now and Sophia was in her usual winter spot, in her rocker beside of the fire. She had a pipe lit, full of cherry pipe tobacco, and though Anne hated cigarettes she loved the smell of pipe tobacco.
“I’m alright, Momma, just not feeling well at the moment.” Anne said, maneuvering herself onto the sofa. She put her feet on a pillow she placed on the coffee table, and sighed, sipping at her tea.
“It’s almost your time. I know that restless feeling, I had it with you. Yes, your baby will soon be making its entrance. Then the real shame begins because you won’t be able to hide from it for long.” Sophia said with venom, shooting a glance at Anne.
“What are you talking about?” Anne queried, not sure what her mother was talking about.
“Ain't you ever wondered why you’ve never met my family girl? Or about your daddy?” Sophia asked, knocking the dead ashes of her tobacco into the fireplace.
“You said my daddy died in the Korean War, I thought it would be too painful for you to discuss it so I didn’t ask you about him. And I assumed you were an orphan. Do you mean we have family elsewhere?” Anne looked at her mother, wondering why she was revealing all of this now.
“Your daddy wasn’t no soldier, he was a fisherman that knew how to sweet talk a fourteen almost fifteen year old girl that didn’t know any better. I ran off when he refused to marry me, came up here where an old aunt of mine lived, and never went back to that part of my life ever again. I’m actually from out by the coast, but came up here to hide the shame I’d brought onto my family when my own mother kicked me out. We still got family down that way, I reckon, but this is our life now. But one day you’ll have to explain to that youngin’ why its life is like it is. Or keep telling lies. I ain’t telling no more. You’re old enough to know the truth now.”
Anne was stunned into silence. Her virtuous mother, who set out flowers for her dead “husband” every Memorial Day had baldly lied to Anne her whole life. Gawping at her mother, her mouth opening and then closing, Anne wasn’t sure of what to say. Then her pains started and she soon wasn’t worried about the lies her mother had told her as much as the liquid flowing down her legs.
Anne had been heading to the bathroom when the clear fluid came out and she yelled for Sophia.
“What are you screaming about now, girl?” Sophia groused, rushing to Anne’s side.
Anne looked at her mother in shock but Meg had told her what this meant. “Get the car, Momma, we have to get to the hospital now.”
“I ain’t driving that car into town, someone will kill us!” Sophia shouted as she saw the pool of fluid at Anne’s feet.
“You’re going to have to, Momma, I can’t drive like this!” Anne stopped speaking to let out a shout as the pain intensified.
“Oh, it don’t hurt that much girl, stop your caterwauling! Come on then, get your shoes and your bag. Let’s go.” Sophia muttered as she grabbed her own coat and hunted down Anne’s keys. “If I die I’m going to haunt you until judgment day, girl, I swear it!”
Sophia put the car into drive and she pressed her foot down on the gas. The mid-sized car fishtailed for a moment but Sophia corrected and they were soon on the main road, heading to the hospital.
Anne’s labor had begun but the baby refused to move. The doctor examined her, a procedure that left Anne screaming in agony, and determined that the baby was breech with her little legs tucked up over her head with her bottom sticking down instead of her head. Doctor Nelson told Anne she was just going to have to wait and see if the baby turned.
Thirty-six hours after walking into the hospital Anne was still in labor, her pitiful screams now mewls of pain and exhaustion. Anne went in and out of consciousness, her body still fighting to get the baby out of her but the baby refused to move. Anne would occasionally snatch conversations but she wasn’t sure if they were dreams or reality.
“If she dies it’s going to cost you more.” Anne heard Sophia say. Why did her Momma say that?
“C-sections are expensive; we’re trying to keep costs down to make this profitable.” Doctor Nelson’s voice replied.
Anne’s thoughts slipped from the voices as she went back to the land of darkness, not really asleep but not awake either. Anne went back to her unconscious world, the pain now more than she could bare and her mind kept retreating into a dark place where pain no longer existed. At one point she woke to the sound of another woman’s screa
ms. Anne thought it sounded like Joan but wasn’t sure.
She blinked and heard her mother once more talking to the doctor.
“She’s about to die, at least get that baby out of her so we can make some money out of this entire mess. You’re wasting time, doctor.”
