Mrs Delaney sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “Yes, love. What has Si said about his own wedding? Is it that drum technician girl with the tattoos?�
Relief flooded my veins and I heaved a huge sigh through puffed cheeks. “Okay, I think I owe you a massive apology. It looks like I’ve got the wrong end of the stick. I saw Si on TV talking about wedding bells when a reporter asked if he was getting married and I—�
Mr Delaney’s face was returning to its normal colour. “Put two and two together and got five?�
I cringed. “It appears so, yes.�
He nodded. “I see. So, you didn’t see the next part of the clip where he said it was his manager getting wed?�
I covered my face as my cheeks heated and peeped out through the gaps in my fingers. “No.�
“So, Simeon isn’t married?� Mrs Delaney’s wide eyes showed her relief.
Mr Delaney squeezed her knee. “No, love. He’s not.�
She shook her head. “Oh, thank goodness! Thank goodness!� She hugged her husband but then turned her attention back to me. “But, hang on. You said he had been dumped.�
I went on to explain Nick’s cryptic song announcement and dedication to Si at the concert.
“Oh, no. My poor boy. That drum tech girl must not have been right for him after all.� There was a distinct appearance of disappointment in her eyes. She only wanted her son’s happiness, after all. She assessed me with her gaze again and her eyes narrowed. “Allie, can I just ask, why were you so bothered by all of this anyway? You came all the way here at almost midnight to find out the truth. Why on earth would you do that?�
A lump of sadness restricted my throat and I tried to swallow it down, but my eyes had already welled up and betrayed me. “Because… because I’m in love with him. I’m in love with Si.�
Chapter 39
Allie
*
The drive home from Leeds was filled with mixed emotions. My conversation with the Delaneys following my admission had been wonderful, yet heartbreaking. As I drove, I replayed it over and over in my mind.
Mrs Delaney had cried and said that she had suspected I had feelings for Simeon but couldn’t interfere seeing as I had loved Joe. She just hadn’t felt right saying anything. “But you need to speak to him, Allie. You should tell him how you feel. That way you’ll get your answers. More answers than we can give, love. We can’t speak for him.�
I nodded and lowered my gaze, realising I was speaking to the wrong people. “I know. I know, but… please don’t tell him I was here, okay? Don’t tell him anything about this. From what Nick said at the concert, he’s just had his heart stamped on. I don’t think me admitting my feelings will help. I think the timing is completely wrong.�
Mr Delaney shook his head. “Strike whilst the iron’s hot, Allie. You can’t leave things like this to chance. You should say something. Or at least find out if he still feels the same about you.�
My eyes began to sting. “I can’t. I’m too scared. I rejected him before. I was too afraid to acknowledge my feelings and I pushed him away. How could he trust me now?�
Mrs Delaney smiled warmly. “People change, love. People make mistakes. You’re human. I know my son and I know he’ll understand.�
“No. I have to be certain. I don’t want either of us to get hurt. Please just leave it for now. Let me try and figure out a way to find out if he still feels the same. If he does, great. If not… I’ll move on… or at least I’ll try to.�
Mr Delaney sighed. “I understand what you mean. But just so you know, you have our blessing. I know you said that you didn’t pursue a relationship with Simeon because of your past with Joe and you were worried about what we would think. But honestly, Allie, we loved you when we thought you were going to be married to Joe and we still love you now. You’ll always be family to us, no matter what. And if Si is who your heart wants then who are we to deny you and he that happiness?�
Tears over-spilled my eyes and I released a pent-up sob that had been desperate to escape. I stood and the Delaney’s stood too to engulf me in a hug that showed me just how wonderful they really were. Why had I been so worried? I’d really had no need to be. If I’d known how accepting they would be, I wouldn’t have been feeling so lost and heartbroken. Instead, I would be curled up in bed with Si after a brilliant show in Newcastle.
But that was then. Before I discovered his feelings and rejected him. The now was what concerned me. Had he given up on the prospect of love? Had he given up on me?
Chapter 40
Si
*
Manchester was the next stop on the UK leg of our tour. A place we had played many times as our fan base there was huge. After Manchester, we were apparently heading to Scotland again, to Nick’s new studios to do a bit of recording. It wasn’t the main recording of our new album but a bit of a dummy run to see how the studio setup was working and to iron out any issues. The studios weren’t quite finished but Nick was happy with the work his Scottish crew of engineers and builders were doing, and if things went according to plan, we would record the whole new album there. It was a bittersweet pill for me. I was over the moon for Nick but not so happy to be in that part of the UK again as it held only bad memories for me. Getting your heart pummelled twice has that effect.
Seeing Nick’s face light up whenever he talked about his new venture and his future there with Cat was enough to make even the likes of Chris think about settling down. Although, he would need to find someone daft enough or strong enough to deal with him. But it appeared I wasn’t the only one who wanted something real.
