“So how did Tommy seem? Interested?”
“Friendly?” Scarlett shot back. She shoveled a spoonful of gooey macaroni into her mouth. “Enough matchmaking. I’m not here for a husband.”
“Sorry,” her mom said. “I just want you to be happy.”
“Why isn’t Mommy happy?” Colleen asked, her green-eyed gaze turning worried. “Is it because you don’t have a prince?”
“Mommies don’t need princes to be happy. And I am happy. Very much so.”
Colleen didn’t look convinced. “Why have you been sad, Mommy? You cried when we left our old house.”
“I’m not sad. Sometimes you cry when you leave things.” Scarlett was mortified she’d forgotten little ears were listening yet again. It was like the move had deleted her common sense. “Like I will be somewhat sad when you start full-day preschool next August because that means you are a big, big girl and I will miss you.”
“I liked the school when we visited.”
“Yes, and we’ve got a lot of programs to go do at the Carondelet YMCA. Like swimming, ballet and gymnastics. Lots to do.” Scarlett’s mom inserted herself into the conversation.
“Yay,” Colleen said. “That sounds like fun. I like to swim. Just like my daddy.”
“Exactly, and don’t forget you and I have some grandma dates to plan. And I’ve found a good mommy’s-day-out program too. I’ll enroll you next week.”
“Will there be kids there?”
“Yes.”
“Mom,” Scarlett began but Bernadette arched an eyebrow. Scarlett sighed and tuned out of the conversation as her mom and Colleen began to discuss their upcoming activities. Was this what it felt like to be an observer in your own life instead of a participant? She now understood how Cinderella felt the day after the ball. She’d gone from such a high point to back to the same old mundane life. Surely there had to be more to motherhood than scheduling ballet classes? What about her dreams?
Back in San Diego, she’d never noticed how she’d put her life on hold. She’d taken classes toward her degree, which she’d stopped once Colleen had come along. But she’d had a role. A place as Todd’s wife. Now she was simply Colleen’s mom. Not that she didn’t love her daughter.
But when Colleen went to school, what then? The thought disconcerted. She had no hobbies. She assumed she could go back to school, could get a job.
She stabbed at her macaroni and cheese, her mother and Colleen still chatting nonstop.
Friday night she’d felt alive. Brad had told her she was beautiful, and kissed her so soundly she’d heated all over. Desire had flickered to life when his full lips had widened into a devastating smile, and passion had flared when those lips had found hers. His touch had sent an awakening tremor through her—one that had let her know that she wasn’t emotionally or physically dead. She’d laced her hands around his broad shoulders and laid her head on a solid chest. She’d listed to the beat of his heart. He’d made her feel wanton, yet cherished and safe all at the same time. He was a warrior. A man’s man. A protector.
She tuned back in to the conversation. Watched as her mother bowled Colleen over with plans, all great ideas that had Colleen bubbling over with excitement.
At that moment Scarlett realized she was in a funk. She had to get it together. Find a life, so to speak. Do what she wanted to do instead of letting everyone around her decide her future. That was once she figured out what it was.
“Hey, Mom, do you mind if I meet you at Sean’s? You could drop me at the house. Take my car and pick me up later. You could take Colleen back with you. Do you want to visit Granny’s house?”
Colleen nodded, her mouth full with a final bite of hot dog.
“You don’t mind, do you?” Scarlett asked as her mom shook her head. “I have tax paperwork I need to sort through and Colleen will probably have a better time with you than watching a movie.”
“I’m going to bake cookies for tonight’s dessert. Colleen, would you like to help me with that? Are you good at making chocolate-chip cookies? Because I need an expert.”
“Yes!” she enthused. “I’ve helped Mommy before.”
“Then it sounds like we have a plan,” her granny said, “because you sound like the expert chef I need to help me.”
“I am.” Colleen nodded solemnly.
“Are you a good cleaner too? Can you put these things in the trash?”
Colleen’s head bobbed again. “Yes.”
Scarlett watched as Colleen carefully carried the trash over to the receptacle. “Thanks, Mom. I could use some time to myself. Get some things done.”
