Her lips tighten, eyes flashing as she meets my gaze. “I’m more offended when people tip-toe around me because of my past. Going by the way you’re filtering your language, you know what Justin did to me.” The second the words leave her lips, she visibly winces. “That was rude of me,” she says softly, her gaze lowering to the floor. “I’m sorry,” she mumbles before she abruptly turns her back on me, her hand reaching for the spoon in the frying pan.
I find myself staring at her back, my jaw clenching as I try to figure out what to say next that won’t make things worse. I can see how torn she is. She’s trying hard to be her own person, but when she says something that might have gotten her in trouble with her ex, she second guesses herself and feels the need to apologize. “Faith?”
“Yes?” she asks, still not turning around as she stirs the hamburger.
“Look at me.”
Her back tenses up even more, and she slowly turns around, her blue eyes wary.
“If you’re going to apologize to me, it better be because you did something that warrants an apology. Don’t fucking apologize for speaking your mind,” I say bluntly.
She stares long and hard at me, and I wonder what she’s thinking. Did I go too far? She eventually nods, smiling slightly. “I’m sorry. I’m just used—”
“Stop.”
Her voice halts as I cut her off.
“Stop apologizing.”
She draws in a deep breath and exhales slowly. Her expression shifts to determination, then inquisitiveness as her eyes flicker to my much shorter hair. “Why did you cut your hair?”
I reach up and run a hand through it. It’s about as short as Caleb’s, and it’s taking some getting used to. “I’m in my third year and doing an off campus clinical. I figure I should start looking more professional. That, and I was in the mood for a change,” I say with a shrug.
Her eyes roam over my face. “I like it,” she says sincerely with another one of those beautiful smiles that light up a room.
“I’m glad someone does,” I say dryly.
“Why do you say that?”
“Z laughed her ass off when she saw me, and Jeremy’s been acting like a dick.” I decide right here and right now that I’m not going to hold back where Faith is concerned. She wants me to act normal around her, and that’s what I’m going to do.
Chapter Six
Faith
I’m finding it difficult to keep my mind on my job. It keeps drifting to Ace and our conversation last night when he’d stayed for dinner. For someone so good-looking, he was surprisingly easy to open up to. Usually guys like him intimidate me or leave me tongue-tied. I don’t know what it is about Ace, but he makes me feel comfortable.
As I wipe down a table near the windows, I fight back a smile. I can’t remember the last time I felt this good or content with life. I’m finding it easier to move on with life knowing Oliver is far, far away. As long as he doesn’t suddenly disappear off my family’s radar, I’m safe. It’s easy to put the fear behind me when I have nothing to fear here.
The bell above the cafe’s door jingles, announcing another customer. I glance up, a ready smile on my face when I see it’s Zoey and Bev. I’d met Zoey's friend at the karaoke bar last week when I’d tagged along with Caleb and Zoey for an evening out.
Zoey grins when she sees me. “I am in desperate need of sugar,” she announces as she walks over to the table I’d just cleaned and drops down into a chair. It's late afternoon, and I'm assuming they just left campus.
Bev smiles as she pulls out the other chair. “Hey, Faith.”
“Hi. What can I get you guys?” My mood brightens even more at the prospect of chatting with these two women. I’m pretty sure they’re here to see me rather than dropping in just for coffee and cookies. Zoey’s definitely growing on me. I like her directness.
Zoey glances at the chalkboard up front where all the all the drinks and snacks are listed in big, bold print. “I’ll take an iced cappuccino and a couple of butter pecan cookies. What about you Bev?” she asks, glancing at her friend.
“I’ll just take a café mocha.”
“I’ll be right back.” I make a move to walk away, but Zoey’s voice halts me. “You take a break yet, Faith?”
I glance at Flynn, my co-worker today. He’s behind the counter and cleaning the espresso machine since the afternoon has been slow. He looks up when he hears Zoey’s question, and his hazel eyes meet mine. “Go for it.”
