Building Faith (Long Beach Series Book 2)

by Dani Matthews

  Confusion flashes across Ace's face. He eases away from me to sit up in bed, causing Daisy to move where she'd been laying near his feet. I sit up too, clutching the sheet to my bare chest so that we can face one another. My eyes can't help but dip to his waist. The sheet is low on his hips, and I see a hint of his light blond pubic hair. I can feel my body responding to his near nakedness. I'm pretty sure I'll never get enough of him.

  Ace chuckles knowingly. “Talk first, then sex,” he teases. “Now, tell me what's on your mind. Other than sex,” he adds.

  I look at him tentatively. “Can we revisit the topic of restraints?” It's like his expression goes completely blank. I have no clue what he's thinking, and he's gone silent. I can't resist reaching out and touching his arm near his bicep. “I don't want to fight about it, but I would like to discuss it sometime when you're willing to hear what I have to say on the topic.”

  He sighs, and his eyes focus on mine. “Can it wait until morning? I don't have a practice to attend, so that gives us some extra time before I have to hit the campus. Right now, I'd rather just hold you.”

  “I'd like that,” I agree lightly, even though I'm disappointed he's once again avoiding the conversation—not to mention he no longer wants to have sex. I wonder if he'll follow through with the promise of our conversation tomorrow and be willing to talk about it, or will he make another excuse?

  * * *

  I've gotten in the habit of waking up early, so it's no surprise to me that Ace is still out cold when I stir in the bed the next morning. After yawning and carefully easing away from him, I quickly slip on a cami and short set before heading to the kitchen. Daisy is right on my heels, anxious for her breakfast.

  After I feed Daisy, I quietly pull out a griddle and set it on the stove. Whenever Ace spends the night, I try to send him off for the day with a full stomach. I'm just finishing the pancakes and piling the last one on a plate when I see Ace ambling into the living room.

  He looks delicious this morning in nothing but a pair of jeans. The “V” at his hips snags my attention, and I study his lower abdomen as he walks towards me. Ace keeps himself in prime physical condition, and it definitely shows. He's commented that he's been skipping the campus gym lately to spend more time with me, and I'm going to have to start pushing for him to stick to his normal routine. I don't want to take over his entire life or have him feel that I'll be upset if he doesn't spend every minute of spare time with me.

  “I like it when you look at me like that,” Ace murmurs as he tugs me into his arms and holds me against his bare chest. I snuggle close, pressing my cheek against his smooth skin. I think my favorite place to be is right here in his arms. I feel him kiss the top of my head. “You made pancakes? I'm absolutely spoiled, and I love it.”

  I pull back from his chest and look up at him with a smile. “You deserve it.”

  He lets go of me and pats his flat stomach. “You're going to make me fat.”

  “Fat or not, I'll still adore you,” I assure as I move away to get the butter from the refrigerator while Ace grabs a couple of forks from the silverware drawer. A second later, we're settling at the counter to eat.

  “Feels good not to be rushing around this morning,” he comments as he cuts into his pancakes.

  “Tomorrow's the weekend, so we can sleep in if you spend the night—”

  “What's this 'if' you're referring to?” Ace cuts in, his gray eyes focusing on me with amusement. “I want to be in your bed 24/7 until you literally kick me out.”

  I shake my head and laugh as I turn my attention back to my pancakes and spear the section I'd cut off. “That'll probably never happen,” I tell him.

  Right now, all we want to do is have sex. I'm sure eventually the newness of it will wear off, and we'll actually start spending our spare time outside of the bedroom again. But for now, if all he wants to do is hang out in bed, I'm definitely agreeable with that plan.

  We finish eating, making light conversation until our plates are in the sink and it's time for him to take a shower. I'm disappointed that we're not going to have the conversation that I'd been hoping for, and Ace must see the crestfallen look on my face, because he stands there with a resigned look. “You still want to have that talk, don't you?”

  I nod.

