Alexis stared at her, realizing she had done something unforgivable, but uncertain of what it was.
“You have wounded a good man! Hurt him to the quick with your ignorance!”
The image of Thor’s face entered Alexis’ mind. “Thor?” she asked, feeling a little sick.
Aurora stopped pacing, collapsing into her chair as her anger vanished. She covered her face with her hands. “Child! Child, that was unforgivable.”
“What? What did I do?” Alexis cried, fighting the urge to burst into tears.
Aurora took several long, calming breaths and finally looked at Alexis. “What possessed you to think such thoughts?”
Alexis felt her jaw go slack as realization dawned. She burst into tears. “I couldn’t help it! I was so surprised!”
“We should have fitted you with a band long since. You have an undisciplined mind!”
Alexis cried harder.
“Hush!”
Alexis jumped at the harsh command, fought for control of her emotions.
Aurora studied her for a long moment and finally moved from her chair to sit beside Alexis, pulling her into a loving embrace. “Hush, child. I know you did not intend to hurt Thor.”
“No! No, I didn’t. Do you think I did?” Alexis asked tearfully.
Aurora seemed at a loss for words. Finally, she said. “Why did you think those things?”
Alexis was tempted to pretend she didn’t remember thinking anything. “I don’t know. It’s just … I’m not USED to people changing, shifting. I don’t know what to expect—You mean, it wouldn’t look like … it would just be a baby?”
“Of course it would be … it IS a baby!” Aurora snapped. “We are as human as you are!”
Alexis blushed, finally pulling away from Aurora, although she was grateful that Aurora had offered her comfort. “I just—I hadn’t really thought about it until you said I—that I was pregnant. I should find him, apologize.”
Aurora stood, paced the room thoughtfully for several moments and finally returned to her chair. “It will do no good,” she said sadly. “It is done now.”
Alexis stared at her, feeling a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach. It was unthinkable that she couldn’t ask for forgiveness and be granted it. It was unthinkable that Thor would hate her now only because of one careless thought. She didn’t think that she could bear that. She knew she couldn’t bear to think of it. “But … but, I didn’t mean it!”
Aurora looked at her sadly. “Alexis, your heart spoke. We all know that you meant it. I understand that you did not purposefully hurt us, that it was ignorance, because you have not been with us long enough to fully understand who and what we are, but that does not change the fact that you look upon us as … not of your kind. Perhaps we should consider aborting the child.”
Instinctively, Alexis’ hand flew protectively to her belly. “No!”
Aurora studied her. “Only a few moments ago that thought was uppermost in your mind.”
“You don’t understand! I wasn’t thinking of Thor! I was thinking about that … that horrible thing that attacked me. Thor said it was a man, a man who had shifted into a beast. And Adonis, the first time I saw him, he was a dolphin. And when Thor came after me when I was trying to escape, he changed into a merman.
I’m not like you! I can’t do these things. Nobody I know can do these things. And all I could think about was that the baby would not be like me and I wouldn’t know how to deal with it! It’s not you, any of you. It’s me! I feel like an alien in this world and I can’t help it because nothing here is familiar to me.”
“Be still, child. I will try to make you understand.” She paused, thinking. “We are an ancient race,” she said finally.
“I know.”
Aurora shook her head. “We have been so intent on preserving the life that we have had that we have lost our youth.”
Alexis frowned. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“Living as we do, here, in Atlantis, living the life spans that we engineered for ourselves, we have all but lost the spring time of our race. In the beginning, we did nothing to control population growth, but we soon saw that that was a terrible mistake. To correct our error, no one was allowed to bear a child for many years, but when the time came that we felt we could, with control, begin again to have families, we discovered that many were too old to bear. Of those who could, there are—genetic considerations.”
Alexis looked at her blankly.
“Inbreeding.”
Alexis was revolted and it showed.
Aurora’s lips tightened. “It is not a matter of incest, but rather genetics, that are too closely related. In a sense, all of mankind is related. All carry certain traits, but any time they reproduce within a limited gene pool, problems arise. Particularly, if they happened, like us, to deliberately introduce specific denominators. It is my generation that is mostly to blame, and as I am the last, I feel a terrible burden for what we brought about in our ignorance. We bred so indiscriminately that only one in a hundred of our children were allowed to bear a child, but even then we could not achieve a balance that was healthy and finally we saw that a whole generation must pass from this life before anyone would be allowed to bear again.”
“I’m sorry. I really don’t know anything about genetics, certainly not enough to understand.”
Aurora considered for a moment. “Do you know anything about animal breeds?
“Not much,” Alexis admitted. “But a little, I guess. I can recognize certain breeds, if that’s what you mean.”
“The Doberman?”
Alexis shuttered. “Unfortunately, yes. I had a very unpleasant experience with one.”
Aurora nodded. “As with others originally bred to guard and kill on command, they have been bred over generations to produce specific attributes—but along with those desirable attributes, very undesirable attributes have also surfaced.”
“They turn on their masters.”
“They’ve been known to, or to suddenly, for no apparent reason, attack and kill.”
