Emma stared at it. It was a beautiful dress, but not for her. “I am already dressed.”
Bertha clucked her tongue and shook her head. “Nonsense. Why wear a simple skirt and blouse when you have this beautiful dress to wear?”
“That dress is not me,” Emma said, pointing to it, “and this is no celebration. I have yet to return home. I will wear my own clothes.”
Bertha spoke softly. “The celebration is not only for you, but for the warriors who fought and suffered along the way. Share this night with them so they know you appreciate their efforts.”
Emma felt properly chastised. Bertha was right, though too much celebration could delay their departure tomorrow. But that would be for James to contend with.
“You are right, I will celebrate with them,” Emma said, “though I will not wear the dress.”
“Have it your way,” Bertha said, “though I think you would look beautiful in it.”
Another time her compliment would have delighted Emma, but at the moment she was more concerned with going home and finding out what exactly was going on.
“Hurry along now, the celebration has started,” Bertha said.
“Go,” Emma shooed her off. “I will be there shortly.”
Bertha left and a few minutes later Emma dragged herself to the door. She did not want to attend this celebration, but her warriors would be there and so should she. She plastered a smile on her face before stepping out of the room and nearly collided with Rogan.
He grabbed her arms to steady her. “In a hurry?”
Yes, to see this done, but kept that thought to herself and said, “Hungry.”
“Then we best get you fed, though there is an important matter we must discuss.”
Emma did not want to discuss anything with him. The more she remained in his presence, the more her heart ached at the thought of him not being part of her life.
“Can it wait until later?” she asked.
He smiled. “That hungry?”
Hungry for what we have shared, she thought, so it was easy to answer, “Very.”
“We will talk after we have eaten.” He wrapped her arm around his and they walked to the stairs. He let her go before him, the stone staircase too narrow for two to pass.
He took her arm again when they reached the bottom and wound it around his, and she yanked it free.
“They will think us a couple,” she said and hurried ahead of him into the Great Hall.
He stared after her, debating whether it would be wiser to ease into the possibility of them marrying due to circumstances before coming right out with we are wed.
He saw that she had gone straight to her warriors and looked ready to join them at a table. He went to her side and took her arm, a bit more forcefully this time. “You sit at the dais with my father and me.”
She could tell by the way his brow knitted that it was not a request. He was even handsomer when angry and though his lips were set tight, she still had the urge to kiss them. It was good that she would be leaving in the morning. It was getting harder to resist what she felt, and she feared that she would eventually do something foolish, something she would regret.
Rogan leaned down and whispered for her ears only, “Wipe the passion from your eyes or I will see it satisfied.”
Emma caught the gasp before it escaped her mouth, swallowing it hard. She did not know if she was more shocked that her desire for him was that obvious or that her body quivered, delighted with the thought.
Angus MacClennan had obviously slept off his inebriation, though he was doing his best to regain it. As soon as his tankard was empty, it was filled again. And for the first time since meeting him, she understood his plight. He loved his wife and found it too difficult to live without her. She would never have truly understood the possible consequences of losing such a strong love until she found herself falling in love with Rogan. But having treated the ill and dealt with death over and over, she knew that no matter what happened, good or bad, life continued for those left behind.
An abundance of food was spread out on all the tables and ale was plentiful. She sat next to Rogan, his father next to him and no one to her other side, which she did not mind. She did not have to worry about keeping conversation with someone. Instead, she surveyed the hall and found much that she would change about it. It definitely could use a cleaning, the tables needing scrubbing, the many tapestries a good beating and airing and improvement in the food since the scent was not that favorable.
She sniffed the air again and realized the unpleasant odor was coming from the fish on the platter in front of Rogan. She grabbed his arm as he reached for a piece. “That fish is bad and will turn your stomach.”
“Nonsense,” Angus said and reached for a large piece and dropped it into his mouth. “See, nothing wrong with it.”
“Your choice,” she said to Rogan and turned her attention on her men, though she hoped he would heed her advice. She did not wish to see him ill, for then she would have a difficult time leaving him in someone else’s care. She smiled when she saw James shooing the servants away when they offered more ale. Bless him. The warriors would do well in the morning.
“For someone who claimed to be hungry, you eat little,” Rogan said, his head bent close to hers. “Does our food not appeal to you?”
“Certainly not foul fish and stew that is so thick one wonders what lies buried in it.”
Rogan laughed and waved to a servant. “Take the fish away and tell Cook it is bad and to get rid of it.”
Angus objected. “There is nothing wrong—”
Rogan interrupted his father. “We sent for Emma to help improve our lot. I trust her opinion. The fish goes.” He waved at the servant to take it away and she did so with a look of surprise. He then turned to Emma. “I look forward to having you show me what can be done to help our clan prosper as well as your clan.”
