by Fiona McGier
He nodded, smiling at Alexandra. “I hope you feel better soon.”
She bit her lip and nodded, barely holding back the tears that poured out of her the instant he left the room.
Emma held three pills close to Alexandra’s mouth. “Here, swallow these. Then drink some Coke. You might not be done barfing yet, but at least it will give you some relief for a while. And you’ll have something to puke up besides stomach acid.”
Obediently Alexandra swallowed the pills, took a few sips of the soda, then lay back weakly on the pillow, sobbing.
“I don’t want to miss him this much. He’s just a man. I can get any man I want, so why should I care if he’s gone? I can just find another one, right?”
Emma walked over to open the windows wide and let the cool morning breeze into the room to air it out. She pulled a chair over to the side of the bed and sat next to her friend, patting her arm.
“You’ve always been able to get any man you wanted, Alex. But maybe this one is different. Maybe he wants more than just a piece of you…he wants it all.”
“No! No man is ever gonna have that much power over me!”
Suddenly she looked stricken and Emma held out the plastic wastebasket Alexandra had missed completely the first time. Alexandra leaned her face into it and heaved. Emma took the wastebasket from her when she was done and gave her the glass of icy soda again.
“I have a feeling it’s going to be a really long recovery for you, Alex,” she said.
“You mean from my hangover?”
Emma nodded, “Yeah, that…and if Dmitri really is done with you. I think you’ve gone and fallen for him. You just have to decide if you are going to go after him or let him walk away.”
Alexandra lay back on the pillow once again and moaned. Emma pulled the sheet up over her, so she wouldn’t get chilled. She rinsed the cloths in the bathroom sink and returned to place them on Alexandra’s forehead and arms. She was silent for so long, Emma leaned over to check. Satisfied her queen had fallen asleep, she quietly moved out of the room to go downstairs and see about feeding the rest of the people she’d heard moving around.
Chapter Eleven
Sunday’s ride back home to Minneapolis was brutal. Still not fully recovered, Alexandra had to fight her stomach not to heave while she was on the road. Once she reached her condo, she took a long shower and went to bed. She slept so long that she got up an hour earlier than usual in the morning, and had time to make herself a light breakfast of toast and fruit, along with the one cup of coffee she was able to drink.
By Wednesday her body had totally healed itself, but her emotions were still in an upheaval. After she ate the dinner she had picked up on the way home, she kept her phone nearby as she worked out, trying to sweat out any of the poisons she might not have expelled while recovering. The phone never did anything to indicate a call or a text.
After she’d exhausted herself, she finished the bottle of water nearby, frowned and stared moodily at the offending phone in her hand.
“You’re waiting for me to make the first move, aren’t you?” She said aloud to the phone, but really to the man she had thought about constantly over the past few days. “Okay, then I will…”
She found his number and hit call, then immediately cancelled the call.
“Shit! I don’t have any idea what to say. Come on over and fuck me hard, big guy? Then he’s gonna want to know if I’m ready to give up other men for him. Am I? Fucked if I know. Can’t he just come over and hold me, while I think about it? God, I sound so needy. What’s happening to me? I don’t like feeling like this, but I don’t seem to be able to do anything about it.”
A text? Yeah, that’s safer. No emotions in a text. I can make it seem like I don’t care if he comes over or not, I was just wondering if I should expect him…
Satisfied she had a solution, she began to compose her message.
R U coming over 2nite? She hit send.
While she waited for a response, she went into the kitchen and got another bottle of water. She still felt dehydrated and the work-out had made things worse. She almost ran back to the phone when she heard the beep to indicate she had a text. Her hand shook while she held up the phone and looked at the return text from Dmitri.
Can’t. In Chicago again. Same business. She was glad she hadn’t called, because against her will, tears formed in her eyes and her throat hurt from the sudden urge to give in to her continuing disappointment.
Will U B back by Friday? She took deep breaths after hitting send again, trying to control the emotions that sabotaged her efforts to be cool and collected.
Not sure. Maybe.
U know where I’ll B. She paused and added, I miss U.
The tears suddenly flowed down her face as she blinked at them, watching the screen for his reply. It never came.
She walked into her bedroom and carefully placed the phone next to her bed on the nightstand. She waited a moment in case he replied. Maybe he was busy, or driving or…something. She went into the bathroom for a shower. Once the water soothed her overly-wound muscles, she stopped fighting her tears and cried all through her shower.
He hates me! He’s not coming back to me. He’s probably got another woman in Chicago. Business my ass! I’ve lost him and it’s my own damn fault. I didn’t even know how much I wanted him and now he’s gone. What good does it do me to tell him I need other men too, when he’s all the man I really want?
When she crept into bed and curled into a fetal ball, her thoughts brought little comfort.
This is what it feels like to be in love? It sucks! It fucking hurts. Nothing will ever be the same for me. I’ve always been the one to end things…the one to walk away. The one in charge. Now? Now I’m just like any other love-struck female. I’m disgusted with myself. I’m embarrassed. And I’m in pain. And I won’t have any idea how to act if I ever see him again. I’ll want to throw myself on him and beg him not to ever leave me again. What if he laughs at me? What if he has already found someone else? I hate my life!
