Jathan looked back over his shoulder and then waded out of the lake. He wasn’t surprised that someone had left towels and clean clothes nearby. No combs or brushes, though. His hair would be unruly, but otherwise he could make himself reasonably presentable.
Chapter 17: Confusion
Jathan found Ailsa leaning against the trunk of one of the giant trees along the promenade as if she was drawing strength from it. As a green mage, maybe she was. “You don’t seem to be very happy here.”
Ailsa jumped at the sound of his voice and turned toward him as if she hadn’t heard his booted tread on the boardwalk. “Oh. It’s not that. I love it here.”
Jathan took another step nearer to her. “But you’re not happy.”
Ailsa attempted a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “I am when we’re out exploring the forests. It’s only when we come back that . . . I have too much time to think.”
“What do you think about that makes you so sad?” Jathan asked.
Ailsa sighed. “Going back to Far Terra. I have to. No one else can do what I can for Far Terra.” She swallowed what might have been a sad kind of chuckle. “Well, I suppose you could, but you don’t know Far Terra the way I do. You’re not from there.”
“So, why does that make you sad? I guarantee things won’t be the same when you go back. If nothing else, you will have changed.”
Ailsa shook her head. “Oh yes they will. The important things will, anyway. King Ewart isn’t about to let that change. He can’t. If anything, it’ll be even more . . . lonely.”
Jathan stepped forward and took her hands. “It doesn’t have to be that way.” He freed one hand to tip her face up to his. “I’ll give you two reasons to stop worrying about that. The first is my stepfather. I know he’s not happy with the way Far Terra is being run.”
Ailsa clutched Jathan’s hands. “But he’s not going to do anything about it. What can he do?”
Jathan chuckled, rubbing Ailsa’s palms with his thumbs. “What can’t he do? Have you ever read the treaty that reunited Far Terra with the empire? It gives the emperor very broad powers. Now, I know my stepfather. Outside of an emergency, he’ll study an issue from all sides and consult with people who know more than he does about it before he makes a decision. But once he decides, things start to happen pretty quickly. And he’s got his eyes on Far Terra right now. I wouldn’t count on the situation in Far Terra staying the same for very long. Not if I know my stepfather.
“And, anyway, just because people in Far Terra treated you badly, doesn’t mean that others don’t have better sense.”
“I know I have friends here, but . . . that’s here. Nobody would stay for long in Far Terra,” Ailsa said.
One side of Jathan’s mouth twitched up. “Well, now. First, I’ve already told you that I expect things to change in Far Terra. Second, I imagine whether or not someone would be willing to stay there might depend on the incentives.”
Ailsa snorted. “What incentives? King Ewart does his best to discourage mages.”
“You, for instance.” Jathan leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. He’d surprised her; he could tell that the way her eyes widened before she closed them. Why not? He’d half surprised himself and he’d wanted to kiss her—really kiss her—since the Solstice Ball. But . . . she didn’t pull away, so he opened his lips to tickle hers with his tongue. Her lips parted, too, and he felt something like an electric jolt as his tongue slid between her teeth. She tasted of salt—sweat or tears, he couldn’t tell—and deliciously of something very like roses. He slipped his arm around her to pull her closer and gave all his attention to their lips.
The feeling of static electricity spread across his skin, building and transforming until it was like the wild, euphoric feeling he’d experienced when their magic joined across that burned ravine. Every inch of his skin fizzled with it. The world around him seemed to be filtered through a green haze. When his lungs wouldn’t take it anymore, he broke the kiss off; the green lingered, fading slowly.
Jathan breathed out. “Wow. You know, I’ve wanted to do that for a while now, but . . . I’ve never felt anything like that before.”
Ailsa continued to cling to him as if she needed him for balance. He could relate to that. He felt a little woozy himself. Jathan bent his head to Ailsa’s again, but drew back at the sound of footsteps on the boardwalk. They sprang apart as his mother and stepfather appeared around the bend in the promenade. Ailsa put a hand on the tree trunk, as if to steady herself. Her breathing was fast and a little ragged. Come to think of it, so was his.
