by Brooks, JL
We pulled up to the hospital a short while later, the trip over as soon as my eyes opened again. The memory had brought me a fleeting moment of joy.
“God, you totally molested me!” I started to chuckle hard while getting off the bike.
Getting defensive, he retorted, “When? I sure as hell don’t remember that!”
Handing him the helmet, I lightly smacked it against his chest. “No, silly, when we were kids, in the truck. That night you stole my shirt and made me kiss you for practice.”
He looked far away and started to smile. “That was one of the greatest nights of my life. I forgot about it. What made you think of it?”
“I don’t know – something about being on the bike. I closed my eyes, and it just came to mind, and I let the memory play.”
As the cool air of the hospital offered us relief, we found the elevator and hit the third floor. His hand found the small of my back and pressed slightly.
“That’s a good memory.”
Erin’s sultry voice washed me in comfort. “Hello, dahhhhllinnnggg.” She sounded the second word slowly and dramatically.
“Hello, beautiful,” I responded.
“So she lives. I was beginning to think I needed to hop on a plane and lead a search party into some fabulous hotel where you might be holed up with a tanned cabana boy, drinking margaritas.”
Looking over towards David who was filling a shopping cart with bottles of alcohol, I grinned and laughed under my breath. “Um, you’re not too far off.” Her squeal made me pause next to the wall of imported beers and close my eyes.
“Send me a picture, now!”
“Erin, okay, I will call you back in a second; he’s right here.”
Walking quickly towards David, I tapped his shoulder and told him, “Hold still!”
Looking a little confused, he immediately smiled as I raised my cell phone to snap a photo. It must have been a secondary reflex from posing with so many fans. His smile was gorgeous, and considering his two front teeth were knocked out early and his mouth was now adorned with falsies, it still reached his eyes and pulled out the deep dimples on each side.
“You call that the panty dropper?” I raised one eyebrow while approving the picture before sending it off.
“Nah, this is the one that gets the ladies.” His hand reached around my waist and pulled me close, looking down at me with glazed eyes, so serious and full of lust, I could feel my thong start to slide down towards my knees as my heart rate increased.
“Wow, that’s pretty good. Mine’s better, though.”
I dropped my head slightly and looked up through my eyelashes. Pouting my lips slightly, I pulled the lower one in between my teeth and bit lightly while rolling my head to the side, exposing the curve of my shoulder. I smiled coyly as my hands glided up his chest and started to stroke the nape of his neck.
He leaned down and brought his mouth to my ear, the hot breath stirring warmth in other places.
“You’re the devil,” he said in a hushed whisper and then backed away.
Feeling flushed, I took out my cell again and walked outside to sit on the curb.
Erin answered right away. “Holy Mary, who is that? I want him to fuck me sideways!”
“He would probably do it; he’s not picky.” If I were sitting next to her, a hard object would be flying at me, and yet I still flinched while waiting for her response.
“You didn’t answer my question. Who is that?”
“His name is David, we grew up together, and he’s been helping me get some things in line while my daddy’s in the hospital.”
I left out his last name. Erin was an avid sports fanatic and would know instantly who he was, and I wasn’t prepared to have that conversation right now. I preferred the version of David that I knew, not what the media had made him out to be.
“So, has rain finally fallen in the desert or is your cranky ass still in a dry spell?” Her voice was full of anticipation at the potential promise of juicy gossip that usually never came from me.
I blew out hard and picked up a rock, throwing it out into the field next to the store. “I’m not having this conversation right now, but for your information, I am pretty sure I have regenerated a hymen.”
Erin knew the truth. She was that friend who bought me a new vibrator for my birthday every year, even before all of this; now she just gave me batteries at Christmas – the bulk packs from club warehouses.
“He seems like a perfectly good specimen to reverse the process.”
I stood up and brushed the dust off my shorts as David approached me with the loaded cart. “He actually claimed the first one; it would be appropriate now, too, wouldn’t it? I gotta go – I will call you later.”
Her cries of protest were loud and obnoxious as I went to swipe the end key on my phone. I chuckled, thinking about how that little bit of knowledge would be eating at her until we spoke again. I knew she was kidding, but it didn’t stop the thought from crossing my mind at least seven times a minute.
In my fantasizing, every inch of his solid body had been thoroughly licked and explored. He decimated me on average six times an hour. It couldn’t be healthy to think about having sex this many times in a twenty-four hour period. My brain was on dopamine overload from being stimulated so frequently. The receptors in my nose noticed every pheromone his body exuded when he was near. I was certain my head was about to explode at any moment. Heaven forbid his pants dip any lower the next time he was working in the house shirtless and expose the deep curves into his groin, or that he raise his arms above his head to stretch, and every ripple of his latissimus muscles look like tan wings on an angel, spreading out in each direction.
I am seriously fucked.
“Why do you look like you’re ready to eat me like a sandwich?” He caught me gawking at him while lost in thought.
“Because I want you to take me to eat a sandwich; I am really hungry. I am daydreaming about BLTs or maybe a veggie burger.”