Her last thought added guilt to every other depressing feeling she experienced.
Mom? I’m so sorry I always judged you…always told you that you were a fool for still loving Dad. I’m sorry, Mom!
For the next few days, what little sleep she did get was fitful.
* * * *
Friday night came and still Dmitri didn’t show up or call. Determined to carry on as if her heart wasn’t breaking daily, she changed into her leathers and jeans, and rode to the hang-out bar. Everyone was happy to see her, if tentative about mentioning the past weekend. She dealt with that by joking about it.
“Yeah, I’ll have another beer. Shit yeah! Just don’t anybody offer me any shots of Reverend Jack! I’ve had it with that guy for a while…we’re not on friendly terms anymore.”
Everyone laughed then and Alexandra was almost happy. But then she looked around for someone to dance with when her favorite song came on, and realized that the one man she really wanted to hold in her arms wasn’t there. She felt her unhappiness drown her in its depths. She chugged the last of the beer in her glass and headed for the pool table, thinking that beating the new guys playing there might lift her mood. And temporarily, it did.
A few hours later she looked up as Tom touched her arm.
“Need anything from the gas station across the street, my queen?”
She smiled at him, shaking her head. “Are you out of smokes again? You always run out! Haven’t you learned yet that you always smoke more than a pack when you’re here? I’ll bet they cost more over there…”
He shook his head, grinning, “Nah. That’s the best part. They sell ‘em discounted. So I tell myself I won’t smoke more than a pack, then when I have to run across the street to get more, at least I can get them real cheap. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on her lips, and made his way through the throng of Friday-night-partying bikers to disappear through the door.
>
Alexandra had just poured herself more beer from the fresh pitcher when the front door was flung open and a man yelled into the crowded bar, “Someone call 9-1-1! My fucking phone’s dead! There’s been an accident out front! Jesus Christ! I think he’s dead!”
The bartender dialed the bar phone while people rushed for the front door. Alexandra looked around and realized Tom hadn’t returned yet. She had a very bad feeling about what was out the door, in the street. She tried to force her way through the crowd, and was only partially successful. By the time she got outside and could see the body, the ambulance sirens were already screaming on their way to the scene. The police car skidded to a stop right in front of her, cutting off her view, but she’d already seen what she was afraid she’d see.
She pushed her way through the crowd and around the car, closer to the body as the ambulance arrived. Emma knelt on the ground, holding Tom’s hand, using her other hand to smooth his hair across his forehead, the same way she had soothed Alexandra. Bob was right behind her, awkwardly patting her on the shoulder, as if passing his strength to her so she could pass it to Tom.
Alexandra fell to her knees next to Emma. “Is he…”
Emma shook her head sadly. Alexandra took his hand in hers and he opened his eyes slightly, trying to focus on her face.
“Hush, Tom, I’m here,” she said.
“My queen?” He coughed, dark red blood pouring from his mouth.
“I told you smoking wasn’t good for you…” She felt tears streaming down her face as he tried to grin at her.
“Better give it up, then…”
His eyes rolled back in his head and the lids closed. The EMTs knelt next to him on the opposite side and began to check his vital signs. Bob used a hand on each of their shoulders to get them both to stand up, so they would be out of the way of the med-techs who needed space to do their jobs.
They watched as a stretcher was placed next to him and he was eased onto it, then carried to the ambulance. The door slammed shut and the sirens were turned back on as it screamed out its urgency and careened into the night. The police began to question everyone who was around, looking for someone who might have witnessed the hit-and-run accident.
The man who had initially run into the bar had been walking his dog past the bar when he heard a car revving its motor before the tires screamed and it raced down the street. He’d looked up in time to see the body being tossed through the air.
“I’ll never forget the sound it made when he hit the street. Sounded like every bone in his body was broken all at once! It was terrible!”
Amid his shocked ramblings, what became clear was that the only thing he could remember about the car was that it was a black, mid-sized sedan. It drove away too fast and he didn’t have his glasses on, so he didn’t see the license plates at all. And he never saw the driver.
Once the police had cleared Alexandra, Emma and Bob, they asked which hospital the ambulance had gone to, and they raced to their bikes to follow it. They parked in the emergency lot and strode quickly into the lobby of the ER. They had to talk fast to convince the nurses they really knew Tom, but fortunately soon after their arrival, one of the policemen who was asking questions at the scene, walked in and affirmed their connection. They sat on one side of the room, quietly sipping coffee from the machine in the lobby. The policeman sat on the other side, his walkie-talkie occasionally squawking out unintelligible noises.
None of them had ever met any of Tom’s family, so when his mother came in, accompanied by a younger version of Tom, they were hesitant about introducing themselves. The older woman and the young man sat down across from them and Alexandra nodded to them, initiating conversation.
“I’m Alex. Tom has ridden with my gang for almost a year. He’s a good man.”
The older woman choked back a sob and nodded. “Thanks.”
The young man asked, “Do you know what happened?”
They shared what they knew, which wasn’t much. Bob asked, then got both of them a cup of coffee and they resumed their silent vigil.
