When everything was set up, I sat back on the couch with Drew and watched the little babies playing in their pack ’n plays.
“I heard about the baby. Sarah said that Maggie’s not keeping it. I’m sorry, man.”
I shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it anymore. It was over and done with or at least, it would be any day now.
“So, is it really over then?”
“Would you stay with a woman that not only ran out on you, but then killed your child?”
“Probably not, but then I’m not you. Just because I wouldn’t stick around doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.”
“Are you telling me I should?”
“I’m just saying that you wouldn’t get any judgement from me. I’m probably the last person in the world to judge someone else’s actions. I mean, I talked to my dead wife for six years, refusing to move on. Doesn’t get more fucked up than that.”
I shook my head. “I look at your kids and think ‘that could be my kid’, but I’ll never get that chance. I don’t think I can ever forgive her for taking that away from me.”
“I would suggest getting a drink, but I don’t think that’s a good idea with all these kids around. Sarah would kill me if I fucked this up on her one day by herself.”
Pounding at the front door had me rolling my eyes. “Can’t everyone just leave me the fuck alone?” I grumbled.
“Hey, I take offense to that.”
“So be offended. I don’t give a fuck.”
I pulled the door open to an irate Sinner. “What the fuck do you want?”
“You are the dumbest fuck on the planet.”
“I already said that. You need new material,” I told him.
He stormed past me and did a double take when he saw all the kids in the house.
“Baby convention,” I quipped.
“Do you know that she’s going through with it today?”
It was like a knife to the gut, a slow, painful death.
“No, but thank you for telling me and making this day so much better.”
“Cara called me and told me that Lillian needed her to stay late because she was staying with Maggie.”
“So, you’re mad at me because you had more lollipops planned for tonight?”
“No, I’m pissed because Maggie wasn’t going to have anyone with her. Apparently, she asked you to go with and you said no. She was going to take a fucking cab home when it was done. Are you that much of a bastard that you would let her go through this alone?”
I scowled and crossed my arms over my chest. “So, I’m supposed to go and watch my kid, that I want, be killed because the woman I loved doesn’t have time for a kid in her life?”
“You said you supported her decision,” he yelled.
“I do, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it or be there to see it happen.”
“You know what doing something like that can do to a person’s head. We’ve seen worse and you’re going to let her go through that alone? That’s fucked up.” I sneered at him, not wanting to hear the logic of his argument. “I know that you’re pissed about this. I’m not too thrilled that she’s going through with it either, but you love her and you’re basically telling her to fuck off when she needs you most.”
He shook his head and his fist flew right into my face, crunching against my cheekbone. My face whipped around and I almost fell on my ass, totally unprepared for a fist to the face. I put a hand to my cheek and glared at him.
“What the fuck was-”
His fist flew at me again. He faked one to the face and then his other fist planted itself in my ribs. Then he countered with one to my kidneys.
“Fuck, man. Do you want me to be pissing blood for the next week? Lay off,” I yelled.
“I’ll lay off when you get your head out of your ass.”
“You know, when you walked away from Cara, I didn’t kick your ass for it. I let you deal with your own shit.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not as nice. You’re fucking up big time.”
“If you care so much, then go sit with her yourself.”
“Do you love her?” Sinner asked.
“What?”
“Do you love her?” he asked more forcefully.
“Of course, I fucking love her,” I yelled. “I can’t just turn that off because of her choice.”
“Then go be with her. Give her this one last thing. You know Maggie, she’ll never forgive herself for doing this. It’s gonna kill her and she’ll get lost in her head. Please, Cap. Don’t leave her alone to deal with this.”
I looked at Drew who just shrugged as if we hadn’t just been fighting in front of him and then back to Sinner.
“Fuck, goddammit, Sinner. I fucking hate you right now.” I stormed from the house and got in my truck, taking off for Pittsburgh. My phone rang and Sinner’s name appeared.
“What the hell do you want now?”
“Thought you might want to know where to go and what time.”
✯✯✯✯✯
I swerved into the parking lot, going up on the curb as I tore through the parking lot. I was an hour late. By the time I got my head out of my ass and got on the road, her appointment was a half hour away. Then I got stuck behind an accident going into the city. I parked the truck in the closest spot I could find and ran toward the building, straight for the check in desk.
“Maggie Curtis,” I snapped at the woman.
“Excuse me?”
“I’m here for Maggie Curtis. She had an appointment about an hour ago. I got stuck in traffic.”
She looked up some information on her computer and then looked at me. “Can I ask who you are?”
“I’m the baby’s father.”
“Sir, you do know what kind of procedures we do at this clinic?” she asked delicately.
“Of course I know. I’m here to support her.”
“I’m afraid I can’t let you go in now that the procedure has already started, but I’ll let the doctor know that you’re out here. You can wait over there,” she pointed to the waiting area where Harper, Sarah, Lillian, Cece, and Alex were all sitting. Harper saw me first and stood with a relieved expression on her face. I swallowed my anger at the situation and walked over to them.
