by L.T. Ryan
* * *
Two hours later I stood outside Dulles airport with Bear and Jessie. Bear leaned against a glass wall ten yards away while I talked to Jessie. The sound of planes taking off and landing roared through the air with a rhythmic beat.
“Don’t go, Jess.”
She smiled and leaned forward. “It won’t work, Jack, at least not now.”
“Why?”
“You need time. I need time. We both need—”
“Time,” I said. “Yeah, I got it.”
I turned my head and tried to think of something to say, anything to stop her from leaving.
“What about the other night? I thought that we made, you know, a connection.”
“I think that was just the surprise of seeing you after so long. It’s true I haven’t stopped loving you, Jack. But that doesn’t mean we’re meant to be together.”
“I’m taking three months and getting away. Doing some traveling. I’m going to get my head straight. Back to who I was.”
“You are who you were. And you can’t change who you are now.”
She glanced at her watch.
“Let’s give it a month or so, then. What do you say, Jess?”
She placed a finger to my mouth. Leaned forward and kissed me.
“I have to go now.”
She placed a folded piece of paper in my hand. “That’s my email address.” She turned and walked through the door, into the main terminal.
Bear pushed off the wall and walked toward me, his hand extended. I grabbed it and shook.
“Don’t know what I’m going to do without you around, brother.”
He smiled and wrapped his arm around me. We patted at each other’s backs for a few seconds and then took a step back. He reached down and picked up his bag and gave me a wink. We didn’t say another word. He turned and disappeared through the same set of doors as Jessie.
I stood in the middle of the walkway for five minutes, nearly every fiber of my being told me to follow her. I didn’t, though. Instead, I returned to the rental car and left the airport. Inside the car, I popped the CD that had the recording of Keller’s confession into the car’s CD player. All that came through the speakers was silence. The CD was blank. It contained no confession and no evidence. Jessie had the laptop that held the original file. I had a feeling the track was gone. I cursed under my breath and slammed my fists into the dashboard. I pulled the car over onto the emergency shoulder and tried to call Bear. No answer. He had already turned his phone off. I thought about who else to call, but came up with no names. I had nowhere to go. In the end I decided to let it go. It didn’t matter. I’d check in on Keller’s status, and if I wasn’t satisfied, I’d take care of it myself one day.
I found my way to the interstate and headed north for New York City. Bear hit up a few of his contacts and found Abbot’s daughter using the number I swiped from his phone. I promised him I’d look out for her, and I’d start by letting her know her father had passed. According to Bear’s contact, no next of kin had been informed yet.
It took just under three hours to make it to the city. I found a parking garage within a few miles of her apartment and ditched the car. She had a place in the Village on Bedford Street. I walked from the parking lot to her apartment building. The air was cooler here than in D.C. Still, not too bad for six in the evening. The sun was setting and streetlights were kicking on. I passed a coffee shop and stopped in for a cup, partly because I needed the burst of caffeine, and partly because I dreaded giving Clarissa the news.
I took my time drinking the coffee and reading a few pages of the newspaper that had been left on the table. It revealed that there was nothing new in the world. It had been six months since the attacks on the Twin Towers. I wondered if life was truly back to normal here in the city. I knew it wasn’t for me. I wondered if it ever would be.
I assumed the teams were still operating in Afghanistan. I hoped that the combined power of the CIA and Armed Forces Spec Ops teams would bring Bin Laden and all those involved to justice, no matter how long it took. Our involvement in Iraq worried me. It seemed like a foregone conclusion that the work we were doing there would lead to more conflict.
The waitress interrupted my thoughts and asked if I’d like anything else. I smiled and told her no. I dropped a twenty on the table and left before she brought the check.
Clarissa’s apartment was only a few blocks from the coffee shop. Despite its close proximity, it took me half an hour to reach it. I stood in front of the cracked green painted door for another five minutes before knocking.
She answered the door. Squinted at me and then smiled.
“Jack?”
It had been a few years since I had last seen her. She was still a scrawny teen at that time. She wasn’t much older than a teen now, if at all, but she sure as hell wasn’t scrawny anymore. The little girl I’d met all those years ago was now a woman.
“Hey, Clarissa,” I said.
She reached out and hugged me.
“What are you doing here?”
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah, sure.” She took a step back and pulled the door open. She waved me through and closed and locked the door behind me. “Make yourself comfortable. Can I get you a drink?”
“Nah, I mean, yeah. Something hard. Got any whiskey?”
“Sure,” she said as she crossed the room to the kitchen.
“Can I smoke in here?”
“Yeah, there’s an ashtray on the table in front of you.”
I smiled. I hadn’t noticed it. I hadn’t been able to take my eyes off of her since I stepped through the door. I lit a cigarette and leaned over the coffee table. I tried a dozen times to start the inevitable conversation while she fixed my drink.
She returned to the room, set the drink in front of me and took a seat across from me.
“What brings you to New York, Jack?”
I took a drink from the glass. The hard liquor burned down my throat and warmed my stomach.
“I don’t know how to put this, so I’m just going to say it.”
She sat back and crossed her arms. One hand went to her chin. Her eyes grew wide and she bit her bottom lip.
“Your father is dead. He was murdered.”
She gasped and took a deep breath. Her green eyes watered and a tear slipped past the corner of her bottom lid and traveled down her cheek.
“I killed the man who did it. Got a confession from the man who arranged it.”
“Who? Who was it?”
“You don’t know the man who pulled the trigger. Martinez, a CIA asshole. But the man…” My voice trailed off. She knew Keller. The first time I met her, Keller was there. Keller and Abbot had been close. The man was like an uncle to her. “Keller. It was General Keller who ordered it.”
She lifted her eyebrows and leaned forward. The tears flowed faster.
I set my drink down and slid off the couch. I walked over to her and dropped to my knees in front of her. Wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. She cried and talked, then cried some more. I held her and listened. We stayed up late into the morning hours, drinking and smoking. By the end of the night she seemed at peace with her father’s passing. Or maybe she was drunk enough that she’d gone numb.
The next morning I woke up on her couch with a slight headache. She was in the kitchen making breakfast. I walked over and sat down at the breakfast counter.
“I’m going on a trip for three months. But I’ve got a new cell phone and will be available if you need anything.” I put my new phone up on the counter. It was a hell of a phone. It connected to the internet and could even send emails. The guy that sold it to me was completely geeked out about it. I really didn’t care, but since I would be traveling, I figured it would be a good thing to have. Maybe the email part would help me to reconnect with Jessie. Although, at that moment, I was struggling to recall much about her.
Clarissa turned and smiled.
“If you want to tag along, yo
u’re welcome to do so,” I said.
She laughed and walked over to the counter and leaned into it, facing me. I had to fight back the urge to kiss her.
“I haven’t seen you in, what, four or five years now? And you want to walk in and sweep me off my feet?”
I smiled and looked away. “It’s not that. I promised your dad I’d take care of you. Watch over you.”
“Honey, I’ve been watching over myself for years. I’ll be OK.”
“Well, give me your email address so I can keep up with you.”
She laughed and snatched my phone off the counter. A minute later she set it back down in front of me. “It’s in there now.”
Great, I thought. Now I just need to figure out how to access it.
A minute later she set a plate with two eggs and five strips of bacon in front of me. I ate it quickly and then got to my feet. I wrote my phone number down and left it on the middle of the counter.
“I’ll be in touch,” I said.
She met me at the door and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Her mouth lingered there for longer than it should have. I thought about turning my head and brushing her lips with mine. I wanted to turn my head. In the end, I didn’t. It didn’t feel right. Too close to her father’s death.
“See ya,” she said as she closed the door behind me.
