He watched her swallow hard.
“He would show up at my house at three in the morning, wanting to climb in my window. I was unequipped to handle how much he seemed to need from me. Looking back, the signs were certainly there.”
She traced her fingers over his forearm. “Bailey thought his intensity was romantic until the rumors started. By then, I was in the habit of being his girlfriend, I knew his moods, everything seemed to lead back to sex. I was on the pill when I got pregnant with Lexie.”
Dex kissed the corner of her mouth. “The first time someone gave Beck X, we were at a senior party a few months before graduation. He was rolling so hard and so fast. We didn’t know what the fuck he’d taken and he didn’t tell us he’d bought more.” He hugged her tight.
“We didn’t know when he went after you. Hart and I figured it out when you stopped goofing off with us and hanging out.” Shaking his head, he added, “You were too young, Harley. Especially for what Beck was like back then. I’m sorry we let you down.”
“The last time was in my parent’s garage. Everyone was home for the holidays and I went out to get corn in the freezer. He took me by surprise. I actually held the bag of corn throughout and realized after he hadn’t used a condom. I thought I’d be okay with the pill.”
She shrugged one shoulder lightly. “No one knew. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. I knew then that something was very wrong. Even for Beck, that was crazy stupid. My dad would have killed him. After I caught him, I had myself checked every few months for two years.”
Dex buried his face in her neck. “I remember that day. You’d been wearing a dress all day. It was so pretty. Right before dinner, you changed into jeans. You were really quiet and Beck kept staring at you. I’m so sorry.”
“Before you think of him as the Big Bad, understand that I’d have fallen as easily for you had you been the one to push first. I would have put up with any crazy shit you dished out. It’s just the way I felt back then.”
“How do you feel now, Harley?”
“Right now, I feel warm and safe. Relaxed for the first time in a very long time. I feel better about myself. I used to feel unworthy. I imagined someone wanting to talk to me, who liked me as a person…not just for sex. This is a brand new experience for me. I like it.”
He hugged her as hard as he dared, afraid of hurting her. “Harley, you cannot know how much this means to me right now. As a man, as your friend, as someone who loves you very much.”
“Dex, you don’t have to tell me you love me.”
“I do love you, Harley. I know you don’t completely trust me yet and I understand why, but you’ve earned my love over so many years and I’m going to earn yours. I want that more than anything.”
“Haven’t you been listening? I’ve been in love with two men since I was fourteen. There was a time, before Beck went crazy and squashed my heart underfoot, that I interchanged you in my mind. It makes me someone I’d never want to love. You should never give your love to me, Dex. I have a faulty heart.”
Dex gently pulled out of her and rolled her to her back. Leaning close, he stared into her eyes for a long time. “You loved me, Harley?”
“I still love you.” She closed her eyes. “Unfortunately, there’s a bruised part of my heart that somehow, stupidly, loves Beck, too. I stayed alone because you were the only two I wanted. It’s been that way forever. I’m broken.”
Harley shrugged and her eyes filled with tears. “While I was busy feeling humiliated catching Beck with two women, I forgot how many times I committed the same sin mentally for years. I didn’t see it until I was in the hospital, seeing you together every day. It reminded me of all things I used to think about and I realized I’d kind of been a total hypocrite.”
She stared at the ceiling as silent tears ran into her hair. “Those women were perfect little white girls with blonde hair and fake tans. Just the type one would picture all of you with actually. Not with someone like me. I’m just one of the guys and for Beck I was nothing more than a conquest.”
Dex smoothed her hair back from her face. “Harley, you’re not broken. We have you screwed up and confused. I don’t even know where to start except to say there is no rule saying you can only love one person. I’ve never considered you one of the guys, not even when you were eight. You’ve always been in a class all by yourself.”
He kissed her gently and when he pulled back, his voice was firm. “I need to assure you of one thing, Harley. Beck got fucked up and lost his way but you were never just a conquest for him. If there is one thing you should believe, it’s that Beck and I have been in love with you...maddeningly and heartbreakingly in love with you…since we were sixteen.”
She put her fingers over her eyes and cried while he held her.
“Let’s leave this conversation for now. I want to make love to you again and explain all the reasons you’re the only one who will ever hold my heart, Harley.” He leaned over the bed and grabbed another condom from his jeans, rolling it on deftly as he kissed her.
At her ear, he whispered, “I can’t stand little white girls with blond hair and fake tans. They break too easy, giggle too much, and have likely never beaten three boys arm wrestling at the tender age of ten. I prefer a woman with more muscle than makeup.”
He stroked and kissed her until Harley’s body vibrated with need. When Dex slid smoothly inside her and sank deep, she begged him not to stop.
As she crested the first time, she moaned his name. After she went limp from the second climax, she told him she loved him. When he came, it was a release made more powerful by the years he’d waited to hear his name on her lips, her love for him spoken aloud.
Even when he had nothing left, he continued to thrust, pushing her over a final time before they fell into a deep sleep.
Chapter Fourteen
Time seemed to fly by. Suddenly, it was Lexie’s first day of school again and Harley was in a fit of nerves with Dex on one side of her and Beck on the other.
