by A. M. Myers
“I’ll say it when they get you all fixed up.”
She cracks open her eyes, a single tear slipping down her cheek as she looks up at me. “You have to say it now. If I don’t… You have to say it.”
“Shh,” I say, leaning down and cradling her face. “You’re not leaving me, do you hear me? You’re staying right here, and we’re spending the rest of our lives together.”
She nods, her eyes drifting closed again.
“Look at me, Baby. Keep looking at me.”
“I’m cold, Logan,” she responds, and I can barely hear her. Desperation taking over, I lift her into my arms and apologize again as she cries out.
“Is that better?” I ask when she’s securely in my lap, and she nods. She peeks up at me again, and I can tell that I’m losing her. Where the fuck is that ambulance?
“I found my wedding dress,” she whispers, and I smile through the tears building in my eyes.
“You did? I can’t wait to see you wear it, Kitten.”
A dreamy little smile stretches across her face as her eyes close again. “I think we should get married at the cabin, down by the lake.”
“Yeah, Baby. That sounds perfect.”
“Can’t wait to be your wife,” she says, her voice fading, and I panic, shaking her a little.
“Ali! Baby, you gotta keep those gorgeous eyes on me. I need you to stay with me, Sweetheart. I need you.”
She opens her eyes and reaches up with her good arm, running her fingers down my cheek. “The moment I met you, I knew you were going to steal my heart.”
“Don’t you dare say good-bye to me right now, Kitten. Do you hear me? I’m going to still be spanking your ass when we’re eighty and you decide to give me lip.”
She tries to smile but she can’t quite manage. “I like the sound of that.”
Fuck! Where is that goddamn ambulance?
“Logan,” she whispers, and I nod. Her eyes flutter closed again, and her hand falls away.
“Ali. Open your fucking eyes!” I yell, tears spilling down my cheeks, and darkness lurking in the corners, waiting to swallow me up again.
“If I don’t make it,” she says, sighing like even that sentence was too much for her, and I start shaking my head. I don’t want to fucking hear this. She’s not leaving me. I won’t allow it. I finally found her, and I was finally able to live again. I can’t lose her. “You have to try and move on.”
“No, Ali.”
“Please, Logan. All I want is for you to be happy.”
I shake her again, and her eyes open slightly. “You make me happy. Do you hear me? I’m fucking delirious when I’m with you so you fight. You’re not leaving me.”
Her eyes close again, and this time when I shake her, she doesn’t move. Pain crashes down on me, and I struggle to breathe as I shake her again.
“No. Ali. Don’t leave me, Baby. You gotta stay with me. I need you. I need you,” I say, holding her to my chest as I rock back and forth, demons dancing in the wings, chomping at the bit to get their hands on me.
“I’m scared.” Her voice cracks as she forces the words out of her mouth, her skin against mine. Pressing my hand to her face, I lean down and kiss her forehead, a tear falling as I struggle to breathe.
“I’m right here, Kitten. You’ve got absolutely nothing to be afraid of.”
“Love you,” she whispers. “So much.”
And then the darkness descends.
* * * *
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
That steady beeping – it’s the only thing that confirms she’s still here. That I get one more moment with her on this earth because the doctors can’t tell me anything. They say she’ll wake up when she’s ready. If she ever wakes up – that’s what they’re not saying. She may not ever open her gorgeous blue eyes and smile at me again. I’m so close to losing everything all over again, and if I thought the pain of my past was torture, I was fucking wrong. I’m hanging off the edge of an abyss, my fingers digging into the rocky cliff as fire burns below me, waiting to consume me.
She lost so much damn blood, and it felt like hours as I waited for the paramedics to come in and start working on her. But nothing has ever felt as long as the two days that I’ve waited for her to just open her damn eyes as her final words ring in my ears. She’s here – her heart is still beating, and her lungs still suck in air and push it out again but it all means nothing if she never opens her eyes.
