“What I don’t understand is what he was doing here? I thought he was in jail for a long, long time.” Confusion fills my head as I question one of the police officers. My father pats me on the shoulder as my mom takes my hand and leads me towards the exit sign.
“We’ll talk when we get home. Let’s stop by the apartment and grab some clothes. You have a few more weeks until the semester starts. How about you stay with us for a while? I’m not thrilled with the idea of you being anywhere but at home with Brody on the loose. We all know what he’s capable of.”
I plant my feet firmly in place on the floor as my mom continues to walk. For some strange reason I feel like they are hiding something. I am a grown woman; why would I want to hide like a coward at my parents’ house? Do they want me to stay in my small twin bed, with pink sparkly sheets too?
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. My boy…my friend, Parker, needs me here… close by. He is going to have a long recovery, and I want to be around to help him. Plus, I will not leave Maci alone, Mom!”
“Stop it, Grace!” Her voice is low, but I can tell the sternness from her facial expression. Her eyes narrow and she means business.
“You will come back to the house with us. I will not…do you hear me? I will not risk losing you again. Not by Brody’s hand or anyone else’s. Do you remember the hell he caused? How could you want to stay in this town knowing he could still be here?”
Tears pool in her eyes and I understand where she is coming from, but I cannot shrivel up and hide like I did before. I will not let him defeat me again, even if it means staying in my own apartment and sleeping with the lights on for the next year, that is what I will do. If I learned anything from my past, it was that the moments that should have defeated you sometimes fuel you to move forward. I will not backtrack. Not now, not ever. Standing firm and holding my ground, my mother starts to cry before kissing me on the cheek and walking away, leaving me standing on the sidewalk of the police station.
Four days have passed since the shooting and I still haven’t seen Parker, but Carson has kept me updated. He should be getting discharged around noon today. Maci has been a wonderful friend through all this. She was there then too, when Brody killed my child, when he stole my light and his evil filled every nook around me. She never gave up on me. There were times I would lie in her arms sobbing from nightmares reliving that night. She would lie with me until the tears stopped. I consider her way more than a best friend; she is more like my sister. How could I abandon her now? After all she helped me through. My parents are worried about me, I get it, but I am worried about Maci and Parker. Brody would do anything in his power to hurt me, to get me back for what I did to him. For some reason he had it in his mind that I was giving the baby up to hurt him. In reality I was giving the baby up so we could be teenagers. Finish high school, go to college, and one day when we decided to settle down and get married, we would have a baby. He didn’t like that plan, so he did what he did to interrupt it. An interruption which killed a living, breathing part of me. So I of all people know all too well what he is capable of doing, and I will do everything in my power to prevent him from taking more people I love away from me. I want to surprise Parker at his house with dinner, but first I know I need to talk to my parents.
Pulling into the driveway, I put my car into park. I haven’t been home in quite a while, but everything still looks the same. The neighborhood kids are all playing basketball in the streets, and sounds of dogs barking and music blaring from garages sound like home and bring me back to a much simpler time in my life. Walking into the house I am greeted with the warm smell of fresh vanilla. My mom is a free spirit, to put it lightly. Sometimes I think she is still living in her Woodstock days, but I wouldn’t trade her for the world. Compared to my dad, who was a corporate businessman and her total opposite, they are perfect for each other. Like yin and yang, they even each other out. Their lives are much less chaotic since we moved to Iowa. In Maine, it was like we were the picture perfect family, going to banquets for my father’s company all the time, plastered on smiles in front of the fireplace for the holidays, volunteering at homeless shelters. Don’t get me wrong, I love helping others, but not when it’s forced, which it was. Moving here was the best thing that ever happened. Leaving and starting over are things that people only dream about, but not us. Not our family. We made it a reality. What happened once we got here wasn’t so great, but we made it through. Not only did I prove to be a warrior in life, but my family did as well. They were as much devastated by what Brody did as I was.
