“Freckles, you just found out you’re pregnant. Cut yourself some slack.”
“Other mothers would instantly think of their child. It didn’t even cross my mind.”
“Not every person is automatically cut out for this. You have to give it some time.”
“Mark, you’re asking me to learn to love my own child. Shouldn’t that come naturally?”
“I don’t know, Freckles. I don’t know anything about what it’s like to have a kid, but I know it’s not the same for everyone.”
I stared at the table, wondering what the hell I was going to do. If I had this child, would I eventually love it? Did I want to have a child and hope that one day I loved it? Was that even fair to the child?
“Don’t think so hard. Come on, let’s get you that food and then you can go sleep.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Sebastian
I MIGHT BE pissed at Maggie right now, but there was no way I would let anything happen to her. Unfortunately, if I wanted Maggie to remain in one piece, I was going to have to work with Knight and use him to take down Reiner. I didn’t like it, but Hunter trusted him, so I was going to have to also. The guy was a scary motherfucker. The list of people he had killed with no mercy was long and the details gruesome. Everything about his demeanor screamed that he was a killer, and I worked with some pretty scary dudes. Chris “Jack” McKay, for one. If you even looked into his eyes, you felt the threat of what he would do if you crossed him. Knight rivaled him. Chris wasn’t here though and I had the feeling he was the only one that could go toe to toe with Knight. Hopefully, Hunter could keep him under control.
“Just because Hunter vouches for you doesn’t mean I won’t put a bullet in you if you ever try something like that again,” I sneered at Knight.
“And I won’t hesitate to slit your throat if I think you’re a threat. I don’t hurt innocents, though.”
“No, you just take them hostage for your own personal gain.”
“There’s nothing personal about this. I was finishing a job. She was leverage to get information, that’s it.”
“She’s pregnant and you never should have gone after her.”
Knight stepped in my face and spoke low enough for only me to hear. “Let’s not pretend that this is some fairy tale where the prince rushes in and saves the day. You have an arms dealer after you and he sent a killer. I may have a code that I stand by, but that doesn’t mean that innocent people don’t get in the way. I don’t intentionally use innocents unless they can get me what I need. She was never supposed to be hurt. The moment he told me to get rid of her, I knew this was about revenge and not about getting back what was supposedly his.”
“And I’m supposed to just trust that you’ve suddenly had a change of heart and you’re on our side?”
“Hunter is the only reason that you’re all standing here still. I trust him with my life, so if he says that you’re on the up and up, then I believe him.”
“Unfortunately, his word isn’t enough to make me trust you. I’ll be watching you and if you step out of line even once, I won’t hesitate to finish you.”
His smirk said that he really didn’t give a shit and wasn’t at all intimidated by me. I didn’t really expect him to, given his reputation. We got lucky with Hunter knowing him. I had no doubt that he had something else up his sleeve when he made his move, and most likely, none of us would have walked out of here alive.
“And don’t think I’ve forgotten about what you did to my building. I’ll be expecting a check for the repairs.”
“You’ve got insurance.”
“Alright, we get it,” Sinner said to Knight as he walked up to us. “You’re a badass and could kill us all before we blink. Can we put this aside and get down to business?”
I pulled Sinner aside and spoke low for only him to hear. “How’s Maggie?”
“She’s alright. She’s sleeping right now. I figured that since Knight is in here with us, it would be safe to leave her alone.”
I nodded and slapped him on the shoulder. “Thanks for taking care of her. I should be the one to do it, but she doesn’t want me.”
“She’s a woman. She doesn’t know what she wants. Besides, she pregnant, so she’s got all those hormones running through her right now that are making her crazy. Just give her time.”
“You’d better watch your back. If she hears you saying that she’s hormonal and crazy, you’ll be on her shit list. Have you talked to Cara?”
“Yeah, when you said Knight was involved, I called her and had her go stay with Sean. I wasn’t about to leave her on her own.”
“Good. One less thing to worry about.”
“Can we get to work here? It’s been a long night and I have a few things to take care of,” Knight said, intruding on my conversation with Sinner.
“Okay, guys. Listen up.” All the guys turned and gave me their attention. “If we’re going to ever hope to be in business again, we have to get Reiner under control. He’s not only threatening Vanessa, but now he’s coming after us. From now on, Maggie stays under this roof. We need Knight to go on pretending that he’s working for Reiner, so we can stay a step ahead of him. If Reiner even suspects that Knight didn’t finish the job, Reiner will kill Knight and send someone else after us.”
“How are we going to get him under control?” Derek asked.
I looked to Knight, who crossed his arms over his chest. “We have to take him out. There’s no way to neutralize him. He always takes revenge on people that have wronged him, so to stop him, he has to be killed.”
“You want to take out an arms dealer?” Burg asked. He looked to me and then back to Knight. “You’re fucking crazy. Do you realize how many men he has working for him? We’d never get to him.”
