by Niki Green
Brent opened his eyes and the memory vanished, but the ache lingered. He had waited on her—waited on her and then pushed her out without a blink of an eye. But this time it was different. This time he hadn’t pushed her away, but he hadn’t tried to pull her away from Carter either. He had let her go—along with his heart.
Chapter Twenty-One
“We need to talk.” Peyton heard Carter’s voice before she saw his face. He was standing just outside the bathroom door, out of arm and fist’s reach.
“You still mad at me?”
Peyton lifted her head from the bathroom sink, toothbrush still stuck in her mouth, and scowled at Carter via the mirror.
“I said I was sorry.”
She shook her head, rolled her eyes and then spit the combination of toothpaste and water into the sink in a less than ladylike manner. She grabbed the towel from the towel rack, scrubbed her mouth with it and then left the bathroom and Carter staring after her.
“Peyton,” he called after her, but she ignored him. “Peyton will you stop?” Carter caught up with her as she was about to enter her bedroom—the one place he was forbidden to enter as of last night. Carter had slumbered in the guest bedroom on the bed that had mysteriously lost its sheets and blankets. They were resting safely in the bottom of Peyton’s closet and she would replace them when she didn’t see red when she looked at him.
“Where the hell have you been, Carter?” She turned quickly on her bare feet, crossed her arms over her breasts and stared him down and waited. “I have called you every day, several times a day, for the past week, and you pick two days ago, of all the fucking days, to show up.
“Sorry, darlin’. My phone got turned off and by the time I got it turned back on I had missed all of your calls.”
“You know, if you would pay the bill your phone wouldn’t get turned off and you wouldn’t miss my calls and my voice messages telling you that I hadn’t had the chance to tell anybody that our engagement was off. If you had paid your phone bill you would have known what a shit storm everything was around here and why I haven’t gotten around to telling anybody yet.”
“You’ve had months, Peyton. Months. Don’t blame me for coming to check on you and interfering with you and Brent and whatever the hell is going on between you two.”
“Well, there’s nothing going on between us so you don’t have to worry about interrupting anything.”
“Didn’t look that way from where I stood. You looked a little flustered to see me, and Kiel didn’t look much better. At least he didn’t hit me this time.” Peyton could hear the stupid smile cross his face before she saw it. She knew he was goading her and loving it at the same time.
“Don’t mess with me, Carter. I’m not in the mood.”
“You ain’t kidding. By the way, why haven’t you told anyone about us calling it off? I mean, we decided this months ago. Didn’t anyone question my absence or my lack of attention concerning my fiancée?”
“Carter, you weren’t around when we were engaged for real, and now that we aren’t here you are. You and all your glory.” She turned her back on him and moved into the confines of her bedroom. She needed to clear her head and get ready. True to his form, Reed had taken up with his old ways and asked her to take his night shift. True to hers, she’d agreed. She didn’t have anything better to do
“Did you want me to look like the bad guy, Peyton?” he spoke to her back and his soft, guilt-filled tone made her insides clench with regret. She met his eyes in the mirror above her dresser and saw that he still remained more in the hallway than not. He was still abiding by her rule that he not come anywhere near her, her room or her bed on pain of death and dismemberment.
“You’re not the bad guy in my book, Carter. You never have been and you never will be.”
“But I’m not the hero either, am I? I never was. That spot was reserved by someone else a long time ago, wasn’t it?”
“Carter—”she started, but he stopped her by holding up his hand.
“You know you and I never kept any secrets. Not a one. I told you everything and you told me everything. When did that stop, Pey?” Peyton only shook her head as if she didn’t know when that had happened, but she knew when it had. Their secret sharing had stopped when he had dropped to his knee and asked her to marry him. Everything had changed that day or soon after.
“Do you think we would have ever gone through with it? Getting married? Living in the same house or even the same town for longer than a few weeks at a time? Would you have been happy?”
“You make me happy, Peyton. You always have, but this town has never held anything for me. Never has—never will. I thought for awhile that as long as I had you here waiting for me everything would be okay. That I could make a go at it, but then I realized something.”
“What’s that?”
It was then that Carter crossed the threshold, moved behind her and turned her from the mirror so she had to look at him without the safety of the mirror separating them. He took her hands in his, ran his thumbs carefully over her fingers and the ring he had given her and then spoke.
“I realized you weren’t happy.”
“I was happy.”
“You can say it, but it doesn’t make it true. You put a smile on your face, but it was a fake one to say the least. I know you probably better than anyone. Your smile has always been so carefree and without thought. It was natural. It was one of the things I love about you, but it changed. I don’t know when, but I know it did, and I didn’t like it. I worried myself about your smile. I thought I was the reason your smile changed, that it faded, and I hated myself for that.”
“I never wanted you to worry about me or hate yourself over a stupid little thing like a smile.”
“A smile is never a stupid little thing, especially yours.” He moved his hand to her jaw and his knuckles tipped her head from his chest to his face. “I love you too much to make you miserable.”
