“Wh…what?” She rubbed her eyes roughly and stared at him. “I’m…confused.” She sat down hard and Diesel came to sit beside her. “What are you still doing here, Diesel? Why did you let me sleep? I can’t sleep so long; I have things I need to do.”
“He’s fed, dressed, and safe. I promise I didn’t break him. I did have little brothers, you know. Two at once, as a matter of fact. At this age, Jon and Justin weren’t nearly as self-reliant as Dalton is so he’s not even a little hard to watch. How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay. I’m still…confused.” She turned to face him. “I have no idea what to say.”
She smoothed her hands over her face, then pulled her braid over her shoulder and started untwining it. “I don’t want anything from you, Diesel. I’m not like that.” She stood up and went in the kitchen. It was clean and neat.
Turning to head to Dalton’s room, she bumped into Diesel. “Where’s Dalton?”
“Crashed the hell out. Remember, he woke up at three in the morning. He made it until about fifteen minutes ago.” He wasn’t surprised when she went around him to check. She opened his door and saw her son fast asleep with his favorite stuffed animal clutched to his chest.
Closing the door softly, Kenzie returned to the living room, standing in the middle as she rubbed her temples. “Kenzie, please sit down before you drop.” She lowered herself to the edge of the couch. “You want coffee?”
Without waiting for her to answer, he went and poured her some and asked how she took it. She told him and he came back to sit beside her. She sat with her forearms on her knees, coffee between them.
“Thank you.”
“What are you thanking me for, Kenzie?”
“For not freaking out in front of Dalton, for not shaking me until my head fell off, for being sweet to him, for watching him when I should have been, for the coffee. Take your pick.” She took a deep breath and glanced at him. “Diesel, I don’t know what you’re thinking and it’s making me nervous.”
“Don’t be nervous, Kenzie. I’d never lay my hands on you in anger and Dalton is incredible. It’s your coffee. I just brewed it.” He reached out, took the coffee cup from her hands, and put it on the table. “MacKenzie, look at me.”
She turned, but couldn’t meet his eyes. “Look at me, stop hiding from me. You don’t have to do that. I’m not an ogre.” As her eyes lifted to his, he saw what was coming; he reached one arm around her as she completely broke down.
Kenzie was shaking and gripping his jersey. Diesel soothed her, pulled her into his lap, and cradled her while she cried.
“You’re so tired, Kenzie. Why didn’t you let me help you? Why didn’t you tell me, honey?”
For a long time, she couldn’t answer. His chest was broad and warm, the sound of his steady heartbeat calmed her, his hands stroked her hair.
“It was so typical. The whole situation was like a bad country song. Girl from fucked up family gets knocked up by the town golden boy and sidelines his life. No thanks. My entire life has been like that. I didn’t want that for you.”
He rubbed her back. “You figured me for an either/or kind of guy, huh? Either do the right thing for you and Dalton or chase hockey pucks? What made you think I couldn’t do both, Kenzie? We could have worked together so you didn’t have it all on your shoulders.”
“I’m used to stuff being on my shoulders, Diesel. You aren’t.” She sat up to look at him, wiping her face. “You were twenty-one. Your senior year was your best. You won the conference and were drafted right out of the gate. It was all coming together for you.”
She moved to sit beside him, gathered her hair, and pushed it behind her. “If there had been an infant in your life during your senior year, none of that would have happened. I know it even if you don’t. You wouldn’t have had the focus. I’m not saying you wouldn’t have done the right thing. I know you would have.”
The smile she gave him was sad. “That’s why I didn’t tell you. You would have tried to do both, but something would have suffered, and you would have resented me for it. I would have resented me, too.”
He thought about his senior year; how he’d spent more than twelve hours a day on the ice. “You had a feeling, didn’t you? When I was leaving? You were never on birth control, were you?”
“Why would I be on birth control? I wasn’t having sex. Yeah, I had a feeling because that’s how my luck runs most of the time. Then Thad got his acceptance letter and we made a plan. Bob moved us and put me on his business insurance as a consultant. It worked out.”