“Of course,” her mom said. She reached out her hand and covered Scarlett’s. “That’s what I’m here for. Why I wanted you to move home. How about you drop us at my house instead? That way you can have your car and meet us at Sean’s later.”
Scarlett shook her head. “This way you’ll have her car seat. It’s too much of a pain to move it. And you have to drive by my house on the way to Sean’s anyway.”
“If you’re sure. Good work, Colleen. You’re a great helper.” Colleen beamed from ear to ear at the compliment.
They rose to their feet, and within five minutes Scarlett kissed her daughter good-bye and waved as her Prius disappeared down the alley.
She took a deep breath, inhaled the cold city air. Absorbed the permanent gray sky that seemed to permeate St. Louis this time of year. Scarlett made her way up the back path, inserted her key and opened the door. The alarm beeped once, indicating it was already turned off.
She frowned, then relaxed as she saw Brad’s coat tossed over one of the chairs surrounding the island. He must be upstairs working on the third floor. She hung her coat on the peg rack he’d installed and set her purse on the counter. She ascended the back stairs, and because she assumed he was one more floor up, paid little attention to where she was going. With a thump, she ran straight into him as he was exiting the hall bathroom.
“Oh.” She stepped backward, and Brad’s hands reached out and steadied her before she lost her footing and fell backward down the stairs.
“Careful.” He swung her around so she was fully in the hall. A shockwave powered through her. He leaned down and studied her, brown eyes concerned. “You okay?”
She gulped, but no words came out. Brad wore nothing but a white towel slung low over his hips, and it gaped above the knee, giving her a good glimpse of rock-hard thigh. She swallowed as her gaze traced the line of dark hair that made a path from his navel to the towel. A drop of water fell from his tussled hair and slid down his right pectoral. His abs went beyond six-pack. Another clear droplet fell. He’d been in the shower. Gone was the sexy stubble—his clean-shaven face smelled of cypress and eucalyptus.
She brought her gaze back to a face that was watching her intently. “You okay?” he asked again.
“I … I…” Her mouth dried. She felt fire. She wanted to lick the water from his chest, taste the salt of his skin. Follow that thin little scar over his heart. As if it had a mind of its own, her hand moved to that spot. Touched. Traced. A tremble went through him and his breath hissed. His hand covered hers and drew hers away. “Stop.”
“What? Does it hurt?”
His eyes darkened. “No. It’s long healed. But you can’t touch me like that. I can’t hold it together if you do.”
“Oh.” She absorbed the implications. It was hard to concentrate. His hand held hers. Seeing him wearing nothing but a quick-dry towel fried her equilibrium. His free hand gripped the towel, which tented in front. She wanted that white cloth to fall to the floor, expose what was beneath. Every one of her pores longed for more of his touch. Heat built. Was she wet? Holy hell. She fought for control.
She felt a bit light-headed. Weak at the knees. He must have sensed that, because he immediately let her hand go and snaked that arm around her waist, steadying her. Her hands pressed up against that rock-solid chest. Her legs intertwined with his; she could feel his erection. Her eyes dilated. Oh God. Thi
s desire was different from any she’d experienced. The overwhelming urge to have him inside her roared, filling her with pure need.
“You look woozy. Are you getting sick?”
“No.” Not unless every one of her dormant hormones powering back to life counted. Her knees buckled.
“Let’s get you to the couch.” He scooped her up—a rugged male movement that did little to put out the fire. He carried her into the living room and set her on the sofa. “Let me get you some water.” He returned a minute later with a tall glass from the kitchen. “Here. Drink up. Where’s Colleen?”
“She’s with my mom.” Scarlett sipped. Stared. No man should be so lethal in a towel. Or so close. If she reached forward she could part the towel. Take him into her mouth and taste him. Swirl her tongue over him and suck. Make him thrust while she cupped his balls.… She averted her eyes and dug her fingers into her leg. Listen to her! Who was this woman? When had she gotten so brash? So bold? She hadn’t wanted to do that with Todd. Not since …
“I’m sorry I scared you. Next time I’ll leave a note on the door. Or the counter. I thought you’d be gone all afternoon. When I walked her out the other night, your mom said something about a long lunch.”