“You don’t make me miserable.”
“But I don’t make you happy. I tried, really I did.”
“I know you did. You tried more than you should have.” She took one of his hands between her own and gripped it tightly. She was relieved when he squeezed hers in return.
“When are you going to tell your folks about us?”
“I don’t know. With all that’s going on I just don’t think that now would be a great time to pop in with my problems. We’ve got enough of those already.”
“I’m not staying in town, Peyton.” She knew that he wouldn’t. She didn’t expect him to. There was nothing keeping him here.
“You don’t have to stick around on my account, Carter.”
“Would it be easier if talked to Brent and told him what was going on instead of him hearing it from the town gossip?”
She started to speak, once, then twice, but nothing would come out. She didn’t know what to say. “I got the feeling last night that he was there to see you for more than just a friendly chat and was shocked as hell to see me.”
“It’s nothing. I thought maybe it could have been something, but I was wrong. Again. Go figure.”
“Did you want to be right?”
“Of course I wanted to be right. Who doesn’t want to be right? I thought that maybe, after all this time, that things could be different. Chase and Willa are married now, all the boys are grown—well, nearly, and the ranch is flourishing. I let my heart fool my head enough to think that his words had only been words and not anything more, but like I said, I was wrong. He only wants me when he can’t have me.” To add momentum to her point she held up her left hand and let her ring sparkle for all it was worth.
“Why are you still wearing that?”
“Would you believe that I didn’t want to lose it?”
“No. I know you better than that. What’s the deal, Peyton?”
She closed her eyes so that any judgment or accusations he might throw her way would be missed and then spilled her guts.
“I ju
st couldn’t go through it again.”
“Go through what, babe?” She felt Carter move his body closer to hers and the closeness helped free the emotions she had kept buried for so long.
“I couldn’t go through with hearing all the whispers. All the faint voices that started as soon as I walked passed. I can’t handle anyone feeling sorry for me or pitying me. I just can’t do it. The last time I was the main focus of the town gossip nearly broke me, and I’m not about to go through it again.”
“Was it really that bad?”
“Yes, it was that bad.” She propelled herself to her feet and paced a worn spot in her carpet and ranted and raved and let everything out. “Do you know what it’s like not to be able to go to the grocery because you know that someone is going to stop you, pat your hand and tell you everything’s going to be okay when you know it’s not?” Carter tried to speak, but she cut him off. “Do you know what it feels like to walk passed a group of women, women who are supposed to be your friends or your mama’s friends or your aunt’s friends and hear them whisper and wonder what went wrong behind your back instead of to your face?”
Again, Carter opened his mouth, but Peyton stopped him by holding up her hand.
“You know what the worst was? The worst was having to hear those three little words a girl never wants to hear attached to her name.”
“What three words are those, babe?”
“‘Bless her heart’, and stop calling me babe. I know you’re only trying to help, but it’s really starting to wear on my nerves.”
“Sorry, ba… Sorry. Bless her heart?”
“Yes, I know it’s not a big deal to you, but it is to me. Everywhere I went I heard it. Bless her heart, she looks pitiful. Bless her heart, she must be heartbroken. Bless her heart, I wonder what happened? As if they really cared. All anyone wanted to know was why it happened, when it happened and where it happened. Nobody really cared what it was doing to me. They just wanted something to talk about in the church parking lot after preaching.” Her tirade left her spent. She collapsed on the bed in a huff and covered her eyes with her arms, blocking everything out.
Blocking her room.
Blocking the fading daylight.
Blocking Carter—and her tears from his view.
“You done having your moment?”
Peyton didn’t lower her arms from her head, but she did answer him by nodding.
“Good, now that you’re finished losing your mind we can get down to business and get this whole mess worked out.”
“It is worked out. We aren’t engaged anymore. I have to tell my parents, my brothers, my cousins and my grandfather. What else has to be worked out?”
“This whole thing between you and Brent.”
“Color me crazy, but I don’t think that my ex-fiancé needs to be helping me get back together with my ex-boyfriend. It just seems wrong on too many different levels.”
“It is wrong on too many different levels, but we were friends first and we’re friends now, and friends help each other out.”
“Why would you do that?” Peyton propped her body up on her elbows and watched Carter smile down at her.
“Because I love you.”
“I love you too.” She pushed away from the bed and hurled herself into Carter arms and gave him the hug of his life.
“I’m going to need this back.” Peyton didn’t realize what he was talking about until she felt the ring slip from her finger. “You can’t hide behind it any longer.”
“I know.”
“Good, that’s a start. Now let’s me and you figure out how you can get Kiel and his overabundant amount of pride to listen to sense long enough so that you can tell him how you feel and how you can’t live without him.”
“I never said I couldn’t live without him.”
“You didn’t have to, darlin’,” he said with a smile on his lips.
“Fine. Lead the way Obi-Wan. And don’t call me darlin’.” She made her point by poking him in the ribs with her fingers.
“Would you prefer, well, bless your heart?”
“I hate you so much right now.”