  He runs a hand through his messy, blond hair, betraying how agitated he is over the topic. “Fine. I'm listening,” he says as he crosses his arms, clearly bracing himself for whatever I have to say. He's standing between the living room and kitchenette, and I'm still near the island counter. It doesn't escape my notice that there's about ten feet of space between us, and he's not making an effort to come any closer.

  As I gaze at him, I wonder if I'm pushing too hard too soon. Do I even have a right to point out the obvious if he doesn't want to see it? He doesn't move as he watches my emotions cross over my face. The fact that he's offering no comfort, when under normal circumstances he would, tells me that I might be going about this the wrong way.

  I'm suddenly feeling uncertain.

  Earlier, it had made sense to confront him and get him to realize that what he likes is okay. That it's all right to still want to use restraints even if he does trust me. It's not a bad thing, and it's even normal. A lot of people like to use them to spice things up. How do I know this? Research. I'd borrowed Flynn's laptop the other day while I'd been on break.

  Ace breaks the heavy silence as he says sardonically, “It's too late to backtrack now. You've made it clear you have something to say about it, you might as well put it out in the open so we can deal with it.”

  His tone has me giving him a look. “It would help if you'd meet me half way and not act so standoffish.”

  Ace's eyes narrow. “Babe, you know this is a topic I don't want to discuss.”

  Now, I fold my arms over my chest too. “Then remember that the next time you bring up Justin and I get annoyed with you for pushing me to talk about him when I’d rather not.”

  “Ah, hell,” he mutters. “The last thing I want to do is fight with you, Faith,” he says honestly.

  “I don't want to fight with you, either.”

  “Then why are we having this conversation at all?”

  “We're having it because I care about you. I think you're avoiding the fact that your need for restraints has become a part of you.” I watch as his lips flatten and his expression hardens. “Ace, I want all of you, not just part of you,” I tell him boldly.

  Frustration flashes across his face as he unfolds his arms and waves them in the air with irritation. “You have all of me!”

  “No, I don't! Bev's seen a side of you that I haven't. I want that side, too! Stop treating me like I'm breakable and can't handle it.”

  “I don't need to tie you down to have sex with you!” he practically shouts.

  I draw in a deep breath and say calmly, “Look at yourself. I bring it up and you get defensive. If you didn't care about it so much, you wouldn't be reacting this way.” I take a step towards him, hoping to salvage this argument before it goes further downhill. I touch his arm, and it tenses beneath my fingers. “It's okay to like domination by restraint, and I want to experience it with you.”

  A muscle ticks in his jaw as he stares down at me with angry eyes. “That kind of domination means shit; there is nothing meaningful about it. To me, it means just a screw. You are more than that,” he says tightly.

  I realize I'd been right all along. His need for it has been a way for him to deal with what had happened at camp, that's easily obvious. He's seen it as a way to take control, a way to have sex safely without fear. The saddest part is, he now connects it with that camp counselor and what she did to him. He felt dirty after that summer, and now he sees it as something just as dirty.

  “I get that I am more,” I assure as I gaze up at him. “But have you ever considered that the idea of being restrained and at your mercy turns me on?” I dare to ask.

  He's silent now.

  “What if I liked
being whipped during sex? How would you feel if I asked someone else to do that for me but not you? Wouldn't you want to be the one to give me what I need?” I ask gently.

  Ace's expression darkens further. “I'm not going to anyone else, Faith. Is that what you're afraid of? You think I'm going to cheat on you because I'll want how it used to make me feel?”

  “What exactly did you feel?” I ask, zeroing in on what he'd just said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “It made you feel safe and in control, that much I know. But if you did it over and over again, then you likely enjoyed it, right? Did it turn you on? Excite you? Did you crave the next time you could feed that dominant side of yourself?” I press. “Does the idea of having me naked and restrained turn you on?”

  His jaw clenches, and he looks away. It's a dead giveaway that everything I'm saying is correct. He shakes his head, frustration radiating off him as he peers at me with conflicted eyes. “I bound them because I didn't trust them. I trust you.”