“I didn’t think you were going to show,” Harper said, almost like she expected me to run away.
“I almost didn’t, but Sinner came and kicked my ass.”
“She’s in there all alone.”
I nodded and took a seat across from the girls. “They already told me that I wasn’t allowed in there because they already started.”
I looked down at my hands and saw them shaking. Clenching my fists together, I tried my hardest to regulate my breathing, but I couldn’t. I felt like I was on the verge of balling like a baby. I didn’t know if it was because my kid was in that room being torn from its mother’s body or because I wasn’t in there to hold Maggie’s hand.
I wiped a sweaty hand over my mouth and leaned forward on my elbows. The shaking was getting worse now with every minute that ticked by. When someone sat next to me, I couldn’t look up. I didn’t want them to see how shaken I was by all of this. A feminine hand reached out and grabbed mine, holding it tight. I looked up to see Lillian’s sad face and almost lost it.
“It’ll be okay, Sebastian. Your baby is in God’s hands now.”
My throat closed up and the tears started leaking down my face before I could stop them. I swiped at them and cleared my throat, trying to compose myself.
“This is stupid. I never even saw a picture, so why am I so upset?”
“It’s okay to be upset. You wanted the baby.”
“I’m so angry. I wish I could blame her for this and say this is all on her, but I agreed to it. I’m just as much to blame.”
She squeezed my hand, but didn’t say anything else. Another fifteen minutes passed in tense silence. The girls all sat quietly, looking at their phones or at magazines to distract themselves. I couldn’t do that. I nee
ded to feel this, to know that I was present for what I was going along with.
“Mr. Reed?” A nurse came over and stood in front of me. “The receptionist let me know you were here. Would you mind coming back to the room? Ms. Curtis is very upset and we can’t calm her down. Maybe seeing you would help.”
I stood immediately and followed her back to the room. I would give anything to make this not hurt so bad for Maggie right now. As much as I didn’t want it to happen, Sinner was right, I knew Maggie would hate herself for this. I could hear Maggie crying hysterically from down the hall. I pushed past the nurse and ran to the door where her cries came from.
Maggie was sitting on the bed, huddled in a ball with her head buried in her hands. Her strawberry blonde hair was coming out of the messy knot she had on her head. I rushed to her side and pulled her into my arms. She tensed and pulled back, barely seeing me through her tears. Her face was wet and her eyes and cheeks were red from crying.
“Sir, please try and calm her down or we’ll have to give her a sedative,” she said over Maggie’s cries. Maggie threw herself back into my arms and wound her arms around my neck, gripping me so tight, I thought she would choke me. I ran my hand up and down her back, trying to calm her.
“Shh. Maggie, I’m here. It’s okay.” I repeated it over and over as I tried to hold back my own tears. Me crying wouldn’t help her right now.
“Sebastian, I’m so sorry,” she said through hiccuping tears.
“It’s okay, Maggie. I know.”
“You don’t get it!” she screamed. “I almost killed our child.”
I hugged her tighter as she fought me and then her words sank in. I pulled back from her and cupped my hands around her face, forcing her to look at me. “Maggie, what do you mean? You didn’t go through with it?”
She shook her head as she started crying again. “I couldn’t. I saw the sonogram and I couldn’t do it. It was a baby, a real baby. It had hands and feet and I almost killed it.”
Relief flooded me and I gripped her tighter. “It’s okay, Freckles. You didn’t do it. We’ll get through this, I promise you.”
“How could you ever forgive me?”
Her cries were still out of control and I knew I had to calm her so they didn’t sedate her. “Freckles, I’m going to take you home, but you need to calm down or they won’t release you.” I ran a hand up and down her back and tried to soothe her. Slowly her cries died down until she was just sniffling, her breath catching every few seconds.
I pulled back and looked at her. She was still in the gown, so I grabbed her clothes and brought them over. She was staring off at some spot on the wall, completely out of it. I pulled her underwear up her legs, having to do most of the work since she was practically catatonic. She had yoga pants and a sweatshirt with her, so I removed the gown and pushed her hands through the arms and pulled it down over her head, sans bra. Once I got the yoga pants in place, I picked her up, cradling her body to mine and headed for the door. She had her head buried in the crook of my neck as she snuggled into me.
The nurse ran up to me as I was leaving. “Sir, you can’t just leave. We need to keep an eye on her.”
“I’ll take care of her. Are there any instructions?”
The nurse looked at Maggie and then back to me. “Watch her mental stability. Otherwise, she needs to schedule a follow up with her doctor.” I nodded and headed for the door, completely ignoring everyone else that was still there. When I got to the truck, I had to pry her arms from around my neck to get her strapped in. She leaned her head against the window the whole drive home and stared at the passing scenery.
I wanted to take her back to my house, but I didn’t know how she would do for a drive that long. When I pulled in her drive, I quickly got out and opened her front door, then went back to the truck and took her out, carrying her inside and settling her in bed. She just laid there like a limp rag. I didn’t know what to do for her. There was no instruction manual for dealing with a situation like this.