He didn’t buy it for a moment. Helping him to load the bottles into the back, I avoided eye contact, suddenly feeling flushed again. A few minutes later, he asked what I was in the mood for.
“Can we do Chinese food?”
He grinned slyly and looked back out onto the road.
Royally Fucked.
In between mouthfuls of Kung Pao chicken and fried rice, I could tell he was studying me. He chewed purposefully and without hurry.
“What?” I didn’t like being under anyone’s scrutiny.
After taking a slow draw of his beer, he set the bottle down and started to pick at the label.
“You know, they say people who pick off labels are sexually frustrated.” I said matter-of-factly.
Finishing another corner, he snatched my bottle and started to pick it off as well. “I don’t imagine that’s true. If so, why is yours intact?”
The egg roll in my hand was too hot to bite, so I blew on it while gathering my thoughts. “I know it’s unfathomable to you that someone could go that long without sex, but contrary to what you may think, you won’t die without it. You just have a lot of energy that has to be channeled in other ways.”
I knew he wanted to ask questions. I sensed it once I told him, but he was waiting for the right time.
“You’re right. I don’t now how the fuck you’ve done it. I mean, you’re hot, so you don’t have to. I understand you’re married and all, but damn, it’s like some kind of cruel joke.”
I raised my eyebrows and curled my lip to the side. “I’m a compulsive masturbator; it helps but never quite does the job. I get off, but I’m never satisfied. You should see my collection of toys; I could open my own business. Seriously though, it was pretty bad, but I just got used to it.”
His face dropped and grew sad. “Toni, that’s not something anyone should have to get used to. I get that there’s more at play, but you would think that he’d do something else to please you. There are other ways of getting the job done without going the conv
entional route.”
I held back the tears I wanted to shed. It was exactly how I felt as well, but no amount of arguing, pleading, or crying would change it. I tried multiple times and failed.
“I’m done talking about this, okay? I’d rather hear about you going ass to mouth in a port-o-let, if you don’t mind.”
I was hoping my sharp quip would make him spit out a little bit of his food, but he knew what I was doing and was unmoved. For the rest of the afternoon, the topic was not brought up again, and I doubted he would unless I did it myself. I found comfort in knowing that we only took what the other offered. No pushing or prying. We could simply be. In a time so uncertain of anything, it was the one thing I knew I could count on.
We had taken our fortune cookies with us to the car and cracked them open on the drive back to the club.
“You will come to realizations in your life that will change you forever,” David said as he handed me the fortune and added, “in bed.”
“Oh, can’t forget the in bed part. Let me see what mine says.” Snapping open the tan cookie, I ate it before flipping over the small piece of paper. It was a small quirk I had picked up one point for some unknown reason.
“Your choices will change the world...in bed.” I chucked the paper in the drink console between our seats and shrugged.
“Those are some pretty heavy fortunes. I wonder what happened to the ones that just said that you will be lucky next week.”
Nodding in agreement, I picked up the fortune again and rubbed it with my fingers. “No shit.”
For being cheesy tokens, they seemed to be pretty accurate. Rather than putting it back in the console, I shoved it into my pocket to keep as a memento. Talking to Erin made me acknowledge what I already knew. This was only temporary.
The scorching March sun gave no relief during daylight hours. Any rain that passed through evaporated before hitting the ground. Without the swamp coolers running, the house often felt claustrophobic at times. It was nearly ready for repair. All of the debris had been cleared. The furniture that was salvageable was in the garage, and the dingy shag carpet had been ripped out with the sub floor being prepped for the tiles I had picked out the week before. Sitting on the front porch, I used my forearm to wipe my brow of the sweat that never seemed to cease pouring.
“Toni, let’s take a break. It’s a perfect time for me to take you somewhere.”
Looking up under a hand that created shade from the harsh light, I shrugged my shoulders and stood up. “Okay, let’s go, captain.”
We crawled into the GT where I took a whiff of my armpit and cringed. Making a fake cough, I lifted my arm and fanned it with the other hand. “Smell my funky greatness.”
“Wow, you are such a lady.”
David rolled down the windows, and the hot, desert air whipped around us loudly. We both laughed while heading back into town.
“Where are we going?”
David looked at me with the most mischievous smile. Not another word came out of him until we pulled up to the rink. “I thought you might appreciate this stroll down memory lane.”
As I looked at the massive brick building, the images of years sitting in the rafters watching him do drills poured in. I never stepped foot on the ice. I simply enjoyed the reprieve from the heat it offered.
As he opened the door, an arctic blast hit us in the face.
“OMG, this is awesome. It’s perfect. Let me go crawl up in my spot for a while.”
Shaking his head, he chuckled loudly. “Oh no, you’re going out in the rink. You’re not getting out of this. Time to lace up, sweetheart.”
The large, white expanse full of kids became a feared landscape. Toddlers with those trainer bars scooted carefully in a circular motion as the more experienced kids flew by.
“You’re fucking kidding. No way, I’ve never done this. I can’t afford to bust my ass out there!”
Still guiding me towards the skate rental, he was relentless. His own set was slung carelessly around his neck while the pimply face kid in front of the generic brown loaners looked at me, annoyed.