  I reach out and grab his hand, my fingers slipping through his. “And I trust you. It may have started out as a trust issue, but like it or not, you enjoy it. A lot. Why won't you try it with me?”

  “Because I fucking love what we do!” he insists as his voice breaks slightly with emotion. “Toss in restraints, and I'm afraid things will change. I don't want us to be about that when it is the equivalent of distrust to me. I don't want that with you, Faith.”

  “It won't be,” I assure him as I touch his shoulder with my free hand, wanting to comfort him. I hate that I'm the reason he's so upset right now.

  “You don't know that,” he argues. “To me, it was all about meaningless sex. Nothing, and I mean nothing is meaningless when it comes to you. I don't want to dirty up what we have. You're the first real and pure thing I've ever had in my life. I don't want to ruin it with my twisted fucked up needs,” he says with a hint of desperation in his tone.

  There it is again.

  He sees it as something that is wrong when he has no clue that a lot of healthy people explore it. In fact, it's pretty light stuff compared to hardcore bondage. But how do I get him to understand that what he likes is okay? I do understand where he's coming from with his fears. It makes sense. But the biggest problem is the fact that tying a woman down turns him on—plain and simple. It's something he genuinely likes. I don't want him to ignore that side of himself because he's worried it'll somehow sully me.

  “First off, using restraints has been about distrust for you, but with us, it would be all about trust. Ace, do you think I'd let just anyone tie me to a bed? I'm trusting you with my body, with all of me.” I reach up and touch the side of his face while I talk softly. “Tie me up, and show me the beauty you see in my body. Show me how much you like it, show me how you feel. We'll make it different. Better. It'll be our thing for when we're in the mood to add a little extra spice to our sex life. It doesn't have to be all the time, but once in a while is perfectly healthy. Give me that side of you that you want to hide, and let me show you that it's okay. It. Is. Okay.” I bite my lip and then give him a shy smile. “Would it make you feel better if I admit that I have a few fantasies I wouldn't mind trying out, but I haven't dared ever voice them because it's...pretty naughty?”

  His gray eyes widen and just like that his mood shifts. “Tell me,” he instantly orders.

  My face goes beat red at the thought of admitting them to him. I will someday. But for now, I want to concentrate on him. “Let's explore what you like first, and then we'll explore what I'd like to try. Can we do that?”

  “Do you have to have an answer right this second?” he asks warily.

  I shake my head. “No, of course not. I just wanted to give you some things to think about. And Ace? Do some research yourself when you get the chance. I promise you, there's nothing wrong with what you like.”

  He slowly nods, then his eyes light up with avid curiosity. “How naughty are these fantasies?”

  Oh, Lord. When I have to admit them to him, it's going to be mortifying. “Um...I guess for me they are very naughty. You, on the other hand...” I shrug. “Your definition of naughty is probably a lot different than mine.”

  “Do they involve toys?”

  Is it possible for my face to go redder?

  His eye gleam. “Babe, you're going to have my imagination working overtime today.”

  Which was the entire point of confessing it to him. It lightened the situation, and it’ll give him a reason to want to explore his own sexual needs when he knows I've got some things I'd like to try as well. We can explore them together.

  * * *

  While I work, my mood is upbeat. My conversation with Ace had gone better than I'd expected this morning. Maybe, just maybe, I'd finally gotten through to him. All I want is for him to be comfortable with who he is. Our relationship will never work if he feels like he needs to hide parts of himself or if he tries to be someone he's not. Ace has shown me that it's okay for me to be me. I've learned so much about who I really am since I've moved here. The last thing I want is for Ace to feel that he can't be himself around me.

  As I pick up a couple of small plates off a table and take them behind the counter to put them in the dirty dish bin, I turn thoughtful. I never considered myself a romantic, but lately I've had a feeling that perhaps I should be thanking fate for where I am today. I truly believe that I was meant to meet Ace so that he could show me what life is really about. He's healed the parts of me that were still hurting when I'd arrived, and I feel like a new person. Ace was meant to heal me, and I'm going to heal him...if I can. He'll never forget his past, just like I'll never forget mine. But I can help him get past it as long as he'll allow it.