My mom walks out of the kitchen in a black apron.
“Hey, honey. I am so glad you finally called us. I sure wish it didn’t take four whole days, but better late than never. Come here and give me a hug. I’ve been so worried about you.”
Walking over to her I give her a kiss on the cheek and then walk into the kitchen and kiss my dad on the cheek too. He is sitting at the table reading the newspaper in his flannel pajamas and black-rimmed glasses.
“The boys are out back if you want to say hello.”
My two younger brothers are twins. They are twelve and a handful. I think they both think they are invincible. The thought makes me laugh. Too many times to count we have made trips to the ER due to their tree climbing adventures.
“I’ll see them later; I really just wanted to stop by to apologize.” My dad nods as my mom pulls out a chair next to him, sits down, and folds her hands on her lap. I follow her lead and sit down at the round table too.
“I know you both had my best interests in mind, but you have to see where I am coming from.” I hold my hand up to stop anyone from interrupting me. Continuing I take a deep breath, “I love Parker. He has truly been a gift, and I am so thankful to have met him. And you both know I love Maci. I couldn’t just leave them. Brody had the chance to kill me and who knows how long he has been out of jail? He’s had plenty of opportunities. I’m scared, okay? I am. I admit it. Every time I use the bathroom, I open the shower curtain first; every time I get in my car, I check the back seat. I am so terrified he will find me, but I cannot hide anymore and that is my choice and mine alone. I can only hope you will both support me and know that I am a woman now. I am not that same girl he attacked. If anything it all made me stronger. That was a major defining moment for me. At first I let what he did weigh me down and turn me into a hollow person, but not anymore and I have Parker to thank for that. We’ve really gotten to know each other, and he is really sweet, and I know he cares about me. He wouldn’t have pushed me away if he didn’t.”
It’s like a light bulb flashes in my head. Parker pushed me away. There has to be a reason, maybe something he knows that I don’t. No way. He couldn’t possibly know about Brody. I know Maci would have never said anything. Unless she told Ramsey, who I guess could have told Parker, but that is highly unlikely. I would trust Maci with my life, and I know my darkest secret is safe with her too. I know she wouldn’t tell, but what other reason would he have to push me away? I know he was hurt by his last girlfriend, but I’ve never once given him a reason not to trust me. It just doesn’t make sense.
My mom’s voice breaks my stupor, “Well, honey, we don’t know much about this Parker fella, but we do know about Brody, and we just want you to be safe. The thought of losing you kills us.”
“I know, you guys, but it won’t come to that. I promise.”
“I think it is about time we show you something. You have to promise not to get upset. We have only kept this from you for your own protection.”
What is she talking about?
“Come up to the attic with us.” They both stand and walk into the hallway. I am at a loss for words as their strange behavior takes me off guard. My dad pulls down the short string in the hallway and wooden steps descend from the ceiling. Helping my mom up first, he then gestures for me to follow. It is dark other than the light coming from a flashlight.
Kneeling by an old tattered box my mom starts to sniffle.
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br /> “Sit down, Gracie.” She pats the floor beside her.
Are they going to tell me I am the milkman’s baby or something?
“Gracie, you know how much your mother and I love you, and everything we do and have ever done has been to protect you. We didn’t know the lengths Brody would go to find you.” He inhales deeply and for some reason I feel like what he is going to say is really bad. My body tenses waiting for his words.
“Brody was released from jail the same day you finished your undergraduate degree.” My chest feels tight as my eyelids fight to hold the tears at bay. It’s a losing battle as anger, confusion, and betrayal overwhelm me.
“What?”
“We received a letter in the mail from our attorney advising us that the court granted his parole. Five years is a long time, though it certainly isn’t long enough for what he did, but they deemed otherwise.”
Anger pumps through my veins.
“How could you hide that from me?” I shout through gritted teeth while angry tears stream down my face. “How could you not warn me?” My body slouches down as my hands attempt to hide the hurt on my face.
