by Faye Avalon
His gaze fell to Erin’s throat, to the delicate flesh that he’d almost sunk his teeth into. He had barely been able to stop the excruciating desire to bite her, to mark her. To mate with her.
Mate.
Fuck it to hell. He was going insane.
The craving for air screamed in his lungs, and his head began to hammer with the lunacy of his thoughts.
He had to think. To reason. He needed perspective. And he wouldn’t get it here.
Silently, he padded down the stairs and into the kitchen. Only when Willa’s head snapped up did he remember the dog was sleeping there.
Ignoring her, Nathan headed to the French windows and flung them open. He switched off the security lights that flashed on, plunging the patio into darkness. Since the change had already begun, Nathan could see clearly and walked to the terrace at the side of his property.
He closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath and let the power fill him. His chest expanded, his arms lengthened, and fur began to emanate from his pores.
At the small whine next to him, Nathan opened his eyes and looked down. Willa sat beside him, tail swishing the floor, ears alert.
“Go back inside,” Nathan commanded, flicking his head toward the open door. “Go back.”
In response, Willa started panting, her tail in full-out wag mode.
Shit, Nathan thought. This was so not the time for Erin’s dog to decide she wanted to make friendly.
Willa gave another whine, her big eyes full of expectancy. It was then Nathan realized.
He drew in another breath, reaching down to run a claw lightly between Willa’s ears. “You know about me, don’t you, girl,” he murmured. “You sense what I am.”
Willa stood, her whole body undulating with excitement while she stared up at Nathan.
“Yeah. You know.” Nathan inhaled. “How do you feel about running with a big cat, huh? Want to give it a go?”
The dog’s ears twitched, which Nathan took as a yes.
He let the power come again. Allowed it to soar through his limbs, completing the transformation. His front paws made a light thudding sound as they hit the ground, his flesh burning as fur covered his body.
The scents of the moor invaded his nostrils, the familiar sound of animals scurrying across the ground and into the shrubbery hit his ears.
Fully formed, he glanced at Willa. The dog met his gaze, something like trust and acceptance shining in her dark eyes. Nathan inclined his head at the canine, then took off toward the moor.
He tempered his speed for the dog, enjoying Willa’s obvious delight in her new experience. Apart from the times he ran with Caleb or Tynan, Nathan preferred his solitude. But being with the dog brought a new perspective. Willa chased into the bushes, obviously after some nocturnal creature, ran in circles simply enjoying the freedom and raced with Nathan as he picked up speed.
A little over an hour later, they arrived back at the house. Exhausted, Willa slumped down on the side terrace, seemingly fascinated by Nathan’s shift back from panther to human.
Willa followed him dutifully into the kitchen and waited while Nathan swigged down water. Just as Nathan thought about checking the level of the dog’s water bowl, the kitchen was flooded with light.
Erin stood in the doorway, wearing his shirt. She blinked as her eyes adjusted, then she ran her gaze over his naked form. “What’s going on? Why is the door open?”
“I heard Willa bark,” Nathan improvised. “Thought maybe she needed to go outside.”
Seeing as his skin gleamed with perspiration, and both he and the dog were panting like their lives depended on it, Erin would need to be a fool to accept his explanation.
She was no fool.
Her eyes narrowed, and she glanced between him and her dog before her gaze came to rest on Nathan. Her look was full of suspicion, giving him cause to wonder if she had actually witnessed what had happened. But if she had, he was certain she wouldn’t be standing in his kitchen looking quite so relaxed. She’d be freaked the hell out and running for the nearest cop shop.
“Why do you both look like you’ve just run a marathon? What the hell have you been doing?”
Nathan felt the first snap of irritation. The run had cleared his head some, but now he felt confused again. The sheer presence of the woman exasperated him, made him think about things he had no right to think about.
Mating… Marking…
And damn it to hell if he was going to explain himself to anyone.
“What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing?” he snapped. “Can’t a man do what the hell he likes in his own home?”
Her chin went up, along with his annoyance levels. She wrapped her arms around herself. “Of course. And if you’ve got something bugging you, Nathan, then why don’t you just come out and say what it is?”
Erin warned herself to keep her voice steady. She didn’t want him to know how deeply his outburst had affected her. He had obviously picked up on the way she was feeling after they’d made love. Sensed that things had changed for her. Maybe he even knew that she was falling for him. If he did, was it any wonder that he was reacting like this? For a man like him, knowledge that a woman was developing feelings would have him running for the hills.
Whatever he knew or didn’t know, she could see that it was enough to make him break out in a cold sweat. Literally.
She watched him pick up one of the towels Willa had discarded from the pile that formed her bedding, and wipe it over his glistening flesh.
Since he obviously wasn’t going to elaborate, Erin folded her arms across her chest. “If you’ve changed your mind about wanting me to stay, that can be easily remedied.”
He threw the towel onto the countertop, his face a mask of grim irritation. “Just because I don’t like you questioning me doesn’t mean I want you out of here.”
“It’s more than that.”
Erin suspected his reaction stemmed from what had happened between them and what had changed when they’d made love. He’d sensed the shift in her feelings, and it had terrified the life out of him. Now, he was backing away from her. Leading up to that it’s been great but speech.