  We both need each other.

  The bell above the glass door jingles as a customer enters the café. When I see that it's Zoey, I smile warmly at her. She must be dropping by in between classes. For the past hour it's been pretty slow, so I'm thankful for the distraction. There are only two customers in the café, and they are sitting across the room at one of the small tables, chatting. I've been cleaning for the last thirty minutes since there's nothing else to do, and I'm on my own today.

  “Afternoon,” I greet as I walk towards her.

  Zoey gives me an odd smile. “Hey. Do you have a minute?”

  Going by her expression, something is going on. Had Caleb told her about Oliver? My eyes dart to the customers, and they are completely immersed in their own conversation. “Sure. It's slow, so I can sit for a bit,” I tell her as I lead her to a small table on the opposite side of the room.

  We settle in at the table, and the sunlight filters in through the window, making our little corner look downright cheerful. I wait for Zoey to start the conversation. She sets her purse on the table, and tension is radiating off her in waves. “I ran into Logan last night,” she announces as she watches me with an eerie unblinking stare.

  I stare back with confusion. Logan? What does he have to do with anything? Then it sinks in. I lied and said I'd slept with him, and Zoey's bold enough to have brought it up to him. I feel my face flush with embarrassment as I think of Logan's probable bewilderment at Zoey's assumption he'd had sex with me.

  Zoey glowers at me. “Judging by your expression, you know how my conversation with Logan went down.”

  What's there to say? She already knows I lied. I drop my eyes to the table's surface and wait.

  “Who was it, Faith? Please tell me you're not sleeping with Ace.”

  I don't dare look at her.

  “Damn it, Faith. Ace? Ace? Are you out of your ever lovin' mind?” Zoey demands.

  “No, I'm not.” I look up and meet her angry gaze. “It's not what you think.”

  “Not what I think?” she echoes. “It's exactly what I think. Ace can't keep his dick in his pants when it comes to anything female. I can't believe he did this! I'm going to kill him,” she seethes.

  Things are about to get bad if I can't calm her down. I quickly reach
and touch her hand. “Zoey, will you let me explain?”

  Her lips tighten. “There's nothing to explain. He's good at getting his way, especially with the opposite sex. But going after you is taking it way too far. Caleb's going to kill him. I'm going to as well, because this is going to affect everyone. Everyone, Faith.”

  “I love him!” I blurt out.

  Zoey draws in a sharp breath, her brown eyes turning alarmed. “You've fallen in love with him?”

  I glance over her shoulder to check on the customers in the corner, and they're still happily chatting. I turn back to her. “We started out as friends, Zoey. It wasn't anything more until a few weeks ago. We've always been attracted to one another, but things just...happened one evening.” Zoey's mouth opens but I hold up a hand to stop her from interrupting. I continue, “We didn't dive into bed, if that's what you're thinking. We gave each other space to think things over, and then we sat down and discussed what to do. It was evident that we had to decide if our friendship was worth putting on the line for something that could be more. We looked at it from all angles, but in the end, it was obvious what we both wanted. This isn't just some 'friends with benefits' situation. Ace is committing to me, to just me. It's a real and solid relationship we're building.”

  Zoey looks sad as she gazes at me. “You're fooling yourself, Faith. Ace won't let himself get close to anyone like you want him to. He's never going to be what you want him to be.”

  “He's already what I want him to be. He's everything I've ever wanted, and Ace and I are much closer than you think.”

  She begins shaking her head. “No, he's got issues—”

  “Issues that I understand,” I interrupt. “I come with my own baggage, and he's the one who's pushed me to deal with it. We've talked about a lot of things, Zoey. You're also forgetting that we started off as friends first. He's helped me in more ways than you'll ever understand. I'm perfectly aware of the fact that Ace has his own issues, and we're working on it. This isn't just about sex. There are real feelings involved.”