Stamos rained kisses down the side of her cheek and down to her throat. Joy shivered in delight. She wished he'd make love to her and let her forget for a moment the colossal mess she was in.
"Joy, did you hear what I said? I love you."
"Y...yes I heard you. My whole being is glowing due to your words. I want to tell you how I feel, but I don't know how."
"It's hard, I know, but it feels good to say it," Stamos encouraged.
The silence filled the room. Joy knew what Stamos was waiting for. Her heart wanted her to shout it loud and clear, her head told her to pull away and walk away. She looked into Stamos' eyes, they were filled with love, desire, and hope. Feeling herself getting lost in his dark pools, Joy pulled away.
She jumped up and walked to the door, putting her hand on the handle. Taking a deep breath, she knew that this was one time she couldn't cut and run. Turning, she smiled at him. "I don't know how it happened, but I love you too, Stamos Walker. I love you with my whole being. It's probably the stupidest thing I've allowed to happen, but I can't deny it. I don't want to deny it. I love you."
Stamos seemed frozen in time. He neither moved nor talked. Joy was all kinds of nervous. Hell, she didn't know anything about this relationship stuff. She wasn't any good at it. Her heart wrenched as she stared at him.
Joy's eyes widened when Stamos strode toward her and picked her up in his arms.
"If you weren't sporting a split lip, I'd kiss you senseless," he said, smiling into her eyes.
"I already feel senseless. It's foolish to proclaim our love now. Any moment could be our last together."
"Let's not worry about that today." Stamos put Joy down and kissed her on the cheek. "I have to go talk to Corny and Benji. I don't want them to feel bad about what happened."
Joy nodded. "I want to spend time with Dillon."
"You really do love that little scamp."
"I love you both," she said shyly.
Stamos gave her another kiss on her cheek and let her go.
Joy watched him walk away. He was nice to look at walking away. Hugging herself, she relished in what just happened. Stamos loves her. Who would have thought?
After bundling Dillon up, Joy carried him outside for some fresh air. She wanted to check on the horses and she knew Dillon would enjoy it. She craved to see Stamos. She needed to look into his eyes to see if he meant what he said. Love wasn't something to take lightly.
Nervously, she adjusted Dillon in her arms and walked into the barn, enjoying the smell of fresh hay. She stopped at Frankie's stall and Dillon waved his hands, babbling to the horse. Love filled her entire being as she watched the interaction.
She heard Stamos walk up behind them. "He's definitely your baby. Look how he likes horses."
Stamos' arm snaked around her waist pulling her close. "Our baby."
Giving him a wary smile, Joy shook her head. "He has a mother. I'm just the stepmother."
Stamos kissed her cheek. "Nothing wrong with being a stepmother. You love him and he's wild about you. I notice how he always reaches for you and calls you Ma Ma."
"You make me feel all tingly inside," she whispered huskily.
"Good," Stamos said chuckling. "I've accomplished what I planned for today."
"What's that?"
"Making you tingle. Later I want to make your whole body sing."
"You do?"
Stamos laughed. "Don't look so surprised. I enjoyed being with you, making love to you."
Joy pretended that her whole body was not turning bright pink. "Yes it was fine."
"Just fine?" he asked incredulously. "Honey it was much better than fine."
"Where are Corny and Benji? They don't still think it's their fault do they?"
"I sent them on a fishing trip out at bootlegger's pond. I figured I'd give them a break. They sure do care about you. I want to show you something."
"What?"
"You'll see. It's important."
Joy followed Stamos to a wall near the front entrance to the barn. "You and most of the men aren't supposed to have firearms. Corny has finished his work release and parole. Both he and Arlo are done with all that. I have rifles stashed in case of trouble."
Stamos slid a panel on the wall and four rifles were stored there along with ammunition. Closing the panel, he told her to follow him. He hit the side of the ladder leading up into the hayloft, a hidden compartment opened and a rifle was hidden inside. "This one is already loaded. I also have two more in the hayloft on the west wall."