“Size?”
David would not budge on this; he was getting off on my anxiety.
“Seven and a half.”
A reassuring arm began to stroke between my shoulder blades. A small part of me was thrilled to finally step out on the ice. I always wondered how they moved gracefully about without falling, especially during the fights. I loved to watch the fights. Something about grown men allowed to beat the crap out of each other on purpose made it less violent, although the damage was still as vicious.
Sitting on the low bench, David tightened my laces so much my ankles couldn’t bend if they tried. Walking awkwardly across the black flooring, I stood at the threshold of the rink. I didn’t want to make an ass of myself or get hurt. Pride before the fall.
He held my trepid arms and let me hold the edge of the wall as I inched slowly around the arena. As long as I was holding onto the wall, I was good. A small group of boys no older than ten came up to him excitedly.
“Mr. Stark, Mr. Stark, come play with us, please.”
He looked at me with concern before I waved him off. I was sure it was a big deal for them to be out on the ice with someone so special. Leaning off to the right, I watched as he interacted with them all. The boys were all smiles as he showed them how to position their sticks, ways to angle their bodies – they were soaking it up. After a few minutes, a man who had been standing on the other side of the wall came up next to me.
“He’s here once a month at least. He has a deal to come in early for drills, but I imagine it’s late for him. My son is always so excited when he comes in and Stark’s here. He’s the small one to the left, number thirteen. Shame it went the way it did.”
This man obviously did not see both the ring on my finger or the fact that David and I came in together, so his candidness was unsettling.
“Have they ever asked him to coach? I am sure he would be great at it. I mean, look at him with the boys – they love him.”
The man snorted with disgust. “Stark coaching peewee? Yeah right. That’s below him, and the only thing he wants below him is another woman every night. Anyways, which one of those boys is yours?”
I pointed at the small group with David in the middle. “The one you just insulted.”
Sliding away from the open-mouthed man, I gave a sly smile. “I will be sure to mention you are a fan tonight while he’s busy pinning me against the wall, fucking my brains out.”
David skated over to me as he saw me moving towards the exit. “You okay?”
I tried hiding it, but he could tell I was upset. “Pick me up right now.”
Not questioning my request, his arms embraced my rib cage, raising my body against his. Without warning I laced my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. He didn’t protest; instead, he tightened his grip on my thighs that were now wrapped around his waist. The young boys started to circle and hoot and holler at our display. When the kiss broke, I leaned next to his ear.
“Don’t ask right now, I will tell you later – just go with it.”
Knowing the man was still watching, my hands grabbed the sides of his face and I began to kiss him even more dramatically. Breaking the kiss, he gently laid me down on the solid surface and helped me to unlace. Wearing the biggest smile, he gazed at me as his eyes conveyed the confusion he felt. While getting back into the GT, I knew it was coming.
“What was that all about?”
Even though he was smiling, I suddenly felt childish for my behavior. “There was this guy who was an asshole and pissed me off. He made a shitty comment about you, so I felt the need to do something about it.”
David gripped the wheel as his smile vanished. “What did he say?”
Looking out the window, I turned to him sheepishly. “Something about the only thing you wanted was a different woman underneath you every night.”
David laughed at my admission. “Well, sugar,
that’s true, though. Why did you get all pissy about it? Though I am not complaining. I won’t ever deny the opportunity to get between your legs.”
I felt like an idiot. David didn’t care what was said about him. He found it funny that was the word on the street. I thought he would be upset, but I was incorrect. “I was wrong. Sorry. It just bothered me that that was the thing he used to define you. You’re so much more. I won’t do it again.”
It suddenly hit him what I was doing. I was trying to defend him. “I appreciate what you did back there, but it’s not necessary. I wish I would have done it for you, though.”
I sighed heavily. We hadn’t gone down this road, yet. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. “It’s in the past.”
He pulled off on the side of the road and shut off the engine. There were no highway lamps or lights of any kind. Even the moon was hiding its brilliant light.
“Toni, I need to tell you something. You wouldn’t let me tell you then, so let me tell you now. I told you not to say anything because I didn’t want you to get hurt. It was easier they thought you were some dyke rather than a whore, because most people just left you alone. I didn’t want some asshole thinking you were easy and heaven forbid attacking you like that. I wouldn’t have been able to protect you and just thinking about it made me sick. I know what they were thinking about you, because I was thinking the same thing. You have always been beautiful, and I took advantage of your trust. I did the very thing I thought I was keeping you safe from. I don’t give a fuck what people think of me, because I destroyed the only person whose opinion mattered.”
His truth pained me as if a spear were running into my flesh. Hearing it put that way made sense, but I was so hurt at the time, I wouldn’t let him explain. It was still awful. The internal damn burst, and there was no holding back the tears in my eyes. I sat up in my seat, hopped the console into his lap and cried. Yeah, he fucked up more times than I could count, but when it came to me, he still tried. I was too caught up in my pain to see it. David’s arms cradled me tight as I soaked his t-shirt with tears. I could smell the day of sweat come off of his chest and permeate my senses. Although I was broken, there was nowhere else I wanted to be.