“Alexis Becka Jamison,” the administrator called.
Beck physically jumped beside her. Harley didn’t even glance at him. She stood up and took Lexie’s hand.
“You must be Alexis?” the older woman asked kindly.
“My given name is Alexis, but I prefer to be called Lexie, ma’am,” Lexie said politely.
“Then Lexie it is. I’m the new principle, Mrs. Tennemen. Two older classmates will show you to your homeroom. Can you say goodbye to your mother so she doesn’t worry?”
“Mom, I’m not nervous. I’m used to first days by now. It’s better when Cathy drives me back and forth. Beck and Dex get too much attention. All the girls get giggly and I don’t know if they want to be friends with me for me.”
Harley nodded with a big smile. “I understand. Women in the grocery store are just as giggly.”
Lexie rolled her eyes. “I know they’re pretty and all but it can get really annoying.”
“Agreed.” She smoothed her daughter’s hair. “Have a good day, honey.”
“I will. I’ll see you tonight.” To the big men, she added, “Don’t let her think too much about how old I’m getting. She gets stressed out every year.”
They laughed and her mature little girl walked away with two older girls who openly ogled Beck and Dex behind them.
The administrator handed her a business card. “I doubt you’ll need this. She’s quite grounded for her age. Still, if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to call.”
“Thank you.” She turned and grabbed her bag from the bench. “Time to go.”
Harley’s limp was hardly noticeable anymore but she was thankful that they shortened their usual long-legged pace. “Not going to make it, I am such a loser. Damn it.”
She dug in her purse and pulled out a packet of Kleenex as she burst into tears. Dex put his arm around her waist as Beck hugged her shoulders.
Over the summer, Dex roared into her life in every way. He took her out on actual dates, spent hou
rs talking to her, and delivered mind-blowing orgasms every chance he had.
For the first time, Harley was able to experience a normal relationship with a man and it was so different from everything she knew.
She loved him even more than she thought possible.
Around her family and friends, she was cautious about displaying her feelings for him and he followed her lead. He understood her hesitation and didn’t judge her for it.
Hart finally asked her directly if she was involved with Dex. He saw the positive changes in her and loved that she seemed happy after years of being alone. Still, he was afraid she was going to get hurt again.
She told him not to worry and she meant it. It was strange to trust again but she knew that with Dex, she could open her heart safely.
Beck was around all the time and helped in ways she never would have expected. Though there was no permanent damage to her brain, Harley’s short-term memory wasn’t what it once was. She often forgot appointments, how to use an app on her phone, or confused names and places.
She called it short-circuiting and it happened most often when she was tired.
He would take his daughter for dinner with Hart, spend an entire day at an indoor kids’ gym with her, or pick up shoes and school supplies she needed. It was obvious that he adored Alexis and genuinely enjoyed their time together.
He didn’t push for more. It was enough that he knew he was her father.
Without being asked, he filled in the blanks Harley didn’t always know she had by leaving her notes or texting her.
When Lexie told them how emotional her mother tended to be during her firsts, both men offered to join her for the first day of the new school year.
Now they were witnesses to her mommy meltdown, as her daughter called them. She dabbed her eyes and was grateful she wasn’t as bad as the first time Lexie performed in a play with her daycare. Sitting in the audience of proud parents, she’d openly sobbed as her three-year-old walked onstage as a daisy and said her line.
Dex murmured, “You almost made it to the car.” The dark tinted Lincoln sat idling with their driver behind the wheel.
Beck smiled. “You’re doing great considering the horror stories Lexie told us.” She elbowed him in the side and was pleased at his grunt.
When they were seated inside the cool interior, Dex grinned. “You’re not the only one. I see other moms bawling all over the place, Harley. Of course, they’re those soccer moms you love so much standing beside their Volvo mini-vans. Hey, you have stuff in common! You played soccer and you’re a mom. That’s something, huh?”
Harley had to laugh. “Yes, that’s something.” She shook her head. “How did the time fly by so fast? Any day now, my little girl will be graduating. I’m not ready.”
Beck took her hand between both of his. “You have a little time to prepare for that, sweetheart.” He cleared his throat and met her eyes. “I didn’t know Lexie’s middle name was Becka, Harley. That means a lot to me, I want you to know.”
She nodded, unsure what to say at first. Her eyes drifted closed. “I always knew you’d meet her one day. I wanted her to have something of you…both of you. I haven’t talked to her about you yet because no matter how I explain things, I look pretty bad.”
“How do you figure? I’m the one that looks bad in this situation, Harley.” Beck stared out the window and she squeezed his hand.
The moment his eyes met hers, she saw clearly that he wanted her. She was familiar with the look and she leaned away from it instinctively.
His smile was self-mocking. “Don’t worry, Harley. I know how to control my urges now. I know I didn’t always.” A frown worked its way over his face. “I remember…something…it’s fuzzy but it was at your parent’s place, in the garage. You were holding frozen peas. I took what I wanted and walked away.”
“Corn.”
“What?”
“It was frozen corn. Mom was making corn soufflé and asked me to get more from the freezer.” Harley’s voice was too high. Dex took her other hand and stroked his thumb over the back. She gripped him as hard as she could.