I was at the table at the front of the bus with my e-reader. Nick came and sat opposite and placed a mug of coffee on the table for me. “I hear you’ve been doing some song writing.�
I placed my reader down and frowned. “Oh yeah? Who told you that useless snippet?�
He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter who told me. Is it true?�
I chuckled as my cheeks heated. “I’ve been messing about but I’m not sure I’d call it song writing.�
“Hey, don’t sell yourself short, mate. You should let me check out what you’ve got. I think it’d be a great idea for you to write something for the new album.�
I sighed as I remembered Allie reading my lyrics and her reaction. “I’m not sure anyone would like what I’ve written, to be honest. Allie definitely wasn’t impressed.�
“Was it something you had written about her?� I nodded. He scrubbed at his beard with his hand. “It can be quite a cathartic way to get your feelings out. I think you should stick with it.�
“Yeah, well I’ll think about.�
“Have you tried talking to Allie since she found out how you feel?�
I shook my head and took a sip of my drink. “No point, Nick. She’s moved on. I need to do the same. Although, I think I’ll give relationships a wide berth for a while. I reckon I just need to sew my wild oats for a bit.�
He pursed his lips and shook his head. “A year ago, I would’ve been inclined to agree with you. I would’ve said go for it. Get your rocks off with whoever, whenever you can. But now—�
“But now you’re all loved up, Nick. You’ve found the one. That elusive thing called true love. I envy you. I really do. But maybe it’s not meant for everybody. Maybe it’s not meant for me.�
He stood, stepped towards me, and patted my shoulder. “I know you don’t feel that way deep d
own, Si. You’ve been lied to and it fucking hurts like a bitch. I get that. But in reality, love is something we all crave. And someday, you’ll find it. I know you will.� And with those wise words, he walked towards the back of the bus where the other guys were jamming.
���
With the soundcheck completed earlier in the day, we had eaten lunch and had a chance to rest. At the venue, I was sitting with the rest of the band in the dressing room, waiting to go on.
Stig sat beside me. “What do you reckon to your new drum tech then, Si?�
I shrugged. “Seems okay. He’s done a good job from what I could tell. Kit seems set up right which is all that matters.�
He nudged me. “Not quite as nice to look at as that psycho though, eh?�
I chuckled. “Yeah, well I don’t really care about that. So long as he does a good job, he’ll do for me.�
Stig’s expression changed to one of concern. “Do you miss her?�
“Bobbie? I miss the idea of who I thought she was. I miss the idea that she projected. Someone who understood about Joe and understood my passion for playing. But I don’t miss her as a person.�
“What about Allie? Do you miss her?�
I scrunched my face. “What’s up with you Jeremy bloody Kyle? Are you trying to make me cry or something?� I joked.
He grinned. “If I wanted to make you cry I could do it, believe me. Nah… I just know how you felt about her. And I gather from chit chat that she pretty much turned you down.�
I shook my head in exasperation. “Chit chat? You mean Chris, more like. Yeah, well, Allie and I were never destined to be anything other than friends. It’s shit but I have to learn to deal with that. Anyway, if Joe had still been alive, we wouldn’t be having this conversation because I would never have done anything to jeopardise their relationship. Joe meant too much to me.�
Stig’s expression turned serious again. “You don’t have to do that, you know?�
“Do what?�
“Justify yourself. We all know you and Joe were close. And we all know that you would never have tried to steal his girl. You don’t have to worry that that’s what we’re thinking. We’re brothers. All of us. We just want you to be happy, and if it had turned out that Allie loved you back then we would have supported you wholeheartedly. You do know that, don’t you?�
Did I? No, I don’t think I did. I hated finding out that everyone knew I had feelings for my brother’s woman. Hated how that made me look. And I didn’t want people thinking I was glad Joe was gone so I had a shot. I didn’t see things that way. At all. Not that she would’ve even looked at me twice if Joe was still around. Although, why everyone felt the need to confess their innermost thoughts about the whole Allie situation was beyond me. How many times did I have to repeat myself and say that none of it mattered because she had moved on?
Stig stared at me expectantly. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out, mate. And I mean that.�
“Yeah. Cheers, Stig.�
Chapter 41
Allie
*
Two days without sleep. Two days trying to figure out how the hell to find out if Si had totally given up on me. Two days of feeling lost and defeated.
I finally gave in and picked up my phone to call the one person who could give me an honest answer, and who I could trust to not talk to Si and tell him I was fishing around.
“Allie? Hey, how are you doing, girl? Not spoken to you for bloody ages.� Nick’s warm, friendly voice made my heart squeeze. It made me realise just how much I missed being in the inner circle of the band.
I cleared my throat, conscious of the fact that I was already experiencing that tightening of emotion. “Hi, Nick. I’m… I’m good. You?�
“I’m great, thanks. But you don’t sound sure. What’s up?�
“I’m calling for a specific reason and I honestly don’t know how to begin to ask you the things I want to ask. But I can’t stand feeling like this any longer. So, I’m just going to ask, if that’s okay?� My words came out in an almost incoherent rush.