“You don’t have to get to him, I have to. All I need is to get another meeting and then I can take him out.” I had to hand it to Knight, he didn’t even flinch when talking about taking Reiner out. He had at least a dozen bodyguards around him at all times.
“And just how do you expect to get out once you take him out? He always has guards with him. You can’t just take him out, you’d have to take them all out,” Hunter replied.
“Not to mention that he will most likely check you for weapons before he takes a meeting with you,” Burg said.
“Not most likely, he will. There’s no doubt about that. We’ll have to set the meet up location somewhere that works for us. If he doesn’t agree, we’ll have to rework that strategy. If I push for a certain location, he’ll know something’s wrong.”
“So, how do you plan to kill him unarmed with a dozen guards around?” I asked.
“Same way I planned to take you out,” he smirked.
“That didn’t work out so well for you,” Sinner threw out.
“The only reason you didn’t all end up dead was because Pappy was here.”
“Yeah, about that, how is it that you and Pappy are such good friends?” Chance asked.
“I don’t explain myself. The fact is that you need me if you want to take out Reiner. I guess you just have to trust me.”
“Jesus, Hud. I work with these guys.” Hunter said irritatedly. “Hudson and I served together for four years. He was recruited for black ops and I never saw him again,” Hunter explained to the rest of us.
“But how do you know he’s still the same man you served with?” Jackson asked. “Look, no offense, Pappy, but people change.”
“Do you know many people that suddenly become a totally different person?” Hunter asked.
“He did.” Sinner pointed to Knight. “He served for the greater good and now he doles out his own form of justice. I would say that’s a one eighty.”
“Have you seen the jobs he takes? All of them are righteous kills,” Hunter protested.
“Look, we don’t have time to argue over this right now. We have to get Reiner under control and Knight’s our inside man. If we want any chance at succeeding in this, we have to trust him. If yo
u don’t trust him, trust Hunter. He’s more than proven himself,” I said to the men. Knight was obviously someone that no one would trust, but we needed him. I looked around at all the men and they nodded, understanding that we were going to have to suck it up and deal with it.
“Let’s get to work.”
✯✯✯✯✯
Everyone in the house was a little more relaxed now that Knight wasn’t working against us, but they didn’t let their guard down around him. We planned most of the night, with everyone except for Derek, Knight, and I taking turns on watch. Once we had a solid plan in place, we called it quits and Knight headed out. He had plans to put in motion, but the rest of us had a break for a few days since Reiner was expecting us to be distraught over Maggie.
I was going to have to plan a funeral for her and we were going to have to play it up, including informing Harry and Aggie that she had been killed. We wouldn’t be able to let them in on what was really going on without potentially blowing our operation.
We also needed to bring Cash in on our plan if this was going to work. We just didn’t have enough manpower to pull something of this scale off without his help. If we were able to take Reiner out, we still had to worry about retaliation from his crew, which meant we also had to have an ally that was willing to step in and take over for him. That’s what Knight was off doing.
I was worn out from the night and I really needed some sleep. The other guys were taking shifts and Becky was monitoring everything from the study. She had gotten sleep last night since she didn’t need to be a part of the planning, so at least we had one person that wasn’t completely wiped out.
I opened the door to the master bedroom and saw Maggie still sleeping. I quickly stripped my clothes and climbed into bed next to her. I knew I didn’t have any right to be in there with her, but after everything that had happened over the last forty-eight hours, I just needed to be near her and know she was alright.
She rolled over when I got in and her eyes cracked open. She stared at me for a few minutes and then slid her hand across the mattress to me. I gripped her hand in mine, running my thumb over the top of her soft hand. Her green eyes were vibrant in the morning light and it reminded me of waking up next to her in our house.
“I wish I could fix us,” I said quietly to her.
“Me too. Everything’s so screwed up right now. I don’t even know where to begin.”
She pulled away and sat up a little in bed, then reached across for the can of ginger ale on the nightstand and the crackers. “Sorry, but if I don’t eat, I’m going to end up puking.”
“It’s fine.”
She took a bite of her cracker and brushed a few crumbs from her lap. “Sebastian, I need to tell you something and I need you to really listen to me.”
She looked up at me and I knew exactly what she needed to say. It was written all over her face. I nodded for her to continue.
“I can’t keep this baby. When Knight had the knife to my throat, do you know I didn’t once think about the baby? I wish that this was something I wanted, but I don’t and it wouldn’t be fair to have this child and give it up.”
“I would take it. It’s my child. I would love it enough for both of us.”
She bit her lip and shook her head. “I would always know that the baby was alive somewhere in the world and that I abandoned it. I would never be able to live with myself.”
“But you could live with killing it?”
I really tried not to be angry, but her argument was weak in my eyes.
“I need you to look at this from my perspective. This affects me the most. It’s my body. It’s my career. It’s my whole life that would change. I’m not trying to be a selfish person here. I’m trying to tell you that I don’t want a baby. Some people just aren’t cut out for it and I’m one of those people. I would never give my child all my attention. I would always be focused on my job and finding the next story. It’s just who I am.”
