by Jea Hawkins
As soon as Crystal disappeared into the house, Emma covered her face with her hands and let out a deep breath. She couldn’t believe it, either. Not after seven years of what seemed like a pretty good thing. The idea of Crystal getting her things and leaving made her heart lurch.
Still, what could she do? Crystal had betrayed her and there was no fixing that.
Chapter 4
“S-so, the two of you are done? Just like that? But how could that be?” Waverly poured a cup of tea and slid it in front of Emma, then glanced at her sister.
“No, it’s not ‘just like that’ and you know it,” Emma answered gently, watching how the sisters exchanged looks. “I’ve given it a lot of thought and reasoned that if there is no trust between us, it’s better for us to break up.”
“That’s a very logical way to look at it.” Avery ran her hands down the front of her suit and then combed her fingers through her long blonde hair. “Well, I think you made the best choice for you, Em. Just let us know what you need from us. For now, I have to get going to work. Wave, try to remember to lock the door when you leave.”
After Avery strode out of the apartment, briefcase clutched in one hand and purse in the other, Waverly sat across from Emma at the table and sighed. “I guess it’s logical, like she says, but is it what you want?”
“What I want?” Emma narrowed her eyes and took a sip of the tea. She supposed she should have known better than to go to another water witch for commiseration. But Waverly was also the most likely to show sympathy and try to soothe her.
Because, like it or not, Emma needed that. Every single fiber of her being felt raw after last night’s confrontation. She didn’t know how things had gotten so bad, so fast. It wasn’t just the cheating that hurt – it was the fact that she was to blame for the end of her relationship.
“What I want,” Emma finally said, “is someone who doesn’t need constant attention, and then who will wander if they don’t get it.”
Waverly reached out and rubbed her arm. Emma wasn’t much for physical contact, but she knew it was as much for Waverly as herself. Out of the entire circle of friends, Waverly was the hugging type.
“I don’t think that’s the way Crystal is,” Waverly said, and then hastened to add, “Not that I’m taking sides, but I think her reasoning had nothing to do with needing constant attention.”
“What, then?” Emma asked.
“Well, you know emotions are very important to us. As water witches who feel everything around us, feelings that are positive and uplifting can really help us get through the day. You were bringing home a lot of negative juju from dealing with your mother’s cancer, and rightfully so. Crystal probably went looking for something to balance all of that out. It doesn’t justify what she did, though. She should have talked to you about what she needed.”
Emma thought about her relationship with Crystal over the years. They had never really talked about feelings or needs. She simply met Crystal one day in Ashland and…
…well, that was it. It felt right, like they were the only two people in the entire world. There was a bond between them that Emma had thought was unbreakable. At the time, it felt like everything around her had shifted and then righted again. She saw Fiona go through the same thing when she realized Gabe was the one.
But clearly, Emma had been wrong about Crystal.
“Are you saying lack of communication killed our relationship?” Emma finally asked.
“I think that’s the reason why most relationships end, yes, including yours. Then again, there are people who communicate too aggressively. At least you weren’t yelling at each other.” Waverly propped her chin on her palm and pursed her lips. “I mean, have you been yelling at each other?”
Emma scoffed, blowing out a breath. “Of course not. You know me – even-tempered all the way. I don’t yell and neither does Crystal unless she’s too frustrated to hold it in.”
“So, is she moving out?”
The teacup felt smooth between Emma’s hands and she shivered as her palms encountered the warmth. How could she feel chilly in the summer? “Yeah, she’s trying to find a place. Once she does, I’m supposed to lend her a hand with packing, but I don’t want to. It just doesn’t feel right to split up everything we’ve accumulated together. It’s not like I kept track of what belonged to whom, you know?”
“Of course.” Waverly looked around the room and then shivered visibly, as if her body had picked up on whatever made Emma do the same only a moment before. “It doesn’t feel right because it isn’t right, Em. She’s not meant to leave you. Can’t you see that?”
“Well, I never knew I was meant to disappoint her, but it happened.”
“Is that what you think – that this is somehow your fault?”
Emma didn’t answer that question. Instead, she sipped at the tea again. It was English Breakfast Tea and sweeter than she cared for, but she didn’t say so. What was an extra teaspoon or two of sugar in the grand scheme of things? There were more important matters to resolve, like how she was going to pare down her life from two to one people. Always doing everything for two. Cooking for two. She couldn’t imagine making that kind of shift.
“Okay, you can’t keep playing the stoic with me,” Waverly said, her gaze hardening. “Do you seriously think you caused this… this rift between the two of you?”
“She made it sound like I did.”
“That’s just a BS excuse on her part, then. Remember when you first got together? She adored you. She thought the sun shined out of your ass.”
That was certainly true. When they first met, Crystal had been in awe of Emma’s magickal abilities with plants. In fact, she had been incredibly cute the way she jumped up and down saying, “Show me again! Show me again!”
It wasn’t long after Crystal moved in that Emma realized the rosebush was blooming for the first time, as if it had waited, dormant until love came along to awaken it. After that, she and Crystal settled into a happy routine of working and practicing ritual together, and everything was wonderful until Emma found herself giving her mother constant care through her illness.
