She stared at him, openmouthed, before she slowly shook her head. “I didn’t mean that, Walker. I’m trying to help. I know you’re a cowboy, but you’re more than that, too. You’re—”
“No. I’m not. That’s all I am, and all I’ll ever be. You know that better than anyone.”
“You know, you could try some more classes....”
His heart raced into panic. He set his jaw and tried to hide the fact that he wanted to jump up and flee. “Yeah. Tutoring didn’t work so great for me, remember?”
“I was just another kid, Walker. And now that you’re an adult, you’re probably more focused. It wouldn’t just be about trying to get a passing grade in a class you didn’t want to take in the first place. It would be a way to get better at your work.”
“That seems a little drastic for a ranch hand.”
“But...” He knew what she meant to say, but she must’ve taken his earlier words to heart, because she let her words die in her throat.
“I really don’t want to talk about my damn learning disability on a date. I’ve heard enough about it to last ten lifetimes. But thank you.” He said it as flatly as he could. This conversation was over as far as he was concerned, but he had the feeling that Charlie would keep pressing if he gave her an inch.
Still, he felt bad almost immediately. She watched him, her eyes dark with hurt after his hard words, her forehead drawn tight in disbelief.
“All right?” he said, forcing a smile. “No hard feelings.”
“Sure, but...I didn’t mean anything bad, Walker. I swear.”
He nodded, and they both focused on their dinners. When the waiter offered dessert, they declined. Walker tried to tease Charlie about not finishing her food, but she only smiled and picked at the potato salad with her fork.
“Do you want a to-go box? I know how fond you are of them.”
“No, I’m good.”
This date was all backward. It had started with Charlie in her pajamas. Then they’d had sex. And more sex. Then this date. If they’d done it in the right order, the evening would’ve gotten no further than this awkward moment of waiting for the check to arrive. They both breathed a sigh of relief when he finally paid and they could leave.
He tried to let go of his mood as they drove back to the Stud Farm, but now he couldn’t stop thinking of all the other things she’d said since they’d started messing around. That he wasn’t her boyfriend. That it was only stress relief. That he wasn’t the marrying type and she wasn’t possessive. All of it was a continuation of things he’d heard from women his whole life.
Not that he’d never had more than that. He wasn’t a leper. But it was starting to become a common theme.
Thanks for the ride, cowboy.
Yeah. He got it. And hell, he was up for a good time, but what if he wanted more than that?
What he needed to do was stop dating women who were so far above his station. He couldn’t help being attracted to them. The quick wit. The intelligence. The confidence and bright humor. It drew him in. As if he were a magnet attracted to the opposite charge. He wanted to be near them, but it was too much. He felt dull in comparison. He was just a big package of physical labor. He’d been fine with that his whole life. He’d embraced it. But the role he’d shrugged on so easily for so many years was starting to chafe.
“Listen,” he said as he pulled up to the apartment. “I apologize, but I’ll have to drop you off. I need to talk to someone about a job.”
“Right now? It’s eight.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Charlie’s crossed arms tightened. “Walker, I’m really sorry. I honestly didn’t mean to offend you. Can we go upstairs and talk? Or not talk, even?” Her smile faded when he didn’t answer.
No, he didn’t want to not talk with yet another woman. Not even with Charlie. Not tonight. “I really need to get going.”
Her face fell. “Okay. But...I had a really good time today.”
“Me, too,” he said with sincerity. He couldn’t deny that part of it, not even to himself.
He felt like complete shit as he got out and opened Charlie’s door. He walked her to the circle of porch light and up the stairs to open the door for her. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and left him there without a word.
Yeah, it was late, and he was a fool not to walk her in, take her to her door and hope to be invited inside. He was an idiot not to kiss her until she forgot she’d already come twice and she needed him so much she grew desperate.
But he had to put a stop to this foolishness that he was going to become something better. He’d bought into it himself now, and that was too much. He was hesitating over taking this job working cattle, as if it wasn’t good enough anymore.
In a few days, he’d be on roundups for a good two weeks of work, bringing cattle down from the high country into the valleys for winter. He needed solid winter work lined up right now before someone else snatched it up.
Walker got back in his truck and called up Kingham. “Mr. Kingham, are you still looking for a hand to help out this winter?”
“Couldn’t find anything better?” Kingham groused.
Walker shrugged, not caring that the man couldn’t see him. He hated having to ask this old bastard. Walker could tell after only two days of work that the guy had no respect for the cowboys or the animals.
“Fine. I pay in cash for the roundup and then I’ll put you on permanent payroll. There are only enough bunks for the lodge hands. You’ll have to find your own bed.”
“Got it.”
He only felt resignation as he hung up. Maybe that one cowboy had been right. Maybe lodge work had made Walker soft. He rubbed a hand over his face and let his head fall back against the headrest.
It was just work. Nothing to feel stressed about. The same damn work he’d been doing since he was fourteen. It was brutal and basic and there was no shame in that.
So why did he feel ashamed?
Something had changed recently. Nothing to do with Charlie or even Nicole. He was telling himself that it was because he couldn’t find the right position, the right place to work, but things had felt off for months, long before he’d gotten fired.