She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I looked at the tears swimming in her eyes and knew this was not an easy thing for her.
“Please, I’m begging you not to make me go through with this. I would never have an abortion if you weren’t behind me and I need you to be behind me because I can’t do this.”
“What if you changed your mind? What if you waited and-”
“And decided that I did want the baby? I suppose it could happen, but it’s not a chance I want to take. We’re not even together right now. We have so many issues that are standing between us. How could we possibly bring a child into this world and promise to love it when we can’t even promise each other that?”
For the first time since I found out that she was pregnant, I really looked at it from her perspective. As much as I wanted this child, she was right. We were so broken as it was that a child would complicate things in a way that I couldn’t even fathom.
“Maggie, I want you to know that I want this child more than anything, but if you really think this is what you need to do, I’ll support you.”
She flung herself into my arms and wrapped her arms around my neck, holding me tight. I could feel her shaking against me as her tears soaked my skin. I felt my own throat start to convulse and I fought like hell to keep myself under control. I had just given her permission to kill my child and that was something I didn’t know if I could ever forgive myself for. I was a man that fought for those who couldn’t fight for themselves, but in this moment, I was a man that could see the struggle of the woman he loved and needed to do anything to make this okay for her.
“I’m so sorry that it’s come to this, Sebastian. If I had known before that I didn’t want this, I would have talked to you about it. It just never came up. We never seemed to talk about the future,” she said as she pulled back. “There’s so much I wish we would have done differently.”
I ran my hand across her cheek and cupped the back of her neck. “I wish we would have too, but I don’t know that it would have made a difference. There’s something holding you back and I don’t know that you’ll ever figure it out or if you even want to, but I know as long as you keep this distance between us, we’ll never make it work. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be.”
Her tears streamed down her freckled cheeks in tiny rivulets. “I wanted it with you,” she whispered. “If there was ever a man that made me want it, it was you.”
I leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. God, I was going to miss those lips. Everything about this woman made my chest ache with need. It wasn’t just her body, it was her brain and her spirit. She was everything I had ever wanted and I failed at keeping her.
When her hands ran down my chest, I took that as a sign that she wanted me also. One last time before we called it quits for good. I kissed her deeply and tried to show her how much I wanted her, now and always. I pushed her back on the bed and ran my hands down her curves, pausing momentarily when my hands skimmed her stomach. I couldn’t go there now, so I continued down until I found the hem of her panties and slipped my fingers inside, just teasing the soft curls on her mound. I groaned when my fingers slid through her wet folds and she opened for me.
“Maggie, I love you,” I said as I pressed soft kisses to her cheek and then over her eyelids, down her nose to her sweet lips. “I will always love you.”
“I’ll always love you, too,” she said on a choked sob. “One more time, Sebastian. Love me one more time.”
I pulled her shorts down and kissed down her legs, memorizing the curve of her hips down to the arch of her foot. Her soft skin on my calloused hands was something I would never forget. The taste of her as I licked the juices from her while she cried out my name, knowing this time was the sweetest it would ever be. When I was finally inside her, I took my time with slow thrusts that let me enjoy every minute I was inside her. As her legs wrapped around me and pulled me closer, I bent down and kissed her again and again. Our tongues slid against each other and then I swallowed her cries as she convulsed around me. I push
ed inside her one final time and felt the sweetness of her body tighten around me.
Our breaths were heavy as we lay tangled in each others arms for what felt like an hour afterward. The sweat had dried and the cool air chilled our skin, but still we didn’t move. I had a strand of her strawberry blonde hair wrapped around my finger and I ran my thumb over the curl repeatedly to embed it in my memory. Her soft breaths caressed my shoulder and her fingers ran up and down my chest in a soothing rhythm.
I pulled the covers over us and pulled her in close to me. If this was my last time with her, I was going to make it last as long as I could. The sun was now shining in all around us, but I was exhausted and soon fell asleep with the woman I loved wrapped in my arms.
✯✯✯✯✯
I had been awake now for close to fifteen minutes. I knew that Maggie was awake also, but neither of us had moved. Once we moved, we went back to reality and we would no longer be together. I looked over at the clock and knew I couldn’t delay any more. I needed to take a turn on watch so that some of the other guys could get some sleep. I kissed her forehead one last time and started to pull away.
“I have to take over watch.”
“Sebastian, I need to ask you something.” I looked at her, but she wouldn’t look at me.
“What is it?”
“Will you..will you go with me to the clinic?”
I shook my head instantly, knowing that was something I couldn’t do for her. “I can’t, Maggie. Please don’t ask that of me. I’ll support you if you think this is what you need to do, but don’t ask me to be a part of it. I can’t.”
She nodded and brushed a tear away. “I understand.” She continued to look at the comforter and then sat up straight and looked at me, like she had just resolved herself to what she had to do. “When do you think will be the best time to go? I mean, with everything that’s going on?”
Cap_A Reed Security Romance Page 14