Day in and day out, Emma didn’t stop to take care of herself, let alone her girlfriend. Every ounce of energy was focused on ensuring her mother’s comfort, well-being, and – she hoped – recovery. It was only after her mother received an official diagnosis of being cancer-free that Emma realized there had still been a casualty of the illness: her relationship with Crystal.
“She’s right,” Emma whispered, “I do bear everything, to the point where I forget anyone else who needs me. My mother took priority in my life above everything when she got sick and I didn’t stop once to think about what I needed. Or what Crystal needed. I simply chose to step in and help my mother through the worst time of her life, because that’s how I am.”
“Is that what she said?” Although Waverly looked concerned, she also looked… relieved? Did she agree with Crystal’s assessment?
“You think she’s right,” Emma said. “You think I bury my feelings and just focus on what’s right in front of me, instead of thinking of anyone or anything else.”
Waverly had the good grace not to look away, but instead to hold Emma’s gaze and nod. “That’s how you are, the person always there when someone needs her.”
“I’m the one you can rely on.”
“Always,” Waverly agreed. “You’re that safe person, the one who will always keep promises and do what’s right and expected of her. But that also means you put on blinders and forget everything else around you. You’re so set on making things ‘right’ when it happens, that you shut the rest of us out, including Crystal. You spend so much time taking on huge responsibilities in life, that we wonder if you’ve ever considered taking a chance instead.”
“A chance on what.”
“Jeez. Anything.”
Anything.
Emma looked down into her teacup and wondered if it might tell her something. She was clairvoyant, after a
ll, but when it came to herself, she saw nothing. Sure, she was a great one for giving other people advice about their path, but her own path? When had it become so muddled?
Her phone vibrated on the table and she flipped it over to look at the notification. “Oh darn,” she muttered.
“What is it?” Waverly rose from the table and went to the cabinet to get another teabag.
“It’s my reminder about that garden show we were supposed to go to in Arizona.”
“Garden show?” Waverly put the teabag in her cup and added hot water from the kettle on the stove. “Why were you going to that?”
“For new ideas and the workshops, but the hotel room is in Crystal’s name. So I’m sure she’s going to want to cancel. Can’t say I blame her.” Emma turned her phone screen-down again and drank the last of her tea.
Waverly sat at the table and looked at the phone, her gaze betraying her curiosity. “Where in Arizona is the show?”
“Near Sedona, of all places. She registered us for it earlier this year. Thought we might get some inspiration, you know, and then visit Sedona – check out the New Age stuff.”
“And maybe get some crystals for Crystal?”
“Ha. You’re funny.” Emma went to the trash to dispose of her teabag and then rinsed her cup in the sink. To her surprise, her hands were shaking. The more she tried to forget the garden show, something she’d been looking forward to since they booked the hotel and registered for the conference, the more her heartbeat became frighteningly erratic.
“Maybe you should still go.”
“Huh?” Emma turned and leaned back against the sink, clutching the counter behind her. “Why do you say that?”
And then the entire world went sideways as she slid to the floor. Waverly was beside her in another moment, fanning her and clucking a bit like a mother hen. “This is why – because you run yourself ragged doing everything you think you ought to do and forget how to take care of yourself and the people you love.”
“I do it…” Emma pushed herself up into a sitting position and swatted Waverly’s hand away. “I do it because I’m taking care of the people I love.”
“Yeah, but how can you take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself?”
Emma scowled but didn’t say anything. How could she argue with that logic?
“What was that I just saw? An emotion? Ta da, you can feel!” Waverly hugged her so tight, Emma couldn’t breathe. But when her friend drew back, everything made sense.
“You’re right. Being the safe person – the one who fixes everything and takes care of everyone – is holding me back. But, Wave, I don’t know how to be any different. This is me.”
“I don’t think anyone is asking you to change. I just think this is a reminder that you need to get back in touch with that which gives you strength in the first place.”
Pressing her hands flat against the floor, Emma felt a surge of power. “The earth,” she said, “which allows me to stand strong for everyone else, but only if I take what I need, too.”
Waverly cocked her head to one side and smiled. “Seriously. Think about taking this road trip. It might not be too late after all.”
When Emma returned home, it was later than she expected. She walked through the house and into the garden. The moment her foot touched the path, she felt it – that something had changed.
Lifting her gaze, Emma looked across the yard at the rose bush. The way it drooped, completely wilted, brown and devoid of any color, made her wince. How could she have failed? How could even her own earth magick not save them?
With tears in her eyes, Emma turned and ran back into the house. She pulled her cell phone out of her purse and pulled up Crystal’s number. Even though Crystal was just down the street, running the shop, Emma didn’t know if she could face her just yet.
Instead, she wrote, I think we should still go to the garden expo in AZ.
It wasn’t subtle. Then again, neither were they.
A few seconds later, she got Crystal’s reply.
Road trip? One last hurrah before we bury this relationship? Let’s do it.
