I have to wait in the hallway for the person who requested the file to get off the phone. The back of my neck is hot with embarrassment, but I force myself to wait instead of scampering back to the relative safety of my cubicle. I don’t need anyone to know my private business. Office gossip is what keeps most people alive in places like this.
“Can I help you?” Her name is Bernice and she’s rude to everyone so I don’t take it personally.
“I have the file you wanted.” I take a few steps into her tiny office and hold it out to her.
“Thanks. Your one of the temps, right?” She sets it aside. “Brenda.”
There’s no reason for her to know my name. I’ve been doing what’s been asked of me and when I’m done, I ask for more work. I’m not risking another warning going into my file at the agency. For a second I debate whether or not I should say that I’m me. Whatever. If I’m in trouble, I’d rather deal with it now.
“Yes.”
“I’ve been keeping an eye on you.” She gestures for me to take a seat. “We have an opening in another department. Would you be interested?”
I cross my legs, bumping my knee on her desk. “You mean, like, to work here?”
“You can start on Monday. I can talk to your agency and clear the paperwork with them. All I need from you is a résumé.”
I feel myself break out in a cold sweat. I can’t work here. This is not where I’m meant to end up, but I can’t tell her that. “Can I think about it?”
“Sure. Just let me know as soon as possible.” She hands me her card and goes back to her stack of files.
“I’ve thought about it and I’m going to have to pass, but thank you.” I reach out to shake her hand, feeling very grown up.
Friday, September 30:
I called Amy first thing this morning to let her know I wasn’t going into my assignment today and she should take me off the on-call list and note me as inactive in the database. The whole thing took a couple of minutes and neither of us bothered to talk over the clacking of keyboard keys. We said goodbye and I hung up, relieved it wasn’t Summer who I had to quit on. That would have been a much longer and more involved conversation.
That was hours ago. And, aside from going to Subway with Ivan and his wife, Yelena, I’ve been holed up in my apartment watching Law & Order: SVU reruns.
I turn on my printer and open this document that pretty much sums up who I am and how I ended up here, sitting alone in my apartment on a Friday night.
I watch as the sheets of paper stack up, one on top of another. I add my résumé to the queue.
I’m not sure what my next job will be. I’ve been a gift bag stuffer, muse for a frustrated architect, kiosk gypsy, tutor, receptionist, data entry monkey, bitchy assistant for an equally bitchy lawyer, apprentice handy-gal, freelance elevator operator and a few other things. Maybe if I squish all those things together, I can figure something out. I might even sign up with another temp agency.
After all, a girl’s gotta pay for her mascara.
Just the Tweets:
THE BRENDA DIARIES
(@BrendaDiaries)
March
March 10:
-Working the #Starbucks guy so he'll give me a venti instead of a tall and going for free hazelnut syrup. Does this make me a slut or flirt?
-Since I never took up smoking, I consider crossing against the light my act of rebelliousness. It's a cheap thrill and way more inexpensive.
March 11:
-Avoiding my landlord. He says he wants to check the smoke detectors in my apartment, but I know he just wants to go through my drawers.
-Turned down temp assignment to be the first of my loser friends to see Battle: Los Angeles. It's only costing me $96 in lost wages. Bargain!
-Friday night and I already blew my wad by catching a matinee of B:LA. Guess I'll sort my underwear drawer to prep for the poky landlord.
March 12:
-Spending my Saturday night at home watching movies with the Loser, but at least he paying for the pizza and the delivery guy is hot.
March 13:
-Surprise house guest is offering to treat me to brunch. Wants to go somewhere really hip and beyond cheap. What planet is she visiting from?
March 14:
-Taking a long lunch to go bra shopping. Even my boss agrees this is way overdue.
Part of me hopes that the Loser boyfriend and the Surprise House Guest hook up so I can dump both of them.
March 15:
-Goal for the day is not to send one text to see if I can do it. I might have to take up smoking to get through this.
-So far no text (or cigarettes). Plan to make up for my day of abstinence tomorrow by texting everyone who didn't notice I didn't text them.
-Can't deal with the traffic. Going to wait it out at this building that's full of books and people, but has no cafe....Oh, it's a library.
March 16:
-What the what?! Starbucks guy didn't bump me from a tall to a venti as usual. Have I lost my charms or maybe I've been too free with them?
March 17:
-Shard up for romance, I'm finally going to give in and read Twilight. Or maybe I'll order pizza tonight and seduce the delivery guy.
-My poky landlord is going to (finally) put a washer/dryer in my apartment. What I had to do to convince him is between the two of us.
-Annoying house guest wants to go out for some St. Patrick's Day drinking. She's forgotten I have work tomorrow and that I find her annoying
March 18:
-My Boss has offered to take me out to lunch. He'll so find out that also means driving me to the mall to make a couple of returns.
-Boss took me to Real Food Daily for a plate of vegan smugness. All that chewing left me too exhausted to do my mall returns.
