Matthew had given her a scathing look. “Don’t you mean your guests, Linz? I didn’t invite any of these people here tonight. In fact, I had no idea you were hosting this party. Because if I had I would have spent the night at the condo. And a word of warning, hmm? If you try to pull a stunt like that on me again, I don’t care who I offend or how pissed off you get. I won’t get dragged into staying, and I also won’t hesitate to tell everyone exactly why I’m living here again. Temporarily, of course.”
Lindsey had reacted in mingled anger and panic. “You can be such a cold-hearted bastard at times, Matt,” she’d snarled. “And don’t you dare tell anyone about Hayley. She hasn’t said a word about the baby yet to any of her friends, so if you spill the beans ahead of time she’d never forgive you.”
He had thrown up his hands in frustration. “Christ, what’s she waiting for - the baby’s first birthday? She’s not going to be able to keep her little secret hidden for much longer. Once she reaches the four month mark, she’s going to start to show.”
Lindsey had given a casual shrug. “Maybe not quite that early. Hayley’s a tiny little thing, you know, and probably won’t gain much weight. It could easily be her seventh month before she starts showing.”
“Well, she’s going to need to stop hanging out by the pool all day with her friends, or going shopping or out to lunch, and make some hard decisions. If she’s serious about raising the baby - which I’m still dead set against - then she’ll need to find a nanny at some point. And if she chooses adoption, the far better solution under the circumstances, we should be meeting with a lawyer now and interviewing adoptive parents.”
But Lindsey had dismissed his concerns, stating that he was overreacting as usual. “She’s got plenty of time for all that, Matt. Though I seriously doubt she’s going to consider giving up the baby.”
Matthew had stared at her incredulously. “Please tell me that you are not encouraging her to keep this baby,” he had said, dumbfounded. “I’m amazed that you would be in favor of your teenaged daughter having a baby, especially since that would make everyone stop and think about how old you are. And for someone who works as hard as you do to look fifteen years younger, and who thinks it’s the greatest thing ever when people mistake you for Hayley’s sister, that’s a little surprising.”
Lindsey had seemed a bit taken aback, as though that had never occurred to her until now. “Well,” she’d demurred, “that’s not what’s really important, is it? I mean, think of it this way - the baby might be just what we need to bring us all together. To have us all be one big happy family again.”
He had burst out laughing at that point - actually, hooted would have more accurately described the noise - and given a shake of his head. “I never figured you to be delusional this way, Linz. So stop spinning your crazy fantasies, hmm? Hayley can have half a dozen babies, and it’s not going to bring me back to you. I will always be here for my children, but so far as I’m concerned I no longer have a wife, and haven’t for almost a year now. So if you’re nudging Hayley to keep this baby as a means to keep me, forget it. You and I are over, done, finished, and there’s nothing on this earth that’s ever going to change that.
Once again, her green eyes had shimmered with tears, and her voice had sounded hurt. “Why can’t you be nice to me once in awhile?” she’d pleaded. “Why are you always so mean, Matt? You never used to be this mean.”
“And you never used to sleep with every hot young stud you chatted up in a bar,” he’d replied lazily. “You reap what you sow, Linz. Never forget that. Now, you can have as many damned parties here as you like. Just try to give me a heads-up next time, hmm, so I can make other plans for the evening? And don’t bother sending me an invitation because I have zero interest in socializing with any of your friends. Or you, for that matter.”
That hadn’t been the end of it, however, as he’d fully expected. When he’d announced plans to take Casey back to Wisconsin with him for a week to visit his family, Lindsey had hinted broadly about coming along. Matthew had quite bluntly told her that she wasn’t invited, and moreover that she wasn’t welcome at his parents’ home any longer. She’d stormed off in yet another of her hissy fits, and he had hoped like hell that she had finally gotten the message.
Given her seductive, half-naked appearance in the kitchen this morning, though, he doubted that Lindsey would be giving up anytime soon. Fortunately, he knew exactly what she was trying to do, and resolved to go to even greater lengths than usual to avoid her completely.