Diesel’s face went hard. “It worked out great for me, that’s for sure. I was off playing, fighting, and fucking while you were working yourself to death and not sleeping. I feel like the biggest shit on the planet, Kenzie. How many times did you think, isn’t he just living the charmed fucking life?”
“Never once, Diesel. I keep a scrapbook about you for Dalton. I have your whole history for him. I’m very proud of everything you’ve done. It’s not as if you’d have taken a vow of celibacy even if you had known about Dalton. I didn’t care…who was I to care? You needed to go, I told you to go. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Thad said you had pneumonia really bad. Why didn’t you call me then?”
“You were in the middle of the play-offs, Diesel. Are you kidding?”
“Were you ever going to tell me, MacKenzie? Were you ever going to ask me for anything?”
“My plan was to wait until Dalton was older. I would have asked you to help him with college. I want him to have the best education.”
He stared at her.
“So…let me see if I get this straight. You get all the hard work of sleepless nights, buying groceries…and I’ve seen how that boy eats…illness, and temper tantrums. Then, when he’s old enough to be no trouble, I can swoop in and be king-high-shit. Then I can throw a pittance of my salary at his education.”
Her lips parted to say something but his hands settled over her shoulders and he gave her a tiny shake. “Why is it about what’s best for me? What about you, MacKenzie? When do you get your chance? When does your happiness get to matter?”
“I…I don’t know. When I’m done, I guess.”
“That is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard, Kenzie. You’re giving away everything you have; there isn’t going to be anything left. You’re fighting for everyone else but never you. Who the fuck am I that my happiness should be more important than yours?”
“You’re…you, Diesel.”
The simplicity of her words made it all so clear. He realized just how blind he’d been.
Out of nowhere, he remembered when they were young, just before the car accident that almost ended her life. They’d gone to school together since Kindergarten, and when you lived in a town as small as theirs, the smart, the not-so-smart, and the average were all lumped into the same classes.
His friends were into sports and goofing off. Kenzie never had friends other than her siblings. She fought a lot when her sisters and brothers started school. He remembered she was always stopping them from getting beat up. It gave her a reputation as a hothead.
Then, in sixth grade, he was failing math. She must have watched him for days because when she caught him alone, she gave him the keys to ‘getting it’ in less than thirty seconds and shoved some notebook paper in his hands.
She’d disappeared when she heard his friends coming. He now realized she hadn’t wanted anyone to know he was talking to her.
Later that night, he went through the papers and suddenly, he didn’t feel like an idiot anymore. He passed with a low B and had never thanked her.
A few weeks later, she almost died because of her father’s drunk driving. She switched to home school and he kind of forgot she existed until the day he saw her skating.
Diesel had never participated in making fun of the Rhodes kids but he hadn’t defended them either. He had been too wrapped up in his own life.
He looked at her, wondering at the giving n
ature that had developed despite her parents. She was a good person, a beautiful woman, and a wonderful mother.
The sensations only Kenzie had ever been able to inspire the first time he touched her came roaring back and he didn’t understand how his mind and body had been able to put this woman out of his thoughts.
Meanwhile, he had never been far from hers.
“Do you remember helping me pass math, Kenzie?”
A small frown formed between her eyebrows. “You aren’t stupid, Diesel. I just showed you a simpler way of looking at it.”
“I never thanked you for that.”
“That was like a million years ago.”
“Do you remember the girl I went to senior prom with?”
“Stacy Cooper.” She hissed the name.
“She tried to trap me into marrying her, said I got her pregnant. Turned out, she’d gotten pregnant from her step-brother and didn’t want anyone to know.”
“Not surprising. Both of them were gross.”
“My mom never told me how she found that out. All I knew was that she confronted Stacy and threatened to demand a DNA test. The entire situation evaporated overnight.”
“Mmm. That’s great.”
“Did you tell my mom, Kenzie?”