“I’ll join you in a minute,” I tell Zoey and Bev before I walk behind the counter to retrieve the drinks and cookies they'd requested. Flynn, upon hearing Zoey’s and Bev's orders, begins to make their drinks. When they are ready, he hands them off to me. “Thanks,” I tell him and then I join the two women that are quickly becoming friends to me. One of them had pulled up a third chair, and I sink down on it, setting Zoey's cookies and their drinks on the table along with their separate bills.
Bev leans in close to me, her hazel eyes sparkling with mischief. “Your co-worker is kind of cute. Is he single?” she whispers.
I glance back at Flynn, who has his back to us. He is pretty cute. He’s a few years older than me and seems genuinely nice. His girlfriend has been in once already today just to say ‘hi’ to him. “He’s taken,” I tell her.
Bev shrugs. “The good ones always are,” she says with a playful pout.
“Yeah, right. We both know you’re not looking for a good one. You’re having too much fun with the bad ones,” Zoey laughs as she picks up a cookie and breaks it in half, offering me part of it.
“Thanks.” I take a bite as the conversation continues.
Bev smirks at Zoey, tossing her long, dark hair over her shoulder. “Well, when they’re bad, they’re really good in bed.”
Zoey snickers. “All you have to do is find a good guy that has a naughty side.”
“Does Caleb have a twin?” Bev taunts.
Zoey throws a crumb at her, making Bev giggle. “Stay away from my man,” she warns while looking amused by the entire conversation.
“I’m not after your man. I asked if he has a twin.”
“Same thing if you ask me.”
“Are most of your friends single, Zoey?” I ask curiously, hoping for a little insight into Ace’s life. I’m assuming he doesn’t have a girlfriend, or he wouldn't have left with that random brunette from the bar the first night I met him.
“None of them are dating anyone seriously except AJ,” Zoey confirms.
Bev let's out feminine snort. “Ace and Jeremy probably don't even realize the word “girlfriend” exists, let alone know its definition. They’d have to look it up in the dictionary.”
“They date a lot?” I press, unable to keep my mouth shut. I guess I’m not surprised. Jeremy’s almost as hot as Ace, and it’s obvious they could have any girl they want.
“Worse,” Zoey muses.
“How bad is worse?”
Bev studies me before focusing her attention on Zoey. “You warn her off them yet?”
Zoey shakes her head as she reaches for her cappuccino. “Not yet, but I am right now.” She turns to face me. “Admire them from a distance, but don’t even think about falling for either one. They consider women ‘fuck toys.’ That’s all we are to them.”
“Thanks, bitch,” Bev says dryly as she reaches for one of Zoey's cookies.
Zoey smirks at her. “You enjoy being a ‘fuck toy.’ Admit it.”
I watch the two of them and can’t help but smile. I’ve never been around people that are as outspoken as Caleb’s fiancée and friends. It’s fun to listen in on their conversations.
Bev’s lip curves in a sensuous grin. “Guilty. Ace can tie me up all he wants. That one knows how to fuck like there’s no tomorrow.”
Her admission has me starting with surprise, and I struggle not to look too crestfallen at the news. “You’ve been with Ace?” I blurt. “He ties up girls?”
Bev looks at Zoey and quirks a dark eyebrow.
Zoey shrugs. “She com
es off as completely innocent, but I know there’s a dirty girl in there somewhere.” She focuses her attention back on me. “Ace is a bit kinky,” she explains. “It’s the only way he fucks, but he’s got an endless supply of willing women. He makes the experience quite memorable.”
“Oh, he definitely does,” Bev agrees.
I feel jealousy form in the center of my chest as I study Bev. She’s tall and exotic looking with her mocha skin and cat-like, hazel eyes. She’s just like Zoey, stunning. I feel my insecurities rising and quickly decide to switch the topic before I make too big of a deal out of Ace’s sexual tendencies. I barely know the guy, it’s stupid to be bothered by it.
“You say Jeremy’s just as bad?” I ask, wanting to shift the topic away from Ace.
“He’s not into kink. At least not that I’m aware of. But he has turned into a complete manwhore lately.” Zoey shakes her head, reaching for her drink. “Don’t go beyond the friend zone with either one of them,” she warns.
I nod, trying not to look like I care either way.