He arrived at the baseball field just in time to see the first pitch thrown, and settled in to watch the game. Casey was the centerfielder for his team, and was usually always the leadoff batter given his excellent base running speed. Matthew cheered and clapped with the smattering of other parents watching, especially when Casey got a base hit, stole second, caught a long fly ball on the run, and then capped his game off with a double. His team won the game easily, and Matthew grinned to see how excited all the boys were as they congratulated each other on the win.
As he waited for Casey to gather up his things, Matthew couldn’t help imagining Sasha here at the game with him, cheering his son on even though she wouldn’t really understand most of what was going on. He chuckled to himself as he recalled a time when Casey had done his best to explain the basic rules of the game to Sasha, who’d been the first to admit she knew next to nothing about professional sports. Nonetheless, she had listened intently to Casey, asking him a question here and there, and he had been extremely pleased at her attention. Matthew scowled as he thought back to the game Lindsey had shown up at a couple of weeks ago, feigning an interest in her son that she’d never shown before. But instead of watching the game and making an attempt to cheer Casey on, Lindsey had spent almost the entire time checking her email or texting friends or touching up her makeup and hair. Matthew had thought sardonically that it was small wonder Hayley had picked up the same rude habits, considering what sort of a mother she had as a role model.
Dinner was a relaxed affair at a barbeque joint that was one of Casey’s favorite places. He licked the sauce off his fingers as he ate a rib, then washed it down with a gulp of lemonade.
“How’s your dinner, Dad?” inquired Casey as he speared a forkful of coleslaw. “You aren’t eating much.”
Matthew offered up an apologetic smile, and forced himself to eat a piece of brisket. “Dinner’s great, as usual. Never had a bad meal at this place, have we? But I guess I’m just not all that hungry tonight. Too much stuff going on at work as usual.”
Casey swallowed his food, then hesitated before continuing. “You, uh, seem kind of depressed these days, you know. Depressed and sad. Is it just work, or are you maybe missing Sasha?”
Matthew’s head jerked up in astonishment. “Jesus, are you really only fourteen years old? Sometimes I feel like you’re the adult and I’m the kid.”
Casey grinned. “Well, you’re the one who keeps telling me that I know way more about math and computers and programming than you did at my age. But it’s pretty obvious that you aren’t happy, Dad. And I’m sorry that you’ve got to go through all this. Especially since Hayley was always such a bitch to Sasha.”
“Casey,” warned Matthew. “What have I told you about using that word? And particularly about your sister. Not cool, buddy.”
Casey shrugged, unconcerned. “Sorry, but it’s true. And Sasha was always so nice to her. She was nice to everyone, you know? I miss her too, Dad. She was really cool, and I was just getting the hang of some yoga poses she was teaching me. Bummer.”
“Yeah, you can say that again.” Matthew set his fork down, even though his dinner was barely half-touched. “And you’re right. I’m sad because I can’t see her anymore. Or even talk to her on the phone. I wanted to keep in touch, maybe see her for lunch once in awhile, but she thought it was best to just call it quits. I asked a lot of her, you know, expected her to always be understanding. And that was wrong of me.
”
Casey drank down the rest of his lemonade, an uncertain expression on his face. “Uh, would you be mad at me if I told you that I still email Sasha sometimes? Like maybe once or twice a week. You know, just to say hi and all since she was nice to me.”
Matthew chucked his son on the chin playfully, his smile warm. “Of course I wouldn’t be mad. I think that’s great of you to keep in touch. How- how is she?”
“Okay. She doesn’t say much, you know, especially when it comes to email. But I think she’s okay. Just - well, she sounds kind of sad, too. I’m guessing she misses you as much as you do her.”