“Allie, you can ask me anything. What’s up?� There was the distinct tone of worry edging his voice.
“Is Si with anyone right now?�
“Si? Erm… I don’t know He was going home for a couple of days to his folks. But I don’t know where he is right at this second. Why? Is everything okay?�
“No, no. I mean with anyone as in… romantically?�
“Ahhh.� Nick sighed. “Poor lad. No, he just had his heart trampled on by this drum tech. He really liked her. But you know Si. He’s not really one for diving in head first… so to speak.� He chuckled. “Anyway, she told a load of lies about her brother dying and him being a drummer. Made out they had all this stuff in common. And Si was ready to take the leap. Then—get this—her fucking brother called up and Si spoke to him.�
Oh my word! What kind of psycho was she? “No way!�
“Yup. Poor Si was heartbroken. Not because he loved her; at least I don’t think he did. It was the betrayal that got him. The way she used Joe’s death to get to him. Pretty low blow if you ask me.�
Anger knotted my insides, and for the first time in my life, I wanted to punch another woman square in the face. “How dare she? The bitch!�
“We all said exactly the same. Anyway, Den fired her before I could. So, he has a new guy. Some older bloke who used to tour with Whitesnake back in the eighties. Nice guy.�
Images of punching some woman I had never even met began to swirl around my head. How dare she treat Si that way? What the hell had she gained apart from a lot of enemies?
“Are you still there, Allie?�
I shook myself from my violent fantasy. “S-sorry. Yes, I’m here. Is he okay? I wondered what the hell you were talking about at the concert the other night.�
He gasped. “Newcastle? You were in Newcastle? Why didn’t you come backstage? We would’ve loved to see you.�
“Erm… I couldn’t. Because I… I had to leave early. Stuff to do, you know?�
There was a pause. “Allie? What’s your real reason for calling? I suspect there’s something deeper than just checking in, considering the way you babbled at me at the start of the call.�
I took a deep breath. “Yes. Yes, you’re right. Do you know if Si… has he… did he say anything…� I wasn’t brave enough to form the words in my head which was making it difficult for them to come out of my mouth.
“Hang on. You want to know if Si still has feelings for you, don’t you?�
What the…? “H-how do you know that?�
“Let’s just say I have a sixth sense about these things. Look, Allie, I’m going to be completely straight with you. Si’s been through a shit time lately. I know what happened between you two when he came to see you. And what happened again when you were in Yorkshire. He took your rejection pretty fucking hard. And then all this stuff with that witch just about finished him off. I know he still cares for you. So, please… please don’t mess with his head, okay? And definitely don’t mess with his heart. He’s like my kid brother and I know him well. He wants and deserves someone to love him totally. He’s got a heart of gold, Allie. I think you know that. And I won’t stand by and watch him get pummelled again. Not even for you. I love you, but I can’t let that happen to him. So maybe you should keep your distan
ce, eh?�
Ah. “Oh… oh, yes, of course. Yes, you’re right. No, I’ll stay away. I just… I just wanted to check he was okay, that’s all,� I lied, and tears trickled down my cheeks. This was not how I hoped this call would go.
“I don’t want to fall out with you, love. I know you mean well. Of course I do. And I promise I’ll keep an eye on him. Look, I’d better go. I’m on my way up to the new studios in Gairloch and my girl’s waiting for me. I’ll introduce you to Cat someday. She’s fucking amazing. And feisty like you. I think you two would get on like a house on fire. Gotta go. Take care, love.�
I swallowed and forced a smile even though he couldn’t see me. “Yes. You too. Have fun.� I ended the call and crumpled to the floor. My heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. I had my answers. So now I would need to move on.
Chapter 42
Si
*
Back in my old room again temporarily. Only this time, the memories were of more than just me and Joe as kids. I stared across at his bed and remembered Allie smiling at me from there as we talked about all sorts of crap. She was one of those women who look even more beautiful when they’ve just woken up; all make-up free and rosy-cheeked from sleep. Those brief times we shared had made a serious impact on my heart and being here again without her filled me with a deep melancholy. I wondered what she was doing. And I wondered if her accountant was making her happy.
I suppose I was relieved really that the thing with Bobbie hadn’t gone anywhere. I didn’t love her. My heart still belonged to Allie. And I had finally realised that there was absolutely no point in trying to be with someone else until I was over her. So, if anything good could’ve come from that shit… I didn’t like it, but at least it meant I could focus on playing and song writing.
Yeah, song writing… me. After my chat with Nick, I’d decided to give it another go. I wasn’t sure anything I wrote would ever end up on a Sonic Idols album, but at least I had an outlet for the emotions I usually kept locked up inside me. I’d penned a song about Joe and I had finished the one about Allie so I was on a bloody emotional rollercoaster on its downward spiral. But oddly enough, I felt better for it.
In His Place: Sonic Idols Book #2 Page 20
