“You don’t have to explain. I never asked for anything. I don’t expect anything.”
It was what he would have told himself if she’d thrown a fit. Now, though, it made him feel small, so he couldn’t help but speak the truth. “But you should.”
The smile she gave him had his heart turning over in his chest.
“I stopped giving a damn about doing what I should the day I punched my date to the deb ball and broke his nose. I pretty much do what I want now.”
He shook his head. “You should expect more.”
“I don’t expect. My expectations are not what someone else might want. I live life like I want to and expecting things from other people would conflict with that.”
“What do you want?” he asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.
She cocked her head. “Nothing more than for you to accept that I love you.”
She turned and left him alone in the kitchen. For a moment, his brain would just not function. She had stunned him once again. From the first, she had been honest to a fault, and there was no artifice in her.
Conner shook his head. He wasn’t looking for this, for her, for what she was doing to him. He had an ordered life. His business was exactly where he wanted it. But why was he working so hard? He had more money than he knew what to do with, and he just kept worrying about making more. And where did it get him? Maura and he were set for life. They didn’t need anything else. But he had worked hard, and harder still. It was then that it hit him. He had been missing something else in his life. And until now, he hadn’t realized it wasn’t more money or power.
It was Jillian. It was sappy to think that way—that the one thing he was missing was love, but it was true.
He followed Jillian to the back of the house and found her on the computer in her office. It was a crazy space filled with everything that would drive him insane. Books were stacked haphazardly on the bookcase. She had pictures on every surface, some personal, some professional, but they littered every available table. Framed posters decorated the walls.
Two weeks ago, he barely knew the woman. He knew about her. Her family, her background, but he didn’t know her. Now he did. He knew that she was honest and hard working, loyal to a fault, and so giving that it stunned him. He knew that she lived a simple life and more importantly, he knew what she sounded like in the morning when she first woke up.
“Are you going to keep staring at me?”
“If I want to.”
He couldn’t see her expression but he knew she was smiling.
“Come with me.”
She stopped typing. “Is that an order?”
He thought about it. For once, he wasn’t sure. He knew if he ordered her to do it, she would. He didn’t want that. “A request.”
She glanced at him, and he held out his hand. She didn’t hesitate. When she slipped her hand into his, he felt as if something shifted inside him. If she had refused, he wouldn’t have pushed it. At least he hoped so. Right now, he wasn’t sure what his emotions would cause him to do. He was always so sure of his next actions, but since the first, he had been off-kilter with Jillian. If he could, he would blame it on his situation.
She rose from the chair, and he led her back to the bedroom. There was part of him that needed just this. The last few days had been horrible, and he just needed her there. In that bed. The need to dominate was still there, but now he needed something else, something more. He wanted to show her how he felt without words. That meant more to him.
He pulled her into his arms when they were in the bedroom, and his entire body reacted. The frenzied need she always inspired in him was there, but something else was there, also, something the he was afraid to address. If he were honest, it was as if he’d found the place to just be him.
Jillian lifted her face at the same time he was bending his head to kiss her. The soft, sweet kiss soon transformed. His blood roared with a hunger that almost unmanned him. He wanted to pull her on the bed, just take her. But he wanted to love her, to let her know just how much he needed her.
He pulled off her tank top and sighed when he slipped his hand over her breasts. Her head fell back as she moaned. Conner licked his lips before he leaned down and took her nipple into his mouth. She moaned again, and the Dom in him didn't want to be ignored. He bit back the need, or tried too.
Jillian must have sensed it in him, as she always did.
"Conner."
He lifted his head, and she took his face in her hands before kissing him. The kiss was hot and wet, and he felt it all the way to the soles of his feet.
When she pulled back, her eyes were heavy lidded, her lust easy to see.
"Take me to bed."
The command had his body reacting before he could do anything about it. Need crawled through him, and he tried one last time to keep it controlled.
"I wanted to be gentle,” he said.
“Do what you want. I’m yours.”
She whispered the words against his mouth. It was like a balm to his soul.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
She pulled back and cocked her head as she studied him. "Are you scared?"
Yes.
He was. The woman scared him more than anything in his life. Serial killers had been easier to handle than this one woman. She had the ability to see into his soul, and dammit, she apparently liked what she saw there. But, he said none of this.
Instead, he leaned down, keeping his eyes open while he did it. When he pulled back, he slipped her board shorts down her legs and sighed. She hardly ever wore panties with them and today was no exception. The tiny palm tree charm dangled from her belly button, shimmering against her skin. He was easily becoming addicted to seeing all those tats and piercings.
He knew if he ordered her, she would do anything. She would allow him to control everything, and that was part of his personality. But as a seasoned Dom, he also understood other needs. And now, he needed this. He needed to show her with his actions how he felt.
He picked her up and laid her on the bed, then joined her there. Covering her body with his, he took his time, tasting her skin, loving the way her body moved against his mouth. By the time he reached her sex, she was already moaning his name and moving against him.