"But why?"
"I figured you may have to defend yourself at some point. I just wanted you to know that there was protection available."
"I know how to use a rifle," she said.
"Good. Just don't tell anyone about the rifles. I don't want to jeopardize the program."
"Of course I'll keep it a secret. I do feel better knowing they are there."
Stamos yawned as he ran his fingers through his thick black hair. He'd been studying the evidence for the past few hours and it made him angrier by the minute. How he'd love to smash both Wood and Jaime in the face. They were monsters. How in the world could they have killed one member of their family, then set up and put a hit on Joy?
The evidence, the initial crime scene evidence pointed away from Joy. Whoever slit Daisy's throat was left handed. Joy was right handed. Blood evidence alone should have made the investigators suspicious. Wood handed them a case tied up with a pretty bow and law enforcement ran with it.
He'd been in prison during an undercover operation. It had been hell on earth. He was a big, fit guy, trained to fight, but going up against the prisoners was a nightmare. He couldn't even imagine what it must have been like for a fourteen-year-old girl to be thrown into that type of cage. Stamos' chest became heavy thinking about it.
The door slowly opened and there stood his wife. She wore a flannel nightgown, intended for warmth, not sexiness, but somehow she made it look sexy as hell. Joy's smile was hesitant and Stamos' heart squeezed. He'd left her alone all night. Of course she'd be hesitant.
"Hell of a day. I was just thinking about you," he said raising his eyebrows up and down.
Joy smiled. God how he loved that smile.
"Why don't you come here and I'll tell you what I was thinking?" he suggested with a smile.
Joy looked pleased as she crossed the room to where Stamos sat behind his desk. "I thought maybe you were disgusted with me and the whole situation. I waited and waited for my goodnight kiss and you never came."
Stamos pulled her down onto his lap. "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm a jackass for letting you worry."
"I wasn't sure--"
Stamos cut her off with a sweeping kiss.
"Ouch."
"Oh damn, your lip. I'm sorry, Joy." He kissed her cheek and made his way down her neck she tasted like sensual candy. She tasted so sweet. Stamos experienced ecstasy as she wrapped her arms around his neck and started to breathe heavier.
One by one, he unbuttoned the tiny pearl shaped buttons on the front of her gown
Stamos turned her so she straddled his lap, facing him. His heart quickened as Joy tore off his shirt and began to run her hands all over his chest. "You're making me crazy."
Joy smiled. "Am I being wicked enough?"
Stamos laughed and undid his pants.
Joy gasped and her eyes widened.
"Now this is what I call wicked," he growled.
Stamos loved her little sounds of pleasure she made. Her face glowed with passion. She stiffened and it drove him over the edge.
Joy put her head on his shoulder, panting. "That was one hell of a goodnight kiss," she murmured.
Joy smiled at Stamos as he left to work with the horses. It had been an active night, both enchanting and wicked. Joy's smile disappeared as she thought back to the two of them in his office. It was grand at the time, but now Joy knew nothing but shame.
She'd seen that same thing in prison between prisoners and guards. Now it made her fe
el dirty. She reminded herself that Stamos loved her, but it didn't help. Remembering the tenderness he showed in bed last night didn't help either.
A knock at the kitchen door interrupted her musings. Her heart lifted as she greeted her friend and neighbor, Callie O'Neill.
"What? You're all alone?" Joy asked.
Callie laughed. "Garrett is pulling Daddy duty. I heard about some of your troubles and I decided to see how I can help."
Joy handed her a cup of coffee. "Might as well have a seat. I feel as if the weight of the world is on me."
Callie sat, frowning. "It helps to talk about it."
"Thanks Callie, I appreciate it." Joy squirmed in her chair. She wanted to ask Callie about last night, but she didn't know how.
"I know about Stacey coming back. I'm sorry you two have to deal with her. Oh my goodness, I forgot to congratulate you." Callie immediately went and hugged Joy. "I'm so happy for you."