Chapter 5
Crystal hefted a suitcase into the back seat of the pickup truck, then turned and stepped aside for Emma. As Emma shoved hers in, she couldn’t help but feel that all of this was surreal. They were hardly speaking to each other, yet going on a road trip together to a conference they had planned to attend as part of their business growth for the year. How this would solve anything, she couldn’t even begin to guess.
Then again, Waverly hadn’t said anything about this helping her relationship. At least, not directly. At the time, it seemed like her concern was more for Emma stepping out of her comfort zone and doing something for herself. Including Crystal didn’t really make sense.
Emma was too sensible to believe a road trip would change anything between them. She knew she didn’t want Crystal to move out, but she also knew she wanted to figure out how to make them work again, like the old days. This seemed like an escape, not a solution.
Still, the idea of getting on the road, just the two of them, exerted a strange pull on her. It was an uncomfortable sensation, something in the pit of her stomach telling her this was the beginning of the end.
“I think that’s everything.” Crystal finally broke the silence, pulling Emma from her thoughts. Emma turned to look at her.
The blonde was stunning in a white off-the-shoulder top, cut-off jeans, and cowgirl boots. She leaned back against the pick-up truck looking like something out of a country music video and her sculpted eyebrows lifted as Emma appraised her.
“Do you like what you see?” she drawled, jutting her hip out just a bit more to the side. Crystal was more slender than curvy, but she certainly knew how to pose her body at a flattering angle. Briefly, Emma’s memory of the last time they had sex surfaced. It had been too long ago for them.
Damn it. Emma didn’t want to be caught looking, let alone thinking about Crystal, so she turned back to the truck and went through a mental checklist. They had their suitcases, a cooler full of drinks, and two grocery bags overflowing with road trip snacks. They couldn’t be more ready if they tried.
Except emotionally.
There was no way Emma could sit in an enclosed space with Crystal for nineteen hours and not wonder if it would be the end of their relationship. For whatever reason, Crystal agreed to stick to their original plans to go to the garden expo together. There hadn’t been much discussion about it beyond the text message. Just confirmation that they were both still willing to attend.
She said it herself – she didn’t want things to end. Right, and Emma didn’t either, but that didn’t mean this was for the best. How could two people who obviously belong together have gone so wrong? What happened to us?
Emma turned and walked to the front of the truck, looking at the tires and the windows as she did. Anything to keep her from running through a pointless list of rhetorical questions in her mind.
They didn’t have any pets to worry about. Emma had already asked her friends to take turns checking in on her mom and dad, just to make sure they were doing okay with her gone. As for the store, she hated closing it for a whole week. But she also hated leaving it open with her out of town. No one knew the business better than herself and Crystal.
However, she trusted Fiona to handle things while she was gone. The store would only be open for limited hours during that time and Fiona could call her with any questions. After a crash course in retail, Fiona wasn’t ready to handle everything on her own, so Emma was glad Gabe would be there too. Gabe was really the better choice to substitute in at the shop, but she already worked four nights a week. Still, between the both of them, Emma knew they could handle it. It was only for a week.
Things can’t get much worse anyway.
“I’m sorry?”
Emma turned to Crystal. “What?”
“Did you just say things can’t get much worse?” Crystal’s smile faltered
and she stared at Emma with wide eyes.
Oops. With a wave of her hand, Emma said, “I guess I did. If that’s everything, we can lock the door and go.” She knew she sounded dismissive, even a bit bitchy, but she hated it when her emotions decided to join the party.
She liked to leave the whole heart-on-the-sleeve schtick to Fiona and Waverly. Emma was supposed to be better than that. Calm, steadfast, and predictable, like the earth itself.
Emma watched as Crystal shrugged, climbed up into the passenger side of the pick-up truck, and leaned back in the seat. Hiding her scowl, Emma turned to the house and locked the door. Waverly already had the key and would handle checking on the garden. All their bases were covered.
When she turned back to face the truck, her legs felt heavy and her feet dragged a bit as she approached the vehicle. Nineteen hours on the road with Crystal there, nineteen hours on the road with Crystal back. Thirty-eight hours in an enclosed space with her. Even though Emma couldn’t foresee her own future, she imagined the trip ending with Crystal running off to the airport just to get away from the tension. What was the point of even making the drive?
“Stop worrying about whether not something is worth it and just follow your heart.”
It was her mother’s voice, her mother’s words echoing in her mind. When her mother chastised her, it was usually to remind her that she was human and allowed to have all the failings of one. Emma bit her lower lip. As much as she wanted to tell the memory to piss off, she didn’t have the heart. After all, she had nearly lost her mother, the woman who taught her everything she knew about earth magick. Emma wouldn’t dare disrespect the woman who passed on all of her knowledge of the family tradition of witchcraft to her.
If anything, Emma wanted to be like her mother – calm, steady, and wise. Well, she had certainly failed in that. All those messy emotions she could no longer hold inside…
She pulled herself up into the driver’s seat and shut the door. At least it was a gorgeous day – only in the seventies and enough clouds to keep the sun from baking them as they drove. Emma navigated onto the highway with Crystal’s help. They had both agreed on not using a GPS or cell phones to get to their destination.
