I am away from that hell. I am safe. It’s finished.
She repeated it over and over until she began to believe the words. How long would she have to remind herself of it? Days? Years? Until she died?
Though Lydia was relieved beyond measure to be among family again, her heart ached with melancholy for Stratford. Where was he? How was he? Had he agreed to marry Miss Queensbury? She itched to know, yet at the same time was terrified to find out. If he was to marry the other woman, Lydia’s heart would break beyond repair. Because if she couldn’t marry Stratford, there would never be another man for her. She would accept no other.
With the exception of what Lydia had confided to Patience, no one knew of her feelings about the man. Was her family aware of how often Stratford had been to see her? Even if they were, they might not know of the friendship that had blossomed while Lydia was held prisoner in her cell. That Stratford brought her food, clothing, companionship, and—
Love. She’d felt it. Had he?
No. How could he? Until recently, he’d not spoken more than a few words to her. Still, her heart longed for Stratford. To see him. Sit close to him and feel the warmth of his skin as he enfolded her hand in his. Spend time together talking about family or with her assisting him to read. Had he learned anything? Was he now able to read well enough to help with paperwork at his father’s magazine?
A soft knock sounded, and then the door opened. Patience peeked around the edge, her expression expectant. “Good morning. Ready to get dressed?”
Lydia sighed, not wanting to relinquish her present thoughts. All she wanted to think about was Stratford. “Um, yes. Of course.”
Patience came in, followed by the maid. In short order, they had Lydia dressed in a clean day dress and her hair brushed and, against Patience’s wishes, left in a long braid down her back. With what Lydia had been through, fashion was the least of her concerns.
Next would come the difficult part. Attempting to walk. When she tried it the evening prior, the physician had been there. While Patience and the strong maid had gotten Lydia safely into and out of the tub the day before, it had been a very short distance.
Try as they might, the two women weren’t able to get Lydia supported properly for long enough to help her walk down the hall to Kitty’s room. They’d gotten as far as the doorway when it became obvious it wasn’t going to work. They helped her back to the bed and gently eased her down.
Patience hurried toward the door. “I’ll see if Nathaniel is available to assist.”
The maid turned away and began to tidy up the room. Lydia sat, useless, on the bed, wishing she wasn’t such a burden to everyone. Her thoughts had trailed back to Stratford when, a few minutes later, the door opened again.
Patience stepped inside. “Nathaniel has gone out for a while and the footmen are busy elsewhere, but… guess who I happened to find in the downstairs hall looking for his cousin?”
The very man Lydia could not eradicate from her mind stepped into the room. As Stratford’s gaze found hers, Lydia reached up to make certain her hair was smoothed down against her brow. What did he think of her appearance? Though she wasn’t wearing anything fancy, she had to be better than when last he’d seen her. At least she was clean. Nervous jitters nearly overtook her as she said, “Good day.”
He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “How well you look. I’m so pleased to see it.”
“Thank you. Though in comparison to my previous appearance, I’m sure anyone would make a favorable impression.”
“Nonsense. You appear well rested and content.”
Lydia nodded, but was anything but content. She longed to jump from the bed, rush to him, and throw her arms about his neck. But she couldn’t. Except in her imagination.
“I hear you might need some help in walking down to see Kitty?”
Lydia glared at Patience, whose face turned pink. She had to know how embarrassing this must be for Lydia. Her sister gave her a pained expression, pleading with her eyes to not be angry.
After sighing, Lydia forced a smile. “While it would be easier and quicker for Kitty to walk the short distance here, the physician insists that I walk on my own to regain my strength. But yes, I’m afraid I do need some help. It seems that all that time being chained to the floor—” The maid gasped loudly from across the room. “—has rendered my legs quite useless.”
A sad expression, not unlike one a person might use when a close friend has died, crossed Stratford’s face. “How sorry I am to hear it.”
Patience stepped forward and grabbed Stratford’s arm, coaxing him toward the bed. “But after speaking to the physician, we have high hopes that with practice, Lydia will once again walk.”
“Is that so?” Stratford widened his eyes and gazed down at Lydia.
How much bluer his eyes showed in the bright light of the room compared to her darkened cell. “He’s confident that my legs are not permanently damaged.”
One side of Stratford’s mouth rose. “Good news indeed.”
“Yes, I’m very relieved.”
“How about we try to get you up and walking?” Stratford moved close to her and leaned down. The warmth from his nearness brought back a pleasant memory of sitting together on the straw. Though it had been a terrible, rat-infested hovel, the fact that she’d gotten to spend time with Stratford, had gotten to know him and begin an intimate friendship, had made the experience worth it.
But was he already betrothed to Miss Queensbury? The very notion made her ill, even more so than being back in Bedlam. If he had done it, had given his very future away for Lydia, she wished he would have left her where she’d been. Because to see him married to someone else, especially someone who’d never had a kind impulse in her life, was more than Lydia could bear.
Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed close against him. It was so much like her daydream of a few minutes before. Over Stratford’s shoulder, Lydia saw Patience’s face once again color. What had the girl expected when she brought Stratford in to help them? Once Lydia was on her feet with his strong arm around her, Patience stepped over and took Lydia’s other arm.