“I didn’t even use a condom. It was then, wasn’t it? That was when you got pregnant with Lexie.” Beck’s eyes bored into hers and she nodded carefully. “That was rape, Harley. You knew it, too. That whole day I was so fucking high but I remember you changed clothes so I wouldn’t have easy access again.”
She looked away and swallowed hard. “It wasn’t rape, Beck.”
“Look at me, Harley.” She took a deep breath and turned to him warily. “I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t rape.”
“I think you tell yourself that because you loved me. You don’t want to admit that I hurt you that way. That I’d changed so much that your basic safety didn’t even matter to me anymore.”
Turning on the seat, she gripped his face in her hands. “Our daughter was not conceived from rape, Beck. Your guilt doesn’t make it that. I loved you and you needed me. I gave you what you needed. The circumstances were bad, I felt disrespectful of my parents, but it was not rape.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I don’t understand why you let me get away with so much. Even now, you make it so easy for me. I don’t deserve it, Harley.”
She settled back against the seat with a sigh. “Everyone deserves forgiveness, Beck. You hurt me a long time ago but I survived it. Since you’ve been back in my life, you’ve shown me that you’ve grown up.” With a careful smile, she added, “You’re a really good father to Lexie and that fills me with a lot of relief.”
“Thank you, Harley. I want to make you proud of me.”
“I’m very proud of you, Beck. I’ll talk to Lexie tonight.”
His eyes went wide. “You’re going to…tell her?” She nodded. “What if it makes her hate me?”
“Have faith, Beck. She loves you already.”
They took her to brunch and laughed as if the pain of their past never happened. Harley realized she was truly comfortable around them again.
When they returned to Hart’s house, she prepared for her appointment with Joanna. As she pulled her workout clothes on, Dex came into her bedroom. Without a word, he took her in his arms and kissed her until her body hummed.
Lifting his head, he smiled down at her. “You’re a good woman, Harley. Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For everything you said to Beck. He just lost his shit and left for our place. He didn’t want you to see him crying like a little bitch. His words, not mine.”
Harley smoothed her hands over Dex’s face. “I love you. Do you know that?”
“More than you do, I think. I love you so fucking much, Harley.” He kissed her again. “I’ll let you prepare for the devil’s arrival but I really want to make love to you.”
Wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, she whispered, “I’m getting stronger every day, Dex. You can actually fuck me now, I think.”
“Jesus, Harley.”
She could feel how hard he was against her belly. “I think you like that idea.” Rocking her hips against him, he groaned. “We won’t know how far I can go unless we test the waters. I’d love to feel you taking me hard and fast, Dex.”
Gripping her tight, he slipped his hand beneath the stretchy band of her workout capris and panties. He slid over her clit and absorbed her gasp of response with his mouth. The feel of his lips sliding from her lips to her jaw, as he set a rhythm over the little bundle of nerves, was fantastic.
“I can’t wait. I need to feel you come now. God, you’re fucking hot and wet.” She held onto his shoulders for dear life. “That’s it, work against me, Harley.” His hand slid down to grab her ass, pushing her harder over his fingers.
“Dex…I’m coming.”
“Yes, baby. Give it to me.” She inhaled sharply as the climax slammed into her. He slid further back, pushing two fingers inside her as he circled her clit with his thumb. “This is where I wish I was right now.”
<
br /> “Quick. I need you now, Dex.”
With a growl, he turned her to her dresser and slid her clothes over her hips. His eyes met hers in the mirror. “I love your ass, Harley.”
He stroked his palms over her bare skin and she pushed back toward him. Realizing how wanton she seemed, she tugged her lower lip between her teeth.
“Someone is curious…but we don’t have time to explore that right now.” Smiling, he rolled on a condom. “I’m so fucking hard. You make me crazy.”
“Good.” He set himself at her pussy and held her hips. “I’ll tell you if I have any pain. Please, do it now, Dex. I need you inside me.”
She was so wet that he slid deep in three thrusts and set a hard rhythm. Her fingers gripped the edge of the dresser with white knuckles and she watched his face behind her.
“Pull your shirt up. Let me watch those pretty breasts bounce while I fuck you.” The words made her moan and she did as he told her. “You like me talking dirty to you.” It wasn’t a question but she nodded anyway. “I didn’t want to shock you but there are so many things I want to say every time I’m inside you.”
“Like what?” she asked breathlessly.
His palm slid around her stomach to settle over her clit again and he bent close so his lips were next to her ear. The warmth of his breath gave her chills.
“Like how hot and tight you feel around my cock. How much I love feeling you cover me with your cream.” His gaze flicked down and back up again. “Let me see your nipples, Harley.” She shoved her sport bra above her breasts. “Fuck yes. Will you touch them for me?”
Her eyes went wide and she blushed brightly. One shaking hand moved to cup her breast, her thumb and forefinger rolled her nipple. He throbbed inside her.
“That is fucking beautiful. I love your nipples. Thinking about sucking them and nibbling on them always gets me hard no matter where I am.” The peaks furled tighter in response and he thrust with more force. One arm wrapped around her torso to support her.
Love of the Game - The Complete Collection (Box Set) Page 41