The flavor of her slammed through him. He grazed her clit with his teeth and enjoyed the way she shivered. But that was not enough. He wanted more.
He pulled away and reached for the condom. After he had it on, he pulled her up on top of him. She looked down at him with the setting sun slipping through the cracks in the blinds behind her, bringing out the gold that rimmed her eyes.
“Take me in,” he ordered.
Her lips curved, and she lifted up off him, taking his cock in one hand and then sinking down on him. They both let out a sigh when she sunk all the way down on his cock.
Then she started to move. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from her. Gorgeous, her body seemingly made for him. Soon, though, he was ready. He wanted to come, and he wanted her there with him. He reached up, teasing her clit, and she gasped. He felt the first shimmer of her orgasm as her muscles flexed tighter on his shaft, and he could no longer hold back.
His orgasm shattered him. He thrust up into her one more time and felt his body drain as she came again.
She collapsed on him, their breathing the only sound in the room. Jillian pulled herself up and leaned over him.
“I do love you, Conner.”
He opened his mouth, but she kissed him.
“Don’t. I know you care, and that’s enough for me.”
And if he told her what was in his heart, she would never believe him. Instead, he pulled her close and accepted that one day they would both deal with it.
* * * *
Jillian watched the waves crash against the rocks below. A winter storm had hit, and it was definitely a bitch. Normally, she would enjoy the snapping of electricity in the air and the chaos it created. It always seemed to fuel her creativity. Since there w
eren’t that many of these kinds of storms in Hawaii, she always relished when one hit the island.
Now, though, it was too close to what she was feeling inside.
She stood and walked around, trying to ease the tension threading in her veins. Since the night before, she couldn’t seem to calm herself. She lived her life in a certain order. People thought she was some kind of weird bohemian without a care in the world, but she had things that weighed heavily on her mind.
Her entire family despised her, but they depended on her to keep everything tight. They came to her with every worry, and she had to deal with their mistakes and downfalls. She had a wealth of readers who wanted the next book now. She loved them, but the pressure wasn't easy to deal with. Not with everything else she had going on.
Falling in love was something she hadn’t planned and wasn’t ready to deal with at the moment.
Conner hadn't said anything about it after they made love, or in the three days since then. She hadn’t been expecting it, but she had felt oddly depressed that he hadn't. She usually kept her feelings hidden. The only person she was so open with was Maura, but how did she call a woman and tell her she loved her brother but the butthead wasn't being nice about it?
Oh, he had been nice in his way, she thought. The lovemaking had been beyond what she had experienced before, even with him. Yes, she had felt cherished, loved in a way she never thought possible. She had also felt as if it had taken her to another level—as if he had claimed her. Since then, it had been the same. She’d had no real thought other than what pleasure he would give her. Every time they were making love, she had given him complete and utter control over her, and she didn’t regret it.
Before this, she would have thought it enough for her. Commitment wasn’t something she liked because it tied her to something for too long. She was truthful the other night. She didn’t expect an answering declaration from him—but she had hoped for something from him. For once in her life, the words were really important.
"I'm going in to talk to Micah about this. Mick is downstairs."
She glanced over her shoulder. It was surprising that he was even thinking of leaving her alone. She had told him she had work to do. Not that she thought she would be able to write with her emotions so unsettled.
"So you trust him now?" she asked.
"I told you I did. Plus, even if I didn’t ask, he and Alex see this as their job now. They want nothing to happen to you."
She shrugged and picked up her mug of tea. Usually, her Zen tea calmed her, but it wasn't doing her any good today. She was unsettled in some way, as if she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"You need to be careful."
She felt silly after saying it. Something told her that she was saying it more for herself than for him.
He walked over to her and slipped his arms around her waist then pulled her back against him. He dropped his chin on top of her head.
"After we figure this out, why don't you come to Miami for a visit?"
She guessed it was an offering, something that she should be happy with right now. And normally, she would be. But now she wanted something beyond a vacation fling or even an affair.
That annoyed her more than anything else.
"I'll see if I can work it into the schedule."
She sensed he wasn’t happy with that answer, but he said nothing. That was the problem. They weren’t connected enough to be truthful. She had upset him with her declaration, but she wouldn’t hide it. She loved him, and if she had to deal with it, so did he.
"If I had my way, I'd order you to Miami right now.”
She slipped away from him. "Order me?"
He shook his head. “I’d rather have you in my house, locked up safe.”
"I’m safe. People will see anyone who shows up, and well, Mick can beat the shit out of them. It’s been almost a week since the brakes, and with this weather, there won’t be anyone coming to this side of the island. I’ll be okay. Go on, talk to Micah."
He looked unsure of himself, and there was a part of her that really enjoyed that. He sighed, gave her a brief kiss that had her heart turning over and her blood churning. He set his forehead against hers.
"I'll be back soon."