Matthew thought about Casey’s words the rest of the evening, fretting that his son was exactly right about Sasha also being sad. He longed to call her himself, or send her an email. Or, even better, to see her in person. But he refrained, wanting to respect her wishes, and knowing that he still had nothing to offer her, that his life was as screwed up as ever with no end in sight to the misery.
He watched a movie with Casey and Hayley, grimacing when Lindsey joined them - uninvited, of course - and made sure he sat as far away from her as possible. Afterwards, he spent an hour or so doing some research for MBI’s next big project, before deciding to call it quits for the night and head for the shower.
As he emerged from the en suite bathroom a few minutes later, he frowned to notice the lights in the bedroom were dim, and wondered if a bulb had just burned out. But it quickly became apparent how the lights had suddenly grown so much dimmer, and who was responsible.
A stark naked Lindsey was reclining provocatively on the bed, a deliberately seductive smile on her crimson lips. Briefly, clinically, his gaze traveled over her nude body, and observed absently that she was even skinnier than usual, her ribs clearly defined. Her extreme slenderness made the overlarge breast implants look even more ridiculous, more out of balance. And made him feel more than a little sick to his stomach, the barbequed brisket churning in his stomach.
“Get the fuck out of here,” he told her through gritted teeth, finding the robe she’d coyly draped over a chair and tossing it at her. “And cover up. I’ve never found the sight of pornography especially appealing.”
Lindsey’s mouth tightened at the implication that she looked like a porn queen, but remained stubbornly nude. “You used to like all of this,” she purred, cupping her breasts and tugging at the nipples. “When we first met, you couldn’t get enough of my body. Don’t you remember how eager you always were to fuck me, Matt? How you could barely last long enough to shove your big cock inside me? Mmm, we used to fuck like rabbits back then, you could go all night long. Want to see how well your endurance has held up over the years?”
“With you?” he scoffed, turning his back as he pulled clean clothes from his dresser. “Not in a million years. Now, get out so I can get some sleep. And don’t pull a little stunt like this again, got it? Otherwise, I’ll have a lock installed on the door.”
But instead of leaving, Lindsey crept up behind him on bare feet and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing the length of her petite body against his back. She began to slide one hand down towards his cock, which was fortunately covered by the towel he’d wrapped around his waist.
He clamped a hand viciously around her wrist, hard enough for her to cry out in pain. “What part of get out don’t you understand?” he hissed. “I realize your multitude of lovers aren’t in the habit of tossing you out of their bed, but then again we haven’t really been lovers for a long time, have we? Not in any way that matters.”
“Come on, Matt,” she purred, rubbing her rock hard implants - he refused to think of those revolting things as breasts - against his back. “You must be horny as hell by now, it’s been weeks and weeks since you’ve seen your little yoga teacher. And you may claim you don’t love me anymore, but you will absolutely love how I’m going to make your cock feel.”
Enraged that she would dare to mention Sasha, he broke away easily from her clinging hold. “I would happily go without sex for the rest of my life before I ever touched you again,” he bit out. “And,” he added slyly, “how do you know I haven’t seen Sasha? Since my living here doesn’t have shit to do with you, that means I don’t have to tell you a damned thing about my life. Now, for the last time, get the fuck out of my room.”
Lindsey had paled at his taunt. “I don’t believe you,” she whispered. “You don’t have it in you to be unfaithful to me.”
He hooted in disbelief. “You mean like you do? I wouldn’t be so sure of that, Linz. Besides, I never considered it as being unfaithful to you since in my mind we’ve long since been divorced. And now, since you seem so reluctant to leave, I’ll do the honors.”
He dressed quickly in the bathroom, making sure he bolted the door securely behind him, then grabbed his laptop bag, wallet, and keys upon his return to the bedroom. Lindsey still stood there in the middle of the room, though she’d thankfully pulled her robe back on.
“Where the hell are you going at this hour?” she asked in alarm.
“Well, there’s no way I’m sleeping in this bed again until the sheets have been changed,” he declared, “so I’ll spend the night at the condo. And stay the hell away from me from now on, Linz. Not only don’t I want you in my bed, I don’t want you in my life, either.”