“Why don’t you go back to bed,” he said, turning away to throw the remnants of his water into the sink.
“What? For one last fuck?”
With his back to her, he scrubbed his hands through his hair. “Shit, Erin. I don’t know what the hell you want me to say.”
“Don’t choose now to hold back on saying whatever’s on your mind,” she snapped. “You’ve been chasing me from the moment we met. You wouldn’t take no for an answer. Even though I knew things would end like this, still you kept on pushing.”
He pressed his hands to the edge of the sink and leaned forward. “There are things you don’t know about me, Erin.”
“There are things you don’t know about me too.” When he remained silent and didn’t turn around, she took that as his answer. “Maybe it’s best it stays that way. For both of us.”
Still he gave her his back, and Erin turned away. Her throat burned with words she wanted to say, but couldn’t. With questions she wanted to ask, but wouldn’t. There was no point. It was over.
A sense of desolation accompanied her back upstairs, a feeling of dejection that pierced like a knife in her chest. But she wouldn’t give in to it. She had survived worse than a bad end to a brief fling.
Back in Nathan’s bedroom, Erin dressed quickly and stuffed the few things she’d brought with her back in her bag. She was about to leave the room when Nathan appeared in the doorway. “Where do you think you’re going?”
She glared up at him, making herself face him. “Take a wild guess.”
“Yeah well, you’re not driving across the moor at this hour.” He yanked the bag from her hand and threw it on the bed. “Get some sleep. You can leave in the mornin
g.”
He disappeared along the landing, each purposeful stride adding weight to Erin’s understanding that it was well and truly over between them.
Chapter Eleven
Erin couldn’t stop thinking about the events of the previous night and the way things had changed so suddenly between her and Nathan. Now he was done with her. Just as she was done with him.
She didn’t see him when she left and assumed he was still asleep. Although he’d obviously gotten up at some stage, because the gates to his property were open for her.
She drove home across the moor, and, despite her miserable mood, Erin couldn’t help but marvel at the sight of the low-lying mist blanketing the vast landscape. It was beautiful, but eerie too. In places, huge standing stones rose up from the mist like silent giants watching her pass by, while streaks of early sunlight broke through the clouds and shone their rays on granite blocks and dense shrubbery.
Erin had been slowly falling in love with the area, but she’d never seen it look quite so stunning as it did right that moment. It added to the poignancy of her decision, made her remember why she had promised herself never to become attached to anything, or anyone, until she was free to put down roots again. If she ever would be. Because it made it all the harder to leave, harder to accept the inevitability of that loss.
She had, she realized, already begun to put down roots. Already begun to develop feelings for people she’d met. Already fallen hard for a man despite her best intentions not to do so.
Her eyes misted, and she swiped at them. This had been her fault. She couldn’t just blame Nathan. Okay, he was a jerk, but it was her lack of self-control, her total disregard for what she knew to be the wisest option, that had brought her to this.
How many times had she warned herself off him? Too many to count. Still she’d allowed herself to be swept away on the tidal wave of passion.
Well, that was over now. She would go back to the life she had been slowly building, where it was just her and Willa. This thing with Nathan had been a temporary hiatus to that life, and one she didn’t plan on repeating anytime soon.
Erin stole a glance at her dog sleeping contentedly in the back. Willa was flat out. She didn’t usually snooze in the car, but then her sleep had been interrupted last night. Erin still couldn’t determine why on earth Nathan and her dog had looked for all the world as if they’d been out on a nocturnal run, but then, she didn’t know why Nathan did a lot of things. It wasn’t worth spending another moment trying to figure it out.
It was over now. She didn’t intend giving the man any more of her attention. At least, that was the plan. All she had to do was wait for her thoughts to get the memo.
And her heart.
* * * * *
Luckily, it was her shift in the coffee shop that morning. As always on market day, the town was busier than normal, and Erin was thankful for it. She was run off her feet, which left little time to lament her stupidity and mourn the loss of a man she had no business getting involved with in the first place.
A few minutes before Erin’s shift ended, Talia rushed in. “Can’t stop,” she said. “But just wanted to give you a heads-up. Naomi’s invited us over to her old place tonight. Primarily to get the deets on the honeymoon, but also because I’ve got this new pedicure foot spa thingy and thought we could try it while catching up on the gossip. Don’t bring anything. Naomi says she’s got pizza.”
“Why her old place?” Before the wedding, Naomi had moved into Tynan’s house, and they’d set up home together there. “I thought Naomi had plans to rent out her old apartment.”
“She has, but it’s still empty, and the guys are working over at her and Tynan’s place tonight, supposedly finishing off Tynan’s office, although that’s probably code for poker and beer.” Talia’s gaze swept to the display of pastries on the counter. “Oh hell. Coffee cake.” She shook her head emphatically. “No. I can’t. Really can’t. Anyway, see you at seven.”
With another mournful glance at the pastries, Talia swept out.