Things had felt off since he and Micah had finally sold off their dad’s land.
He looked up as a light came on in Charlie’s apartment. He should go on up and apologize. Ask if she’d let him back in. But he didn’t want to spend time with someone who found him wanting tonight. Hell, he didn’t want to spend time with anyone, and that was unusual.
Right now all he wanted was his damn dog.
That was what he’d argued with Nicole about at the charity party. He’d asked how Roosevelt was, and she’d used that as an excuse to tell him he was a selfish asshole.
Jesus. He couldn’t win.
He’d begged Rayleen to let him keep the dog in the apartment, but even if she’d said yes, he couldn’t have pulled it off. There were just too many days he wouldn’t be around to let the dog out. If he had a yard, Roosevelt would be fine, but in an apartment? No. Plus, technically the dog probably didn’t belong to him. He’d raised it from a pup, but Roosevelt was a ranch dog.
“Shit,” he cursed, trying to decide if he should just go on to the saloon and get drunk.
But there’d be friends at the saloon. People who’d want to talk. And he didn’t want friendly faces. He’d rather drink among strangers. Flirt with girls who didn’t know anything about him. Maybe get into a fight over a hot piece of ass who didn’t even know his name. At a place like that, he had only his assets and none of his faults, and no one wanted him to be anything more.
The curtain in Charlie’s window twitched. He clutched the steering wheel for a moment, torn between staying and going.
In the end, Walker started the truck and drove on.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SHE WOKE UP to sun, thank God. The temperature didn’t matter to her, as long as it wasn’t raining. She had to get out for a run, and if she’d been forced int
o that workout room again, she would have lost her mind.
Last night had gone fantastically wrong, and Charlie was still reeling. She had to get out in the fresh air. She had to breathe.
If pressed, she would never have guessed that Walker could’ve been that sensitive about anything. She’d also never have guessed that any amount of irritation could keep him from free sex. His very favorite hobby was flirting. And he damn sure seemed to enjoy sex. But she’d pissed him off so much he’d walked away from it.
Or at least from her. She didn’t know where he’d gone last night, after all. Maybe to see some woman who didn’t care that he had trouble with reading. Or maybe to see Nicole.
Charlie pulled on her running clothes and dug a hoodie and gloves from a packing box in her closet.
It was okay. If he’d gone to see Nicole, then this little fling was over. That was all. No hard feelings.
But if he hadn’t, then Charlie needed to apologize and explain. She didn’t think he was dumb. She didn’t think there was a damn thing wrong with him except stubbornness. He had dyslexia, but he’d be able to read and write much more easily if he applied himself. Not well enough to read a book in a day, maybe, but well enough that it wouldn’t interfere with what he wanted in life.
“That’s none of your business,” she muttered as she pulled on her shoes. “You’re not his girlfriend.”
Then again, she was his friend. Surely that counted for something.
Pissed at herself and at Walker, she grabbed her headphones and headed out the door.
Walker’s door opened at the exact same time. They stared at each other in shock. Charlie’s shock quickly exploded into dismay. “Oh, my God! Walker, what happened to your face?”
He gave her a rather tight-lipped smile, probably because the left half of his bottom lip was swollen. She rushed across the landing to look closer. “Oh, no.” She reached carefully toward his black eye but didn’t touch it. “Are you okay? Were you in an accident?”
“Not exactly.”
In addition to the purple-and-black bruise around his eye and the fat lip, there was an angry red cut across one of his cheekbones. “Were you in a fight?”
“Yeah.”
“Walker! Where the hell did you go last night?”
He shut his apartment door and sighed. Then, instead of answering, he shrugged on his shearling coat and adjusted his hat.
“Oh. I see. None of my business?”
“Shit, Charlie. I don’t know. I just... I was pissed at you. I’m sorry.”
She nodded, waiting for him to go on and dreading it.
“I just wanted to get out of here and not think for a couple of hours.”
“But you don’t want me asking where you went. I see.” Her heart fell. Damn. She’d known this wasn’t for forever. She’d known it wasn’t love or commitment, but she’d hoped it was something. “That’s fine,” she made herself say. “I get it. I know this isn’t a serious relationship, but I told you I couldn’t be one of many. So no hard feelings.”
He caught her arm as she started to turn away. “It wasn’t like that.”
“Well, whatever it was like, I hope you enjoyed it.”
“I didn’t have sex with anyone.”
“Okay. So what did you do?”
“I...went out to the ranch.”
“The Ability Ranch?” For a moment, her poor confused heart jumped into a happy dance. “Walker, that’s so great! I’m sorry I—”
“No. I meant the Fletcher Ranch.”
Her heart froze in midjig. Then it dropped like a stone. “Ah. Right. Of course.”
“It wasn’t about her, Charlie. I wanted to see my dog. That’s all. I—”
“But it became about her,” she interrupted, gesturing toward his black eye. “I don’t think anyone would cause that much trouble over your dog.”
“Yeah. I thought her husband was still out of town, but—”
“Whose husband?” she asked, but she realized the answer before she’d even finished asking.