Her eyes met his and she sighed. “Our properties bordered each other. I saw Stacy and Skeeter fooling around in their back pasture. When she turned up pregnant, I thought he was probably the daddy. I mentioned it to your mom at the store one day. That’s all.”
Why hadn’t he asked his mom more questions?
Because he was the golden boy and he assumed everything would always work out for him. When it did, he didn’t question it because he considered it his due.
Everything Kenzie said at the diner the night before came back to him.
She had been a conquest, a one-night-stand, and like all the others before and after her, Diesel hadn’t called her back.
Even though he knew that for the first – and the last – time, he’d taken a woman without protection. A virgin. He believed the birth control story because he’d wanted to believe it.
Meanwhile, so much had happened.
He didn’t deserve another chance with this woman. He certainly hadn’t earned it. It didn’t change the fact that he wanted it, he wanted her.
“MacKenzie, are you in love with me?”
After a slight hesitation, Kenzie shook her head.
Diesel stroked her hair, cupped her head with his huge hand, and kissed her. She opened for him like a flower seeking the sun, instantly and without reservation. Her hands moved over his shoulders, stroking and kneading.
Kissing her had always blown his mind.
“MacKenzie, are you in love with me?” There was a longer pause before she shook her head again.
He tilted her back over his arm and kissed her jaw, down her neck, over the tops of her breasts. Her hands went into his hair. Diesel stroked her side from her breasts to her hip. When she was whimpering, breathless, and squirming in his arms, he lifted his head and stared into her dark eyes.
He repeated gently, “MacKenzie, are you in love with me?”
“I…didn’t mean to be, Diesel. I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?”
She sighed. “I said it was all physical that night because I wanted one good memory so badly. Then I found out I was pregnant and I was scared but I wanted the baby, your baby, as a little reminder of you, of our night together. I don’t regret it because Dalton is everything to me; I love him more than I love myself. None of the rest matters.”
“You expect so little, Kenzie.”
“I’m satisfied with what I have, Diesel. I’ll never impose on your life.” She stroked his face. He hadn’t shaved in more than twenty-four hours and the stubble was substantial. “You look good with a little bit of beard.”
She stood and went to check on Dalton then went into her room to get dressed.
Chapter Nine
Diesel sat where Kenzie left him, his mind in turmoil. The guilt was the first thing he had to deal with. No matter how things ended up between them, he needed to protect his son.
That was the easiest part.
He took out his cell phone and called his lawyer. He told him about the immediate changes he wanted and didn’t give the man a chance to question his decisions. He made it clear that he was to have whatever paperwork he needed to sign ready and he’d be in to take care of it.
When the shower stopped a few minutes later, he went to talk to MacKenzie.
The bedroom door was partially cracked – probably so she could listen for Dalton – and he pushed it open. His heart practically stopped at the sight of her.
Framed in the sunlight-filled window, wearing nothing but a black bra and panties, she made quite the picture. Her hair was loose and flowing down her back, dark and silky. She had her jeans in her hand and turned when the door opened.
Where her stomach had once been board flat, it now had a gentle roundness. Knowing it was a result of his baby growing inside her made him instantly hard. He walked to her, his mind blank of all the things he’d been about to say, and dropped to his knees. He smoothed his fingertips over her tummy and kissed it.
“I was enormous. Dalton was a nine-pound baby,” she told him softly. He traced the tiny lines low on her stomach, where her body had stretched to accommodate their son. “Those will never go away. I don’t mind, a few more marks don’t seem to matter.”
Diesel stroked up her torso and cupped her breasts, asking questions without saying a word.
“I breast-fed at first but I couldn’t keep up…he needed so much, even then. I had to stop before he was four weeks old.” He wrapped his arms around her and laid his cheek against Kenzie’s abdomen. Her hands went into his hair.
He held her like that for a long time; her skin was soft and warm. “Do you have photos of you and Dalton over the years, MacKenzie?”