-Not as excited about my Friday as I should be because I have to share it with the people in my life who are in my apartment right now.
March 19:
-Almost boyfriend thinks we should get a pet. As in to share. Together. I suggested a tarantula because he's afraid of spiders.
March 20:
-Interviewing tomorrow for an on-the-side job as a tutor. New hair color is sure to reinforce scholarly image so I can ask for 20% more.
March 21:
-Heading to Brentwood for tutor interview. Maybe they'll have a pool house that I can move into.
March 22:
-Should know soon if I landed tutor gig. No pool house or fee bump, but they pay for "costs." Wonder if costs include hookers and Starbucks.
-Annoying house guest is now annoying roommate until she finds a place of her own. I'm hitting craigslist rental ads hard during lunch today.
-Can't stand my neighbor's yappy little dog. That dog sucks big time.
March 23:
-Double booked jobs and don't want to turn either down. Wish there was a day laborer place for temps. Oh, yeah, it's called a temp agency.
-Having breakfast for dinner. Yes, that's right. I'm going to Denny's and ordering a Grand Slam and a 50/50 vanilla-chocolate shake.
March 24:
-Another romantic evening ruined, but at least I have toothpaste.
-Still trying to figure out the jimmie mystery, but I have strong suspicions as to who the condom culprit is.
March 25:
-At this point I should just get a damn job at #Starbucks. They can take what I drink out of my pay and save all of us the transaction fees.
-Score! Got the tutoring gig. Now I can start saving for my dream wedding to the Loser. Ha, yeah right. Going to buy myself a large pony.
-End of a hellish temp assignment, but they want me back on Monday. No way and not only because I'm double booked next week. Bugger off!
March 26:
March 27:
-Can a person fall in love with a washer and dryer? I want to marry my Kenmore and have its babies.
March 28:
-Juggling two temp assignments this week. 8-4 in a lawyer's office, 5-9 an event
planner. Total doable and the coffee is free at both places.
-Had a prepackaged salad and unsweetened iced tea for lunch. It wasn't nearly as exciting as it sounds.
-Getting ready to race over to second temp job. My "career" is hell on my social life, but my social life is mostly hell these days anyway.
March 29:
-Clocked 12 hours yesterday. Doing the same today. If this doesn’t earn me a spot on the Temp Star board, I don’t know what will.
-Breaking News: Lawyers are straight up jerks. Especially a lawyer with the initials R. W. whose office is located on Wilshire and Fairfax.
-Why is it that rude people get so offended when people are rude to them? What? Can't deal with a world full of yous, jerk wad?
-Finally home after a too long day. Going to watch Law & Order: SVU episodes until I'm freaked out to leave my apartment.
March 30:
-I got back at Rude Lawyer. Put through a call from his wife while he was on the other line with his girlfriend. Oops.
-Annoying roommate is unhappy with my choice of fabric softener. Texted her back to tell her to keep her hands off my Snuggle.
March 31:
-I went out last night and all I got was a killer hangover to show for it.
-Sure, rude Lawyer, I'd be happy to file that for you. Bend over.
-Best part of working two jobs is racking up the extra $. Other than that, I can't recommend it. Don't even have time to spend my cash. Bleh
April
April 1:
-Looks like Starbucks guy is either (a) broken up with his g-friend or (b) looking to get fired. He gave me my latte fix gratis, as in free!
-Tutoring gig starts next week so no more double booking jobs for me. My temp agency will just have to understand or I'll go to another one.
-My Friday night options are (1) stay home with the annoying roommate and watch Lifetime movies or (2) date with the Loser. I'd rather work.
April 2:
-Sleeping all day to make up for what I missed out on last week.
April 3:
-Not only have I washed every sock, towel and shirt, but my excuse for not going to church with my Nana is totally washed up, too
April 4:
-Catching Source Code tonight with the Loser. I'll be thinking of Jake Gyllenhaal afterwards which is what I usually do anyways.
-My boss likes to rehash his whole day. Not sure he gets that I already know since I was there and it was boring the first time around.
April 5:
-Hitting the Starbucks hard this morning. Stayed up way late convincing the Loser that he isn't a loser. Maybe it's time for a new nickname?
-I guess he, the Loser, is my boyfriend. Or something like it. He needs a new nickname...and a nicer girlfriend.
-First tutoring session later. Goal is to cram knowledge into kid's head as fast as possible. One Tree Hill reruns don't happen every night.
April 6:
-Everything I'm wearing today is brand spanking new. If people don't tell me I look cute, I'll be pissed.
-Why do cute guys always smile at me just as I take a huge bite of something with spinach in it? I've had it. I'm quitting you, spinach.
April 7:
-I've done the dirty deed, taken the dirty money and plan to do it all over again next week.
April 8:
-Do I eat at my desk and bail from work early or have lunch outside around people I don't know well enough not to like?
-Had my lunch outside and met someone who might have the potential to go from not liking to not-not liking. We shall see.
-So I'm a tutor now. A morally and ethically compromised one.
