by Snow, Sheena
I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”
He faced me, his eyes dead, silent. “I was the one.”
Blood pounded in my ears. “One what?”
“I was the one sent to take you.”
My lips parted, and I stepped back. But it couldn’t be true. He was the reason I was safe. He was the reason I escaped. He was—
“I was the one who was supposed to deliver you to the R.I. A.”
No. The sky seemed like it was spinning.
“That was my order. That was my mission. To bring you in.”
“But-But you . . . I saw-I saw you take them down. I saw you—”
“With you, I decided to go against my orders. And in doing so, I went against everything.”
“What?” I shook my head. “But I killed the robot. I stopped the robot sent to take me—”
“He was sent because the first didn’t complete the orders, because I didn’t complete my orders.”
Oh God.
I spun around. Dirt went flying around us. “You don’t even know why they wanted me. You couldn’t have.”
“They never tell us why.”
“No.”
“Orders are orders.”
I shook my head, trying to block out his words.
“But I couldn’t follow them this time. I knew I had to protect you.”
“It was you.” My mind reeled. “It was you I felt following me all those times. It was you.” He was suddenly close. Too close. I threw my hand between us. “How could you?”
“I always watch my assignments before I make my move. While I was watching you, I—”
“Stop,” I sobbed, “stop.”
He was the cause of this. He was sent to take me . . . and he . . . he never told me.
“You. Your whole crew. You all lied to me.” My voice was dead, a lump in my throat. “You lied to my parents. You captured people. You are the reason people are disappearing. You.”
My feet wobbled and I staggered back, holding my head in my hands.
“Vienna, you never wanted to believe it or see me as anything but good. I tried to tell you. I tried. I’m a monster. I’m exactly what you thought robots could be.”
My stomach constricted and I stumbled. He wanted me in the dark. He never wanted to tell me anything.
They are worse than humans! They are robots! They are monsters!
I sobbed.
They carry the worst kind of secrets. Secrets that destroy the heart. He was never planning to tell you. Peach made him.
I forced my feet forward.
He had never wanted to tell me anything.
Go! the voice said.
And I did.
Run!
And I did.
I ran.
I tripped over a root and my feet gave out from under me. I rolled through the dirt. Dust hit my face, filled my mouth, and coated my hands.
“Vienna? Vienna.” Bonnie was suddenly there, helping me up.
“Get away from me,” I cried and stumbled back into the dirt.
Her grip tightened. “I don’t know what he told you but I’m here and I’m not leaving.”
It was as if a light turned on and illuminated a room, a room I didn’t recognize. My room. My room full of lies, and webs, and truths scattered where Alec hoped I wouldn’t find them.
I sagged in the dirt.
Where I wouldn’t find them.
Bonnie hovered over me and smoothed the dirt away from my eyes. Her delicate fingers brushed the smudges from my face.
“You caught people and brought them as chattel to the R.I.A knowing everything. You are all part of it.”
She tucked strands of hair behind my ear. “Alec thinks he’s done so much wrong that he can never redeem himself again. He thinks he’s unworthy of you because of the things he did, because of choices he was taught to make, because of the decisions he didn’t realize were his until he met you.”
“But still.” I shook my head. “He didn’t trust me enough to tell me. He never wanted to tell about the match thing. Even after . . . even after we kissed, he still wouldn’t open up to me. He doesn’t trust me. You’re the reason I know anything about him and this crew. If you weren’t here I’d be left in the dark.” I jerked away from her. “About everything.”
“Wait.” She stopped me from moving. “Let me get this last piece.”
“How are you so calm about this?” I whacked her hand away.
Bonnie sighed. “Fine. But how would you tell someone you were the one meant to take them and carry them off to the R.I.A.?”
“I would—”
“Yes. Please. Go on.”
I ground my teeth together. “I would have found a way. I’d have found a way to tell them how I felt about them. I would have. Found. A. Way.”
“Well, he’s not like you.” Bonnie’s voice hardened. “I tried to tell you. He’s never had to find a way to do anything. He’s just done it. The fact that he’s trying to find a way to soften everything for you shows how much he cares about you.”
I snorted. “You mean find a way to keep things from me.”
“Believe me.” Bonnie got up. “He cares. And we all had an opportunity to disobey Alec and we didn’t, just like he didn’t disobey his orders. Sometimes you don’t think to question things until someone like you comes across our path. And personally, I’m glad you did come across his path.” She held out her hand to me. “He had the courage to do what I always wanted to do.”
“I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to see him.” I left her hand suspended in the air.
“They’re all sleeping. And the connector door is closed. Come on.” Bonnie pulled me up. “It’s been a long day.”
“But he—”
“Won’t be there.”