“We went to Steve’s Hot Dogs because my dad had a meeting. Something with the fish fry. I thought I’d spend some time by myself.” The tulips were right next to her, beautiful pink blooms with white edges.
“I’m sorry I bothered you. Let me get dressed and get out of your way.”
“You aren’t bothering me. I…”
“Scarlett.”
“I…” That new side of her took over. “I want to touch you.”
He brushed away a falling droplet. Magnificent hands rubbed into his wet hair, tossing out a light spray. “Scarlett.”
“I’ve thought of nothing since we kissed. I want more.”
He glanced toward the spare bedroom, where some of his clothes were hanging in the closet. “We can talk after I get dressed. I’m rather exposed here.”
“Do you realize I’ve never seen another man naked? Do you realize how tempting you are? You make me feel again.”
He literally groaned. “Scarlett, I’m standing here in nothing but a towel. Please, I’m going to go get dressed now.”
With that he turned, fled to the bedroom and closed the door. Immediately Scarlett felt a letdown. A chill washed over her and her face reddened with shame. What had she been doing? For a seduction, it was terrible. Worse, the minute he’d left, the guilt had crept in.
She couldn’t use Brad like this. She couldn’t risk losing her place to live, and even more importantly, she couldn’t let her integrity slip away. He was temptation in the flesh, but just because her ego had been dented, she couldn’t use another to massage it back to health. She had to save herself. She sipped more water, not that the liquid calmed her churning insides.
She hadn’t felt like a whole woman for a few years. At the end of the last leave, Todd had admitted his guilty secret: that he’d cheated. Oh, just one shore leave and just one blow job, but it had made Scarlett feel like a failure. She hadn’t been enough for him. Hadn’t been worth waiting for. The revelation had shattered her. Made her question everything, wonder if there had been even more times he hadn’t revealed.
Brad returned dressed in a pair of low jeans and a tight T-shirt. He looked at the empty glass. “Is that helping? Are you feeling better?”
“No. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come on to you. I’m not sure what came over me. I’d blame stress, but really, I have no excuse.” He sat next to her on the sofa. “The truth is you made me feel something I hadn’t felt in a long time and I took advantage of you and your hospitality.”
“Scarlett.”
“He cheated on me, you know. He admitted it before he shipped out for the last time.”
Guilt flashed over Brad’s face. He’d been livid when he’d found out what Todd had done. “I told him he was an ass and an idiot. Told him if he did it again, I’d kill him. He wouldn’t need to worry about being shot on the front line. Believe me, if I’d been there, I would have stopped him. But I wasn’t there.” And the guilt of that continued to eat him alive.
“It hurt, you know. My perfect marriage was a bust. Todd swore it was nothing. Just a physical release. But it hurt. It meant I wasn’t good enough.”
“You are plenty good enough,” Brad ground out. He settled onto the couch beside her.
“Was there more than that one time? I’ll never know. But what matters now is that I’m stuck with that event as if it were a thorn in my side. I didn’t forgive him before he left. I never had a chance to say I was sorry.” Tears brimmed in her eyes.
“Oh honey, he knew. He knew how much you loved him.”
He settled her against his chest and she eased into place as if she’d been made for this spot. “You have nothing to feel guilty about. He was secure in your love. He might not have known how to be a stateside Navy man, but he loved you.”
She let the tears flow, finally pulling back after she realized she left wet circles on his shirt. She sniffled. “I’m sorry.”
“No biggie. I’ve got more clothes.”
He held her and the silence stretched. “How do you do it?” she finally asked.
“Do what?”
“Date? Get back in the saddle. I guess I’m going to have to do that.”
“No rush.”
“It’s been two years. I have to move on. But if I don’t even recognize when someone is flirting with me, how will I survive? I don’t understand this Web stuff and I’m not swiping on my phone.”
“Dating isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I haven’t been in the pool in a while.”
“Really? I don’t believe that.”
“Truth. I haven’t … uh, been with someone since Todd died.”