April 9:
-Frat boys in oversized hoodies, droopy cargo shorts and flip flops didn't do it for me in college and they do it even less for me now.
April 10:
-Neighbor asked me to watch her yappy little dog next weekend. She knows better than to expect me to do it out of the goodness of my heart.
April 11:
-Last night a guy at a bar asked me if I had cats. When I said no, he didn't believe me. I'm too young to be giving off cat lady vibes!
-Monthly family dinner night at my parents'. If I could trust myself to use smack just for this reason, I'd score some on the way there.
April 12:
-My boss asked me to print out some weird images from his camera. Took a second to realize they were for his kid's science project.
-Annoying roommate wants to have a waxing party tonight. As in I wax her, she waxes me. The Sluthammer needs to get a job and another hobby.
April 13:
-My temp agency wants to know if I can work for Rude Lawyer next week. He's requested me specifically. What a sicko.
-Ever see that movie Secretary? It's kind of like that, but he's Maggie Gyllenhaal and I'd rather work for James Spader.
April 14:
-Chocolate banana milkshakes will never be the same for me after last night.
-Nope, not a lawyer, but I have temped for one, a very rude one, before. That's as much lawyer as I can handle in my life.
April 15:
-Have been instructed to dress law office appropriate next week. So do I go with Big Liar purple or Screw You pink for the tips of my hair?
April 16:
-Going to the mall with Sluthammer. If I don't, she'll never get past the Frederick's of Hollywood sales rack.
April 17:
April 18:
-Rude Lawyer asked me to get him Starbucks (fair enough) and gave me the exact amount (down to the penny) for his triple grande latte. Dang.
-Well, life just got a bit more interesting. Just caught fellow temp at Rude Lawyer's office pocketing yellow highlighters. All of them.
April 19:
-Thieving temp insisted on paying for my Starbucks. I let him not because he can buy my silence for $4.35, but because he's really cute.
-Meeting Boyfriend for dinner. Maybe we'll make a night of it and go to Medieval Times! Who doesn't like eating with just their fingers?
April 20:
-Rude Lawyer is having a nervous breakdown over the lack of yellow highlighters. Sharing secret smiles with (cute) thieving temp.
-Invited to a weekend pool party which means I have to buy and wear something to get wet in. Anyone know where I can get a scuba suit? Cheap?
April 21:
April 22:
-The Thief asked if I'm working for Rude Lawyer next week. I'm not, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. Right?
-Boyfriend, as in mine, wants to hang out tonight. Nothing on TV, he checked, so I have no excuse not to see him. Guess we'll have sex. Yawn.
April 23:
-Apartment hunting with and for Sluthammer after work. Have to pretend to be sad that she's getting own place. Can you tell I'm not?
-Heading to pool party. No scuba suit or bikini needed. Why? Sluthammer is making good on her threat to wear a thong. No other show needed.
April 24:
-Pancakes. I need pancakes. Lots of them.
-Boyfriend came through with pancakes. He scores points. Hope he doesn't squander them by suggesting I watch him play video games later.
April 25:
-After the weekend I had, I can't believe I'm actually craving Hot Dog on a Stick for lunch.
-Not sure if it's me or her, but I'm getting serious "I hate you" vibes from a rival temp. Cat fight in the parking lot after work? Maybe.
-Pizza and beer for dinner. And, no, I'm not sharing.
April 26:
-Slutthammer is trying to talk me into staying home on Friday to watch the royal wedding with her...You know, I just might do it.
-Sending serious dirty looks over to rival temp. She cut me off at the copy machine.
-Heading over to Brentwood for a tutoring session with the Void. He still doesn't get why the caged bird sings.
April 27:
-The Void thanked me after tutoring session last night. Usually he just point
s to the envelope of cash his parents leave on the hall table.
-Boyfriend says he'll take Friday off if I do. All this for a wedding we weren't even invited to.
April 28:
-Mixing work and fun might get me in trouble.
-No, I won't be ditching work tomorrow to wake up a 3 AM to watch that wedding. Sluthammer and Boyfriend will have to enjoy it without me.
April 29:
-Just because Kate has her job in the bag, doesn't mean I do. Off to work after getting up way too early to watch that wedding.
-Not going to confront Rival Temp about dirty looks because I'm not in high school anymore. Going to be a grownup about it and ignore her.
-Sluthammer is awake and texting me about the wedding and how it's giving her ideas about her own. Is she for real? Sadly, she is.
April 30:
-Boyfriend wants to go to the beach and have lunch. Try as I might, I can't find anything wrong with this plan.
-Going out with Sluthammer and the latest love of her life who I don't like at all. Going to be a long night.
May
May 1:
-I'm entirely too excited about doing laundry. What can I say? Clean socks make me slightly less grumpy.
May 2:
-Still waiting for my agency to call with an assignment. I hope they do. Not in the mood to stay home re-watch royal wedding with Sluthammer.
The Brenda Diaries Page 13