“You going to AJ’s party tonight?” Bev asks Zoey as she opens her purse and pulls out a dark purple cell phone. She quickly types something before setting it aside.
“Yeah, we’re going.” Zoey looks at me. “You’re going, too.”
“I am?”
This earns me one of ‘those’ looks. “You can’t hide out in your apartment every night. How are you going to meet anyone if you’re hiding all the time?”
“I’m not hiding,” I protest.
“Liar. You’ve turned down invitations lately from both me and Caleb.”
“That’s because I don’t want to be a third wheel.” Not to mention I'm not used to going out nightly like they are. These people seem to have a crazy social life, and I've never had one before. It feels like the second I stepped off the plane, Zoey and Caleb took over my life. I find myself going and doing things that I wouldn't normally do. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? I have no idea. I guess only time will tell.
“You wouldn’t have to worry about being a third wheel if you'd make more friends,” Zoey states pointedly in response to my comment.
Bev gives me a reassuring smile. “I’ll be there. You won’t be a third wheel.”
* * *
I feel awkward.
It also doesn’t help that I’m wearing a halter top. I couldn’t talk my way out of it earlier with Zoey. I hadn’t had the nerve to bring up my insecurity about my scars, so I’d put it on and made sure to keep my hair falling down my back. If I pull it over my shoulder in any way, people will see the evidence of Justin's attack.
Back in Harrison, I’d never dared to wear what I’m wearing right now. How is it that Zoey keeps getting her way all the time? It’s impossible to tell that girl no.
I chew my bottom lip and gaze down at the red liquid in my plastic cup. I haven’t touched it since we arrived. I don’t like to drink. As I look up and scan the crowded frat house, I realize I don’t like parties, either. I’m not sure what to do. I’m not good at making small talk with strangers. And even though Zoey promised me I wouldn’t be a third wheel, I am indeed the loner of the group.
Zoey and Caleb are sticking close to me, but it’s awkward since they keep touching each other. Last I saw, Caleb had his hand on Zoey’s butt while she spoke with Nina. AJ’s usually in the vicinity of Nina, so if he doesn’t have his arm wrapped around her, he’s a few feet away talking to friends—though his blue eyes inevitably keep flickering back to his fiancée.
I find myself feeling envious. As I witness how AJ and Caleb interact with their fiancées, I realize just how messed up my relationship had been with Justin. Justin used to watch me with a territorial look in his eyes. Caleb and AJ, on the other hand, act like they simply care what their fiancées are doing.
My eyes return back to my cup as I try to sort out my thoughts. Justin controlled me in so many ways. As I stare at the red liquid, I realize I’m tempted to drink it. I want to do all the things that Justin never allowed me to do. Unfortunately, old habits die hard. The last and only time I’d gotten drunk, I’d ended up arguing with Justin, and I’d ended up paying the price for it later.
A soft sigh escapes me as I let my gloomy thoughts envelop my mind. Justin wasn’t as abusive as everyone seems to think he was. At least not physically. Yes, there were times where he’d grab me too roughly or push me around, but he’d never hit me. The worst thing he’d ever did was attack me with that knife that fateful afternoon. Instead, Justin liked to abuse me in other ways. He’d get into my head, figure out my insecurities and use them against me to make me do what he wanted.
God, I let him get away with so much, and I still don’t understand why. I should have fought his controlling ways, so why hadn’t I? I know part of it is because I simply got used to it, and another part was because I felt I didn’t deserve anyone better. Justin was very good-looking. Me…I’m just the girl next door type. He told me all the time that I was lucky he was showing interest in me. That there would be no better for me. No one would ever be interested in a flat-chested girl with a boyish figure. He had even made fun of my freckles across the bridge of my nose and cheeks. He made me feel almost stupid at times. He constantly put me down.
So why had I stayed?
I wish I had all the answers. I saw a therapist right up until I left for Long Beach, and I still have unanswered questions that only I can provide. But yet I can’t. There is no clear explanation for why I put up with the stuff that I did. At least not one that I can find within myself. I’ll never truly know why I stayed so long.
“Did you learn anything?”