Alexis was thoughtful. “Is that what Adonis was talking about when he said the council had agreed to consider outworlders?”
Aurora smiled wryly. “It is a sign of desperation, but, we have come to realize that it is necessary that we ‘pollute’ our race to save it.”
“Selectively.”
Aurora nodded.
“Not very flattering to outworlders,” Alexis said dryly.
“No. But the purity of our race is important to us. Outworlders have bred as indiscriminately as we. Though they have not erred as we did, breeding too closely, they have begun to lose those traits specific to their race, blurring, mixing. One day there will be only one race of man.”
“But that’s a good thing. No more racial prejudice.”
Aurora smiled wryly. “If you believe that will bring peace, then you do not know your fellow man well at all. Mankind will always have prejudice for some reason or another. It is because we are, essentially, herd animals, territorial, but herd animals nevertheless. We are naturally inclined to gravitate toward others of our kind. It gives us a sense of safety. Class prejudice, or intelligence, or perhaps financial considerations will replace old prejudice with new.”
Alexis frowned. “So, what you’re saying is that no Atlantean, now, may breed with another?”
“A few are allowed, but the vast majority are not. There were many who volunteered to yield their place to a new generation, but it ceased to be a matter of population control only long ago.
Thor has waited many years to find a life mate, to be allowed a family. You cannot begin to conceive how devastating it must be to him to find you, only to be denounced before the council.
But, I realize it is more my fault that this tragedy occurred than yours. Regardless of the law, I should have discussed it with you in private first.”
Alexis felt, for several moments, that she would be sick to her stomach. She covered her face wit
h her hands. It occurred to her that it would’ve been a kindness if they’d just killed her on the spot, instead of allowing her to live with such tortuous thoughts. Finally, she realized why it hurt so much to realize what she’d done to Thor. She loved him.
She would have felt terrible if she had hurt anyone.
She would not have felt crushed.
Perhaps, after all, she should ask that her memories be taken? It would give her peace. She might not be able to avenge her father’s death, but if they took her memories, that wouldn’t torture her either.
She looked up at Aurora. “Will you take my memories and send me back, please?”
Aurora looked at her sadly. “Alas, we cannot.”
“Why!” Alexis cried. “You said before that you could. I want you to! I don’t want to remember anything! I don’t care anymore. I just want to forget and take my chances in my own world!”
Aurora took her hand. “You do not understand. The rebels have found you. You are only safe with us, here. Only Thor can protect you and he could not do so if we sent you away.”
Alexis gaped at her. “Rebels?” she echoed.
“I do not know how they discovered your abilities, but they have.”
“Rebels?” Alexis repeated.
“Did you think we were a utopian society, that everyone would be content only to wait until we had solved our many problems?” Aurora asked bitterly. “The rebels have been growing in numbers. They have found a way to prevent Thor’s detection, and if we do not find a way to stop them, they will soon be strong enough to destroy Atlantis.”
“But … but what would they want with me?”
Aurora studied her a long moment. “You broke Thor’s mind hold. No one in Atlantis could have done so. This is the main reason we knew we must wed you to Thor, for his off-spring must be strong enough to protect future generations. You have no conception of how important you are to us … or to the rebels.”
Chapter Ten
A week went by. Alexis remained with Aurora and finally decided she had misunderstood Aurora when the High Councilor had said Alexis must remain under Thor’s protection. Or maybe Thor had refused to take her?
Or maybe he was too busy trying to track down the rebels?
After a while Alexis began to wonder if she, and Aurora, had completely misinterpreted Thor’s feelings. Maybe he’d just been insulted, not hurt? Wouldn’t he have to care about her to be hurt?
He would’ve had to have fallen in love with her to be hurt.
But men didn’t experience love at first sight—did they?
And they certainly hadn’t been together long enough for it to be anything else.
Even if it was love at first sight, that was really just lust, wasn’t it? No finer feelings involved, nothing of a more permanent nature. Lust. Something people just naturally got over once they’d sated themselves.
It should have been a happy thought—the realization that she wasn’t a monster after all, who had wounded someone unbearably—the realization that she, too, would feel better after a while.
Somehow it didn’t.
She supposed that was because she had failed to convince herself that what she felt for Thor was only lust.
Alexis wasn’t certain whether fear or hope was uppermost in her mind when Thor came for her at last. She only knew that her heart felt like it would beat its way out of her chest, that she was so breathless she was on the verge of hyper-ventilating, that she would have far preferred it if she’d been allowed to hide in Aurora’s apartment forever like the coward she was.
She was certain when Aurora herself escorted her out, that she felt very much like a death row inmate going to his execution. She could not have dreaded death more than she dreaded a confrontation with Thor. In fact, she spent some minutes praying to a god she’d never believed in that he would prove his existence and strike her dead on the spot.
He didn’t oblige her.
Thor bowed, but he did not offer his arm. Alexis didn’t dare look at him. She found that she had absolutely no desire to learn what she might see if she looked in his eyes.