A soft knock led me back to the front door. I didn’t want to leave Maggie, but I also didn’t want the knocking to continue. The girls were all on the front porch, looking concerned.
“Is she okay?” Sarah asked.
“She will be. She didn’t go through with it. I think she’s angry at herself for almost doing it. I don’t know what to do for her.”
“Why don’t you go sit with her and see if you can get her to talk about it? I’m sure she has a lot she needs to get off her chest,” Lillian said.
“Thank you for being here for her when I wasn’t,” I said to all of them. “I don’t think now is a good time for everyone to be here, though.”
“Don’t worry about us. We’re heading home. We just wanted to see if she needed anything first,” Cece said.
Alex stepped forward and gave me a hug. She’d been like a little sister to me since she came into my life and now she was here trying to make me feel better. “Call us if you need anything.” I squeezed her back and then watched as they all walked back to their car and piled in. I sighed and went back to the bedroom to see Maggie still staring at the wall. I didn’t understand it. She hadn’t gone through with it, so why did it seem like it was the end of the world for her?
I laid down next to her and brushed the hair from her face. Her eyes finally met mine and filled with tears. It was a sight I wasn’t used to with Maggie. She was always so strong, but this woman looked completely broken.
“Can you ever forgive me?” she whispered.
“For what? You didn’t do it.”
More tears trailed out of her eyes and slid down her nose and cheeks. “I almost killed our baby. How can you ever forgive me? How can I forgive myself?”
I took her hand in mine and brushed a kiss against her fingers. “Maggie, I wanted this baby, but I do understand why you didn’t. It’s going to be a big change for both of us. If you had never seen the sonogram, you would have gone through with it and been content with your decision.”
“That’s what makes this so awful. Why did it take seeing the sonogram for me to want it? I’m afraid I’ll be a terrible mother.”
“All we can do is our best. I don’t want you to worry. I’ll be with you every step of the way. We’ll help each other. I’m sure I’ll make plenty of mistakes too. I don’t know the first thing about kids.”
She closed her eyes for a minute and then opened them and stared at me. “What if when the baby is born I don’t feel anything? What if I don’t want it?”
I blew out a breath and shrugged. “I don’t know, Freckles. I think we just have to take this one day at a time. I think the question is what do you want?”
“I don’t know right now. I just want to lay here and pretend like this day didn’t happen. I want to pretend that I’m a good mother that didn’t go to that clinic and almost end my child’s life.”
“Freckles, you can’t change what happened, you can only learn from it. I need you to guide me here because I don’t know what you need. Do you want me around or do you want me to leave?”
“Can you stay? At least for tonight? I just want you to..” She blinked a few times and took a deep breath. “I just want you to hold me tonight. If you don’t mind.”
I pulled her against me and she rested her head on my chest. “I can do that.”
It was only late afternoon and I didn’t know the last time I had eaten or when she had, but for now, this was the only thing I wanted to do. Maggie drifted off to sleep with her hand on my chest over my heart. When it started to get cool, I pulled the covers up over us and fell asleep with her wrapped around my body.
✯✯✯✯✯
I had no idea what time it was, but there was sunlight streaming in from the windows. I couldn’t remember the last time that I had slept this long or hard. The sound of retching filtered in from the bathroom and I got out of bed to go check on Maggie. Knocking softly, I opened the door to see Maggie hanging over the toilet, her body heaving as she threw up in the
toilet. I wet a washrag and put it on the back of her neck. Was that what you were supposed to do? I had no clue.
“What can I get for you?” I asked when she finished.
She shook her head and laid it down on the toilet seat. It looked uncomfortable and disgusting, so I picked her up and carried her back to the bedroom.
“You don’t have to carry me.”
“I want to.” I kissed her cheek and laid her back in the bed and covered her with the comforter. “What do you need?”
“Ginger ale and some crackers.”
“Okay, I’ll be right back.”
When I got back from the kitchen, I handed everything to Maggie and got back in on the other side. “Where do we go from here?”
“I don’t know. I guess that depends on what you want. Do you want to be a part of my life?”
“I’ll always want to be a part of your life. We’re going to have a child together.” That must not have been the right answer because she looked sad and defeated. “I’ll always want you in my life, but just because we’re having a baby doesn’t mean all our problems will go away. We need to work a lot of stuff out and I don’t know how that’s going to go.”
She ate a few more crackers and then drank her ginger ale. “Do you think we’ll ever work past our issues or is this all we’ll ever be?”
“Is what all we’ll ever be?”
“I mean, do you think we can work things out or are we destined to be parents that are just friends?” She didn’t look at me as she spoke, so I couldn’t see what she was thinking.
“What is it you want, Maggie? Our issues have always revolved around you not knowing what you want or your unwillingness to commit to me.”
“I’ve always wanted you,” she sniffled.
Cap_A Reed Security Romance Page 18