The emperor looked between the two of them, eyebrows slightly raised. “I expected you to be out in the lake, swimming with the others.”
Jathan shrugged, trying to appear casual. “Ailsa didn’t want to swim, so we took a walk in the shade instead and . . . ah . . . stopped to talk for a moment.”
The emperor’s eyebrows drew down and he looked over to Ailsa. “I hope my sons haven’t done anything to frighten you again.”
“Oh, it’s not that,” Ailsa said. “To tell you the truth, I was more comfortable in the lake back at the inn.”
“But that’s bigger and deeper,” the emperor said. “It’s actually more dangerous.”
“Oh. But it also has cattails and water lilies. This lake feels less . . . welcoming.”
Mother smiled and patted Ailsa’s shoulder. “Quite natural for a green mage. It’s instinctive to feel more comfortable around the source of your magic.”
The emperor shrugged and started forward again. “Don’t take too long with your ‘walk’.”
The empress lingered just a moment longer, looking at the two of them. “No, I really don’t think you should stay out here alone much longer.” Then she went to join her husband.
Jathan waited until his parents were out of sight around the next bend in the boardwalk before reaching for Ailsa’s hand. He smiled. “I think Father suspects what we were doing right before they showed up.”
Ailsa giggled. “I think your mother does, too.”
Jathan grinned. “Oh, Mother always knows. She has this sixth sense. Ask Mayra.”
Ailsa looked down and then back up. “Jathan, is it always like that. When you . . . when you kiss someone?”
Jathan took a half-step closer. “I don’t know. I’ve only really kissed you once.”
Ailsa looked up into his eyes. “That’s not what I meant. But . . .” She lifted her face and brought her lips to his again. This time, the tingling and the green haze built much faster. So did the fierce exhilaration.
Jathan broke off before it completely swept him away—barely. “Yes. Looks like it’s always like that with you.” His voice sounded shaky in his own ears.
“Was it . . . was it special?”
Jathan smiled. “This was definitely special. Very special. I’ve never felt anything like it. And I’ve kissed more than one girl before.” He cocked his head to one side. “Didn’t it seem special to you?”
Ailsa leaned back against the tree trunk, hands splayed across the bark. “I don’t really know. I don’t have much to compare it to . . . I’ve only ever kissed one other young man. At least, only one who meant it. And only a couple of times. I thought that was special. Now I’m confused.”
He had a rival? Who? Jathan drew a deep breath. “Was that other time . . . was it like this?”
Ailsa blushed. “No. Not really. But it was . . . exciting in a different way.”
“Well, kissing is supposed to be pleasant and at least a little exciting, if you’re doing it right.” The height of elation dropped, leaving Jathan a little shaken. He really wanted to kiss her again and get it back. That wouldn’t be a good idea. If she was confused, she clearly needed a little more time and space.
There was a rival out there somewhere and Jathan definitely didn’t want to crowd her into preferring that other. Jathan had seen enough of his stepbrothers’ romantic misadventures not to repeat at least the worst of their mistakes.
Besides, if he kissed her again right now, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to break off next time. Best to lighten the mood a little. “Now I know all the young men in Far Terra must be crazy or blind, if only one of them ever kissed you.” That made her smile. Good. He took one of her hands in his. “Father’s going to send someone to find us if we take too much longer out here.”
Ailsa’s shoulders relaxed and she laughed a shaky little laugh. “Or your mother will. I need to clean up before we dine anyway.”
Jathan threaded her arm through his in imitation of his stepfather. Just because he wasn’t going to kiss her again—right now, anyway—didn’t mean he had to let go of her. Not for a minute. At least until they got back to the lodge. “Well, then, let’s continue our promenade, my lady.”
One side of Ailsa’s mouth twitched up. “We can’t continue what we hadn’t started. But, let’s complete the loop, anyway.”