Sophia’s steely voice, cold and uncaring, made Anne struggle for a moment, the unspeakable words riling Anne to fight the darkness but the pull was too strong and she fell back to the deep dark blackness where harsh words and cruel pain didn’t plague her. Anne drifted back to the depths, away from the horrible words that she hoped were solely a hallucination.
Anne woke again, the sensation of movement jostling her back to reality, the pain a constant burning torment that seemed endless now. She knew she was dying, that this was the end, and wondered if she was actually in Hell now, the constant torment of pain and tearing, the scent of blood, making her wonder if this was how she was going to spend eternity. Hell was surprisingly cold and flame-free she thought before she lost her grip on reality once more.
A sharp pain roused her once more, a stabbing and cutting sensation were the last things she felt before the darkness came to quickly claim her once more. She almost dragged herself out of the dark when she heard the sound of a baby crying but could no longer fight the darkness, she was simply too exhausted, too weak to struggle anymore. But Anne couldn’t stop the slight smile that stretched her lips; her daughter was here and screaming. Now she just had to rest a little bit. Just for a little while.
Two days later Anne’s eyes opened and she realized she wasn’t in Hell but in a strange bed that wasn’t her own, sunlight streaming in from a window. She was resting on her side, something strange between her legs, with a deep ache within her body making her wince. Anne stared out of the window, wondering where exactly she was and what had happened to her. Why wasn’t she at home and why was her brain so foggy? Had she been ill? Was she in the hospital, is that where she was?
As her mind cleared of the drugs she’d been fed and the exhaustion that had held her in the dark finally let up, her body finally starting to recover from the drugs, Anne realized something was different. She couldn’t feel her baby moving within her body anymore! Reaching down to her stomach she could feel that the mound that had been such a part of her life the last few months was gone. Where was her baby? Maybe she was asleep in the room somewhere!
“Momma?” Anne called as she rolled over and saw her mother in a chair beside of Anne’s bed. Looking around she didn’t see anything the baby could be sleeping in and thought maybe the nurses had her.
Anne’s body protested as she moved but she had to see her daughter. She didn’t know how she knew she’d had a girl, she just did. Where was she?
“Momma! Where’s the baby? I want to see my baby!” Anne called out to her mother.
“What? Oh, you’re awake Anne good, I’ll get the nurse. And you can’t see your daughter, you got what you deserved or the Lord decided to spare you both a life of shame. Your daughter died the day she was born and has been disposed of already. Count yourself lucky!” Sophia rushed from the room, her heartless words matching her heartless actions as she left her daughter screaming in her bed.
Anne’s world collapsed with her mother’s words. She didn’t hear the heartlessness in the words, only the message that her daughter was dead and gone. She’d never even had a chance to look at her or name her!
Chapter Four
Through the devastation and loss Anne heard the doctor’s words but didn’t register them. Something had gone wrong, the doctor had been forced to perform a C-section but he was too late, the baby was dead before he could cut her out of Anne. Anne knew that was a lie, she’d heard the baby crying, she remembered it clearly.
Apparently Anne would never be able to conceive again either; damage within her body forced the doctor to perform a hysterectomy on her. The news just grew worse and eventually Anne simply stopped listening to him, turning over in the bed to face the blank white wall. The total, overwhelming loss of the one thing that had made her life worth living, that had given her hope, left Anne unable to function. Her mother leaving her on her own in the hospital, never coming to check on her, also left Anne a victim. But Anne suspected her mother wouldn’t have stopped the drugs anyway.
The doctor prescribed heavy medications at first under the guise of stopping her pain and then to make Anne sleep, his idea being that she would get over her grief as she slept. Anne’s mother left the day Anne woke up and did not come back until it was time to take Anne home. In the meantime Anne experienced strange physical sensations, nightmares that plagued her, and would awaken in the night to hear her little girl crying. The wails pierced her very soul and she knew, just knew it was her daughter crying.
Anne sobbed when she was awake, begging the medical staff to stop torturing her and bring her child to her at last. She knew instinctively that her child was still alive and for some reason they were keeping the baby from her.
“Anne you must stop this. Your child is dead. She didn’t even take a single breath. The child expired before she was even born.” Doctor Nelson told Anne sternly three days after she’d woke up from her ordeal and learned her daughter was dead.