We walked back the gravel road, up the flight of stairs, and stopped in front of the girls’ hotel room.
Bonnie disappeared in the bathroom, and Peach snored on the bed.
I swallowed. They knew. They all knew. They all kept it from me. Bonnie, too. They had all been sent to capture me.
Bonnie’s words ran through my mind. He had the courage to do what I always wanted to do.
If Bonnie had wanted to start saving people, then how many more robots had wanted to do it as well?
I crumpled onto the bed.
The one thing I knew was that secrets were dangerous. No matter what shape or form they arrived in. They allowed your imagination to pull and push you in directions that shouldn’t have ever been there. They allowed the mind to wander, to become its own pulled grenade. The small truths that slipped in swirled everything out of proportion . . . like Aunt Tamera . . . like my family.
I turned toward the wall as Bonnie came out and slipped into bed with Peach, leaving me a bed to myself. My body shook. I pressed my lips together and shut my eyes.
Alec.
His voice filled my head.
“I protected you.”
“Orders are orders.”
“Vienna.”
My heart raced in my chest, and I covered my ears as if that would stop his words from coming into my head.
My clothes were suddenly hot and sticky against my skin. I scrambled off the bed and changed, yanking on my oversized shirt.
My mind buzzed.
Alec . . .
I relived our conversations in my head, slowly piecing together everything he had been trying to tell me, yet at the same time not telling me.
I paced in the narrow walkway. Back and forth. Back and forth. My feet shuffled along the worn down carpet. I gazed at the connector wall. On the other side of it was Alec. Or was he? I pressed my hand against the wall, trying to feel him t
hrough the other side. I pressed my ear against the surface, only to hear Peach’s steady snoring.
I sank against the wall.
Why didn’t you just tell me? Why did I have to find out like this? Why don’t you trust me?
Alec?
I rested my head on my knees.
Secrets destroy people. And secrets always make me wonder, how many more are you keeping from me?
Chapter 25
My stomach cleaved in two.
I doubled over. A shard of glass was tearing through me, shredding my stomach apart. Piece by piece.
I groaned into my pillow.
“What’s wrong?” Bonnie peered over me.
“Motrin?”
Bonnie’s face contorted.
“Tylenol? Advil? Anything?” I moaned. “Please say you have something. You have to.”
“Oh no.” Bonnie’s eyes widened and she raced out the door. “I’ll be back.”
I twisted into the blankets, my stomach muscles rocked beneath my arms, fully constricted, and emanating pain. Everywhere. My feet clawed at the sheets. I sucked in air.
The door crashed against the wall, shaking the picture frames. I jerked up in bed, my hair falling in knots in my face.
“What’s going on?” Alec stormed in.
I groaned and fell back into the pillow.
Go away.
“Vienna, what happened?”
“Go away.”
He knelt against the bed, and now my heart ached too. “Please tell me what’s wrong?”
“It’s my time of the month. Please . . .” I rolled away from him. “Just leave.”
I didn’t need this. All I wanted—I squeezed my eyes shut—was medication.
“Oh . . .” I felt his eyes on me, taking inventory of my fetal position.
I tugged the covers over my ear.
Just go away.
The bed sprung as he stood to leave.
I sighed.
He was leaving. I could be alone in my misery and alone with my thoughts.
And then, the bed gave way. He slid underneath the covers, next to me.
I crushed the pillow between my fingers. Why did he have to do this to me? I squirmed in the sheets.
His arm captured me around my waist, his fingers brushing against my skin and pulled me into him.
My eyes bulged out of their sockets.
What did he think he was doing?
I bucked against him as he tucked me under his chin.
“Alec”—I ground my teeth together—“I—”
His hand slid under my shirt, and I gasped. “Alec! What are you—”
His touch turned to fire against my constricted stomach muscles, warming them. His torso thrummed against my back, flowing heat into my sore muscles.
I relaxed against him, like a flower contented and satisfied that it finally found sunlight.
His warmth worked away at the tightness in my muscles, becoming a heating pad. He pressed his hot palm against my stomach and I felt my muscles unwind. The pain eased with his touch, and I sighed into the pillow.
“Any better?” His chin dipped against my head.
I nodded and hid my face in the pillow. After running away from him yesterday, he was here, at my lowest point, holding me. Not leaving me. Not walking away from me. Not allowing me to suffer.
How could he possibly think he was still a monster when he does things like this? Things that show what his heart is truly made of?
See, I hissed at the voice. He’s so much better than we are. Look! Look! The proof lies here before your eyes.
Yes, the voice whispered back, but does one or two good deeds discount every horrible thing he has done, or as a robot he is going to do? You still don’t know what he’s capable of. Why are you so eager to trust him?