“Nicole’s.”
“She’s married.” Her voice had dropped to a darker tone even in her own ears.
Walker’s eyes widened. “She, uh... Yeah. I thought you knew about that.”
“No. Why would I have known that?”
He shook his head, his face turning pink beneath the bruises. “I just... There’ve been some rumors going around since I was fired.”
“You mean because you were fired for sleeping with the boss’s wife?”
“No!”
“Right.” She tried not to be judgmental. She tried not to feel irritated and hurt. But it didn’t work. She punched him in the shoulder. Hard. “What the hell, Walker?”
He didn’t even react to her fist. “I know. But it’s not what you think.”
“You weren’t sleeping with the man’s wife? Right there under his nose?”
“I wasn’t. I didn’t.”
“Walker...” Her shoulders slumped. “You can’t lie to me about that. Anybody could see by the way she looks at you.”
“We never actually...” He shook his head. “I swear. It just...got out of control. And I don’t know if that’s why I was fired. No one should’ve known.”
“Your boss’s wife? Are you insane?”
He took off his hat, then put it back on, shifting from foot to foot like a little kid caught in a lie. “It’s not something I thought about. It just happened.”
“Once?”
His flushed skin told her everything she needed to know. “Their marriage is bad. He cheats on her. I guess I told myself it wasn’t my responsibility.”
She tipped her chin up, her gaze on his bruises. “I guess someone thinks you deserve a little blame.”
“Yeah.”
“So you got into a fistfight with your lover’s husband?”
“No. When I pulled up last night, my dog found me right away. He ran right up to the truck like I’d only been gone a few hours. We were playing around....” He paused to smile. “That dog loves to fetch a stick more than any other dog on earth, I swear. A couple of buddies came over to talk. It was cool. I was only going to stay for a few minutes, but this asshole stable manager who’s never liked me ran up to the lodge to tattle. Came back and said the owner told him to escort me off the property.”
“So you calmly exited the scene?” she asked drily.
“Well. I meant to. But that bastard put his hands on me, and I wasn’t in the mood for that kind of shit.”
She frowned resentfully at him. “Are you okay?”
“Sure.”
“Really? No broken ribs or anything?”
Now he looked offended. “No way. I broke his nose and he went down like a tree.”
“Yeah, well, it looks like he got in a couple of good licks before he dropped, Sugar Ray.”
He made a noise of irritation. They stood silently on the landing for a long, awkward moment.
Charlie took a deep breath. Then she asked the question she wasn’t sure she wanted an answer to. “Did you go out there to see her, Walker?”
“No. I swear.”
“Then how did you know her husband was supposed to be out of town?”
Confusion flashed over his face, and for a moment she thought, That’s it. He got caught in a lie and he can’t recover and now I’m going to have to give him up. The grief was immediate.
“She brought it up at that charity event. Then we argued. That was the end of it.”
She wanted to believe him, but that was the stuff gullible women were made of. How many times had she asked her ex these kinds of questions—where were you yesterday? Why didn’t you call me back?—just hoping he’d give an answer she could believe? And he always had. It was the desire for belief that was the problem, the warning, the flag.
“Charlie, I didn’t even see her at the ranch last night, much less do anything I shouldn’t have. As a matter of fact, I was alone with her a week ago and I stopped it. I told her it was over.”
She nodded, but she stared down at her hands. “But a married woman, Walker?”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m ashamed of it. Ashamed that people think there’s more to it. That’s a damn good learning tool. If you don’t want people to know, it’s something you shouldn’t be doing in the first place.”
Yeah, she had her own experience with that. “I’m glad you’re not hurt too badly.”
“I’ll survive.”
She touched one careful finger to his mouth. “Are you working today?”
“Yeah.”
She nodded, and then he was shifting again, rubbing a hand over his beard. “I’m sorry, Charlie. About last night and...just everything I guess. I have to hit the road, but can I buy you a drink later?”
“Yeah. That might be all right.”
He left then, and she stood there for a long moment, listening as his truck started and he pulled away to some brutal, low-paying job that he’d throw his all into. He was more than that, even if he couldn’t see it. Walker was heading fast down the same path of hard living so many reckless cowboys took. There was nothing she could do to stop that and no point in trying. She had her own mistakes to make up for.
She pulled on her hat, turned on her music and headed out for a run, praying that the cold would numb her. And it did. For a little while.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
IT WAS A good day at work. Finally. Despite the way it had started, Charlie was eight hours in and she was still in a good mood.
Part of it was that she’d gotten out of her office and done a little physical work, coming up with camera locations and angles for the last of the banquet room areas.
She’d felt so energized by scrambling around on ladders for two hours that she’d gathered up her senior security people and walked the perimeter of the entire resort. First the lodge itself, then the outbuildings, then the lines of the actual property. A lot more thought went into security than people knew. Or at least, a lot more thought went into it when Charlie was in charge. People were vulnerable on vacations. They let their guards down, made foolish choices they’d never make at home. Charlie watched out for them, even if they had no idea she was there.
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