Coward! She chastised herself.
He was far too polite.
Alexis wanted to cry, but she realized she had indulged her weaknesses far too much already. If she hadn’t spent so much time consumed by herself; her sorrow; her homesickness; her feelings; she might have spared some thought for the troubles, and feelings, of others. She might have actually come to understand the Atlanteans a little better. She might not have hurt people who had only shown her kindness.
Aurora had spoken only of hurting Thor, but Alexis realized that she had also hurt Aurora.
If only SHE could go back in time! If only she could undo what she’d done!
But then, Aurora had said even Atlanteans, who could time walk, could not change the past.
So, she only had the future.
It looked bleak.
If Thor had acted as if she was some sort of freak, she would never have gotten over it and it occurred to her that Aurora was most likely right. Thor wouldn’t get over it either.
She took a deep, fortifying breath. Her father had always said, ‘Change the things you can. Don’t waste your time trying to change the things you can’t.’
She had been given a band. She at last had the privacy to find a way to escape.
* * * *
A week of polite silence was enough to have Alexis climbing the walls. It might not have been so bad if Moira had been able to carry on a civilized conversation, but to be trapped in a house with a man who always seemed to look through her, not at her, was more than Alexis could bear.
She began going for longer and longer walks. Thor, naturally, accompanied her. Try as she might, she simply could not shake him. Apparently, he was determined to protect her from the perceived threat of a group of rebels, no matter how much he despised her now.
Alexis was just as determined to find a way to escape. She was rapidly reaching a point where she was desperate enough to consider trying to swim out.
No matter what she’d been told, she knew there had to be some sort of transportation that would allow her to escape.
Nothing, she knew, short of a submarine would do it.
She would never be able to hold her breath long enough to make it down the entrance tunnel, much less to reach the surface afterwards.
It was one of those things her father had warned her about—a brick wall.
Thor still slept with her—but he slept.
Alexis finally began to wonder if all those times before, when he had snuggled close, it had been nothing more than insurance—that she would be there when he woke, or perhaps so that he could be certain he would be warned if there was any threat to her.
In desperation, she decided to seduce him.
She was willing, by now, to do anything to shake Thor from his frozen shell, even risk humiliation and rejection.
She prepared herself for ‘battle’ with the greatest of care, bathing in water scented with jasmine, combing her hair until it shone with health. It was difficult to decide what to wear, if anything.
She finally decided on nothing. There was no point in having clothing that would have to be gotten rid of.
She had ‘lived’ in her band since Aurora had given it to her, wearing it even as she slept. She debated with herself on whether it would be better to wear it, or leave it off. If she left it off, she was almost certain to give her plans away. If she wore it, then Thor would not be able to know how much she truly cared for him, how deeply sorry she was for wounding him, how much she wished she could take it back.
Finally, she decided to wear it. She didn’t want to risk giving her scheme away, and it wasn’t likely that Thor would ‘listen’ or believe she loved him even if she thought it very, very hard, not after what she’d done.
He might never completely forgive her for her ugly prejudice, but if Aurora was right and he did love her, then she should still be able to reach him, to fin
d a measure of forgiveness that would allow them something.
Having finished her preparations, she lay down on the bed on top of the covers, waiting. After a few minutes, it occurred to her that that might be a little too obvious. He might, or might not, take the bait. She pulled the covers back and crawled under them, lying on her back. Time passed. It occurred to her that she wasn’t exactly displaying herself in a very sexy manner. Maybe on her side? She rolled over, trying to envision the sight that would greet Thor as he slipped into bed beside her—her back, her bare ass. Would that be a turn on? She flipped over—full frontal view. She shifted several times, trying to get comfortable, trying to pose herself in a way that looked sexy, yet not contrived. Would a person sleep like this?
She flopped onto her back, spread her legs, put her arms over her head, her hands tucked under the pillow—spread eagle.
Hmm. She felt fairly certain this would be man’s interpretation of sexy, if not hers, but it seemed a little blatant to be construed as unaffected.
She was on the point of changing positions again when the door opened.
She froze, trying to pretend she was asleep.
She held her breath, trying to regulate her erratic breathing, which she knew could in no way be interpreted as sleep.
He climbed in beside her. He reached for her, his palm landing flat on her belly. The muscles in her belly tensed, despite her best efforts to play ‘unconscious’.
He paused. She could FEEL his confusion.
He lifted his hand again, lay down on his back beside her, folding his arms under his head.
Damn it! Alexis thought. I KNEW I should have been lying on my side! I could have wiggled my ass against his cock then. Bet that would’ve gotten a rise out of him!
She lay still, concentrating on regulating her breathing. Finally, when she felt a yawn tearing at her clenched jaw muscles, KNEW she couldn’t hold it back, she rolled onto her side, burying her face in the pillow in the hope that he wouldn’t hear her … because if he heard her yawning he’d know damn well she hadn’t been asleep any of the time.
He didn’t move.
Alexis felt like screaming in frustration.
Atlantium Trilogy I: Bride of Atlantis Page 11