All Erin could do was stare after her. The woman was a veritable force of nature when she put her mind to it. Despite her low mood, Erin couldn’t help but smile. A girls’ night in with Talia and Naomi sounded like exactly what she needed right then, or it would have been if she didn’t fear the whole evening was a setup. She had a feeling that in amongst the gossip section of the program, high on the list would be her relationship with Nathan. The grapevine had likely been hard at work. Erin didn’t kid herself that no one knew about her and Nathan.
She was undoubtedly about to face the third degree from her friends but wasn’t entirely sure what she could tell them. No way could she confess her true feelings for Nathan, especially not after Talia had warned her off him.
Still, at least they were meeting at Naomi’s old apartment, which meant she wouldn’t chance bumping into Nathan at Tynan’s house, which was now Naomi’s home, too. She didn’t know if it was relief or disappointment that made her heart heavy. Maybe a mixture of both.
With a sigh, she served her last customer, then headed out.
* * * * *
“Let me get this straight. You stayed at his place?” The pizza slice held halfway to her mouth, Talia’s eyebrows rose. “All night?”
Erin didn’t miss the look that passed between Talia and Naomi. “What’s so unusual about that?”
The three women were seated on the floor of Naomi’s old living room, legs outstretched while the varnish dried on their newly painted toenails.
Naomi sipped fruit punch, her eyes meeting Talia’s over the rim of her glass. “Nothing. Just that Nathan doesn’t usually ask women to stay the night at his place, that’s all.”
Since both women now had their eyes averted, Erin definitely sensed something was going on. “After the way he reacted when I came down to the kitchen during the night, I can see why. He treats the whole place like a man cave. It was as if I should have stayed confined to the bedroom and not ventured downstairs during the night when I woke and he wasn’t there. When I found him in the kitchen, all I did was ask what was up. A perfectly reasonable question, since he looked like he’d just returned from a marathon run with my dog.”
Another loaded exchange of looks.
“Is something wrong?” Erin had started to wish she’d never said anything about her night at Nathan’s house.
“Nathan’s quite a solitary sort,” Naomi said, admiring her toes. “You probably took him unawares. Sometimes he has trouble sleeping and finds it difficult to go right through the night. It stems from his time in Special Forces.”
“What about it? What happened?”
“He won’t say, but I think he has some demons to slay.”
Was that why he’d woken in the night? Why his flesh glistened with sweat? Why he’d been irritated by her questions? Because he’d been slaying those demons? Had he been remembering heaven knew what horrors or monstrosities he’d had to deal with in the past? And while he suffered them all over again, she’d marched in and demanded an explanation.
Her heart squeezed.
“I didn’t know,” she said, placing her third and uneaten slice of pizza back down on her plate. “If I’d known—”
“Don’t go letting him off the hook,” Talia said, waving her pizza like a stick. “He still shouldn’t have acted like a moron.”
“Anyway, it’s probably just as well you ended things.” Naomi reached for the jug of fruit punch she’d made and topped up everyone’s glass. “Nathan’s not relationship material.”
“He’s not,” Talia agreed, catching Naomi’s look. “You’d be best just putting him down to experience and moving on.”
Which was exactly what Erin had been trying to convince herself of doing. “You’re right.” She sighed. “I should have listened to you, Talia.”
“I tried to warn her off him,” Talia explained
to Naomi. “At your reception.”
The two women maintained eye contact for several seconds, then Naomi looked at Erin. “Nathan and I once had a thing.”
“I gathered that.”
“It was an arrangement. Nothing serious. We just…scratched each other’s itch from time to time.”
Although she’d tried to reason that whatever Nathan had done before she’d met him was none of her concern, Erin couldn’t stop the flare of resentment. The ferocity of her reaction was just another indication that she’d allowed herself to become too much of an idiot about the man.
“What I’m trying to say,” Naomi explained, “is that Nathan doesn’t take women too seriously. We have his mother to thank for that.”
“I thought he loved his mother.”
“His adopted mother, yes. His birth mother abandoned him when he was a child.”
Erin snatched in a breath. “Does anyone know why?”
“She was young, a single mother. Apparently, the guy who knocked her up took off before she even knew she was pregnant. Nathan doesn’t find it easy to trust.”
Erin could hardly blame him. While her own mother had been indifferent, she had never walked out on her child. It must have been heartbreaking for a young boy to know his mother didn’t care for him enough to stick around.
More and more, she was feeling awful for ending things the way she had with Nathan. He hadn’t had it easy. Not only had he faced abandonment from his mother as a child, but he likely suffered horrendous memories from his time in Special Forces.
For sure he would have demons. Was that what he’d been referring to when he’d told her there were things about him she didn’t know?
“What happened to her?” Erin asked. “His birth mother.”
“She died,” Naomi said, “a few years after she left Bodmin. The rumor was that she was hooked on drugs.”
Erin tried to feel some pity for the woman. Surely she must have been desperate to have resorted to leaving her own child. But her overwhelming concern right then was for Nathan.
“Hell,” Naomi muttered. “Getting overstuffed on pizza has loosened my tongue. Please don’t let on to Nathan that I’ve told you any of this. He’d be mortified. He only spoke to me after we both got plowed one night.”