~
Jathan hummed to himself as he walked down the corridor past the open door to his parents’ suite. Ailsa hadn’t rebuffed him. In fact, she’d kissed him back. She hadn’t even seemed to mind that he wasn’t a real prince. He was thinking of what other places in the surrounding mountains he could take Ailsa to. There were literally hundreds of trails around here. Even he and his stepbrothers hadn’t explored them all. And there wasn’t necessarily any reason why they always had to go with the full troop—Mayra and his stepbrothers—all the time. Why not a private picnic in that little dell surrounded by the forest giants he’d found a couple of years ago?
“Jathan,” his mother called from inside. “Please come here a moment.”
Jathan turned his head at her voice. Mother was seated by the window, where she could see through the door to the corridor. Like she’d been waiting for me. He should have known that nothing would slip past his mother, but he would have expected her to have a little more trust in him. Well, no way out of it now. He backed up a step and went in. “What is it, Mother?”
She indicated the chair across from her. “Sit down a moment, please. I want to talk to you.”
He drew a deep breath and let it out again before sitting down. “If this is about Ailsa and me, it was nothing but a kiss. And she enjoyed it as much as I did.”
Mother’s mouth twitched up in a fleeting smile. “I could see that. But I want to ask you—to warn you—not to . . . push her.”
Jathan felt his face flush. “I would never—”
Mother held up her hand. “I don’t mean that in the way you think. I know you better than that. I taught you better than that. But . . . for now . . . I think it would be wise if you didn’t repeat that little scene your stepfather and I interrupted.”
Jathan’s teeth clenched. “Why not? Because she’s a princess? A real princess, and I’m—”
“Stop that right now.” Mother interrupted him. She shook her head. “Arrigo should never have planted that idea in your head. And you should never have allowed it to take root. It’s a weed, Jathan. Pull it out. You are as much a prince as Arrigo. The emperor says so—and his word is law.”
Jathan’s shoulders relaxed. “Well then, what’s the harm in a kiss? I’m not going to do anything inappropriate or anything she doesn’t want me to do.”
Mother sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “There are some aspects of your magic that you don’t understand yet. Right now, I’m not sure that I’m the right person to explain them to you. Or that this is the right moment. But it’s also wrong to leave you in the dark. So I’ll say this. Your magic can . . . confuse you in this. Maybe especially after what you did at that burned-over ravine on the way here. You may not be feeling what you think you are. Until you—and Ailsa—understand this better, you shouldn’t push your limits. Just . . . take it slow.”
Jathan sat back. That kiss had been a lot like the feeling he’d had after they worked on the burn area together. But . . . he’d felt something like it even before that, when he kissed her after the Solstice Ball. And that had only been a peck, scarcely worthy to be called a kiss at all. “But I liked Ailsa before that, Mother. I like her very much.”
Mother smiled. “I’m glad to hear it. And I’m only saying that your magic may confuse the issue. Not that it has. In fact, I rather hope that it hasn’t. I like Ailsa very much, too. The point is that you give yourself long enough to know the difference. I think I’ll have a word with Mayra, too. You and Ailsa shouldn’t be left alone together too much for the remainder of our stay.”
“That’s not necessary, Mother,” Jathan said with a sigh. “The last thing I want to do is confuse Ailsa. I want her to . . .” What? What exactly do I want from—or with—Ailsa, besides the obvious? Maybe he’d better think about that. “I want her to like me as much as I like her. For real.”
Mother’s smile grew wider. “That’s my boy. Just take it slow. You’re young. Neither of you needs to be in any rush.”
~
Ailsa sank back in the warm bath water, letting her muscles relax. She thought back to that first dizzying kiss with Sav. Then the very different kiss with Jathan just this afternoon. Different, but even more wonderful in its own way. Both of them had left her wanting to do it again and keep on doing it.
How was she supposed to make sense of this? She couldn’t be in love with both of them, could she? So, was she in love with either? And how would she know?