Joy wished she could be as happy as Callie. "Thanks."
Callie put her hands on her hips, studying Joy. "Out with it. Do I need to horsewhip that man of yours?"
Joy shook her head as Callie sat back down. "He's great. It's me. Can I ask you something? If it's too private let me know."
"Sure, Joy."
"We umm. Well Stamos and I were in his office. It was umm, well it was really nice, but now it makes me feel dirty," Joy said, trying to summon a semblance of a smile.
"It's not dirty, Joy. You are married and you need to talk to Stamos about it. I have a feeling he is the only one that can make you see it as a show of love."
Reaching across the table, Joy squeezed Callie's hand. "Thank you. I feel out of my element in almost everything around here."
Bea walked in holding Dillon, who twisted and tried to get to Joy. "Ma Ma, Ma Ma."
Joy took Dillon into her arms and he cooed at her. Happiness filled her being.
"You must be, Miss Callie. Happy I am to meet ya," Bea greeted.
"I'm as happy to meet you. I heard you are a wonder."
"Well it's a sin to brag." Bea laughed.
The atmosphere in the kitchen lightened considerably. Laughter and lighthearted banter ensued. Joy's mood improved by the time Callie left. She'd have to talk to Stamos about her feelings.
"Did you have a good visit with Callie?" Stamos watched Joy walk across the yard to the corral.
"She's nice. She's the first female friend I've had in a long time. Of course there's Bea, but Callie is closer to my age."
Stamos watched Joy as she avoided looking at him. He couldn't imagine what could be the problem. "I forgot to give you a good morning kiss."
Joy still didn't look at him. In fact, she was doing a damn good job of ignoring him completely. He never did understand females, but this was downright puzzling. The last time, Joy was practically purring.
Stamos walked closer only to see her stiffen.
"Joy, is something wrong?"
Stamos expected her to look at him, but she just shook her head. Wrapping his arm around her waist, Stamos turned her around until she was standing right in front of him, facing him.
"Now I'm going to ask again, is something wrong?"
Joy looked at his chest and shook her head again.
Stamos put his finger under her chin and lifted her face toward him. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to hers. Her quick withdrawal startled him.
"Come, let's go to the south corral and see the foals. They are growing faster than weeds, eating me out of house and home," Stamos said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Fine," Joy said, absently. She followed Stamos instead of walking beside him.
Stamos stopped, turned, and threw his hat to the ground. "Damn it all, Joy. What the heck is going on? Why are you acting like I'm carrying the plague?"
Joy's eyes shimmered in the sun. She bit her lip and looked at the ground. Finally, she took a deep breath and looked at him. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice full of misery.
"Joy, just talk to me. Tell me what I did to make you so sad."
"I'm too ashamed. You must think the worst of me. I'm not a slut or a whore. Really I'm not."
"Whoa, Joy, where is this all coming from?"
"Last night we, I, you..."
"Last night? Joy, what are you talking about?"
Tears ran down her face and Stamos took her into his arms. He stroked her back and kissed the top of her head. "Joy, you are by no means a whore. Good God, you were a virgin until a few days ago."
"The women prisoners would ride the chair with the guards. They were the whores."
"Ride the chair?" Stamos asked. "I don't know... oh hell. Joy, did it upset you that we made love in my office?"
Joy nodded, her forehead leaning against his chest.
"Did I coerce you or exchange sex for a favor? Was cash given? No, it wasn't. Joy, I love you. What we do together is love. I never meant to make you feel shame."
Joy hiccupped and wrapped her arms around Stamos' waist. She looked up at him. "Could we try that good morning kiss again?"
"No."
"No? I don't understand."
"Let's work with the horses for a bit. I want you to get it all sorted out in your mind. When you're ready, kiss me," Stamos said, trying to sound gentle.
Joy nodded. "No one ever understood me the way you do."
Stamos smiled. "Good, let's keep it that way."