With another quick kiss, he walked out of the room. She watched as he stepped out into her yard where Mick was standing.
She opened the window. "Hey, be careful. A storm like this could get you stuck on the other side of the island."
He looked up at her and gave her that heart-stopping smile of his. "Don't worry about me, love. I'll make it back to you no matter what."
Chapter Sixteen
“So one of those neighbors is protecting her?” Micah asked.
Conner nodded, but he didn’t stop moving. He couldn’t. He had never felt so fucking useless in his life.
“I probably should have stayed.”
But he was a coward. He had left because he couldn’t deal with the emotions. It wasn’t like him at all, since he was used to facing all his trouble head on. With Jillian, he didn’t seem to be able to handle anything.
“She’s safe. I have a feeling even a gorilla wouldn’t be able to get past the biker. Truth is, your stalker could be gone.”
He shrugged as he looked at the dark video screens. It was the middle of the day so the club wasn’t open. “HPD said the same thing.”
Conner didn’t believe it, couldn’t. It was bothering him in a way that it had when Dee had been attacked years earlier. His gut feelings were usually right. He started pacing again.
"Will you quit walking around? You're making my head hurt. Shit," Micah said from behind his desk. “It's bad enough I have to put up with Devon right now."
"Hey, I'll leave you with Dee and you can handle the weepies all by yourself," Devon said.
Micah made a face, and Conner couldn't help but laugh. "So the hormones are going crazy?"
Micah sighed. "I swear if I look at her wrong, she starts crying. It is either that or sex. She has turned into a maniac."
Devon groaned and made a face. "Oh, lord, please, don't talk about sex and my sister while I am in the room."
Conner smiled. "I have to agree with you there. I think of her as a little sister."
"But you never saw Jillian that way?" Micah asked.
He thought back to when he met her and knew that he hadn't. "I wasn't interested in her then. Hell, the only thing I had on my mind was my sister and the job. I checked her and that insane family out, and knew that Maura had a good roommate. And I was right. But I don't think I ever put her in the category of sister."
"That's good because that would be gross," Devon commented.
"She's a few years older than your sister?" Micah asked.
"Yeah, Maura went to school so much earlier than people her own age. And Jillian, she seemed kind of worldly."
"Like she had been around?" Devon asked.
"Excuse my brother-in-law."
Conner shook his head. "That's okay, the CIA is known for being uncouth."
Devon stuck up his middle finger.
"And to answer the question, no. It was more that she was wary of men in general, of everyone.” Conner blew out a breath. “With her family, it is understandable."
"She was raised by her grandmother?" Micah asked.
He nodded and settled in the chair in front of Micah's desk. "Her white grandmother who reminded her every day that she was lucky to be there. She really had no options."
"If so, it's odd what she did with the will," Devon commented.
He glanced at Devon. "What do you mean?"
"She's in charge."
“What do you mean?” he asked. "In charge of what?"
Micah apparently read his mood. "Please explain to Dillon what you mean or he might beat you up."
The younger man snorted. “He could try, but we all know that the FBI is bad at killing, and we always win in a fist fight. What I mean is that she is in charge of the money. Every major expense
goes through her. Nothing is done in Bentley Industries without her approval."
“She said that she had to be there when they voted for things. Like she was part of the board.”
Something niggled at the back of his mind, and the hair on the back of his neck tickled. He stood and walked over to where Devon sat with his computer, and Micah joined them.
"Show me."
Devon pulled up the court documents.
"It took me a while to find them. There were a lot of cases on it, filings. The cousins, aunts, and uncles fought the will. They said that Jillian had tricked her grandmother, that she had used something as leverage to get all the money. But your woman has a lot of money, from her father and from her writing, so she didn't really need this stuff. And who would? From what I found, your woman’s family is insane. I mean crazy beyond just being an old southern family with some loose nuts. They sue each other at the drop of a hat.”
“And the will held up without an issue?” Micah asked. Conner couldn’t form a question because he was still taking it all in.
“Yeah. Partly because Jillian has a lot of money, as I said. Even before the writing, her father and mother made sure there was money for her. The court dismissed every one of the cases. It helped that the grandmother had a former Georgia Supreme Court Justice write the will."
"You found all that in there?" Conner asked.
"Well, you asked me to be thorough. She is in charge of a corporation that makes billions of dollars."
He was still trying to take it in. He knew she had money, knew that she was definitely beyond comfortable. She had kept it all to herself, not wanting to let him know that part of her life. He had known there were things she hadn’t told him, but knowing the truth of it hurt more than he expected. "And she lives in a little house and acts like none of it matters."
"Because it doesn't," Micah said.
"If it didn't, she would have told me. She never mentioned this. And if they know this, they would know where she was."
"I can't tell you that, but what I can tell you is that some cousin of hers is on the island."
"Who?"
"Brent Edwards. And he isn’t happy with her. From the communication that I could read—"
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