This is my fucking fault.
I can’t stop looking at the situation from other scenarios, trying to see where I went wrong. God, I was so stubborn and determined to end it that I didn’t even consider another possibility, and it just might cost me her. I can’t help but think of all the things I did wrong. Why didn’t I ever consider that it could have been someone else? There are still so many unanswered questions but one thing I know for sure is the dead man in our kitchen was not Ian’s twin brother, Tristan. How is it possible that she was in even more danger than I realized? Not that it matters if she doesn’t open her goddamn eyes.
“Kitten,” I whisper, grabbing her hand and bringing it to my lips. “You gotta wake up for me, okay? I need to know that you’re still in there.”
Tears gather in my eyes again as I just look at her, her creamy skin so pale and cold, and her hair greasy as it sticks to her face.
“The last time I said this to someone, I was young and thought I knew everything, but this time is different. With you, it’s all different. I won’t survive losing you, Baby. I know it. You’re the only woman on this earth for me, and we have a whole life to live together so you can’t leave me.”
Stroking the back of her hand with my thumb, I imagine the wedding she described to me as she lay in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor. I picture her walking toward me in a white dress with a brilliant smile on her face and her blue eyes twinkling. I miss her eyes. I’m addicted to the way she looks at me and that little sparkle I get when she smiles at me. My knee starts bouncing, and I kiss her hand again before I look up at the ceiling.
“What the fuck did I ever do to you? You do this to me not once but twice? Don’t you dare fucking take her from me, too. You don’t get to take her,” I rage at God, and the door to Ali’s room opens as I wipe my eyes and turn back to my girl.
“How’s our girl doing?” Janice, Ali’s mom, asks. As the ambulance drove Ali to the hospital and I followed them, I called her parents. I knew she would want them here, and if she’s not coming back to us, they need to be here to say good-bye to their daughter. Just that thought has me choking back tears again.
“She’s the same,” I answer, my voice rough as I stare up at Ali’s face.
“Why don’t you go get some food, son,” Peter, her father, says, patting my shoulder but I just shake my head.
“I’m not leaving her.”
As soon as they showed up, they hugged me and welcomed me into their family like it was meant to be. In fact, Janice has kind of been mothering all the guys as they stop by to check on Ali every so often. I didn’t even know that she knew about me, and I don’t really understand how she can be so accepting after I put her daughter in this situation but all my focus is on Ali right now.
“Well, all right, then. We’ll go down to the cafeteria and get you something to eat. Any preference?”
I shake my head, and she sighs before patting my shoulder just like Peter did. When the door closes behind them, I stand up and lean over the bed, pressing my forehead to Ali’s as I just breathe her in, missing the mango scent of her soap more than I ever thought I would.
“I need you, Baby. You’ve got to come back to me. You’ve got to fight. I love you. Do you hear me? I fucking love you, Kitten, so you’ve got to come back.”
The door opens again, and I clear my throat as I sit back down, holding her hand tight between my own.
“Hey, Man,” Kodiak says, coming up behind me and slapping my shoulder. “How’s she doing?”
�
�Same.”
“It’ll work out, Brother. That girl loves you too fucking much to leave you. She’ll wake up when she’s ready.”
I nod, unable to speak as I think about the opposite of that happening. I squeeze her hand and press it against my forehead as I close my eyes.
“I’ve got some news for you.”
“Let’s hear it then,” I snap without looking at him. I know I’m being a colossal dick but I can’t even bring myself to care right now.
“Picked up Tristan, Ian’s brother. Turns out, Ian was blackmailing him to follow Ali. He wants nothing to do with any of this. We gave him enough money to start over somewhere new and drove him out of town.”
I nod, lifting my head and staring at Ali again. “Well, at least one thing worked in our favor.”
“Man, you couldn’t have known that it wasn’t Ian. Everything pointed to him.”
My gaze flicks up to him, and I shake my head. “I should have known. I promised to protect her and look what I fucking did to her.”