Sav. He’d been her best friend for as long as she could remember. He understood her, knew her history, better than anyone. Probably better even than her parents. Until he’d complicated their relationship by asking her to marry him, she’d always felt she could talk to him about anything. Now, there were some things she wouldn’t mention to him. Jathan, for instance.
She went back in her mind over Sav’s astonishing, stammering proposal. A little of her exasperation at his timing resurfaced with the memory. He’d had months since her seventeenth birthday to say or do something to let her know how he felt. He hadn’t even given her the traditional kiss on her birthday, when he should have been the first to offer one. So . . . what had really prompted his sudden profession of love?
Sav’s circle of friends wasn’t much broader than hers, for different reasons. His natural reserve and equally natural distrust of those who wanted to befriend him only for what he could do for them kept him from making new friends easily. True, he danced with her at all of his father’s balls, but she’d always understood that as his way to keep the eyelash-batting crowd of potential brides at bay. She’d never seen it as an indication of any real interest in her—not that way.
What had held Sav back? Or impelled him to make his declaration when he did? Was it really love? After all, he didn’t have any more experience at this than she did. It’d be so like Sav to try to cling to what was easy and comfortable. Now that was a sobering thought.
Not that it would have been a bad life, under other circumstances. It was just that her horizons had broadened in the last couple of months. No, she and Sav definitely needed to talk some things out—and not just about her magic—before they went any further in that direction. Maybe it was just as well that the emperor was going to send for Sav. It’d give them a chance to have that talk and air out their true feelings.
Not that Jathan couldn’t be annoying, too. In fact, while she was only irritated with Sav for one thing he’d done once, Jathan tended to be continually aggravating. He did like to be the center of attention. Though, to be fair, he’d mostly stopped trying to force her to join him in that. He’d even gotten over his unflattering doubts about her riding ability. When he wasn’t doing something like that, he was a lot of fun to be with. He made her laugh. And just thinking of the closeness of working magic with him made her feel warmer than the now-tepid bath water could account for. Nothing with Sav so far had come close to that intimacy or euphoria.
And yet . . . was Jathan interested in her, really? As more than a friend and fellow green mage? That was harder to sort out. There’d been moments, like that kiss after the Sols
tice Ball, when she thought he was. And then he’d pretended it had never happened. So what about his kisses this afternoon? Was he going to do the same thing again? That could be the most exasperating thing of all. Though . . . he had seemed to be as deeply affected by that kiss as she was.
So . . . what about Jathan? Should she try to avoid him, for now? At least until after she’d talked to Sav? The bottom line to that question was she didn’t want to. He was her best friend here—and, frankly, he was a lot more fun than Sav. She wasn’t going to give up her rides with Jathan and Mayra. Anyway, she and Jathan studied together almost every day, so she could hardly avoid him if she did want to. Was that being disloyal to Sav?
There was no need to rush things either way. Slow. Slow was good. Give herself time.
Ailsa pulled her braid around to chew on the end. Then she yanked it out of her mouth and quickly undid the braid. Enough of that childish habit. She held her breath and submerged her head under the water to wet her hair.
Chapter 18: Desert in Crisis
Savyon dipped a cloth into the tiny waterhole to wipe the sweat from his face and sat down in the sparse shade of a mesquite tree, knees drawn up and arms resting on them. Riding in the brutal midsummer heat required stops like this to rest and water the horses. This waterhole was little more than a mud puddle with barely enough clear water on the top for the horses to drink.
Savyon was under no illusions about this assignment from his father to visit specific barons—during the height of summer, when sane people spent most of the day indoors. It had little or nothing to do with the actual running of Far Terra. No. It was part punishment and part a new tactic in Father’s ongoing campaign to force Savyon to socialize with the eligible daughters of certain loyal barons. Savyon smiled to himself. What Father probably would never understand about him was that Savyon would far rather be riding alone across the desert, even in this weather, than forced to mingle with crowds at another one of Father’s interminable balls.
Daughter of the Disgraced King Page 17