“Grace, you have to understand, we are your parents. It is our job to protect you. We thought we were doing what was best. We see now that we should have told you. Maybe we could have convinced you to come stay the summer with us. But that day at the café, you looked so happy. I couldn’t tell you, although the secret has been weighing on my shoulders ever since we decided not to.”
“So let me just get this straight, you just casually talked about this? Not once did you guys consider I needed to be made aware. He…that fucking lunatic was released, and you didn’t think I needed to know?”
“Grace, do not talk to your mother with those foul obscenities. Do you hear me?”
The thought of sitting in this cramped attic with my parents for one more second makes me feel physically ill. As I stand up, my mom grabs my wrist and pulls me back down to a sitting position.
“There’s something else.” She pauses. “We’ve had this box up here since the incident. The police wanted us to keep it. They have the originals of all of it, so these are only copies.” My mom opens the cardboard box. It looks like stacks of papers rest inside of it.
“Brody kept a journal. We didn’t have the stomach to read them, and you might not either, but we are done hiding things from you. Gracie, your father and I love you more than anything in this world. With time I hope you can forgive us.” Then they both get up and climb back down the ladder, leaving me alone and feeling emotionally wrecked in the attic. The flashlight flickers as my hand reaches up to grab the first piece of paper. It is dated, and is in Brody’s handwriting. Writing I so vaguely remember from the notes he passed me during Algebra all semester.
I will fucking kill her and that baby. Who does she think she is?
I can’t bear to read the rest. Wiping my tears, I grab the box and hold it on my side, climb down the ladder, and walk out their front door to my car. I don’t have anything to say to my parents and there is only one place in the world I want to be: with Parker.
The nurse comes in and explains my discharge instructions to me. Carson helps hold the clipboard as I sign my release papers and prepare to go home. The doctor said I should be fine in a few weeks as long as I abide by my extensive physical therapy plan.
“Do you want me to wheel you out?”
He has been a big help the past few days, but Carson is still my smart ass little brother.
“Hell yeah, I want you to wheel me out. Do you know what it feels like to get shot?”
“Oh, okay, Parker. So you’re going to milk this for all it’s worth, aren’t ya?”
“Shut the hell up and take me home.”
It feels good to be home, but the silence is almost eerie. I don’t know if my imagination has been in overdrive for the past few hours, but I swear after Carson left I heard footsteps. Josie never barked, so I chalked it up as paranoia. This time I do hear something – loud thumping on the front door. Opening my nightstand, I grab a small pistol from the bottom drawer. I’ve never carried it or even had reason to shoot it, other than at the range, but I won’t hesitate now. That’s for damn sure. Tucking the gun behind my back, I secure it in the waist of my pants and make my way into the living room. I see Grace pacing back and forth through the windows that frame the door. I open the door, and for a split second time stands still as our eyes hold one another in place.
“Grace.” The sound of her name leaving my mouth brings back a rush of images and emotions. The look on her face hovering over me, her hands holding my shoulder as blood squirted out of my wound. That is something I will never forget, but here she is. She looks so scared and all I could say was her name.
“Parker.” She lurches forward and wraps her arms around my body.
“Ahh…sweetheart. Easy now.” Her tight grip around my shoulder sends shooting pains down my arm.
“Oh, no! I am so sorry!” Letting go of me she backs away. Tears start to fall from her face as her eyes take in my body. Her once beautiful eyes are now swollen and puffy. I wonder how long she has been crying. Moving away from the door frame I gesture her in. She looks over her shoulder and around the field before walking inside. She is still scared of Brody; sadly, I am too.
“Parker, I am so glad to see you. I am so sorry. I wish it were me. It was meant for me. He wanted me dead, not you. Parker, please forgive me.” Her voice shakes as she rambles.
What is she talking about? Why would he want her dead? My brain doesn’t have time to form questions and ask her what she is talking about before her needy hands start to roam my body.
