by ANDREA SMITH
“Dad, it matters to me what you think of me. It matters to me that you know I'm not a slut.”
He raised an eyebrow looking at me.
“Yes, I was listening outside in the hallway to your conversation with Danny this morning. You need to know that I wasn’t waiting in the hallway in the loft for him to come home.”
My father listened intently as I relayed to him what had happened at the club and about Vincent driving me home. I didn’t go into detail about what happened in Danny’s apartment other than letting him know I couldn’t go through with it, and left in a hurry. I told him Trey was waiting for me in my room when I returned and that he'd figured out something had gone on when he saw my disheveled appearance.
“It’s important you know that Trey was the first and only man I’ve ever been with up until last night. He's the only man that I'd ever intended to be with after our first time together. I couldn’t let Danny go on with what we were doing. I stopped it but I know it still counts as an unfaithful act against Trey.”
“Tylar, this is something you need to work out with Trey. I'm certainly not one to pass judgment on infidelities. If you recall, my infidelity to my fiancé is what brought you into the world. I can tell you that your husband loves you dearly. When he left here this morning he left devastated. He didn’t say a word to me about anything.”
“Oh, Dad,” I sighed, “I bet Mom's looking down from heaven totally disappointed in her daughter.”
“Not my sweet Marley,” he said. “She'd want you to not dwell on your mistakes but learn from them.”
There was a tap on the door just then. It was Edie with Preston.
“Someone's asking for Mama,” she said smiling holding Preston’s hand as they walked into the room.
“Mamma,” Preston said smiling and running over to the bed. My father scooped her up giving her a kiss on her cheek.
“I'll leave you two alone to spend some time together. Tylar, I'll see you at dinner?”
“Yes,” I said as I scooped Preston up and pulled her close to me. “You'll see us both.”
Once alone in the suite, I turned the television on while Preston and I sat on the bed together. She watched as I tried to show her how to put a wooden puzzle together. I noticed that she'd passed some gas several times while watching me. When she started squirming I had a thought.
“Preston, would you like to sit on a big-girl potty?” I asked her excitedly.
She stuck her index finger in her mouth biting on her nail. She saw me smiling as if whatever I'd proposed to her was going to be lots of fun.
“Uh-huh,” she said, smiling.
“Okay, come on sweetie,” I said, lifting her from the bed. I grabbed one of her story books from the nightstand. Once in the bathroom I laid her on the bathroom rug and removed her leggings and then her wet diaper.
I placed her on the new potty chair and promptly opened the storybook and started reading to her so that she wouldn’t try to get up. I pointed out the pictures in the book, naming the characters for her. Thankfully she was totally involved in the books.
I was on the second book when I saw her little face get red and heard her audibly grunt. I kept reading as if I wasn’t aware of what she was doing. Several minutes later, I could tell she was finished. She wanted to get off the potty so I stopped reading.
“Oh, look Preston!” I said excitedly, pointing to the bowl of the potty chair. “Preston's a good girl. She made doody in the potty.”
I clapped my hands smiling at her. She grinned showing her dimple and giggled. I continued to praise her for going potty like a big girl. I grabbed a baby wipe and explained that we wiped our bottoms once we were finished on the potty.
I went ahead and put a diaper on her since I'd neglected to buy training pants for her. I would remedy that tomorrow. I could tell she was ready for her nap. I put her in her crib with a couple of her stuffed toys. She was yammering away to them for a few minutes and then it was silent. I checked on her and she was sleeping soundly sucking her thumb. She was so much like Trey I thought as I pulled her blankie up to her waist.
I went back into my room seeing that it was now after 3:00 p.m. I figured Trey was probably home by now. I took a deep breath as I picked up my cell to call him. I was nervous as hell. What if he didn’t answer?
Trey answered but his voice was distant. “Yes, Tylar?”
“You left without saying good-bye this morning,” I stammered.
“I didn’t want to wake you,” he replied flatly.
“But still you had another day here with Preston.”
“Trust me I didn’t want to leave her. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I just needed to go. I don’t think I could've dealt with looking at you right now.”
My first instinct was to grovel and cry and tell Trey it was my entire fault. Then I remembered what Gina had said to me earlier. This was a two-way street.
“I understand how you feel Trey. That's exactly how I felt too, you know, afterwards.”
“Oh I see. So I guess this goes under the heading of “payback is a bitch?”
No, not at all; I wasn’t looking for revenge. It's more complicated than that.”
“I can’t deal with you right now. I need time to assess this situation.”
“I totally get that. I know how you feel. I just wanted to tell you that I apologize and I've have had a long talk with my dad. I think he's helped me to put some things into perspective. I'm taking the necessary steps to get some counseling so that I can deal rationally with all that's happened. There are just two things I want you to take away from this phone call right now and then I'll let you go and say good- night.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m sorry, baby. I love you.”