“You didn’t do shit to her. We still don’t even know who the hell this guy is to Ali. This isn’t on you. Sometimes, bad shit just happens.”
“Yeah, because of me. Every time.”
He sighs and pushes off the wall. “Like when my pops died. That your fault, too? Or when Moose’s dad shot his mom right in front of him and then shot himself. Was all that your fault?”
I don’t say anything, my knee bouncing harder as I keep my gaze trained on Ali.
“Yeah, didn’t think so. Bad shit happens and yes, Brother, you’ve had more shit piled on you than a lot of people, but that girl is wakin’ up. I know it.”
“No, you don’t, actually.”
He shoves my shoulder, and I stand, ready to slam my fist into his face. “Man, knock your shit off and pull your head out of your ass. She needs you right now so be the man that she needs you to be. And have a little faith. I’ll be back later to check on you.”
Without another word, he leaves, and I sink back into my chair, holding her hand to my lips again. “I’m here, Ali. I’m right here, and I’m not leaving until you come back to me. Just come back, Baby. I miss you so fucking much.”
I close my eyes and start telling her ideas for the wedding, really hoping that I’m not setting myself up for disaster here as I allow a flicker of hope to light inside my chest.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Alison
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
The constant rhythmic beeping cuts through the fog, fading in and out as I try to fight through the feeling of something weighing down my body. Sucking in a breath, I try to open my eyes but nothing happens, and I want to cry. Why the hell can’t I open my eyes? What’s happening to me?
“How’s she doing today?” a voice asks, and it takes me a moment to realize that it’s Carly.
“Same,” Logan responds, his voice gravelly and tired. He runs his thumb across the back of my hand, and warmth washes over me. I’d know his touch anywhere.
“Have the doctors said anything?” another voice asks, and I smile. Izzy.
“They’ve said the same shit for three days. She’ll wake up when she’s ready.”
Three days?
Have I really been out for three days?
“She lost a lot of blood, Logan. She needs rest,” Carly says, and he growls.
“Well, I need her.”
“And she needs you so she will wake up. I know it.”
“We’ve got to get to work but we’ll stop by again tonight, okay?” Izzy adds in, and Logan makes a sound of approval. Someone squeezes my foot, and then the door to the room opens and closes.
“Kitten,” he whispers, and I try to reach for him but my arms don’t work. “You can’t leave me. I need you, Baby. Every day for the rest of forever, I need you by my side so you can’t go leaving me yet.”
I want to scream that I never want to leave him but nothing works. I can’t speak, I can’t move. All I can do is listen as he pleads for me not to give up.
Never.
I’ll never give up – not when I have Logan waiting for me.
“I bet we could get married in June if we hurry. It’s so gorgeous out there in the summer. We could put lights in the trees and get married under the stars. Would you like that, Kitten?”
YES!
This is torture. I’m entombed in my own body, my subconscious clawing at my skin, trying to break free so I can let him know that I love him and that I’m not going anywhere.
Come on, Ali.
Fight.
“Baby?” he asks, hope in his voice, and I try to reach for him again. “Can you hear me, Ali? I swear I saw your finger move.”
Yes!
Yes, I’m here.
I try to reach for him again but I can see the darkness creeping in from the edges of my vision, and I know I’m going to lose this battle.
* * * *
Someone is snoring.
That’s my first thought as I slowly drift back into consciousness, nerves hitting me as I remember the last time. Will I be able to open my eyes this time? Or will I be frozen in my own skin again? My eyelids flutter open, and I hiss as I slam them shut again, the bright morning sunlight spilling in the window too much for me.
“Kitten?” his sleepy voice asks, squeezing my hand, and I squeeze back. He shoots up next to me, yanking my arm in the process, and my entire body aches. I moan, and he kisses my hand before releasing it and leaning over me. “Let me see those gorgeous blue eyes, Baby.”