My head pops up, and my eyes meet Jeremy’s. I never heard him approach—but here he stands—all six feet and two inches of him. He’s a very attractive man, but he doesn’t make my belly tighten like Ace does. “Excuse me?” I ask in reference to his question.
He smiles slightly and nods at my still untouched drink. “You were looking at your drink as if it held all the answers in the world.”
I feel my lip quirk in the corner. “Nope. No answers.”
His brown eyes turn playful. “You still look way too sober. And you look bored. Come dance,” he says, reaching out and plucking my drink out of my hand. He hands it off to Zoey, who accepts it and then turns back to her conversation with Caleb.
I shake my head quickly. “No, I don’t dance.”
Jeremy reaches for my hand. “Eh, it’s not really dancing so no worries,” he says as he tugs me away from the shelter of our small group.
“No, really. I can’t,” I protest, trying to pull my hand from his larger one.
I feel a warm hand settle on the center of my back. “Too bad,” I hear Zoey say before she pushes me right into Jeremy’s awaiting arms. My chest slams into his, and I let out a little squeak as Jeremy’s arms wrap around me. He’s laughing softly as he pulls me out among the group of people dancing to loud music.
He leans down and says in my ear, “Don’t ever piss that one off.”
I give up trying to pull away and gaze up at him with a rueful look. “Tell me something I don’t already know.”
He chuckles and slips his hands down my hips, urging me to dance with him.
“Really, I don’t dance,” I protest.
“Have you ever tried?”
Justin hadn’t taken me to any parties, and I shake my head.
“Well, now is the time to learn. C’mon, Faith. It’s just dancing,” he coaxes.
I give up the fight and try to follow his encouraging suggestions, but my movements are stiff, my lips tense. This is not fun.
Jeremy laughs. “All right, you’re a lost cause,” he agrees before he pulls me up flush against his masculine body.
I look up at him, lips parting with surprise. “What are you doing?”
“Dancing,” he says innocently as he peers down at me with warm eyes.
After a shake of my head, I give up and let him have his way. He dances for us, and all
I have to do is sway. The fact that I have a hot guy practically grinding against me should turn me on to some extent, but I just feel awkward. I know Jeremy has no real interest in me, he’s just trying to loosen me up. Maybe that’s the problem; I don’t sense any real interest from him.
As my eyes skitter around the room, they collide with dark gray ones. Ace is across the room standing with a group of guys. A pretty blonde hangs all over him, but his eyes are on me. I’d been disappointed earlier at the sight of Ace surrounded by so many women—all of them flirting in hopes of going home with him. We’d barely said one word to each other since I arrived with Caleb and Zoey. But seeing his eyes on me instead of the blonde in his arms has me smiling slightly.
The corner of his lip quirks, and he looks genuinely pleased to see me. The blonde in his arms chooses that moment to stand up on tiptoe and whispers something in his ear, drawing his attention back to her.
I turn my head and avoid looking his way again. I’m sure he’ll be leaving shortly with the blonde. When the song ends, I can’t be talked into another one, so Jeremy escorts me back to the small group. Zoey says something to me, and I just nod and smile.
I just want to go home. This isn’t my scene, and I’m not comfortable with it. As I stand here, feeling like a kid being babysat, I feel bitterness develop within me. People are laughing and dancing; everyone is having a good time. How do they do it? How do they let go and relax? Why can’t I? How do I go about finding myself when all I want to do is go back to the safety of my apartment?
All of a sudden, I feel suffocated in this crowded house.
I tap Zoey on the shoulder to pull her focus away from Caleb. “I’m going to use the restroom.”
Zoey automatically turns away from Caleb. “I’ll come with.”
Enough is enough. I shoot her an exasperated look. “I can go to the bathroom on my own.” Do I really look like I can’t even handle finding a restroom? Do I look that pathetic?
“Okay. We’ll be right here,” Zoey says lightly.
My need to be polite wins out, and I flash her a smile before turning and disappearing into the crowd. Instead of searching for the nearest bathroom, I make my way to the front door of the house, and I push past a few guys and step outside.
Building Faith (Long Beach Series Book 2) Page 5