A warning rang in her head. It would take time to show him what not only needed to be done, but to implement the change. That meant he expected her to remain there for some time.
“That would take time I do not have,” she said, intending to make it clear she would not be staying.
“You have plenty of time,” Angus chimed in. “It was why you were sent here with your sister in the first place.”
“All that has changed,” she informed him. “I will be going home soon.”
“Not until we hear from your father,” Angus said, as if his remark settled it.
Emma held her tongue, anxious to tell him that she knew the truth of her father’s message, but feeling it would be wiser to keep that knowledge to herself, along with the fact that she would be leaving at dawn.
“Besides, this is your home now,” Angus said.
“Enough, Da,” Rogan warned.
“Tell her and be done with it,” Angus ordered.
Emma looked to Rogan. “Tell me what?”
He stood and held his hand out to her. “A matter we need to discuss privately.” He took her hand in his since she seemed reluctant to give it to him.
Angus chuckled. “Aye, son, keep it private and do your duty to the clan.”
“What is he talking about?” Emma demanded, feeling she was not going to like what Rogan had to tell her.
He led her to the staircase, but she yanked at his hand, forcing him to stop. “Where do you take me?”
“To my bedchamber,” he said and did not like the sound of it himself.
“No, that is not proper. Say what you have to say, here and now, and be done with it.” She tried to free her hand, but he refused to let go of her and that worried her all the more.
He moved away from the stairs and into the shadows and down a hall to enter a room at the far end. “My father’s solar,” he said, closing the door behind them.
Emma went to the hearth, a sudden chill running through her.
“Do you care for me, Emma?” Rogan asked, walking over to her, though leaving a small distance between them.
His query surprised her as did the quick response she kept silent. I more than care for you; I love you. Her answer was far different. “You are a better man than I had first thought.”
He took slow steps toward her. “But do you care for me?”
She shook her head. “I do not understand what you ask. What does it matter if I care for you or not?”
“It matters a great deal.” He stepped closer.
Emma stepped back, but Rogan stopped her, his arm going around her waist and drawing her gently against him.
“I am going to kiss you, Emma.”
She stared at him, knowing she should stop him, but not wanting to. At least, she would have the memory of one last kiss with him to take with her.
“Your silence tells me much,” he said and brought his lips down on hers.
Emma did not think she would taste or feel anything as wonderful as his kiss ever again in her life. It was filled with such strength and passion that she wanted to lose herself in it forever. Her own response grew eager as the kiss flamed her passion that had lain dormant far too long.
Her arms went around his neck and she pressed her body against his, but she could not seem to get close enough. She knew she wanted more from him. Her body cried out for it, ached for it.
His hands gripped her backside and yanked her hard against him, and there was no doubting how much he wanted her.
Emma instinctively rubbed herself against him and an urge to slip her hand down under his plaid and grasp the rock-hard strength of him, jolted her. This was not right. She could not do this.
She pulled away from him, hurrying to stand behind a chair. Her hands gripped the top, fearing her trembling legs might give out at any moment.
Rogan remained where he was. He took a deep breath, trying to contain the passion that raced through him and that had turned him as hard as stone. He wanted Emma with an urgency that was foreign to him, and knowing that she was his wife made it all the harder to keep his distance from her.
The passion hot and heavy in her eyes did not help either, though the confusion he saw there did. He wanted her to realize that they both cared for each other—no, it was love—they loved each other. He could feel it not only in himself, but in her as well. That was why it felt so different when he kissed her. He could only imagine how it would feel when he made love to her.
“Never kiss me again,” she shouted at him.
He smiled. “I am going to kiss you again and again and again.”
“What is wrong with you? You are promised to my sister.”
“Not any longer.”
Emma scrunched her brow, and then recalled the sealed documents her father had sent to Angus MacClennan. “What has my father done?”
“He had us wed. We are husband and wife.”
Chapter Eighteen
Emma gripped the back of the chair tighter, her legs having grown so weak from the shocking news that she thought she would collapse. How could her father do such a thing?
Rogan walked over to her and held out his hand. “Sit, while I explain.”
She did not argue. She took his hand and allowed him to help her sit. She tried to keep her mind clear, but that was impossible. If she was truly wed to Rogan, it meant her life was forever changed, but what of her sisters?
“I can tell you have many questions,” he said, sitting in the chair next to her. “Let me explain, and then we can discuss it.”
She nodded, though one thought kept poking at her. Go see your father.
“There was a section in the marriage agreement that stated if for any reason Heather and my marriage could not take place, then you and I were to wed. So your father had us married by proxy. He feared for his clan if something should happen to him. With us wed, your clan is protected.”
“Why not marry you and Heather by proxy?” Emma’s eyes turned wide with fear. “Oh my God, he thinks we will never find Heather, that she is lost to us forever.” Tears stung her eyes.
“I gave you my word we would find her and we will, Patience as well,” he said.