CHAPTER 9
The following Tuesday I had an appointment with my father’s physician, Dr. Whitlach. He had me sign a release so that copies of my medical records with Dr. Addison could be electronically sent to him. He went ahead and prescribed the same anti-depressant that Dr. Addison had prescribed for me last year. He also recommended a grief-counseling group that met once a week and provided me with their leaflet as to time and place for the meetings.
After my doctor’s appointment, I went to the styling salon where I had my hair returned to its previous color, highlights and all. That alone had made me feel better immediately. I knew the anti-depressant would take a couple of weeks to fully kick-in.
After getting my prescription filled, I stopped at a department store and purchased some training pants and pull- ups for Preston. I decided to use the pull-ups at night and the regular training pants during the day at least initially. I'd checked on-line for some potty training tips.
I drove my dad’s car back to the estate. He wasn't in court today so he stayed with Preston while I was out. When I got back home they were playing in the living room together.
Dad was showing her how to build a fort with her colorful plastic blocks. Once they finished the fort she climbed on his back and they charged the gate knocking all of the blocks down. It was humorous watching my dad on all fours playing ‘horsey’ while Preston was on his back, rocking back and forth and squealing with delight.
“How many times have you knocked the fort down, Dad?” I asked grinning.
“More times that I can count,” he laughed. “She's wearing her grandpa out.”
Preston was gathering up the blocks to stack.
“Preston, why don’t we give Grandpa a break? I bought you some big girl panties today. How about we change?”
“Kay, Mommie,” she said.
“Did you hear that?” I said smiling, “She called me ‘Mommie’ instead of Maama!”
I took her upstairs and removed her diaper. It was still dry. That meant I needed to put her on the potty now to see if I could get her to ‘pee-pee.’ I decided that was the word I wanted to use. The on-line tips suggested a word be used consistently with the child to represent urinating and another one for having a bowel movement.
/> I walked her into the bathroom and asked her to sit on her potty. I ran some water in the sink which supposedly helped with the process. She looked up at me and giggled. I gave it a couple of minutes and then went over and lifted her up. Sure enough, she'd deposited some yellow ‘pee-pee’ into the bowl.
“Good girl, Preston. You pee-peed like a big girl in your potty,” I praised. “See?”
She looked down at her potty and pointed.
“Doodee,” she shrieked happily.
“No, honey, that's ‘pee-pee,’ I said.
“Doodee,” she said firmly.
Whatever; I guess with potty training it's best to pick your battles. I wasn’t going to get into a war of words with her.
“Preston's a good girl.”
I'd a sudden urge to share with Trey what she'd accomplished. Then I remembered we weren’t really talking much. I hadn’t heard from him since I'd called him Saturday evening. I'd talked to Gina once since then and she said that he and Tristan hadn't made up yet so she wasn’t sure how Trey was doing.
I stuck close to the house for the next couple of days working with Preston on the potty-training and interviewing for Danny’s replacement.
My father had entrusted me with that responsibility probably because I was the main reason he had an open position to fill.
By Friday I'd made my selection for Danny’s replacement. He was a man in his early fifties named Ronnie Mitchell. He had great references and Larry liked him best out of all of the candidates. I insisted on Larry’s input since they'd be working together. He was scheduled to start the following Monday which worked out perfectly since that was the day Matthew’s trial was starting. The jury selection had finished up along with opening statements. On Monday the prosecution would begin hearing testimony.
At dinner on Friday my father asked if I'd heard anything from Trey. I told him I hadn't heard anything from him since I'd called him the previous Saturday.
“I’m getting a bit tired of this nonsense,” he commented.
“What nonsense Dad? I made the last move now it’s his turn.”
“No daughter; now I think it's my turn.”
“Whoa Dad, hold on one minute. I thought you weren’t the type to interfere in my personal business?”
“When it comes to my granddaughter I damn well will interfere,” he said. “No matter what's going on between you and Trey or Trey and you, Preston isn't a part of that.”
He was downright ticked off at the moment. I decided it was best I kept quiet. He was going to do what he was going to do no matter what. Besides, I kind of liked the idea of my dad giving Trey a butt-chewing on Preston’s behalf.
I looked over at Preston who was sitting next to him in her high chair. She was eating some sliced banana which was a favorite. She must have sensed she was the center of attention she gave me a big grin squeezing out mushy banana through her teeth.
“Oh Preston yuck,” I said getting up and going over to her with my napkin. I was dabbing up her face and hands when I heard her start chattering.
“Doodee, Mommie.”
Uh oh - I need to move fast!
I lifted her quickly from her high chair and high-tailed it upstairs with her. I realized that I'd lost the race when I heard her grunt loudly as I reached the upstairs hallway.