Because he’s good and he’s kind. And I’m not eager to trust him at all. Which is why you are still in my head.
And with that, I shut the voice out and focused on the warmth of Alec.
Alec’s arm tightened around me. “Bonnie’ll be back soon with Motrin. I’m sorry, I forgot to pack it.”
“That makes two of us.”
I heard him chuckle.
The warmth of his fingers floated through my stomach. The warmth of his body closed around me, and I snuggled into him. Bonnie darted into the room with Motrin and a glass of water.
I scarfed down the Motrin and curled back down into Alec. His arms swallowed me up, and his hands resumed their place against my stomach. I waited.
After thirty minutes, I felt the drug start to kick in and the pain receded. My fingers rested on the sheets, my head tucked under Alec, and my body became limp in his arms, exhausted from the fight.
My eyes drifted open and closed. My breathing, slow and steady now. The pain finally gone. Finally free.
I stirred, then froze. His hard body slid against mine. His muscled chest against my thin T-shirt. The tickle of his chin on my head.
His touch. His feel. His body engulfing mine. His scent. Pinecones. So close. Everywhere.
“I, umm . . .” I cleared my throat and stared at the sheets, trying not to move, my heart beating in my throat. “I-I’m feeling better.”
“You sure?” His hands slipped out from under my shirt and my muscles contracted, warm tingles shooting up my body.
“Yes.”
I watched as he got out of bed. Alec’s muscles bulged, rippling across his skin, across the tan broad lines of his shoulders, showing the cut definitions of his back and arms.
Damn.
My face flushed and my throat felt dry.
“You’re not a monster,” I whispered. “Monsters don’t do things like this,” I said, from under the covers.
He turned, and I gaped at the curves and dips of chest and stomach that I had only felt through the fabric of my shirt, now completely visible.
I swallowed.
“You still don’t know the half of what I’ve done,” he said.
“I don’t care what you did. Or the things you did that you didn’t realize you could change. No more secrets between us. That’s all I want.”
“How can you simply forgive what you don’t know?” His jaw tensed and the cords of muscles rippled.
“Because.” I swallowed. “I see the goodness inside you.”
“But everything I’ve done—”
“You’ve saved me. You’ve made your choice. You chose.”
“I didn’t choose anything.” His palm slashed across the air with his muscles bulging in his arms. “I only saved you because I was starting to fall in love with you! That’s it. It wasn’t from the goodness of my heart.” He moved toward me and the veins pulsed in his neck.
Fall. In. Love?
My insides melted.
“What?” I whispered.
“Vienna, you’re still not getting it. I only saved you because I wanted to protect you. Only you. No one else. That still makes me a monster.”
“Are you even listening to yourself?” I asked, my hands whirling around in the air between us. “You wanted to protect me. Acknowledge that. And if you still refuse to see yourself as anything but a monster, then consider yourself my monster.” I quirked an eyebrow.
His hands fisted and he roared, “I don’t want to be a monster. Period. You’re still not getting it.”
“Then don’t be,” I yelled at him, vaulting out of the bed. “Be everything you want to be. Be everything you deserve to be. Stop holding yourself back. Why are you holding yourself back?” I shouted at him.
“Holding myself back?” Alec’s eyes flashed to my bare legs.
I groped at the hem of my shirt and tried to stretch it further down my th
ighs.
“Holding myself back, you say.” His voice became low and dangerous. “If I didn’t hold myself back, there would be no more you, Vienna. I’d rip every shred of clothing off your body, pull you into my arms and I’d—”
“And you’d what?” I challenged him. “Devour me?”
His eyes flamed and before I could blink, he thrust me into his arms.
His lips were on my lips. His hands were in my hair.
And I reveled in the sensation.
My hands found their way and dug into his hair.
His legs cemented us to the floor and my legs wrapped around him.
Him pulling. Me tugging.
My arms wrapped around his thick shoulders.
Our bodies boiled. Our bodies locked. Our bodies molded.
He breathed into me, and my eyes shut out everything but his touch. Sparks of electricity called to me from beneath his skin, and when his tongue glided over mine, the sparks flew.
He was the fuel to my fire, igniting every part of me with just his touch. My body switched on—burning, coursing, and blazing. Fire flamed up my arms, engulfing me. Warm and sweet and hot. My fingers clawed into his back. My body yielded into his.
“God, you feel good,” he whispered.
I ran my hands along the ropes of his biceps. “I’ve been waiting for you to do this, for so long now.”
He moaned. “All this time, I thought . . . I thought you were disgusted after our kiss in the mountains. I thought you were just saying you liked it to be nice.”
“How could I not?” I murmured into his ear. “You saved my life. You saved me.”
He growled into my neck.
Sparks flew around my vision and . . . I melted.