“Parker…” Kisses trail down my face to my neck. Her petite stature is too short so she makes do and moves her kisses to my chest. Not satisfied with the cloth in between her lips and my skin she starts to raise my shirt.
“Whoa…hold on…Grace, be easy, sweetheart.” I know there is plenty to talk about, but who would deny the woman they love when she is throwing herself at you? Not me. No fucking way.
“Hold on, let me help you. Raise the hem up and slide it up, but watch my sling. I’m still really sore.” Nodding her head, she does as instructed. She is breathing heavily like she just ran a marathon.
“Parker, I need you. I want you inside me. Please fuck me. Use your mouth to take away my pain. I’m begging you.” Her words are raw, and I know they are packed with emotion. I can see it in her eyes. They need me; she needs me. Now more than ever.
Her knees drop to the floor as her fingers fumble around the elastic of my shorts. Pulling them down slightly, she kisses the soft area above my dick. Tilting my head back, I am amazed at this woman bending down in front of me. I reach behind my back and pull the gun out of its hiding place and lie it facing away from us on the back of the couch cushion. Grace doesn’t notice, which is good. I don’t want to startle her; she has been through enough. Her hands move the silk material down farther as my hard-on springs up and says hello to the world. Opening her mouth like my dick is her favorite flavored popsicle, she licks the tip. After taking a moment to gauge my reaction, her lips spread wider as she takes me in. Last time she wasn’t so sure of herself. This time there is no stopping her. The sounds of wetness as her head bobs up and down fill the air. A blow job never felt so good, but I’m not about to blow my fucking load right here in the middle of my living room. Interrupting her steady movement, my hand grabs the back of her head. Tilting her head up towards me, with her lips parted around my cock, her blue eyes beg to be told what to do.
“Go to the bedroom and lie down on my bed, naked.” Without a word she stands up and turns on her heels headed in the direction of my bedroom. Grabbing my gun, I tuck it back in my pants and slowly make my way down the hallway after her. Opening the door, I can see she listened to my instructions. I find her lying on my bed naked, staring up at the ceiling fan that is spinning around and around. Walking over to the side of the bed I remove the gun from my pants and pl
ace it pointing towards the wall. Her eyes trail to the nightstand where it sits, but she doesn’t say anything. I figured she would be terrified of guns, especially after what just happened, but she doesn’t seem fazed. My knees bend in front of me as my hand grabs her ankles and pulls her body to the side of the bed. Silence lingers in the air as I lower my head to kiss her core. This is my attempt at making her forget. A few minutes pass before she makes a sound and then I feel her start to sit up as her hands grasp my biceps.
“Thank you, Parker.” My lips pause. “Thank you for being here with me. I was so scared I was going to lose you.”
“Lose me? Sweetheart, it would take more than one bullet to keep me away from you. You can trust me on that.”
“Then why do you keep leaving me letters saying goodbye? I don’t get it. Why don’t you want to be with me?”
Women love to talk about their feelings. We all know that, but right now, right here, I don’t really mind talking about things. Other than the damper it puts on my throbbing cock. As I stand up, she scoots back on the bed. I bend to sit on the mattress and sit directly in front of her. It’s hard not to look down at her beautiful, naked body and want to plow right into her, but I try my best. I take her hands in mine, and she starts to sniffle.
“Why are you so sad?”
“I’m not sad; I’m happy. These are happy tears. I was so, so scared, Parker, and then I didn’t know what was going on. Poor Carson had to keep me updated through text messages while I was at the police station.”
I already knew all of that from what Carson had told me on the ride home from the hospital. What I didn’t know was the emotional toll it actually took on her. This poor woman sitting in front of me looks like a mess. Her cheeks are noticeably red from crying.
“I know. I can’t imagine if I were in your shoes, but everything is okay. Look. Look at my shoulder. The doctors fixed me up and there is nothing to worry about now.” Trying to make her feel better I lean in and plant a kiss on her forehead.
A Graceful Mess Page 14