“But what of my father?” she said. “Why does he give up on Heather?”
Go see your father. The words tolled like a warning bell in her head.
“He is not giving up on Heather,” Rogan assured her, though he did wonder if the old man simply did not have the strength to see the task done.
“I am going to see my father,” she announced, as if it was already decided.
“We will in a few weeks.”
She stood. “No, now.”
Rogan stood as well. “Emma, there are things that must be settled between us first.”
“Nothing will be settled between us until I speak with my father.”
“Speaking with your father will change nothing,” Rogan said. “We are wed and we will stay wed. Your life is with me now. This is your home.”
“And you expect me to simply accept this?”
He reached out to take her hand, and he did not like that she took an abrupt step away from him. “It is done and cannot be undone.”
“It is not done for me until I speak with my father,” she said.
He stepped toward her, and she scooted away from him. “I ask again, do you care for me, Emma?”
She stared at him, not sure how to answer and surprised herself when she said, “Do you care for me?”
“Very much,” he said and took another step toward her.
Her heart nearly burst from her chest it beat so rapidly. He had not taken time to think. He had answered without hesitation. Could he have truly spoken from his heart?
Another step brought him in front of her and he eased his arm around her waist and drew her close to him. “I know this comes as a shock, but it is done and while I would like nothing more than to take you to my bedchamber and seal our vows, I know you may think differently. So, I will leave tonight up to you. Come to my bedchamber if you wish, if not I understand. But know one thing… I give you this night and this night alone. If our vows are not sealed tonight, tomorrow they will be.”
“You would force me,” she snapped.
Rogan smiled and shook his head. “You melt in my arms when I kiss you. I can feel your need, the ache of your body to join with mine. You want me as badly as I want you. It is not a bad start to a marriage when a husband and wife have the lusty passion that we have for each other. I have no doubt we will have many children”
Children. Husband. Family. She had never thought she would have any of that, though she had longed to. And to have it with a man she loved went beyond her dreams. But at what expense did she gain such happiness?
The loss of her sister? Would Patience return alone? Would Heather never be found? How then could she be happy with the man that had been Heather’s intended? As much as she wanted Rogan—felt she loved him—she could not help feeling as if she was betraying her sister.
“I know there is much that troubles you about this, but you have seen for yourself that we do well together and together we will find your sisters and bring them home. And then perhaps Heather will be as lucky as we are and she will find someone to wed who actually loves her.”
The thought did bring some joy to Emma, though they would have to find Heather first for that to happen.
Rogan stepped away from her. “I have a few things to discuss with Liam, and then I am going to my bedchamber. You can be there waiting for me or come later if you prefer. If not, I will see you in the morning and we will spend the day together… and the night, and all nights from then on.”
He kissed her gently, and then walked out of the solar, leaving the door open.
The decision now was hers and she hurried out of the room and took flight up the stairs to her bedchamber. Once inside, she paced the floor in front of the hearth, her mind jumbled with thoughts. How could she start a new life and be happy with her sisters still missing? The answer was simple—she could not. She would feel forever guilty for deserting them when they needed her the most. She coul
d never do that.
She had to get home and speak with her father. She worried that someone could be manipulating him or that his illness had somehow made him irrational. Until she could make sense of it all, she had no intentions of consummating their union. That meant one thing… she had to leave for home right away. She also had to keep her distance from Rogan, for if she did not, she might never leave.
He was right about her wanting him, and it did her heart good to know he wanted her as well. He was right when he said that she melted in his arms, to his touch, to his kiss. She would not have the strength to stop herself from making love with him, especially now being his wife, and it her duty, though duty would have nothing to do with it.
Her whole body suddenly came alive, imagining what it would be like to make love with him. And the desire to find out almost had her racing to the door, but a sudden thought of Heather being held captive, possibly hurt and suffering somewhere quelled it fast enough.
Before she had any right to happiness, she had to find her sisters.
It was a full day’s ride to get home, sooner if she traveled faster. She stretched her shoulder back and winced at the pain. Though the pain lingered, she was healing nicely and she had no worry it would continue so.
She sat in the chair near the hearth to rest while she still could. She had no doubt that Rogan would have her men watched and possibly her as well, since she had taken off on him once before. She would need to get to James and work something out that would give her a chance to get away before dawn tomorrow. She was not sure what Rogan would do when she failed to be waiting for him in his bedchambers. Would he come see for himself that she was in her room or would he send Bertha?
She needed a plan and her mind got busy with one.
*
Rogan walked to his bedchambers hoping Emma would be there, but somehow doubting she would. He was concerned that she might take off as she had done the last time when she had not seen things his way. He had informed Liam that the Macinnes warriors were not to leave before speaking with him. And he had extra guards stationed near them, though not visible, in case trouble should erupt.
Lords of the Isles Page 137