“Ready?” Stratford’s deep voice calmed Lydia.
“I’ll try, but I can’t guarantee the results.”
“Don’t worry. If you start to flounder, I’ll just pick you up and carry you.”
She started to pull away but didn’t particularly want to end up on the floor. “You wouldn’t.”
“I wouldn’t?” He raised one eyebrow, and his lips curved up in a wide grin.
If her legs weren’t already useless, she was sure just being that close to him would have rendered them so. “Fine. Perhaps you would. But… there won’t be a need, right, Patience?”
Her sister gave a small shrug. “Oh, I don’t know, Lydia. If something were to happen, I’m not strong enough to support you alone. Why, I think it would be the prudent thing to allow Stratford the, uh, privilege.” She giggled and flushed at the same time.
Lydia rolled her eyes. She and Patience would need to have a long talk in the very near future. “Let’s get on with it, shall we?”
With concentration so intense as to make her perspire, Lydia gritted her teeth and forced her left foot forward a few inches.
“Wonderful.” Patience started to clap, stared at her hands as if she realized she’d let go of Lydia’s arm, and grabbed her once again.
Stratford leaned his head down until his warm breath caressed Lydia’s cheek. “Think you can do the right foot now?”
Overtaken as she was by his nearness, it was all she could do to nod. Had he smelled that wonderful when they’d sat next to each other on the straw? Though with all of the atrocious scents in there, perhaps the good ones were overpowered.
“Splendid.” He straightened, tightened his arm around her, and waited.
With reluctance, she tore her gaze from him and peered down at her right foot. Move, damn you. Move! Her foot, appearing startled into act
ion, did indeed edge ahead a few inches. Lydia was so relieved she nearly wilted.
“There now…” Stratford tugged her closer. “Are you about done in for the day? We don’t want to push you too much.”
“No. I want to do a little more.”
She was looking at her feet again so couldn’t see what his expression might be. She did however hear his soft chuckle. Was he having sport with her or happy that she wanted to keep striving to walk? Deciding not to risk the former possibility, she moved her left foot again. It was so hard. Something she’d done since she was a tiny girl without thinking was now agonizingly slow and awkward. Her legs and ankles were incredibly weak. Would she ever regain the strength she’d once possessed?
A few more steps toward Kitty’s room and Lydia nearly collapsed. When she glanced up, Kitty was standing in the doorway, watching, her eyes wide and her hand to her mouth. How I hate worrying my family any more than they already have.
Not wanting to force her sisters to have to watch her slow progress any longer, Lydia pressed closer to Stratford. In a low voice she said, “If you wouldn’t mind terribly, could I avail upon you for your earlier offer?”
“To carry you?”
“I’m afraid I’m stuck here otherwise. All of my energy seems to have vanished.”
“Of course.” He tightened his grasp on her waist and bent halfway down. “Put your arm around my shoulders.”
A rustle of skirts came from her right as Patience stepped away. A few seconds later, Lydia was airborne briefly and then settled against Stratford’s solid chest. Even though Kitty stood but a few feet away, the distance seemed great. Lydia laid her head on Stratford’s chest and closed her eyes.
The warmth from his body soothed her, made her remember being alone with him at Bedlam. What an odd time that had been. Almost as though it hadn’t occurred. Did he ponder it now? Or did he think about Miss Queensbury, if they were betrothed and—
“Lydia! My darling.”
Lydia opened her eyes and smiled. Kitty held her son wrapped in a blanket. She stepped forward and reached out her hand while keeping hold of the baby with the other.
“I’m so pleased you’re finally—” The rest of Kitty’s words were choked by a sob.
As if sensing that Lydia longed to touch her sister, Stratford moved more quickly down the carpeted hall. Kitty stepped back inside her room and pointed to her bed. “Place her there, if you would, Stratford.”
As soon as Lydia was safely on the bed, Stratford released her and moved away. The room, warm upon their entrance, now felt chilly. And darker. It’s only your silly imagination. She looked up at him. He wore a frown. But was it only in her mind? Or did he feel something, as well?
He stood there for a moment, peering down at Lydia, right into her eyes like no one else was in the room. The house. The city. The world. It was only the two of them. They were all that mattered.
The spell was broken when Kitty lowered to the bed and then nodded at Stratford. “Thank you. We appreciate all you’ve done on Lydia’s behalf.”
Acting startled, he blinked and looked at her. “You’re… quite welcome.” He cleared his throat. “Since Nathaniel is not home at present, I’ll be on my way. That is, unless you need me to stay and see Lydia back to her room.”
“No,” said Kitty. “We’ll manage. I’m certain Nathaniel will be home soon. Would you care to wait for him?”
Stratford glanced at Lydia as he gave a sad smile, and said, “No. I’d best get to the office. I’ll speak with him later.” He bowed. “Good day.”
Kitty nodded. “Good day.”
Lydia opened her mouth to say the same but the words were trapped in her throat. Something inside told her that once she said goodbye to him, it might be forever.