“Doodee, doodee,” she whined now, feeling uncomfortable in her cotton panties.
“Yes sweetie, I can smell it from here.”
I got her cleaned up and put her on the potty to see if she needed to pee-pee. It took several minutes but she complied with high praise from me. I put her in clean panties and we retreated back downstairs.
“I take it she didn’t make it to the potty,” my father observed with a chuckle. “I’ll get another potty chair for her down here.”
“By the way,” he added, “Trey will be here tomorrow morning and will stay through Monday afternoon.”
“How do you know?” I asked perplexed. I'd only been gone for ten or fifteen minutes.
“I called him,” he replied. “Trey now knows how I roll.”
I giggled silently wishing that I'd been a fly on the wall during that phone conversation. It would be hard to determine who could top whom in stubbornness between the two men in my life.
Something inside of me fluttered at the thought of seeing Trey again. I guessed it was my dormant butterflies. I hoped that they wouldn’t be disappointed. I'd no clue as to how Trey was feeling about me these days. I had an idea I'd be finding out tomorrow.
After getting Preston bathed and put to bed for the night, I took a leisurely bubble bath. I waxed and shaved; gave myself a pedicure and a facial. My hair looked much better now than it had when he was last here. I even felt better with the antidepressants starting to work a bit already.
I slept soundly that night dreaming of Trey and what I hoped would take place during his visit.
CHAPTER 10
I took extra time with my appearance the following morning. I selected a dark blue sweater and a pair of tan corduroy pants. I wore a pair of my new boots that had heels making me taller. My hair was now just long enough to put up in a short ponytail so I did so.
I got Preston dressed in a dark plaid jumper with a white turtleneck under it. I decided against tights due to her ‘big girl’ panties as we'd been calling them. I put knee high socks on her instead with a pair of dark brown loafers. She looked like a tiny parochial school girl. I pulled her dark locks up into a ponytail and tied a bow around it.
“You look so pretty for Daddy,” I said to her.
“Dada?”
“Yes Preston. Daddy's coming to visit you.”
We'd just finished up when my father knocked on the door letting us know that Trey had arrived. My legs suddenly felt like they were made of rubber. I felt dizzy and sweaty.
“Dad, could you please take Preston down? I need a minute or two.”
“Certainly darling, are you okay?”
“I think it’s just nerves all of a sudden,” I replied sitting on my bed.
“Take your time,” he replied picking up Preston. “Everything will be okay sweetheart.”
He closed my bedroom door softly behind him. I sat on the bed for what seemed like an eternity trying to shake the jittery feeling that I had. It was a feeling of impending doom. I hadn't considered the fact that Trey might very well have come to a decision about us. The fact he hadn’t called or texted for a week now spoke volumes. He wanted a divorce. It was plain to me now. How stupid could I have been to think he would forgive me for what I'd done last week?
My palms were sweaty and I felt shaky. I went to the bathroom and looked at my reflection. I'd taken pains with my make-up, hair and attire. But the face that looked back at me in the mirror was still the face of a slut.
Someone knocked on my bedroom door. I knew it was my father checking up on me. I couldn’t face Trey and he was going to encourage me to go down there. I'd no right to intrude on Trey’s time with Preston. That was why he was here. Not for me but for Preston.
The knocking continued. I needed to be alone now.
There was nothing my father could say that would ease my torment. The realization of what I'd done was plainly out of my sense of denial where it had been conveniently tucked away; it was now making its debut in my conscious reality where it belonged. I sickened myself.
“I’m okay Dad,” I yelled from the bathroom still looking at the slut in the mirror.
“It’s Trey,” the voice called out. “May I come in?”
Oh my God. He’s here to deliver the news to me now. Why let it hang over us all weekend like a big, black cloud? Better to get it out there now so the specifics can be addressed. Things like custody, visitation - perhaps he wanted custody. Perhaps Trey didn’t want a slut raising his daughter.
I swallowed nervously. It was time to pay the piper.
“Come in,” I said my voice loud but quivering.
I turned and left the bathroom as Trey came through the door,
closing it softly behind him. He stood there studying me for a moment. I couldn’t read him because he was expressionless. He looked gorgeous I thought to myself as I drank in his presence; and to think that he used to be mine. I felt the tears well up; one tear escaped and then another followed running down each cheek.
I clasped my hands up to my face as if in prayer. Trey looked at me quizzically not making a move to do anything.
“What is it?” he finally asked almost in a whisper. “What are you going to tell me? Just say it, please.”
I realized then Trey was just as frightened as I was. Did he think I was going to tell him I wanted the marriage over? Did he think I was going to tell him I couldn’t forgive what he'd done? Then I remembered what Gina had told me. We each needed to deal with forgiving each other’s actions. She said we were even in the blame game.