“Then why does Nurse Pracket keep coming in to take my milk? Why has my milk not dried up by now?” Anne challenged, her maternal instinct fighting with the drugs she was being fed. Her mind was fuzzy but she knew the slightest touch would cause the milk to flow. It shouldn’t be doing that by now, surely.
Sighing the doctor turned away from Anne, signaling to Nurse Pracket. “Anne, we are going to have to consider electro-shock therapy if you keep this up. Your baby is dead.”
Nurse Pracket dived at Anne as the doctor walked away, holding down the struggling, much lighter woman, and jabbed a needle in her leg. Anne’s body quickly relaxed as the medicine went into her veins, her cares disappearing with the drug.
Anne woke up later that night, some contraption strapped to her breasts, a pumping action expressing the milk. The motion eased the pain in her swollen breasts and she fell back to sleep, yet again unsure of whether she was dreaming or if the event was actually happening. The drugs certainly did their job.
Anne later heard her daughter crying once more and tried to leave the bed, determined to go to her crying child. Pulling herself along, too weak to even brush her hair out of her face, Anne pushed one leg in front of the other, trying to get out of the room. Someone Anne couldn’t see came in and caught her, taking her back to bed where her arms were tied down to keep her from leaving the bed once more.
“Listen, that is not your child. It’s another woman’s child. But I’d love to strap you down and shock you a few times so if that’s what you want keep this up.” A harsh female voice said to Anne in the darkness. Then a needle prick took it all away.
The next day Anne asked why she was tied down.
“You were a very naughty girl last night. It’s for your own good that you’re tied to the bed.” Nurse Pracket responded with a gloating look.
“I want my daughter, where is my daughter? Please, as a woman can’t you have some sympathy and let me just have my daughter?” Anne pleaded with the other woman.
Anne watched Nurse Pracket’s face and saw something in her eyes snap. To Anne’s surprise her restraints were cut and she was pushed into a wheelchair roughly. Anne felt hope rise within her heart and looked back at the nurse in gratitude. The look on the woman’s face soon dashed that hope.
Terrible, gleeful, sadism showed through the placating smile the nurse wore as she pushed Anne to an elevator that took them up to the fourth floor. Anne struggled but the drugs, the birth, and the surgery left her too weak. She was strapped onto a cold table, her cries ignored and mocked, and that’s when the real terror began.
“This is going to be so enjoyable. Ever since you first walked into Doctor Nelson’s office I’ve wanted to do this. So hoity-toity, so better than thou. Not anymore you aren’t, bitch.” The nurse
said as she clamped something in Anne’s mouth then over her head.
Anne felt cold liquid running over her head then heard a crackling noise. And then she knew very little at all as electricity passed through her abused body over and over and over again. Her body shook, it burned, and the pain was such that it was all she could focus on. And just when she thought it was over it would start again. Anne had no idea how long the torture went on but she knew it ended when Doctor Nelson walked in.
“Nurse Pracket, who gave you permission to do this?” The doctor roared, checking Anne’s vitals and peeling her eyelids back.
“She asked for the child again. I fixed that problem. Now she won’t keep asking about the breast milk issue. She won’t ask for the child, and she certainly won’t be making any accusations. We can keep her compliant until the formula shipment comes in and then we can send her home.” The nurse said before walking out of the room with a serene smile.
The doctor looked into Anne’s eyes but knew the damage was done. Anne’s mental capacities might come back but for now, Anne was gone.
Anne remained, as Nurse Pracket suggested, compliant for the rest of her stay. So compliant in fact that a child was brought in to nurse at her breasts before being taken away. Anne didn’t resist anymore, and the child sucked happily, but without the comfort that normally accompanied a mother feeding her child.
Anne was unaware of it all, lost in her own world now. A world where she was holding her child while floating down a quiet river in a canoe. Occasionally some pain would twinge into her world but the doctor soon made that go away with a pill. Then her mother came to take her home at last.
“What’s this?” Sophia asked when she was finally called to retrieve her daughter. Staring down at her daughter in the wheelchair, a line of drool running down Anne’s mouth, Sophia was disgusted. “This is going to cost you extra.”
Thriller: Emily Page 12