Chapter Sixteen
A gurgle came from the blanket in her sister’s arms. The baby. With Stratford nearby, Lydia had almost forgotten about her new nephew. When Kitty pulled the blanket away from the baby’s cherubic face, Lydia got a good view of him. Strong chin. Blue eyes, light hair. He definitely resembled Nathaniel.
Her heart plummeted. He resembled Stratford, as well, since he and Nathaniel had the appearance of brothers more than cousins. If things had been different, could Lydia have one day borne a son to Stratford?
“Are you not feeling well?” Kitty, her head tilted to one side, had lowered her eyebrows in concern. “Perhaps it was all too much to have you out of your bed.”
Lydia took a deep breath and let it out. Time to stop dwelling on the man she loved and focus on her new family member. “Forgive me. My mind is still… well, it’s hard to put aside the memories.”
“Of course. I can’t imagine all you went through in that place.”
Bedlam. Yes. But she’d really meant her time with Stratford that was now over and done. Wanting to change the subject, Lydia forced a smile. “And what is my new nephew’s name?”
With obvious pride, Kitty peered down at her son. “I would like you to meet Andrew Brook Bexley.”
“He’s beautiful. Truly.”
“Thank you. We think so. He’s also smart, sweet, and—” She giggled. “Goodness. I do sound like quite the brand new mother, don’t I?”
“As you should. He’s absolutely precious.”
“Would you like to hold him?”
Lydia wanted to more than anything but worried she might drop him. It would kill her to harm him in any way. “I do, but… I still feel so weak. Perhaps in a day or so when…”
“Of course. I wasn’t thinking. With what you’ve been through and the weight you’ve lost, I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. Oh, Lydia, I was so worried for you.”
“I know. I feel terrible about that. I never meant for any of you to worry.”
“How could we not? We love you.”
“And I you.” Though she didn’t feel comfortable holding Andrew yet, she did reach out to stroke his soft, smooth cheek.
“Dear heart, I know you might not want to speak of it, but if you need someone to talk to, or just listen, I’m always here. You know that.”
Lydia nodded.
Tears shone in Kitty’s eyes. “I’m relieved beyond measure to have you back. You’re safe now.” She squeezed Lydia’s hand. “No matter what happens, you will never have to go back… there.”
A hard knot formed in Lydia’s throat. If she was truly safe from making a return to Bedlam, that would only mean one thing. Stratford…
“What, dear?”
With a gasp, Lydia stared at Kitty. “I…”
“You mentioned Stratford.”
“Oh.” Blast her stupid tongue for speaking things out loud when she hadn’t meant to.
“Lydia, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t wish to, but there did seem to be… when Stratford carried you in, it was almost as though…”
“What?”
“Have you formed an attachment to him?”
A bark of laughter escaped her. “Obviously you’ve not been talking about that with Patience for the past year.”
Kitty’s face turned pink and she glanced down at the baby.
“I see I was mistaken. You have spoken of it.”
“I’ve noticed for quite some time that when Stratford is near, you couldn’t seem to focus on anyone else.”
Heat crawled up her cheeks. “And here I’d hoped I was hiding it so well.”
“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Isn’t it? He’d never given me any notice at all. At least until…”
Kitty tilted her head, a lock of red hair falling across her brow. “Did something happen when he visited you in Bedlam?”
“Nothing untoward.”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
“He’s changed. Truly he has.”
“I believe you. I’ve seen it myself over the last year. Yet, I’m pleased to know he’s no longer the rake he once was. That side of him I haven’t observed since my marriage to Nathaniel, of course.”
Lydia nodded. How well she remembered Nathaniel and Stratford both vying for Kitty’s attention, while Lydia stood miserably in the shadows as only an observer.
Kitty reached out and placed her hand beneath Lydia’s chin, forcing her to make eye contact. “You love him, don’t you?”
Without permission, a single tear escaped and traveled down Lydia’s cheek. A second quickly joined it. “I do. Oh, Kitty… I’ve had a tendré for him for so long. Until he visited me several times in Bedlam, I’d never had any hope of him returning my feelings.”
“But something changed?”
“He was so sweet. So thoughtful. He brought me food when I had none. He gave me his coat when a cruel keeper took my blanket, which was my only covering.”
“You were left naked? Oh, Lydia, I’m so sorry.”
“Stratford wrapped his coat around me, and even when he demanded I be brought food and another blanket, he insisted I keep his coat in case a need should arise when I might have to make use of it again.”
“My dear sister, how much you’ve suffered. And I couldn’t even be there for you. And neither could Nathaniel. All because of my confinement. I’m so sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. It wasn’t your fault. Any of it.”
Kitty blinked away her tears and gave a half smile. “You know, try as we might, we never were able to have you released on our own or find out why you’d been committed in the first place. It’s all still a mystery.”
Lydia swallowed and turned her attention to her cooing nephew.
“It is a mystery… isn’t it? Or, do you know the answers to any of that?”
After biting her lower lip, she said, “I’m afraid I do.”
Kitty nodded slowly. “And…”
“I’m about to dig up some unpleasant memories for you, I’m afraid.”
“For me?”
“It was all the doing of Miss Queensbury.”
Color of Danger (The Sullyard Sisters Book 2) Page 12