Alexandra had just gotten another cup of coffee and sat back down on one side of Bob, so he could put an arm around her, as he had his other arm around Emma. A doctor walked slowly into the waiting area and looked around for the policeman, who jumped up to conference with him. Their words were too quiet for anyone to hear, but when the policeman turned to face them, they all knew what he was going to say.
“I’m sorry, he didn’t make it.”
“No!” The woman sobbed, standing up to grab at the doctor, before collapsing into her chair. Her son rubbed her back, attempting to soothe her as he listened to the doctor’s words.
“He suffered too much internal damage and went into cardiac arrest while we were trying to stabilize him.”
“Can we see him? To say goodbye?” The young man’s face was ashen as he assumed the role of protecting his mother, yet insisting on closure for both of them.
“Of course. Follow me.” The doctor led them through the door he had come out of. They never looked back.
The policeman cleared his throat. “There’s no reason for the rest of you to stay here any longer. You’ll be contacted by a detective, probably tomorrow. If there’s anyone you can think of who might have wanted to harm this guy…”
“His name was Tom. Tom Taylor.”
The policeman stared at Alexandra as he spoke. “Yes. If you can think of anyone who wanted to harm Tom Taylor, you’ll be given an opportunity to share that information when you are contacted. Don’t leave town.”
Alexandra turned to see Emma sobbing in Bob’s arms. He looked up and saw the look on her face. He held out an arm and Alexandra joined them in a group embrace, tears running down her face.
Outside in the cool night, Emma turned to Alexandra as she got onto her bike.
“If you don’t want to be alone tonight, you can stay with us. We have a guest room or you can sleep on the sofa in the living room…”
Alexandra looked at them both as Bob managed an encouraging smile and nod. For an instant she thought of how unfair it was that she had to be alone…that everyone else had someone to be with, but not her. Then she remembered that was her choice and she shook her head slowly.
“No.” She spoke so quietly it was almost a whisper. “I’ll be fine. You two go on home.”
“Text me when you get home so we know you’re alright, okay?” Emma patted her arm as she spoke.
Alexandra nodded. “I will.”
She turned the key and started her bike. She didn’t remember any of the ride home, but when she got there, after she texted Emma, she called Dmitri. He didn’t answer, so she left a message.
“Dmitri? I know it’s late, but I just got home from the hospital. Tom was hit by a car tonight…a hit-and-run. He’s dead. I don’t know when the wake or funeral will be, but I feel dead inside. I miss you. I want…” Her voice broke. She took a deep, staggered breath and continued.
“I want to feel your arms around me, so I can spend just a few minutes thinking that things are going to be alright. I hope you’ll be back soon.”
* * * *
Dmitri was asleep when she called. He didn’t hear his phone because the battery had died and he hadn’t noticed. But when he woke up in the morning, he checked it and finding it dead, he plugged it in. As soon as it had enough power to beep, it indicated he had voicemail. He only listened to it once, but that was enough. He began making some calls.
* * * *
On Saturday morning, Alexandra was awoken by the insistent sound of her phone. It wasn’t the ring-tone she used for her dad, so she almost didn’t bother answering. Then she thought better of it.
It might be Dmitri!
She grabbed the phone off the nightstand and mumbled, “Hello?”
“Good morning, Miss Blackstone. This is Detective Mark Jones. I’ve been assigned to investigate the hit and run accident that resulted in the death of a…”There was a pause as if he was checking his notes
. “…a Mister Tom Taylor. Your name was given to me as one of the witnesses. I’d like to ask you a few questions. Can you come around to the station this morning?”
Sitting up, Alexandra spoke, “Of course. Tell me which station it is and I’ll be there in an hour.”
“Excellent.”
After getting directions from the detective, Alexandra got up, showered and dressed. She took her SUV to the station, stopping along the way to pick up coffee for herself and a dozen donuts to share with the detectives on duty.
Doesn’t hurt to come bearing gifts, right? Everyone knows policemen love donuts. Besides, I need to eat something. My stomach is empty and my emotions feel raw. Maybe a blast of sugar will help.
In the noise and confusion of the station, Alexandra felt anxious and overwhelmed. Even sitting and answering the questions the detective asked was difficult, since she had trouble shutting out the other voices all around her.
“For the records, Miss, since I’m taping your responses, what is your name?”
“I’m Alexandra Blackstone.”
“What was your relationship with Tom Taylor?
“It’s my biker gang Tom rode with for the past year or so.”
“Do you ride together every night?”
“No, I don’t ride on weekdays…only on weekends. It’s how I relax from my very busy job running a marketing firm my father founded.”
“Were you very close to Tom?”
“Yes, I’d say we were probably Tom’s closest friends. He spent most Friday and Saturday nights with us. We rode together every weekend it was possible to take our Harleys on the road.”
“Do you just ride aimlessly, or do you have a particular place you ride to?”
“We have a destination most weekends. It’s a place up by Mille Lacs. It’s a farm of about ten acres that has been in my family for a long time. No one else ever goes there, so I’ve been paying the taxes on it for years. Everyone thinks of it as my place. It’s a nice ride up there, and we can party without disturbing anyone if we have campfires late into the night.”