Joy stood in the barn, buoyant wasn't how she ever thought she'd feel. She grabbed a few halters. She planned to kiss him later. His dark eyes had been filled with love and it was all for her. Her heart ached at the reality of it. If it seemed too good -- it wasn't usually good at all.
Joy worked side by side with Stamos as they led the foals with the lead rope. Something caught her eye at the far edge of the pasture, making her stomach lurch.
Dropping the reins, she dashed across the massive field to the fence. It hadn't been her imagination. Bridget, Joy's favorite filly, lay on the ground covered in blood. Her eyes were still open looking wild and distraught. Someone had tried to cover her with branches.
A knife lay next to the body. Bridget's neck had been slit. With one hand covering her mouth and the other holding her stomach, Joy walked a few steps and vomited.
The sound of Stamos running toward her gave her strength and comfort. Closing her eyes, she could feel the cool breeze whip through her loose hair. With a heavy heart, she opened her eyes and looked at Stamos.
Stamos walked to her, drew her into his brawny arms, and pulled her close, whispering words of comfort in her ear. He gave her a bottle of water to rinse her mouth.
Joy had expected accusations. It was a cruel warning to keep her mouth shut. She had brought danger to the ranch and the people she loved. It could have easily been a person lying there instead of Bridget.
She could see his anger. His mouth was set in a tight line.
"It's my entire fault. I never--"
"Shh, Joy. This isn't your fault," Stamos reassured her, pulling her back into his embrace.
Joy basked in his comfort, but she knew the score. Stamos didn't realize the danger they were all in. She'd have to go back to prison. She'd rather take the chance of being killed than have anyone's life risked here.
Lifted up on her toes, she reached for his clean-shaven face and pulled him down for his morning kiss. Little did he know that this was her kiss goodbye.
Deepening the kiss, Joy wanted it to go on forever. Balsam that was the scent that had been elusive to her. Stamos smelled of leather, horses, and balsam. At least she wouldn't have to wonder about it in her cell. Running her hands through his thick black hair, she relished the softness of it.
"Are you alright?" The look of concern in his eyes almost made her cry.
"I'm fine. I need to go into the house. I don't feel well."
Stamos gave her a sympathetic smile and nodded.
Walking away was life altering. Her heart began to break.
Later that afternoon, Joy sat in the rocki
ng chair in Dillon's room, holding him. He'd claimed a huge part of her heart and it ached. How was she going to let them both go? The die was cast. Upon coming home, after seeing Bridget dead, Joy had gone into Stamos' office to sit and think.
On his desk sat custody papers sent by Stacey. They looked damning. No matter what, Stacey was not going to allow Dillon to be in the same home as a murderer.
Joy couldn't blame her. She only had herself to blame. She never should have married Stamos. She was ruining his life. It was at that moment that Joy called Ida Perkins and told her that the marriage was a big scam and that the truth needed to be told.
Ida had sounded almost gleeful on the phone. She was coming before dusk with a deputy to escort her back to prison. In doing so, it gave Joy a certain amount of peace. It was the right thing to do. They'd all see and understand one day.
Maybe she could come back in three years. Her eyes misted as she looked at the child in her arms. He wouldn't remember her.
"Be good for your daddy. He's a good man and I love you both so much. I'm going to burst."
"Everything okay?" Stamos asked, staring at her.
Joy summoned a smile. "Just telling Dillon how much I love you both."
She could feel his scrutiny. She knew he sensed that something wasn't right. She couldn't tell him. It would be too hard. Joy planned to wait for Ida and the deputy to show up and take her away. She just hoped that Stamos wouldn't hate her for it.
The sun was setting. Joy put Dillon in his crib and gave him one last kiss on his head. Pain filled her being as she walked away. The doorbell rang and she hurried down the stairs. Stamos would understand in time. She only wanted to keep them safe.
She walked into the kitchen and flinched at Stamos' angry and accusing eyes. "What the hell, Joy?"
Lone Star Joy Page 11