“It’s bright,” I whisper, my voice cracking, and my throat aching.
“Hold on.” He’s gone, and then a few moments later, he’s back. “Try now.”
I slowly open my eyes and look up at him. He beams before leaning down and kissing me with such tenderness that a tear slips down my cheek. “There’s my girl,” he whispers against my lips, and I place my hand on his cheek, my eyes closing again as I just breathe him in.
“I missed you.”
He nods. “You never get to leave me again. It’s a new rule. Like, I won’t even let you take a damn shower by yourself.”
“I like the sound of that.”
He smiles against my lips, and I can just picture that cocky little smirk he flashes me sometimes. “That’s real good, Kitten, ‘cause I wasn’t askin’.”
“Such a charmer,” I mutter, leaning back into my pillow to look up at him. He pulls back slightly but his lips are still hovering over mine. “I suppose I’ll let you get away with it if you marry me under the stars like you promised.”
“You heard me?” he asks, his grin replaced with a boyish smile that melts the stress off his face. I nod.
“I did and I’m so making you do it.”
“Alison James, you should know by now that I’ll give you absolutely anything you want. You only have to ask.”
“Am I interrupting?” someone asks from the doorway, and Logan says yes without even looking at them. I laugh and peek over his shoulder. Detective Rodriguez stands in the doorway, and I wave him in.
“Come on in.”
Rodriguez chuckles and walks into the room, sitting down in the chair on the far side of my bed. “I didn’t realize you had woken up. I was just coming to check in on you.”
“She’s only been awake for a couple of minutes,” Logan tells him, and he nods.
“Let me go grab the doctor, then.” He stands and leaves the room, coming back a few moments later with a gorgeous woman with bright red hair.
“Hi, Ali. I’m Doctor Brandt. How are you feeling?” she asks, shining a light in my eyes and looking me over. Rodriguez leans back against the wall and begins taking notes.
“Tired,” I answer, and she nods.
“The bullet nicked an artery, and you lost nearly your entire blood volume. If it hadn’t been for the towel your fiancé wrapped around your arm, you might not be here with us now.”
I glance up at Logan and smile. “You saved me.”
>
“Promised you I would,” he answers, pressing his lips to my hand.
“Other than that, you’ll probably be quite sore for a while. We also need to keep bandages on your hands since some of the nails were ripped out.”
“What?” Logan asks, his voice horrified as he looks down at me. “He ripped your nails out?”
I shake my head and bite my lip. “He dragged me down the hallway, and I was just trying to grab on to anything.”
“They look good, and I’m sure they’ll heal up just fine. We want to monitor you for a couple days but once you go home, you’ll still need to get lots of rest. Will you have someone there to take care of you?”
Logan clears his throat and nods. “Don’t worry about that, Doc.”
She nods and offers me a smile, telling me she’ll be back to check on me later before leaving. Logan sits in the chair next to the bed and holds my hand as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Rodriguez steps forward and sits in the chair on the other side of my bed.
“Are you feeling okay to go over a few things?”
I nod.
“Okay, so why don’t you tell me what happened?”
I sigh and begin reliving that night for him, feeling stronger than I expected as I retell it. Rodriguez takes notes, and Logan’s grip tightens on my hand periodically. I’m sure this is hard on him, too.
“And did you know the assailant?”
I nod, and Logan growls. “What? How did you know him?”
“Do you remember when I told you how my boss made me go on those dates?” He nods. “Zach was date number two.”
“And you had no indication that he was the one stalking you?” Rodriguez asks, and I shake my head.
“I didn’t even recognize him at first. He’d changed his appearance to look more like Logan, and he used a different name.”
“Looking back at his file, this isn’t the first time he’s become obsessed with someone. There was a girl in college who filed a restraining order against him, and he went to counseling for a while.”
“Oh,” I whisper, thinking over our date again but I can’t think of anything that would have raised a red flag.