“I have thousands. I knew one day I’d have a chance to show them to you.”
“Why did you come in here, Kenzie?”
“I needed a few minutes to kind of pull myself together, Diesel. I’m not used to being so close to anyone but my…our son. You’re so…affectionate. Dalton is like that, too.”
He lifted his face and looked up at her with a small frown. “Surely you’ve dated.” She shook her head. “It’s been four years, MacKenzie.”
Her hand smoothed through his hair and down his face. “I was pregnant. Then I was busier than ever before.” She gave him a smile. “I told you you’d be the last for a long time, Diesel.”
Diesel stood up and cupped her face in his huge hands. “Kenzie…no one else?”
“I was a virgin until I was twenty-one.” She shrugged one bare shoulder delicately. “I’m picky.” He couldn’t hide his shock. “You look so surprised. I’m not sure if I’m offended or embarrassed.”
“Are you telling me I’m the only person you’ve been with, Kenzie?”
“Yes, Diesel. Yes, that’s what I’m telling you. I realize you’re used to fucking groupies who spread their legs for anyone with money in the bank but I’m not that way. I will never be that way.” She turned and grabbed her sweater off the bed and went in the bathroom.
He sat down in the chair by the window.
“Mommy owes de jar a buck,” Dalton said from the doorway, startling the crap out of Diesel. “Why you in here when Mommy changin’? Only I’m ‘lowed to see her wit’out all her clothes and I’m gettin’ too old. Why you in here?”
Heavy questions and no answer came to mind.
“Well, Dalton, I think we’ll let Mommy answer that, okay? Did you have a nice nap?” His son nodded and stared at him with unbelievable focus. “Is something wrong?”
Small hands pulled him forward and Diesel rested his elbows on his knees. The concentration on his face boggled his mind.
That was all Kenzie’s genes.
“Jus’ tinkin’ you and me look de same.” Diesel’s heart
started to pound. “I’m smaller but I’ll get real big. Mommy says so.” Dalton came closer and stood in front of him. The little boy reached out and touched Diesel’s hair, then touched his own with the other hand.
“Mommy says I look jus’ like my daddy.” His son pinched his cheeks then picked up his hand and put it in his father’s much larger one. “You bigger. But I tink we still look de same. Do you tink so too?”
Diesel nodded numbly and for more than a minute, Dalton stared at him without saying a word. Finally, he put his hands on his hips and asked bluntly, “Are you my daddy?”
For just a moment, Diesel was dizzy. He wasn’t sure what Kenzie would want him to say or do in this situation but he knew one thing without a doubt: he wasn’t about to lie to his son.
“I am, Dalton.” The miniature version of himself stood still for a long time, absorbing this new information. He could practically see the connections happening in his bright blue eyes.
He may look like me, but he considers things just like his mama.
Then Dalton took two steps forward and slowly wrapped his arms around his neck. Before that moment, the first hug from his son, Diesel had never felt as if he would burst into tears. His arms crushed the little boy to him, he sat back, and lifted him into his lap.
At his ear, Dalton said, “I tink you will be a good daddy and my bestest friend like Mommy says.” There was a pause. “Maybe you can take me to hockey sometimes so Mommy can sleep?”
He nodded to buy time, to swallow the unfamiliar lump in his throat. “I would love to take you to hockey. Your mom is going to have things a lot easier now, I promise. We’re going to take care of her together.”
Dalton nodded and curled up in Diesel’s arms. “I won’t be any trouble.”
“You aren’t even a little bit of trouble. You’re like a Christmas present I really, really wanted but didn’t get to open until the summer.” He got a huge smile in response and they sat that way for a long moment, just looking at each other.
“Can I call you Daddy?” Dalton’s voice was barely a whisper.
“I would like that very much, Dalton. So much.” He hugged him, inhaling the scent of little boy, baby powder shampoo, and…crayons? The tears he was fighting were getting harder to hold back.
Love of the Game - The Complete Collection (Box Set) Page 15