His words fell like a brick. Her mouth widened in disbelief. “No way.”
“Yes way. No one has interested me.”
“No one?”
“Well, there is someone. Time will tell if things will work out.”
“You’re a beautiful man. She’s probably a fool. Have you told her how you feel?”
“I think she’s figuring it out.” The light dawned and Scarlett’s lips formed an O. “But it’s still pretty early to tell.”
“Agreed,” Scarlett said.
“Do you feel like you were betraying Todd?”
“No. Do you?”
He shook his head. “But I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
“Me either. But I want you to kiss me again. I want to feel like before. See if it’s not a fluke caused by some dancing and wine. It feels wrong to ask. So clinical. But it didn’t feel that way before.”
She paused. “I can’t believe I even said that.” She moved her head off his chest. Looked up at him. Moved a hand to his mouth and traced his lips with her forefinger. Oh lord, did he feel superb. “I want to kiss you again. May I kiss you again?”
“Scarlett,” Brad protested.
She sat up and swiveled around so she sat on his lap. She placed her hands on his chest and he sat there like a statue. “You feel fantastic.” She traced a line down his neck.
He grabbed her hands then. Pinned her arms to her side. Took her mouth in his and gave her a harsh, aggressive kiss that sent her reeling. Heat pooled between her legs. Her breasts felt heavy. Then, without freeing her arms, he tore his mouth away. Lifted his head. Spoke.
“I want you. I wanted to drop that towel and bury myself in you. But I want all of you. I am not going to be just a body. You want to kiss me? To make love to you? Then we go on dates. With you it isn’t impersonal sex. I have my hand for that.”
Scarlett felt the thin veil of control he had. Could see his heaving, uneven breathing.
What the hell had just happened? “What are you saying?”
“I’ve been celibate for three years. I want to be married. Have kids. Be normal. I’ve liked you since high school. I sta
yed out of Todd’s way. I’m here for you as a friend, but if we’re going to be physical, I want more than just the benefits part. I’m not that kid you knew in high school. I want it all.”
Her mouth dropped open. Finally she spoke. “Okay.”
He frowned. His forehead creased. “Okay, what?”
“Okay, I agree with you.”
She was making no sense. He’d given her a complete out. A way to save face. “I don’t understand. Do you agree with me about me wanting it all?”
“Yes, and the part about getting to know each other. You just said that if I wanted sex with you then we were going to get to know each other. I’m agreeing to those terms.”
Oh shit. “Scarlett, I…”
“No, don’t you back out now.” She jabbed her finger in his chest. Poked him hard. “I have never been kissed like that. Ever. I’m scared shitless that you and I are going to screw up whatever this is and I’ll be out on the street—or worse, back with my mom and dad. But I’m willing to risk it because I’m feeling something I’ve never felt before. I think about you. You’re in my head. I like seeing you and talking to you. I looked forward to all your calls. And when we kiss, it’s magical. It’s beyond explanation, and it’s just a damn kiss. So yes. I’ve been cautious too long. Let’s do this.”
“It was only a kiss,” he lied. He’d never kissed any woman like that. He could still taste her on his lips. He wanted to kiss her again and not stop.
“Well, if that was just a kiss, I can’t wait to see what it’s going to be like once we get to know each other better. I felt that kiss in my toes.”
“Fine,” he replied, for how did you resist the one woman you’ve always wanted when she agreed to your terms? And he’d felt that kiss in his toes too. And a whole lot of other throbbing places.
“Great. We’ll start tonight. You’re going to take me to dinner at my brother’s.”
Hands went up in protest. “Whoa. Slow down. That’s a family event.”
She turned the full force of those brilliant green eyes on him. Wiggled in his lap. Dared him to contradict. “So? It’s food and conversation, which is what you mentioned we needed. I’m not going to play footsie with you under the table and no one will think twice if I bring you along. My mom loves you already. I’ll text Maureen and tell her to set an extra plate. Ring the doorbell at five thirty. Unless you have more work to do here?”
Fan The Flames (Man Of The Month Book 3) Page 9