“No, you don’t. You couldn’t even if you wanted to.”
She hugged him and squeezed his shoulder tightly before letting him go for the last time.
“All right, let’s pop some popcorn, do each other’s hair and figure our way outta this mess. Sound good?”
“You’re such a girl.”
Carter pounced on her and tickled and rolled her body until she was at his mercy and begging with every breath she could catch for him to stop. Peyton couldn’t help but notice this was the closest they had been in years. She liked it—it felt right. She wished that everything in her life felt as right as it did when she laughed with Carter. Her heart wished for a thousand things a second, but she knew that only a few of those wishes would ever come true. Some of the bigger ones would never come true at all—no matter how much her heart wanted them to.
After what seemed like forever, Peyton and Carter’s laughter stopped and the emptiness in her chest was settled low once again. She needed some space. Some time to clear her head and she told Carter so.
“How long you plan on being gone?”
“Not long. I have to be on shift at eight so I won’t be going far. Why?”
“No reason. Just wondering if I could borrow your car for a spell seeing how mine is still in Amarillo.” He gave her a boyish grin and she gave in.
“Fine, just be careful, and be back here by 7:30 at the latest. I can’t be late for work.”
“Man, your boss is a bitch.”
“Carter—”
“I’ll be back before you know it. Have a nice walk.” He was down the stairs and out the door before Peyton could count to ten. Peyton didn’t linger in the house either. As soon as she heard Carter back out of the driveway, she was out the backdoor, off the patio and into the pasture. She walked straight into the sun, loving how it moved farther from her as she moved closer to it. She found it ironic in a way, beautiful in another and heartbreaking to say the least.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Oh shit.”
“What?” Nick asked and then followed Hayden’s gaze and mimicked his brother’s sentiment. “Oh shit.”
“Hey there, boys. How’s it goin’? Been awhile.” Nick and Hayden both stared in Carter Nash’s direction, neither muttering a word.
“Is your brother around? I’d like to talk to him.”
“Which brother would that be?” Nick watched as Hayden stepped around the mare and closer to Carter. “If you’re looking for Chase, he’s on his honeymoon, I reckon you heard he got married.”
“Yeah. Sorry I couldn’t make it. Good for him though. Tell him I said so, but I’m actually looking for…” Hayden stopped him before he could go any further.
“We know who you’re looking for.” Nick watched Hayden cross his thick arms over his thicker chest and level Carter with his gaze. Being the older brother, Nick stepped in.
“I don’t think Brent wants to talk to you right now, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to talk to him either.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t, but we need to talk. We’ve needed to talk for awhile.”
“You’re right.”
Nick’s eyes flew from Carter and landed on both Brent and Jace who stood just inside of the barn.
“Oh shit,” Nick and Hayden murmured at the same time.
“We need to talk.” Carter turned his back on Nick and Hayden and focused on Brent and Jace. Nick figured that was for the best. Carter needed to see whatever he had coming.
“I got five that says Brent takes the first swing,” Nick heard Hayden whisper into his ear.
“That’s a bullshit bet and you know it. I’d be a fool for taking it.”
“Twenty says Carter lands Brent on his ass first.”
“You’re on,” Nick said, and he and Hayden shook on it. It was probably in bad taste to bet that your brother would pummel h
is onetime best friend, but twenty bucks was twenty bucks.
“Say what you have to say, Carter.” Brent moved closer to Carter. Jace moved closer to Brent, and Nick and Hayden moved farther away from the entire mess. If the past had taught them anything, it was to move before being told to move.
“You’ve got to be one of the stupidest bastards I ever had the pleasure of knowing.” The barn was silent after Carter’s statement and Nick saw Hayden wince and take another step back.
“Is that what you came all the way out here to tell me?”
“That’s part of it.”
“Well, what’s the rest?”
“I’m getting to that.”
“Well, get to it then. What the hell’s taking you so long?” Brent crossed his arms over his chest and waited. Nick recognized the look he had on his face and, just for a moment, felt sorry for Carter and willed the man to leave before all hell broke loose. Carter was a decent enough fellow. His only mistake was taking what Brent considered his.
“I’m just wondering what she sees in you is all?”
“What who sees in me, Carter? If you’re going to talk in riddles I going to leave you to it and get back to what I was doing to begin with.”
“Peyton.” Carter flung her name in Brent’s direction and Nick knew it had struck a chord somewhere inside of Brent. Brent’s shoulders tensed, his fists clenched and his jaw tightened to the point that Nick thought it would break, but he never said a word.
“Whatever it is, she’s seen it forever. Made me mad as hell at first that she chose you, but then I realized it wouldn’t have worked any other way. Her heart was here with you and that’s what made her happy, then you had to go and fuck that whole thing up.” Carter said, his words soaked with the truth.
It was Nick’s turn to wince and wait for Brent to smack Carter a good one, but the punch never landed. To his and everyone else’s amazement, Brent remained still and silent listening to Carter’s detailed analysis of his stupidity as it concerned Peyton.