Matthew was out of his room and down the stairs in a flash, and within minutes he was behind the wheel of the Tesla. He drove much faster than usual, given that it was a crystal clear summer night with practically no other cars on the road, and that he was struggling to keep his rage under control. He was furious with Lindsey, furious with himself, furious with the world. It had been scarcely a month since he’d moved back to Hillsborough, but sometimes it felt like a year.
He made it to the condo in near record time, barely acknowledging the concierge as he strode briskly to the bank of elevators. Fortunately he hadn’t moved all of his things out of the condo, and still had plenty of clothing, toiletries, and non-perishable food on hand.
He hadn’t been inside the condo since that awful day last month when he’d watched Sasha walk out the front door, taking his heart along with her. And as he stood just inside the foyer he could still see her tear-stained face, could still hear her soft voice as she sadly bid him good-by, and his heart ached anew at the recollection.
He dropped his laptop case on the sofa, then impulsively pulled out his phone and pressed speed dial for the number he had yet to delete. It rang several times, and since he knew his name would appear on the caller ID on the other end, he doubted whether the call would even be answered.
But he was startled when Sasha accepted his call, her melodious voice merely saying his name in greeting.
“Matthew.”
He recalled that she was one of the very few people who called him by his full name, nearly everyone else using the diminutive of Matt. And no one had ever said his name quite like she did, making it sound somehow like a caress.
“Sasha.” He closed his eyes for a few seconds, sending up a silent prayer that she was actually talking to him. “God, Sasha. It’s so damned good to hear your voice, sweetheart. And I know I promised I wouldn’t call, wouldn’t get in touch with you, but I - I just needed to hear the sound of your beautiful voice. Just this once.”
There was silence on the other end before she gently rebuked him. “You shouldn’t be calling, Matthew. You know this isn’t right.”
“Bullshit.” He knew he had probably shocked her with his passionate declaration. “Being with you, talking to you, is practically the only right thing I’ve known for the last year. These last weeks have been total hell, sweetheart, complete torture. I miss you so much, need you so much. I - I’m at the condo right now, long story, but Lindsey pissed me off big time and I just couldn’t stay at the house tonight.”
“I see.” She paused again before asking. “Was there a reason for your call, or did you just need to vent?”
He sighed, the slight ed
ge in her voice noticeable even though she seemed as polite as ever. “I didn’t plan to call you,” he admitted. “Not that I don’t fight off the urge every single day. It was just - this was the first time I’ve been back here since that day. And, well, all I can think about, all I can see, is the way you looked when you left that afternoon. It’s the same image that’s been haunting my dreams every night.”
“It hasn’t exactly been easy for me, either, you know,” she replied. “And having you call like this out of the blue isn’t making it any better.”
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I know I don’t have any right to call you, to use you as a sounding board. I just miss you so damned much, Sasha. My whole life has gone to hell since that day you left. And while I know I shouldn’t be contacting you this way, I just don’t give a damn tonight. I want more than anything for things to go back the way they were, to be with you again. And I know that my daughter needs me right now, but I need you just as badly. Will you - that is, if I came to pick you up, or sent a car for you, would you be willing to come over for a little while? Just to talk, have a cup of tea. Please?”
“Matthew. You know I can’t,” she chastised him quietly. “So long as you’re living in the same house with Lindsey, I just - can’t. So please don’t ask that of me. And please - don’t call me again. I do love you, Matthew, but nothing has changed. I have to protect myself from getting hurt, and seeing you, even for something as innocent as a cup of tea, would just break my heart all over again.”
He pressed a fist against his forehead, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on. “Okay,” he whispered. “I’ll abide by your wishes and won’t call you again. But I won’t stop thinking about you, Sasha, or loving you. Or wishing that I wake up tomorrow morning and find this has all been one long nightmare.”
Serenity (Inevitable Book 5) Page 32
